Greenpoint Represents!

June 26, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11215, 11222, BAD ASS, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

As you are reading this post the Second Annual Jello-O Mold Competition is coming to pass— where a very special entry, I understand, will be unveiled! Something so sublime its creator, Victoria, swore me to secrecy until the date and time of this competition. She writes:
Hi Heather,

The photos are attached. The competition is not till Saturday evening so please don’t post these until then. You can’t see them in these photos, but the model includes little LED lights that light up the jello eggs from behind. Its meant to look like the digester eggs lit blue at night.

I have done my best to “keep calm and wobble on” with the secret I have been entrusted to keep. But I have to be honest: it’s been damned hard. I have not even allowed the Mister to see what I am about to show you, dear readers. Here it is: a gelatinous tribute to Greenpoint’s most interesting— and curiously beloved— landmark. Yes, I am talking about none other than “The Shit Tits”.

Once I recovered from my initial fit of ecstasy at this, part of our poop plant rendered in foodstuffs, I voiced concerns that the people attending and judging this competition would not understand what has been placed in front of them. No worries, Victoria has that covered! She writes:

I did write my own little essay on why the Shit Tits are so awesome and printed out a little montage of photos of the real deal so people can see for themselves and fully appreciate my jello genius.

I will openly admit that I am more than a little biased here. But— and this is a big but— if the judges of this competition cannot appreciate the sheer genius of this (and give it the award it so richly deserves) then I don’t need them. As far as I (and I suspect a great many other Greenpointers) am concerned these bad boys are a winner. Tits down.

Miss Heather

UPDATE, June 28, 2010: I have been advised that this masterpiece did not get the grand prize. That went to some concoction involving the virgin Mary. Clearly these people have no taste.

SATURDAY: JELL-O SPRINGS ETERNAL

Another year, another Jell-o competition. What I—- and many other fellow Greenpointers, I suspect— want to know is if our very own Jello Mistress Goddess and keeper of Edie the Hamster, Victoria, will represent the Garden Spot? I suppose we’ll have to wait and find out!

JELL-O Springs Eternal
June 26, 2010 starting at 6:00 p.m.
Gowanus Studio Space
166 7th Street
Brooklyn, New York 11215

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Ask & Ye Shall Receive!

It has come to my attention that Brownstoner saw fit to feature an apartment for sale hailing from none other that Belvedere XX. Ostensibly because someone took umbrage with me calling this edifice a piece of crap*— which I assure you it is. Belvedere XX is also known as 185 India Street and the neighbor of LoftsGreenpoint Rental Shitshow Part 1305.

Crap likes company. Especially on McGuinness Boulevard.

But this post isn’t about Belvedere XX, Brownstoner or McGuinness Boulevard. It’s about Belvedere XXXVI and “Park Slope”. On January 25, 2010 I wrote in this post:

…The Belvederization of Park Slope?!? Needless to say I had to get to the bottom of this (inasmuch as one can without G train service). We headed to the closest Belvedere without delay.

Sure enough, it is true! Replete with all the accoutrements we have grown to expect from Belvedere: commodious roof decks and balconies. Needless to say I must see this. However, I am more or less precluded from going to 175 12 Street personally. I am not only too busy with matters north Brooklyn but quite frankly doling out $2.25 in subway fare strikes me as being far too much money to outlay on such an endeavor.

This is where you come in: could some kind soul get a photograph of this property and send it to me via email at missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com? I’m dying to see Belvedere XXXVI. Especially in light of the fact this edifice is conveniently located near Lowes, the Brooklyn Queens Expressway and the aromatic Gowanus Canal. Who wouldn’t want an eyeful (or noseful) of that!

Well, I asked for it and I got it. Rowan 5 writes:

Here ya go. The Belvedere is closer to 3rd ave. It’s surrounded by frame houses mostly, with a giant high rise luxury building at the corner of 4th and 12th.

It’s not a bad-looking block but Park Slope proper it is not.

Most definitely not.

I love the prominent poster on the front door advertising Greenpoint and Williamsburg condos…


So there have you: Park Slope Gowanus is the new Greenpoint!

Miss Heather

*I have been told by an anonymous source that someone who bought a unit at Belvedere III, which is admittedly the Pete Best of the Belvederes, ended up re-selling at a loss. Apparently he bought one of the quasi-legal “studio” apartments they are known for (READ: a minuscule first floor apartment with a fully appointed basement including— I shit you not— a sauna). It had problems with flooding.

A Very Special Request From The Editrix of New York Shitty

January 25, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, 11215, Gowanus, Park Slope, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

Yesterday the Mister decided to accompany me on my Sunday constitutional. All in all, he took it in good stride (no pun intended) and humored my numerous detours to get a closer of look at things I consider interesting. This of course included savoring the handiwork of north Brooklyn’s real estate juggernaut: Belvedere Bridge Realty. While he may not understand why, he knows I have a developed a fascination with these faux classical, serial numbered properties. He also knows that with such magnificent obsessions (and I have quite a few) it is best to humor yours truly.

To this end he stood by patiently as I tittered myself into a shutter-bugging frenzy at the sight of Belvedere XXXIV (which can be seen at left and is located on Withers Street) and listened (or at least appeared to be listening) to my wry commentary regarding the numerous “Open House” fliers we happened upon during our sojourn. Some even had balloons affixed to them. I can only hope the promise of free pony rides and clowns making balloon animals are next. But I digress.

It was at the intersection of Berry Street and North 9 Street we found the following. We were rendered speechless.

The Belvederization of Park Slope?!? Needless to say I had to get to the bottom of this (inasmuch as one can without G train service). We headed to the closest Belvedere without delay.

Sure enough, it is true! Replete with all the accoutrements we have grown to expect from Belvedere: commodious roof decks and balconies. Needless to say I must see this. However, I am more or less precluded from going to 125 12 Street personally. I am not only too busy with matters north Brooklyn but quite frankly doling out $2.25 in subway fare strikes me as being far too much money to outlay on such an endeavor.

This is where you come in: could some kind soul get a photograph of this property and send it to me via email at missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com? I’m dying to see Belvedere XXXVI. Especially in light of the fact this edifice is conveniently located near Lowes, the Brooklyn Queens Expressway and the aromatic Gowanus Canal. Who wouldn’t want an eyeful (or noseful) of that!

Miss Heather

Happy Birthday FUCKED IN PARK SLOPE!

November 19, 2009 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, Crosstown Local, Park Slope 

FIPS

One year ago you were a newbie; now you’re a titan of the Brooklyn blogosphere. Mazel tov! Your take on the neighborhood I care not to sully with my presence is a breath of fresh (and cynical) air. I look forward to hearing more from (and about you) in the future! Now that the Crosstown Local blights your ‘hood maybe you’ll come up and see me some time?

Miss Heather

P.S.: The Mister (a faithful reader of FIPS) has developed a fixation on “Prospect Park West” ever since Smartmom railed (incoherently) against it. Any chance you could help me get an autographed copy of this book? I’d like to give it to him for Christmas.

New York Shitty Day Ender: Heart Walk 2009

heartwalk

This was brought to my attention by my colleague, fellow Greenpointer and participant in this event: Bitchy Bluestocking. Here’s the general rundown per her email:

As some of you may know, I joined a fitness class at the Greenpoint YMCA this summer. Punk Rope is an incredibly fun, butt-busting workout, and its founder, Tim Haft, regularly volunteers his rope-jumping expertise at community events. I recently helped out at the Astoria Water Walk, and there were a lot of happy faces during our demonstration.

On Sunday, October 11, I will be joining team Punk Rope for Heart at the Brooklyn Heart Walk in Prospect Park. This 5K will raise money for the American Heart Association, which gets the word out about heart disease and stroke, the country’s number one and number three killers, respectively. It also contributes to research on heart disease and trains millions of people in CPR and emergency cardiovascular care. It goes without saying that some of my teammates will be jumping the 5K, and Punk Rope will also be warming up the crowd…

Anyone interested in helping Ms. Bluestocking achieve her goal can do so by clicking here or by contacting Tim Haft via email at: tim (at) punkrope (dot) com

Thanks!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Zoo York

April 8, 2009 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, Clinton Hill, Greenpoint Magic, Park Slope, Williamsburg 

blackdog

5th Avenue

washingtonaveboxer

Washington Avenue

deer

St. Mark’s Avenue

bedfordavedog

dogonbedford

Bedford Avenue

snake

pig

Metropolitan Avenue

zebratruck

North 1 Street

iguana

Nassau Avenue

twosome

Manhattan Avenue

Miss Heather

Thought Of The Day

April 4, 2009 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, Park Slope 

bluto

From Union Street.

Miss Heather

THIS WEEK: Robert Guskind’s Memorial Service

March 29, 2009 ·
Filed under: Park Slope 

bobthumbAlthough I have already made mention of this event on New York Shitty I feel compelled to follow up with an update. Here it goes.

Thanks to the tremendous outpouring of time and money from Nicole Davis of Brooklyn Based, Jake Dobkin of Gothamist, Lockhart Steele of Curbed, Jonathan Butler of Brownstoner, Susan Fox of Park Slope Parents, Norman Oder of The Atlantic Yards Report and many others too numerous to list here it is shaping up to be a lovely memorial service. Among the things you can expect at this celebration of Bob’s life and work are:

  1. a running slide show of photographs from The Gowanus Lounge (including a fine selection of “Street Couches”!)
  2. video footage of Bob from his numerous online and television appearances and
  3. a roster of keynote speakers including— but not limited to— Jake Dobkin, Lockhart Steele, Norman Oder and yours truly.

To clear up any confusion as to how to RSVP for this event you need only point and click your way over to the evite page we have erected for just this purpose. Be sure to indicate how many people will be in your party and if you care to speak.

Robert Guskind’s Memorial Service
April 4, 2009 2:00 – 5:00 p.m.
The Brooklyn Lyceum
227 4th Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11215

Hope to see you there!

Miss Heather

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