Reader Question Of The Week

June 23, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

The following email was intended to be private correspondence but I feel compelled to post it here as a number of readers might find it of interest.

Anonymous writes:

Hi Miss Heather!

1) I love your blog.  I still don’t know how the hell you have the time to update it so often- but I likes.

2) Did you hear that Papacitos was robbed yesterday?  Somebody stole a 200lb safe from the back room.

3)  I see that there are community board meetings.  How do I find out about when they take place?  I’m getting a little piffed about what’s been happening in the neighborhood lately.

Thanks for your help!  Keep up the great work!

First and foremost thanks for the kind words, Anonymous. They are greatly appreciated. To answer your second question: yes, I am aware that Papasitos was burglarized. From what I have heard (so take this as hearsay) no broken locks were found and the police have hypothesized the bandits made their getaway by climbing up a stack of chairs and toting that 200 pound safe across several rooftops.

As for your third question my advice is as follows:

Although you can voice your concerns to our local Community Board (and I am NOT discouraging you from doing just this) the fact of the matter is this is not the most appropriate forum. This is a police matter and as such your time would be better spent attending the next 94th Precinct Community Council meeting. For those of you who are not in the know these meetings run as follows:

  1. A general review of the minutes from the previous meeting and miscellaneous announcements
  2. D. I. Fulton gives a rundown of the crime statistics for the last 28 day period
  3. A Q & A session with D. I. Fulton

Point #3 constitutes the bulk of these meetings and questions are not limited to incidents which have come to pass (such as the Papasitos robbery). You can also (to use real examples) air concerns about any suspicious activity you have witnessed, tip him off to illegal truck traffic (this is a biggie), complain about honking school buses, etc. You get the idea.

It is my understanding that the next 94th Precinct Community Council meeting will be in September. The same goes for Community Board One.* (Hey, they need a summer vacation just like the rest of us!) You can find the meeting schedules for each by clicking here and here.

I hope this is helpful.

Miss Heather

*See the Ms Nomer’s comment regarding this. There WILL be a meeting in July possibly August as well.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Beautiful Polish Girls

June 23, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Last week the Mister and I took Larry da Junkman our to dinner. So elated was he, a father of two small children, to at long last have a night out (albeit with a 10:00 p.m. curfew) he exclaimed:

Let’s go to a strip club!

I replied:

The only one I can think of is Pumps by the Metropolitan Avenue Bridge. There’s no way in hell I am going there. One time (name excised) did. He watched a bored dancer strip on stage while a solitary onlooker made paper footballs and flicked them at her.

Firmly ensconced in the armpit of English Kills— a place that is cringe-worthy enough in daylight— can you honestly blame me for putting the kibosh on an evening’s worth of “adult” entertainment? What’s more, with reviews like this:

First of all, it’s called Pumps.  Secondly, it’s an old diner car turned into a strip club.  You can get a lap dance in the “private viewing area”, but it’s just behind an old shower curtain about 2 feet from the bar.  Oh, and the girls dance on a couple of poles thrown in behind the old counter where once someone ate a fried egg or something.  And the cash machine has a $5 surcharge.  It’s insane.

I wouldn’t set foot in this establishment without a hazmat suit. Alas, a more palatable alternative manifested in my inbox shortly thereafter.

onyxLOMBARD

onyxLombard2

Jay Lombard (who took the above photographs) writes:

If you saw this sign wouldn’t you assume that the establishment was a place where you got to see ALL of the girls? Well it’s actually the Onyx on Morgan and Nassau.

Two days late and a solitary dollar (excitedly shoved into some anonymous woman’s g-string) short is the sad story of my life. Oh well, maybe next time.

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Real Estate Advertising: Full Disclosure

June 23, 2009 ·
Filed under: Manhattan 

StoreforrentDALEHARRIS

It doesn’t get any more upfront than this! This wonderful advertisement hails from the Bowery and was captured by Dale Harris. Speaking as someone who has dealt with her fair share of crazy landlords, someone could make a fortune manufacturing these signs. Just fill in the blanks.

Great find, Dale!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Turbo

June 23, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

volvo3

volvo2

volvo

From Franklin Street.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: A Postcard From Graham Avenue

June 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Ride

paradise

mannequin

debt

lovechapel

meserolest

williamsburghouses

Taken June 19, 2009

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Chief

June 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

chief

From Richardson Street.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Recession Watch: The Viridian

June 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Recession 

viridian

This weekend, much to our amazement, the Mister and I saw signs of actual activity at the Viridian. Well, perhaps “activity” is a bit of an overstatement: we saw a 5’4″ gentleman wearing an undershirt and a pair of jeans hanging out in the lobby.

Maybe that’s the concierge?

The Mister quipped. I have to confess on occasion even he can roll out a good one liner. But I digress.

As I was walking by this afternoon I spied a man on the premises doing something. Exactly what I do not know: he did not appear to have any tools. Yes sir, things must be getting pretty lean down at 110 Green Street nowadays. Hell, they cannot even afford “No Parking” signs. So they improvise!

NOPARK

CALLNYPD

NOPARK2

(Priceless)

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Street Art Du Jour: Hello Kitty!

June 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Street Art 

mcguinnesscat

beastiary

gargoyle

parrot

From McGuinness Boulevard.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Wish Fulfillment

June 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Greenpoint Magic 

glindagoodwitchOn June 20, 2009 I wrote in this post:

…Anyone out there know how I can take the audio when this man screams “Fuck this shit!” and make it the ring tone for my cell? I ask because the more I think about it, the more I really want to make this happen.

I asked for it. The next day I checked my email, clicked my mouse twice and got it! E. C. Groom writes:

…Please feel free to pass along to whomever or however you want – heck, it’s yours! Glad I could assist. Feel free to request any future tidbits you’d like to get sound files for…it’s relatively ez… I’ve already set “Mr. FTS” as my basic ring tone…

Those of you who want to take a little bit of Greenpoint wherever you and your cell phone happen to find yourselves can do so by clicking here.

Ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, in-laws, outlaws, drunk dialing friends, bill collectors— the possibilities with this ring tone (and mischief in general) are endless.

There’s no place like home!

Miss Heather

Image Credit: Glinda Good Witch of The North (as played by the delightful Billie Burke) from The Wizard of Oz comes courtesy of Sofachip.com.

Last Gasp: DISGUSTING

June 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, Clinton Hill, Greenpoint Magic 

239 Myrtle

Well, it did fall.

The previous slide show beautifully illustrates the ineptitude of the Department of Buildings (lest I have not made it clear already*) comes courtesy of Lesterhead. With public servants like this, who needs enemies?

You can peruse complaints leading up to this incident including these gems dating from May 1, 2009

crackkillsNYS

ECBviolation293myrtleavenue

by clicking here and here. And do check out Clinton Hill Blog for the full scoop.

Miss Heather

*And of course there is my personal favorite: 156 India Street. You were (and are) really on top of that one, Department of Buildings! Hence why the Red Cross was brought in.

P.S.: For those of you who are curious (or homeless as a consequence of this) 493 Myrtle Avenue LLC can be reached here.

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