Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
This Is Why I Like Teenagers
(Or, The G Train Strikes Back)
This morning my parents made their return to the Land of Enchantment. Our week long vacation seeing the sights of this fair city (the fun stuff, not the offal shilled in travel brochures) was pretty uneventful. That is until we decided to go to Manducatis last night for dinner. Or more accurately when we decided to come home via (you guessed it) the G train. For a Tuesday evening the train was curiously crowded. Mostly with teenagers in a very lively mood. I chose to sit next to them. My parents— not being acclimatized to such shenanigans (as are most retirees)— kept their distance. In hindsight this was an excellent decision on their part, as you will learn.
After we got off at Greenpoint Avenue we dropped by the local wine store and headed home. It was as I was headed up the stairs of our apartment building that the Mister spied something nested in the hood of my jacket. Upon closer inspection he told me what it was. Follows is my reply:
You’re kidding, right?
No. He wasn’t.
After we established that the prophylactic in question was indeed unused I ceased to care. My mother (who can be seen recoiling in horror in the background of the above photograph which was taken by Mister Heather*) felt differently. Now that I have had time to think about it, it isn’t so much the fact that someone saw fit to use me as some kind of walking advertisement for safe sex that troubles me. I’ve had lit cigarettes flung at my person with amazing accuracy. And worse. Public humiliation no longer fazes me. Rather, it’s the fact that I walked 2-3 city blocks with this hilarious item in tow and no one seemed to notice. Or care.
In closing I’d like to give a heaping helping of New York Shitty gratitude to those mischievous youths on the Smith – 9th bound G train. You gave my parents the quintessential Crosstown Local experience. Thanks guys!
Miss Heather
*Who then proceeded to tell my parents:
She comes home with condoms stuck to her all the time.
Photos Du Jour: Long Island City Shots
Now that the Mac Off* is behind me I have had the time to upload some really lovely photographs from my latest sojourn to Long Island City. I hope you enjoy looking at them as much as I enjoyed taking them!
Footage from this evening’s Mac Off will be forthcoming tomorrow!
Miss Heather
*Which was not without controversy. For starters Mizz Greenpoint does not in fact live in Greenpoint: she lives in Park Slope. In addition Red Star saw fit to put bacon in their mac and cheese thus precluding me from eating it. Not that this made any real difference; we immediately and unanimously agreed The Habitat deserved props. Way to go guys (and gals)!
Bi-Borough Photos Du Jour: People In My Neighborhood
Filed under: Brooklyn, Crosstown Local, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Queens, Williamsburg
Bedford Avenue, Williamsburg
Metropolitan Avenue, Williamsburg
Vandervoort Avenue, Greenpoint
Anthony Street, Greenpoint
Manhattan Avenue, Greenpoint
Crosstown Local, Queens
5th Street, Long Island City
44th Drive, Long Island City.
Miss Heather
A Citicorp Plaza Public Service Announcement
As found on 44th Drive:
And while we’re at it why not drag a comb through that hair for chrissakes?!? Didn’t your mother teach you anything? Long Island City is a class establishment.
Miss Heather
New York Shitty Day Ender: The Science Of Street Seating
From 46th Road, Long Island City.
Miss Heather
Long Island City Photos Du Jour: Before & After
If you’re out there reading this Karl Fischer…
The cool old power station in Long Island City you rendered into a steaming pile of Buck Rogers-esque of Post Modern crap (which you purportedly take much pride in)…
has been duly memorialized for posterity at 50th Avenue. Why not swing by and check it out?
It shouldn’t be very difficult to find.
Miss Heather
From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: MTA Sucks
This priceless exchange (which hails from the 23rd – Ely Avenue subway station in Queens) comes courtesy of Victoria Belanger. Great catch!
Miss Heather
Fedders Friday Long Island City Style: The People Have Spoken!
Filed under: Abjectecture, Articles of Fedderization, Fedders Friday, Long Island City, Queens
On Tuesday, March 3, 2009 I wrote:
No matter how hard I try my wit, gift for gab, whatever-you-want-to-call-it is not doing this stellar example of Fedderism justice. To this end I need your help. Although I realize this has been done before I am proposing the following: you, dear readers, tender LOL speak captions for this masterpiece. These can be left in the comments below or sent via email at: missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com.
If I like what I see I’ll publish the pick of the litter right here on New York Shitty later this week.
Well, things got a little chaotic for me that week so this had to be tabled. But this is not to suggest I didn’t have 49-16 11 Street on my mind. I most certainly did. Among other things I wondered to myself:
Is this building as craptastic in day light as it is at night.
I did a little field research and found the answer.
Abso-FUCKING-lutely YES.
Now, without further ado I offer for your Friday morning entertainment piquant observations about this stellar structure from you, the readers.* Enjoy!
AMOJA wrote:
…I think I may start calling this building the Triple Nipple. Those studs are…well…they’re there.
This is the most effort I’ve ever seen put into a Friedrich box.
Nah…that’s a cesspool on the roof.
The builder is just too cheap to pay for a hook up to NYC’s sewer system!
Okay, so we have heard about the builder. What about the architect? Another anonymous offers up his theory as to who is responsible for this turd:
Design by Helen Keller.
And last, but hardly least I want to give special props to lylet (who actually followed my directions for this project). He mused:
I drive over the Pulaski every day – and this building has been testing my gag reflex for months now. While many don’t like the new building across the bridge, at least is qualifies as some sort of ‘architecture’ (and I actually happen to like it). This, however, looks like a Belvedere made babies with a Fedders Special – and out came this cheapo be-nippled eyesore. And did they build the elevator shaft for a few extra floors that never materialized?…
Indeed.
Miss Heather
*And a whole lotta help from Queens Crap!
Reader Participation Time: Snarkitecture
The Mister and I do not make it to Long Island City as much as we used to. There are a number of reasons for this. Among them:
- The weather. It’s been too cold to venture out.
- We have taken to going to Sunnyside and Jackson Heights instead. This is because…
- quite frankly we find Long Island City kind of depressing.
Ever since they demolished that beautiful old building at 10-62 Jackson Avenue and replaced it with a shiv-like structure we cannot cross the Pulaski Bridge without wincing. Luckily we had a craving for Italian food this weekend and decided to go to Manettas. As we made our way down the bridge we were presented with a most unexpected treat: 49-16 11 Street.
This stunning example of Strip Mall Italian (replete with a Donald Judd-esque elevator shaft) sent us into fits of uncontrollable laughter.
Where do you start with this? Hell, where do you finish for that matter?
For starters you have the lovely Juliet style balconies overlooking the on ramp of the Pulaski Bridge.
Just a beer bottle’s throw away from traffic (and perhaps the odd pedestrian or bicyclist).
Some attempt at symmetry has been made… but not quite enough. I christen this daring new style Art Sucko.
But no expense has been spared on Friedrichs boxes. This is a good thing. When the dull roar of truck traffic (at all hours) gets to be too much for our intrepid 49-16ers they can crank up the air conditioner to drown out the din.
The last time I saw something with this many studs on it was in the West Village. (WARNING: previous link is NSFW.)
No matter how hard I try my wit, gift for gab, whatever-you-want-to-call-it is not doing this stellar example of Fedderism justice. To this end I need your help. Although I realize this has been done before I am proposing the following: you, dear readers, tender LOL speak captions for this masterpiece. These can be left in the comments below or sent via email at: missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com.
If I like what I see I’ll publish the pick of the litter right here on New York Shitty later this week.
Your immediate attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.
Happy snarking!
Miss Heather
NYS Flickr Pool
You must be logged in to post a comment.