Subway Poster du Jour: Robert Downey Day Care

August 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Queens 

After struggling into the wee hours last night trying to restore my Internet access, I finally gave up and went to bed. This was for the best because I not only got the first night of good sleep I have had in days (our apartment has been quite muggy), but I had this gem waiting for me in my inbox this morning.

John writes:

Miss Heather –

How’s it going? …I saw this yesterday en route to Shea Stadium while transferring from the G to the 7 (45th Road – Court House Square platform) and three words immediately popped into my head: New York Shitty.

Honestly, I’m surprised I haven’t seen more Tropic Thunder-related Robert Downey Jr. subway art, especially at our fair Crosstown Local outpost.

Anyway, hope this doesn’t blow out your inbox (I tried to shrink it to your suggested specs but it started pixelating massively – sorry!) and you get a kick out of it regardless!

Believe it or not, I was tossing around the idea of posting a rant about this poster. The suggestion that men cannot raise children without being educated by “experts” offends my sensibilities. As of last month the world’s population hit (an estimated) 6.684 billion people— clearly we have been able to raise (and make) children somewhat effectively or we homo sapiens would not be extant in such large numbers. But I’ll leave my musings at that; this poster is much fun than a dour feminist rant on a Friday afternoon!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: 696 Manhattan Avenue

July 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Queens 

Queens Crap writes:

Well, the main office is now toast and the Flushing Office is now a cheesy strip of stores. Maybe Miss Heather can clue us in to the fate of the Greenpoint Office…

I am pleased to report that the former site of the Greenpoint office of the Long Island Star-Journal is alive and well. What’s more, it’s thriving!

NAPOLEON RIDES AGAIN!!! Albeit at the behest of Dunne’s Polemost Liquors in Little Poland.

Miss Heather

Press Conference At Newtown Creek

It got off to a late start but the press conference conducted by Nydia Velazquez, Anthony Weiner* and Joseph Lentol came to pass without a hitch. For those of you who were unable to attend this event, the following footage should give you some idea of its purpose: goading the Federal government to declare the area around Newtown Creek a Superfund site.

Here is the second half where Craig Michaels, legal counsel from Riverkeeper, and Assemblyman Joseph Lentol speak.

It looks like Ms. Velazquez and I agree on two things: the 2008 FISA Amendment Act sucks** and our community has waited long enough for a thorough clean-up of many a score of environmental abuse. 2026 is not good enough. We deserve better.

Miss Heather

P.S.: The new park where this press conference was held (and is still not open to the public) has already been given a hearty Greenpoint welcome!

Doggie dumplings.

*Who laughed when I waved at a passing Watertaxi and exclaimed:

Welcome to one of the most polluted waterways in the United States!

**I originally stated in this post she voted in favor of this act. This is not true. Ms. Velazquez voted against it. It was passed anyway.

Boulevard of Crap

July 12, 2008 ·
Filed under: Dung of the Day, Other Shit, Queens 

I recently confused the bejeezus out of a reporter for the Greenpoint Courier. It happened innocently enough. I causally mentioned that my husband had the week off and we had spent the afternoon knocking around Queens. To wit, he replied:

Why? You car didn’t break down or something?

After making it clear that we had no car to fail us, I pointed out that Maspeth has a certain charm. On top of possibly being the garden gnome capital of New York Shitty, it also sports a number of other niceties such as lovely Tudor Style homes, gun lovers touting terrorist hunting permits and this. And then of course you have Queens Boulevard.

This building this crap-infested sign graces has to be seen to truly be believed. It was probably a parking garage that was converted into a retail space. It is quite hideous. If you happen to be anywhere near 64th Street by all means check it out: they have office space for rent!

Miss Heather

Models Galavanting In Our Misery

July 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Queens, Williamsburg 

I will not disclose who I received this (forwarded) email from because I like— and much more importantly respect— said person. Regardless, as a citizen who lives in a neighborhood teeming with environmental fuck-ups I do not appreciate the tone of said message. Hence why I am posting it here on New York Shitty:

Thanks for getting back to me… (insert name, lol). I’ve shot at DUMBO already and so has everyone else, it’s considered overdone! The more grittier locations are what’s good for high fashion. Aggregate is like a sand and coal mixture, I think it’s used for paving… anyway, they store this stuff in huge piles so it forms pyramids or mountains and it looks really cool (I attached a few images). The only thing is that I can’t seem to find out where the compounds are…

The cement plant at the Morgan Avenue Stop of the L immediately comes to mind. But if any of you, dear readers, can think of abject sites in Brooklyn (Queens, Staten Island or the Bronx) which complement sinuous models clad in glamorous apparel email me at missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com. I’ll forward them.

Miss Heather

Jaunt In Queens: A Garden Gnome Retrospective

July 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Queens 

Before going to this week’s Community Board 1 meeting the Mister and I took a jaunt in Queens. The week prior we were driven through Maspeth and I was smitten by the garden statuary. I simply had to return.

Welcome to Queens.

We like garden gnomes.

Be they sweeping…

sitting on the grass…

or fondling a rabbit’s ass.

Maspeth loves them some garden gnomes.

Big time.

The above gnomes grace this day care center. I realize the following anecdote will only resonate with the select few who were born in the 1970’s, but I’ll recount it anyway.

Ma Heather: If someone gives you pretty stickers, don’t lick the back of them.
L’il Heather: Why?
Ma Heather: Bad things will happen.

I never licked a sticker in my life and this freaks me out.

Big time.*

Miss Heather

*But I like Maspeth. A lot.

Best. Mailbox. Ever.

July 9, 2008 ·
Filed under: Queens 

I don’t know about you but I hate mail. I’ve had unemployment insurance checks filched and endorsed because my mailbox was not secure. Our mailman is a peach— but receiving mail (when my felonious neighbors see fit to let me receive it, anyway) —usually involves bill-paying which, quite frankly, is depressing.

How does one gently discourage mail theft and creditors? Someone in Woodside has the answer!

Would you want to place your sticky little fingers into this? I didn’t think so.

Miss Heather

Meet U Thant Island

June 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Queens 

One of the really neat things about taking a cruise along New York City’s waterfront is it enables one to (re)discover many hidden treasures* that cannot be appreciated from dry land. Such is the case with the above little island nestled between Roosevelt Island, Long Island City and the U.N. in Manhattan.

It is unofficially named after the third Secretary General of the United Nations, U Thant. Here’s a little information about it courtesy of Wikipedia:

The island has its origins in the 1890s as a side-effect of William Steinway‘s construction of trolley tunnels under the river to link bustling Manhattan to his eponymous company town in Steinway, Queens. The island was built up on the existing granite outcrop Man-o’-War Reef using excess landfill from a shaft dug down the reef to the tunnels. Steinway died before his tunnels’ completion, and it was financier August Belmont, Jr. who finished the project in 1907, leaving the finished islet as a bonus.

The Steinway Tunnels are still in use as part of the 7Flushing line in the New York Subway, and trains still pass directly beneath the island many times a day. Belmont Island, named after the financier, became the legal name of the island.

The small inconvenient island was unused and almost forgotten for nearly a century, until in 1977 it was adopted by employees at nearby UN headquarters following the guru Sri Chinmoy, who served as an interfaith chaplain there. The group, called Sri Chinmoy: The Peace Meditation at the United Nations, leased the islet from New York State, greened its surface and unofficially renamed it after Burmese Buddhist United Nations Secretary General U Thant, a friend of Chinmoy. Although unofficial, U Thant Island has stuck as the common name for the island. The islet is now the site of a thirty-foot “oneness arch” preserving personal items of the island’s namesake

Be sure to check out Mr. Thant’s biography as well. It is fascinating, especially given the troubled state of Burma nowadays. Not only was he an adept peace maker and a Buddhist, but U Thant was a U.F.O. buff to boot!

Miss Heather

*Including a giant portrait of George W. Bush. As you will see.

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