New York Shitty Day Ender: Urban Fur

January 19, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

The above gent with an overbite may not look familiar to you, but I am pretty certain you have heard about him. He is none other than the pooch who discovered Sidney Lumet’s Lifetime Achievement Award in a bit of Greenpoint shrubbery: Fred T. Sanford!

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Bedbug Seminar Tomorrow!

January 19, 2010 ·
Filed under: Manhattan, New York City 

Renee of New York Vs Bedbugs writes:

I thought you would be interested in a free educational evening about bed bugs.

The New York Entomological Society is presenting a bedbug seminar on
January 20 at 6:30 p.m. entitled What Do You Really Know About Bed
Bugs?

SPEAKER: NYC entomologist Lou Sorkin (other speakers TBA)

WHEN: Wednesday, January 20, 2010 – 6:30 PM to 9:00 PM

WHERE: Kaufman Theater, First Floor, American Museum of Natural
History, 79th St. and Central Park West

Admission is free and topics of discussion will include bed bug identification, biology and pest management.

Speaking as someone who has seen Mr. Sorkin in action I can tell you he knows his stuff. If any of you, dear readers, attend this seminar be sure to ask him about how bedbugs mate. It’s fascinating.

What Do You Really Know About Bedbugs?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010 starting at 6:30 p.m.
Kaufman Theater, Museum of Natural History
79th Street at Central Park West
New York, New York 10024

Those interested in learning more about this event click should click here. You will be directed to the New York Entomological Society’s web site.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Street Seating Du Jour: Cat’s Cradle

January 19, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Some of you might be wondering why I have entitled this sectional and mattress assemblage (from Green Street) “Cat’s Cradle”. The answer can be readily found to the left: they are located next to the only dumpster in Brooklyn— and perhaps the entire world— that both eulogizes and pays homage to Kurt Vonnegut.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Part II

January 19, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

This item (which I presume hails from either Dobbin or Banker Street) was the second thing I gazed upon over my morning coffee today. To see the first one click here. Both come courtesy of algul siento who has made this otherwise dreary day much more provocative for yours truly.

Miss Heather

Audience Participation Time: Cut & Pasty

January 19, 2010 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Boobification, Crazy People 

One of the things I have been endeavoring to do over the last two months is dedicate more time to my own art work. Unfortunately after I get done writing New York Shitty I find myself bereft of any energy to do so. Last weekend this changed. Thanks to my site being down I had the time. Lots of time. What’s more, I had the inspiration. My “eureka moment” came in the way they often do: a discussion at a bar.

The topic of said discussion was the lack of privacy one has in New York City apartments. One need never know when he (or she) will glance out a tenement window to see a neighbor au naturel. I myself have had this experience. Its consequences exacerbated an already tense situation.

I never learned the woman’s name. This is a shame as I know quite a lot about her. This is because she had a habit of sitting in her apartment window chain smoking and talking on her cell phone for hours on end seemingly oblivious to the fact my husband and I could hear every word she was saying. These lengthy monologues would waft into our bedroom along with traces of the crappy weed she would occasionally indulge in. I can’t really bring myself to disdain this woman for predilection for the latter. After all, she was a city employee and probably on a tight budget. But I digress.

As time waxed on, the Mister and my amusement over Cathy’s activities morphed from amusement to annoyance. After she started throwing parties for her equally noisy friends the latter, in turn, transmogrified into extreme hatred. I suspect she sensed this and a cold waresque cloud of mutual contempt formed over our respective households. Chez Shitty was South Korea, our mutually shared “back yard” was Checkpoint Charlie and Chez Cathy was Democratic People’s Republic of Dumbass. Coexistence was for the most part peaceful. Nonetheless one could palpably sense all that was needed to send the situation to hell in a hand basket was a provocation. One day it finally happened: I looked out my bedroom window.

My husband was reading in bed. He wanted to speak to about something. I do recall what. That has been clouded by the fog of war and what happened next: after talking to him I looked up. To see Cathy buck naked. Before I could avert my gaze we locked glances. I could see the rage fill her face. It was done. She promptly shot me the finger and yanked the drapes shut. I suppose I can understand her reason for upset. Then again, her assumption I wanted to look at her rather pendulous breasts was a wee bit presumptuous. Mammary glands hold no amazement for me— and even if they did I needn’t go far to find a pair. Why go out for hamburgers when you can stay home and have steak? But back to my story.

Conversely, one need always be on the lookout for his or her own privacy. These things happens to the best of us. The phone rings as you are about to step into the shower. You dash to answer it and two thirds into your discussion you look up to see an old lady hanging her laundry staring at your hairy ass in abject horror. What to do, you ask? Well at long last I have the answer. Courtesy of lady named Rebecca while having drinks at a place called the Brooklyn Ale House:

I think I am going to get my nipples tattooed so they look pixelated.

That’s when divine inspiration struck. I don’t how the following found its way out of my mouth, but I am very happy it did:

That sounds kind of painful. Why not just make pasties of your own pixelated nipples instead? It’d be a lot cheaper.

The die had been cast. I simply had to find the time and wherewithal to implement my nefarious plan. Then lo, New York Shitty crashed! I considered this to be a sign and got cracking. I did not make the Mister aware of my project. Such endeavors are best done in artistic seclusion.

Long story made short, the cat eventually bolted out of the bag when he shifted his attention from the Lehrer News Hour to my computer monitor.

Those are your breasts.

He noted.

Yes, they are.

I replied.

Do you need me to take more pictures of them?

He inquired with disquieting alacrity.

No, I have the situation well under control.

I assured him.

Are you sure?

He persisted.

Quite sure, thank you.

He went back to watching the news and I went back to work. As the creative process unfolded I had a second epiphany:

Why hide my pixelated lights under a bushel? Why not make it so as anyone can wear them? Why not let “the girls” go global? And so I did. After a few fits and starts Boobification 2.0: Project Cut & Pasty was finally born!

By clicking on the above image you can make your very own Cut & Pasties! What you do with them is your own business.

If there is a lesson to be learned here it is this: do not let, under any circumstances, let New York Shitty go offline. All this does is give me WAY too much time on my hands. I get bored. And as you can see when I get bored interesting things tend to happen.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Street Art Du Jour: Three In One

January 19, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Street Art 

From West Street.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: The Idiotarod Cometh

January 19, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

From Roebling Street.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Those of you who are interested to know what this is about should click here.

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: BE CAREFUL

January 19, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

This sign (which graces a construction site on Freeman Street) comes courtesy of Caryn Rose. Kudos to you, Caryn. This is one spectacular find.

More importantly, Hard Hat Hannah likes it as well!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Street Art

Like it or hate it, you have to give the artist responsible for this points for chutzpah. It hails from Metropolitan Avenue. Literally. Follows are a few other works I have found during my travels in north Brooklyn by this same person. Enjoy!

Miss Heather

LAST GASP: A Moment of Williamsburg Zen

January 18, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Advanced Life Forms, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

While most of you were probably off work and having fun today I was busy. VERY BUSY. I will probably continue to be busy well into the night. I need relief. Preferably comic relief. Thanks to Meredith I got it.

She writes:

It is a fishing stringer (heavy duty) , a red baron plastic airplane, a set of bubba teeth, a wise man, and a stuffed toy hung on a preexisting painting. It’s pretty great.

Whenever someone evokes “Bubba teeth” I think about the time my buddy Rachael went to the Mark Bar sporting a set. As she was talking to a fellow bar patron they fell out of her mouth and into her drink. Without a second thought she retrieved them and stuck them back into her mouth. Much to the other woman’s dismay.

Thanks Meredith. I needed this!

Miss Heather

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