Happy April Fool’s Day From New York Shitty!

April 1, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

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I can think of no better way to kick off today’s selection of absurd New York Shitty goodness than this masterfully executed (and most assuredly illegal) seven point turn* from Huron onto Franklin Street Whoever you are, truck drivin’ man, thank you. Watching your herculean effort to round this corner gave the Department of Sanitation employee idling on Huron Street (in the correct direction) and I a much needed laugh.

Miss Heather

*This is an estimate. I lost count after six.

New York Shitty Day Ender: Thank You Vodka Bunny!

March 31, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

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Just in time for the arrival of the big furry floppy eared one T & N Wine and Liquor has a nice assortment of Easter baskets on display for adults of all ages. This one has vodka in it. Yummy.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Yes, that’s a liquor container shaped like an artillery shell in the background.

A Manhattan Avenue Public Service Announcement

March 31, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

kenlayisalive

For those of you who prefer to get your news from less conventional sources (than, for example, CNN, Wikipedia or even The Drudge Report) according to this bicycle on Manhattan Avenue the chap who brought us Enron— none other than Kenneth Lay— is still alive.

Miss Heather

TOMORROW: Brooklyn Standard Is Open For Business!

March 31, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

thestandard

Unlike most of the people (who still in fact have jobs) reading this, I do not work a conventional 9-5 work week. I like this because it enables me to go out and take pictures on lovely days like this one. What’s more, it gives me a leg up on learning what’s going on. Case in point: Brooklyn Standard. Not only are they hurriedly getting the store prepped for its Grand Opening…

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but said opening is scheduled for tomorrow, April 1. No foolin’!

The Brooklyn Standard
188 Nassau Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Cody Utzman was kind enough to let me snoop around and take a few snaps so you can get a sneak peek of what awaits you tomorrow. Here they are!

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I think I can safely say this is the first and only “bodega” I have ever seen in Greenpoint that is appointed with a chandelier. I suppose that’s gentrification for you!

Miss Heather

Spring Has Sprung In North Brooklyn!

Yes folks, you can literally smell it in the air: springtime has finally come to north Brooklyn.

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The winteriana has been packed away and replaced with more springtimey fare— such as this deliciously terrifying rabbit from India Street. And not unlike the mighty Monarch butterfly, a number of construction projects have emerged from their respective chrysalises to display their new found glory for all to enjoy.

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This humdrum specimen hails from 916 Manhattan Avenue. As you can see it sports some seriously fierce asphalt siding.  No more.  After a couple of modification permits (and a little Greenpoint magic) it has been…

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FEDDERIZED!

Of course what would any discourse about abjectecture be without a mention of my good friend Karl Fischer?

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Holy 311 calls! It would appear the scaffolding has begun to come down at 200 Franklin Street…

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and what a magnificent sight it is!

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A number of images come to mind when people use words like “craftsmanship” “luxury” or “quality”. This is not one of them.

And last, but hardly least, what would a revue of north Brooklyn abjectecture be without a Belvedere? Good news kids: thanks to the wizards at Belvedere/Bridge Realty North 9 Street Williamsburg can now claim one of their very own!

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Or should I make that XXVI?*

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Congratulations northside Williamsburg you’ve just joined the club!

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Too bad this sign doesn’t apply to architecture.

Miss Heather

*Not to let them have a monopoly on all the fun. Behold: Belvedere X of Eckford Street!

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Nice balconies.




New York Shitty Day Ender: Urban Fur

March 30, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crazy Cat Lady, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

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Driggs Avenue

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Bedford Avenue

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North 9 Street

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Franklin Street

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West Street

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: 6 for $3.00

March 30, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

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From Bedford Avenue.

Miss Heather

North Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Bodega Daze

March 30, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

The following photographs may not necessarily depict bodegas per se but they do represent the way north Greenpoint has changed, for better or worse.

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R.I.P at Eagle and Franklin Street.

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Renovated, empanadaed and in demand down the block.

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This was my bodega of choice when I lived on Clay Street.

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This is not a bodega. However, Acapulco Deli & Restaurant resides next to the S & A Deli and is one of the most underrated diners in the Garden Spot. What’s more, now they’re sporting a fancy new awning!

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Greenpoint Furniture formerly (and possibly currently)  known as “DONE DEAL$”.

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I was never too big on this one (too much emphasis on meat) but the “presentation” is nice. Good place to buy soda, though.

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Such is the life nowadays in north Greenpoint. Of all the people depicted in the above photograph who do you most identify with? More importantly, does it even matter?

We’re all in this together for better or worse, Greenpointers. Best to direct our angst or get a collective chuckle out of people who write stuff like this:

I have to say that all of the places in Brooklyn and Manhattan that I considered moving to, I did not consider Greenpoint at first.  Then I saw the posting for the 305 McGuinness Lofts in early February. I am a huge sucker for apartment porn, as I call it, and the new condo-turned-rental developments are great for that.  This was a Craigslist listing for a brand new triplex: 3 BRs, 2 BAs, brand new appliances, loft like ceilings, on-site parking and a gym. Shane and I quickly agreed: Yep, going to see that. Per the broker, Baris, these had just hit the market and so far they had curious locals coming to see the building.*

So we went on a cloudy Sunday. Getting off of the G train at the Greenpoint Ave stop and seeing the Starbucks warmed the cockles of my heart. We had a lot of time so we went to see the open house that was posted on Craigslist for 110 Green St.  The road itself was desolate but on the right-hand side there was this huge building. It had no sign (later discovered it had been called the Viridian, and was very famous for having Magic Johnson as an investor, and even more famous for going bankrupt last month) and it was very clearly still under construction. We checked out the model apartment, which was extraordinarily tiny. They were, and still are, charging $2,900 for a 2 BR and $3,600 for a 3 BR, so I was curious to check them out. There were many potential tenants and only 1 sales rep. He took us to see the area where there supposedly will be a huge, olympic sized swimming pool (suuuuuure), and then this enormous atrium, which was supposed to have had a fountain, but then explained that the original plans had already been downgraded to now include a simple lounge area instead. At that point, we ran out of time, so we left unimpressed, thinking they needed a reality check.  With those prices and 138 new units to rent, each with limited space, it seems to be a daunting task, indeed.

After that disappointment, we headed off to 305 McGuinness Lofts. McGuinness Blvd, for those who don’t know (and I didn’t) is a very noisy, busy road with traffic gunning to and from Brooklyn and Queens via the Pulaski bridge. The apartment building was under heavy construction (and still is), with wires dangling and walls unfinished. We were shown the triplexes and duplexes. The triplexes were cool: 1200+ sq feet in each, with 2 entrances, 2 bedrooms & 1 bathroom on the bottom floor, kitchen with huge windows and decent living/dining space on the 2nd floor and then the third floor mezzanine with another room that will (one day, in theory) have sliding glass doors overlooking the living/dining area, and another bathroom. W/D comes with every unit, as does central air, lovely new appliances and huge windows. I wasn’t crazy about the bedrooms, which were small, and the limited amount of closet space in each, but overall, it was a nice place for a relatively decent price.

But nice floors, beautiful appliances, kitchen, huge windows and only $3,000 with a free month thrown in. Add in on-site parking and the gym? Awesome! Duplexes with 2 bedrooms plus an area for an office space, had a nicer view but the 2nd floor/mezzanine had a ridiculously low ceiling, barely clearing Shane’s head, and they only had 1 bathroom. Additionally, the mezzanine/2nd bedroom shared a huge window with the master suite, and the two rooms were not completely shutoff from each other due to that window, so we figured, if we lived here, it’d be the triplex…

Yes, this was ostensibly written by a “real person”. While gloating over the “lovely new appliances” and “huge windows” our wannabe/soon-to-be neighbor didn’t notice the rather fragrant and enormous waste treatment plant one block away.

Real estate shill or simply clueless?

I’ll let you make the call. A triplex overlooking the Shit Tits, anyone?

Miss Heather

*This is true. We stare in dumbfounded amazement at this edifice wondering why some dumbass, a bankrolled one at that, would build such a turd on McGuinness Boulevard. Daily. It is a constant source of amusement.

P.S.: The 184 Eagle Street post is a HOOT:

When we were first heading over to Greenpoint to check out 305 McGuinness I also put in a call to check out the listing for a luxury 2 BR, 2 BA with mezzanine place (pics above), complete with on-site parking.  Was told by the real estate agent that it was for 184 Eagle Street but that tenants were in the place so I couldn’t see it that day (Sunday).  Weekdays weren’t good for me so I passed.

Then a few weeks back Brownstoner picked up on a story posted by New York Shitty about 184 Eagle St doing hostel duty on the side.  Apparently a tipster found the Craigslist posting.  So…while they wait for a real rental, they’re making money by renting out the place on a weekly basis where you can get either a bunk bed ($28 per night) or a private room ($78 per night).  Um, ew?

Um, welcome to my reality lady. I have seen a number of my neighbors— renters all— “displaced” by development. It happens like this: a developer purchases 1,2,3 lots in a row— usually because the landholder cannot afford the real estate taxes— and the tenants are forced to vacate. And in the place of their former homes are erected testaments to gentrification such as 110 Green Street, 184 Eagle Street and 305 McGuinness. Their target demographic: people like you.

But the locations are deemed “too crude” by people like you (greed and easy credit makes developers do silly things) so they have to find more creative ways to meet their loan debt like skipping over the whole Certificate of Occupancy thing.

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Or employing a dead condo (“nondo”) as an illegal hostel/hotel. Thus generating what is my opinion one of the most hilarious complaints I have ever seen on the Department of Buildings web site.

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Who says gentrification/displacement can’t be funny?

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Blackout!

March 29, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

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This absolutely wonderful image of yesterday’s Earth Hour Blackout (I for one love the cloud cover— gorgeous!) comes courtesy of photographer extraordinaire and Greenpointer about town, Mugsniffer. Great shot!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Keep Walkin’

March 29, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

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From Franklin Street.

Miss Heather

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