Dog Walker Love, Part Deux Doo

August 14, 2009 ·
Filed under: New York City, Queens 

dogwalkerorangegenius

Remember the Russian girl who had a crush on her dog walker and made her love known via sidewalk chalk on the 59th Street Bridge earlier this year? Well, she’s back at it…

therussiangirlORANGEGENIUS

and it would appear things did not exactly go as planned. The spruced up typography and use of multiple colors is a nice touch. Will this end in matrimony or a restraining order? I suppose only time will tell.

Miss Heather

Photo Credits: Orange Genius

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: Do You Remember?

July 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Long Island City, Queens 

remember

This piquant question hails from Court Square in Long Island City. Do you remember the last time the Crosstown Local ran to 71st Street? Methinks it was back in 2005— but I am not too sure.

Miss Heather

A Newtown Creek PSA

Today I had the utmost urge to go out for a walk. I did not want to venture too far, however, lest I get caught in a torrential downpour. So I kept my wanderings local…

manavepark

and went to the new park at the end of Manhattan Avenue. It was at this location that I found the following corker.

PHA

OK, I understand the city has to put these signs up. But who in their right mind would want to eat something that once called this home?

Gross.

Miss Heather

P.S.: WTF is this?!?

thing

Long Island City Street Art Du Jour: SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK!

July 16, 2009 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens, Street Art 

SHROCK1

SHROCK2

BILL

VERB

conjunction

SHROCK3

getfresh

Music

From 24 Street & 42nd Road.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: Tired (Of Waiting)

July 5, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Long Island City, Queens 

tiredofwaiting

From Queens Plaza.

Miss Heather

Long Island City Photo Du Jour: A Sign Of The Times

July 5, 2009 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens 

JOBS

This lovely reminder of the state of our economy (and the blight these newspaper stands pose to our community) is located at Court Square and was the crowning touch to my day trip to Douglaston, Queens under the tutelage/guidance of the ever fbulous Kevin Walsh of Forgotten-NY. You can look forward to seeing highlights from my journey later this evening— so stay tuned!

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Real Estate Advertising: Special Long Island City Edition

June 29, 2009 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens, Recession 

As time has gone by I have taken a much kinder view of our friends across the creek. I do not want to suggest I like the rather substantial apartment buildings in Long Island City: I don’t. But their advertising strategies are a constant source of fascination and amusement to yours truly. Just like the Garden Spot of the Universe no location, however wretched, is unsuitable as a place of luxurious and commodious accommodations in 11101. With the previous in mind (and tongue firmly in cheek) I will share with you some of my latest finds. Enjoy!

vere

EXHIBIT A: The Vere Condominiums
Location: Jackson Avenue and Purves Street
New York Shitty Analysis: This is a testament to the sore lack of inventiveness to be found in the advertising industry nowadays— or the impact President Obama has made in our collective consciousness. Probably both. Nonetheless $350,000 is still too much for this location. Go to the end of Purves Street— preferably late at night— and you’ll see what I am talking about. Then again if your idea of “stimulus” is being reminded of your own mortality (preferably at the hands of someone lurking in the dark shadows of a ginormous vacant lot) this might be the place for you.

doubledecker

EXHIBIT B: THIS
Location: Borden Avenue and 5th Street
New York Shitty Analysis:

Me (to Mister Heather): What the fuck? It looks they stacked one building on top of  another!
Mister Heather: Yup.

murano1

Me: HOLY SHIT!

murano2

I guess they’re trying to suggest this place is about to be launched. It looks like it is exploding. The last time I saw something like this George W. Bush bombed Afghanistan. A lot of good that has done us.

I said.

To wit the Mister said:

Or the tenants just learned there is affordable housing on the top four floors and have set it on fire.

Me: NAH, the developer defaulted on a construction loan and is torching the place for the insurance money.

startower

EXHIBITS C-E: Star Tower
Location: 28-02 42nd Road
New York Shitty Analysis: The use of “star” is rapidly becoming a pet peeve of mine. If Michael Jackson’s death has been instructive to yours truly in any way it is that I do not want to be a star. If for no other reason because racking up six figure pharmaceutical bills is beyond my means. Come to think of it, they were beyond Mr. Jackson’s as well. I guess being a star isn’t what’s cracked up to be. But I digress.

Another pet peeve of mine is also manifest at this site: the virtual absence of real people in their renderings.

starpeeps

Behold the new face of Long Island City— and it does not appear to be a very happy one at that. This woman looks like she just sucked a lemon. Or knocked back a few meds with that glass of chardonnay. Not that I’m being judgmental; if I lived a stone’s throw from Queensboro Plaza I’d be practicing the art of self-medication too.

realpeople

NOW THIS IS MORE LIKE IT! Granted, this family unit probably does not reside in the Star Tower (I’m guessing they’re headed to the rather sizable piece of Detroit steel parked to the right). This is a shame as these are the kind of people I WANT as neighbors.

If any of the advertising wizards behind the Star Tower are reading this: after a woman reaches a certain point in her life (that being the business-end of her 30’s) images of svelte women on balconies cease to be selling tools. Quite to the contrary; it serves as a reminder that she (in this case me) is no longer a size “00”— and nothing short of an eating disorder or plastic surgery is going to change this reality.

Conversely, if you were to take the above family and Photoshop them into one of your balconies— ideally with “Joe Sixpack” knocking back a few brewskis with his buddies, watching “the game” via satellite dish (which is affixed to said balcony) while wearing a ball cap which reads “This is not a bald spot, it is a solar panel for a sex machine” I’d be all over your product like white trash on Rice-a-roni. Screw sex: Schadenfreude sells!

Which brings me to our last property.

teddyisathief

The site of a former “gentleman’s club” on 27th Street I like to call “Chez Teddy”.

CLOSED

scumbag

thiefandcoward

Alas poor Teddy, I never knew the him well but suspect he got a bum rap.

HOES

A bum scantily clad with a g-string, that is.

getnaked

Clearly someone thought he was a righteous dude.

forsale

In any case this property is not only available for sale but it is also conveniently located to transportation!

viewofunderpass

One need only look up to find it. Surely there is an entrepreneur out there with the vision and finances to give this prime location the make-over it deserves? I for one envision a tower built atop the original structure. Its name will the “The Infinity” and the stripper poles currently contained therein will be incorporated into a cutting edge fitness center. Women are paying top dollar to learn this kind of thing nowadays— what’s more, in this brave new economy it never hurts to pick up a few new job skills.

Now that’s a stimulus package I for one can get behind! Preferably with a phat wad of one dollar bills.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Polish Paradise

June 29, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Newtown Creek, Queens 

I recently learned that, contrary to popular belief, “Polish Paradise” is not located in Greenpoint. Those of you who are interested in paying this very special place a visit can can find it underneath the Pulaski Bridge in Long Island City.

PP

NOTE: not only is “Polish Paradise” seemingly bereft of Polish people, it also appears to be BYOB.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Slide Show Du Jour: Long Island City

June 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens 

Betty GrableNYS

As promised, follows is a selection of photographs from yesterday’s trek to Long Island City. At my journey’s end I was tired, a bit sweaty, more than a little cranky and had been rained on numerous times. No worries, gems like the above image (where a patron of the Crab House, which I am pleased to announce has reopened after a fire earlier this year, sizing up Betty Grable’s— um— assets and of course that magnificent double rainbow) made it totally worthwhile. Enjoy!

And that’s all she wrote!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: From Greenpoint With Love

June 27, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Queens 

doublerainbow

From Vernon Boulevard.

Miss Heather

P.S.: You can look forward to more photographs from my wanderings around Long Island City tomorrow!

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