The Great Williamsburg Fugfest

Ever since Curbed did their Greenpoint Ugly-Off I’ve been thinking.

Why does my neighborhood have to hog the spotlight?

I have asked myself this question a great deal of late. There’s plenty of fugly to go around in north Brooklyn. I should know because I go to Williamsburg on a regular basis.

Yes sir, name any atrocity Karl Fischer et. al. has inflicted on my community and I can show you something from South or East Willie that’s infinitely worse. To prove my point last weekend I decided to (re)visit some of my favorite 11211 and 11206 masterpieces so as to compile a “Who’s Who” of WTF. Without further ado here they are.

Enjoy— or not.

147 Maujer Street

It’s been a while since I have walked down Maujer Street. This is because when I do I am invariably forced to look at this monstrosity. As you can see no attention whatsoever has been paid on matching the brick work. Such trivialities are the stuff of practicing amateurs. This is stone Cold War chic at its very finest! One need only to take a closer look at the drainage and HVAC “craftsmanship” to appreciate this.

Note how the burglar bars are already sporting a nice Soviet Bloc patina (READ: rust).

Cons: It is located across the street from the Williamsburg Houses.
Pros: The Williamsburg Houses are downright glamorous by comparison.

I give this bad boy two fugs up!

152 Broadway

I wrote about this aberration (which I have nicknamed “The Mohawk Building”) a couple of weeks ago so I will keep my commentary limited to the following:

1. This building used to look like its neighbor to the left.
2. Thanks to a modification permit it no longer looks like the building to the left.

Cons: 152 Broadway is by far one of the worst abuses of a modification permit I have ever seen.
Pros: At least the brickwork matches and the balconies sport a commanding view of the Brooklyn Queens Expressway, The Williamsburg Bridge and the J/Z train— if you’re into that sort of thing.

And last, but hardly least, one of my personal faves…

795 Grand Street

Last autumn my brother in law came to visit. The Mister took great pains to take him to some of the finer dining establishments in north Brooklyn. This included DeStefano’s Steakhouse. The Mister spent a lot of time dressing up for the occasion. His brother followed suit (no pun intended). The former was dismayed when I came out wearing jeans.

You always under dress.

The Mister said in disgust. To wit I replied.

I do not “under dress”. I do not give a shit. There’s a difference.

I mention this anecdote because it reminds me of this building.

Cons: It is located off the Grand Street stop of the L.
Pros: You have an incomparable view of the ad hoc Golden Gloves matches conducted by the students of the Enterprise High School (which is located across the street).

I hope you, dear readers, have enjoyed this selection of Williamsburg’s worst. Now if you don’t mind, I’m off to take a hot shower so as to scrub the stain off of my soul.

Miss Heather