Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
TOMORROW: TGE Power Plant Hearing
Filed under: Area 51
As noted by my colleague over at the Gowanus Lounge, tomorrow the State Siting Committee will tender the much-anticipated decision regarding TGE’s proposed power plant. Those of you who cannot make the trek to Albany tomorrow but would like to make it known to our friends upstate that you do not want a power plant on Bushwick inlet can make your voice heard. Per an email I received from the Open Space Alliance:
New York State still has not denied the application to build a 1,100 megawatt power plant on our Williamsburg/Greenpoint Brooklyn waterfront!
The Open Space Alliance for North Brooklyn (OSA) is grateful to GWWTF, GWAPP, NAG, other local groups and our local electeds for leading the fight against TGE’s power plant for more than six years. OSA supports the plan to build a public park on this waterfront site, not a power plant.
Let us know if you want to join us for the hearing on Thursday, March 20th at 1:30 in Albany. And if you can’t join us in Albany:
Anyone who is interested in making the journey to Albany tomorrow should contact OSA at:
info (at) openspacealliacenb (dot) org
Miss Heather
The Pay Phones of Bedford Stuyvesant
Filed under: Bed-Stuy
Every neighborhood has its defining characteristics. This is what I have learned as I have expanded my geographical horizons and begun exploring more neighborhoods. Bushwick can be trusted to possess virtually no garbage cans whatsoever. Greenpoint always sports the largest number of discarded liquor bottles. Bedford Stuyvesant probably has the most dubious distinction of all: a disproportionately large number of vandalized pay phones. Follows is an honor roll of the latest victims in this neighborhood’s war against the telecommunications industry.
#1 Lewis Avenue
Observations: Crime scene tape has been wrapped around the receiver, “Jesus Saves” is inscribed above the coin slot and (although it is difficult to see in the above photo) someone attempted to set said device on fire.
#2 Macon Street
Observations: This one is more “artistic” in nature than its predecessor. Some aspiring artiste has spray painted the key pad and instructions blue. The receiver has been balanced on the lock securing this pay phone for added visual interest. A final flourish of communication commentary has been made with the addition of a solitary postage stamp.
#3 Bedford Avenue
Observations: Someone has eviscerated the receiver. No frills but cunning in its simplicity.
Which one is your favorite pay phone? I’m leaning towards #2.
Miss Heather
Caption This Crap!
I found this select piece of Feddertecture recently on Putnam Avenue in Bedford Stuyvesant. As you can see a mural once graced the building next door but being the arbiter of good taste this developer was, he saw fit to build over it. Sort of. It looks like these children are headed for a madcap adventure in Fedderland.
Miss Heather
East Williamsburg Don’t Play
Yesterday I found this (accidental?) homage to yours truly on Evergreen Avenue. I have to confess, it made me smile.
All the way down to the woman’s legs gracing the sign for the “East Williamsburg Valley Industrial Development Corporation” I felt welcome. East Williamsburgers have a real knack for making a person feel right at home. Their hospitality and graciousness are truly beyond compare. I learned this when I knocked around their fair burgh yesterday. Read on, dear readers, and you too will become a believer.
Montrose Avenue
Skeletons brandishing their own eyeballs are not just for Halloween here.
Boerum Street
If you have some bottled up anger, let it out. You’ll feel much better afterwards.
McKibben Street
But please try to be concise. We New Yorkers are busy folk. Time is money!
Keep it short, sweet and to the point like this guy.
Siegel Street
And don’t forget what your mother taught you. When asking your neighbors to refrain from leaving their dog’s excrement on your property be sure to use the magic word: fuck you.
Miss Heather
Best Apartment Ad Ever
Filed under: Bed-Stuy
I don’t know about you but all the glowing rhetoric to be found in today’s real estate ads leaves me cold. The word “luxury” is thrown around with such abandon as to render it virtually meaningless. Who the hell can afford “luxury” nowadays anyway? Not me. I wish the shills pushing lower tier housing would wake up, ditch the bullshit and get real. Like this guy.
“Who needs marketers, ad campaigns, or even Craigslist?” the owner of this building thought to himself. “Fuck Madison Avenue. I have a can of spray paint and that’s all I need to get the word out.”
After all, who wants scenic views, jacuzzi bath tubs or even Fresh Direct refrigerators when he (or she) can live next door to the “Hardee Hardee”?
Miss Heather
Bushwick Photo du Jour: Broadway
Filed under: Bushwick
To bastardize a song from Depeche Mode: It’s your own expert penis.
Feeling unknown
And you’re all alone
Flesh and bone
By the telephone
Lift up the receiver
It’ll make you a believer
Miss Heather
Greenpoint Photo du Jour: How’s My Driving?
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
I happened upon this little piece of social commentary at the Exxon Station on McGuinness Boulevard.
If the minds behind Red Bull’s marketing campaign were on the ball they’d make “Kristen” their spokesperson. After all, this woman gives a helluva lot more than just wings. Just ask Eliot.
Miss Heather
Happy St. Paddy’s Day From Karl Fischer!
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
The fence is down at 130 Diamond Street. A new Karl Fischer is born!
When I showed my colleague over at the Gowanus Lounge this building several months ago, he doubted that this building would retain its sickly hue.
Aren’t they going to make it match the brick work?
He asked. HOGWASH! I cried. This is Karl Fischer we are talking about! I am certain when Master Fischer sat at his desk and started knocking around ideas for this magnum opus he thought to himself:
Let’s see, this building is slated to be in a neighborhood called Greenpoint. What can I do to make it “fit in” with the “feel” of the neighborhood. Hmm… I could reduce the scale so it would jibes contextually with the rest of the block. NAH. Wait a minute… I know, I’LL MAKE IT GREEN! But what shade of green… hold on it’s coming to me…
NEWTOWN CREEK CHARTREUSE! Genius!
This may very well be the most ingenious marketing ploy yet: luxury condominiums rendered in the hue of the local environmental disaster. Brilliant. Simply brilliant.
In fact, it looks like they actually used the creek to paint this building. They made a little boo boo here. Whoops.
Speaking of boo boos, I hope the mailman has excellent vision as the address is rather difficult to read.
But who am I the poo poo this building’s boo boos? As you can see it was built with an eye for accuracy.
On the behalf of Greenpoint I want to give a props to Karl Fischer for giving us a new architectural masterpiece to marvel at on this, St. Paddy’s Day. Unlike the hangovers many will be experiencing tomorrow, this building will be a gift that keeps on giving.
Sort of like syphilis.
Now if you don’t mind, I’m off to secure some penicillin.
Miss Heather
P.S.: With craftsmanship like this who needs to be acurate?
Bushwick Photos du Jour: Knickerbocker Avenue
Filed under: Bushwick
Soon enough spring will be here. Probably sooner rather than later given that winter seems to have forgotten about us. I mention our curiously kind climate because it gave me an opportunity to (re)discover one of the most outstanding murals I have seen in New York City. Ever. Where is this work of art located, you ask?
Bushwick Park, that’s where! Although seeing is truly believing, follows are a few pictures to whet your appetite.
Bushwick Park
Knickerbocker Avenue, between Woodbine Street and Putnam Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11221
Closest Subway Stop: Myrtle Avenue on the L or Wyckoff Avenue on the M
As I said before, images do not do this work justice. Why not use this beautiful sunny day as an excuse to get out and see it for yourself? You will not be disappointed.
Miss Heather
Submissions Wanted: Gentrification Bingo
Last weekend I did something I had not done in a long time: allow my husband to go to Williamsburg. I have made it a habit to bar Mr. Heather from accompanying me to this neighborhood because he will invariably get in a fit of pique, start grumbling about hipsters and I end up having to tell him to shut up. Repeatedly.
Last Friday night we discarded our usual habit of staying home in favor of going out to dinner in the mighty B-Burg. Wishing to prevent and/or mitigate any behavioral problems on the part of the Mister, I concocted a cunning plan: as a child I went on many a road trip. One of the activities my parents provided to keep me entertained (and out of their collective hair) was “travel Bingo”. I am certain a number of you know what I am talking about. If you see a red truck (for example) everyone checks it off. You see a stop sign, it gets checked off —and so forth until someone gets five in a row and calls “bingo”. Which brings me to how I kept Mr. Heather occupied.
Gentrification Bingo: a game the hoi polloi can play while walking through gentrified ghettos which were once “neighborhoods”. As we strolled the streets of Williamsburg in search of kibble we called out artifacts that define gentrification. By the evening’s end we netted approximately twenty such items which I carefully noted on the back of an old ATM receipt. Here are a few examples:
- Illegally parked SUV
- Thai Restaurant
- Building designed by Karl Fischer (or Robert Scarano)
- Self-absorbed 20 somethings on cell phones babbling/sending text messages
- Viral marketing posing as street art
- Unattended small children (What business does a toddler have roaming around at 8:30 p.m. on a Friday night? Seriously?)
- Stop Work Order
- Luxury artist loft
- Corcoran (depicted above)
- Homicidal taxi driver
Hence the purpose of this post: I wish to produce actual bingo cards, take them and a few good friends to various neighborhoods, play a round or two of “Bingo” and document the results. As I have previously mentioned, I have roughly twenty items. In order to produce bingo cards I will undoubtedly need quite a few more. Methinks about fifty. At least.
If anyone out there wishes to tender suggestions for this noble cause they can be submitted via comments or email at:
missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com
It is my intention to have these cards designed by the end of the week (so I can post a sneak preview here on New York Shitty). Any and all ideas, feedback and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated.
We may not be able to turn the tide of homogenization and luxurification afflicting our fair borough —but that doesn’t mean we can’t get a few laughs at their expense. The time for Gentrification Bingo has come New York Shitty. Let’s make this happen!
Miss Heather
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