From The Gullibility Files: Student Habitats

June 8, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

studenthabitats

As a general rule I eschew posting ridiculous apartment advertisements. My reasoning for this practice is very simple: an entire blog could be premised on the subject and, well, New York Shitty is not that blog. However, once in a blue moon I will find something so ludicrous even I have to give pause. Which brings me to Student Habitats on Metropolitan Avenue (as seen in the above photograph) and the following advertisement gracing their storefront:

stanhopeandwyckoff

When someone says “East Williamsburg” I usually think of the Graham Avenue stop of the L. If pushed I’ll even grudgingly concede the Grand Street, Montrose Avenue and Morgan Avenue stops as being located in “East Williamsburg”. But Stanhope Street and Wyckoff Avenue?!?

googlemap

That’s kind of pushing the envelope if you know what I mean.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo Du Jour: Arizona

May 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

arizona

From Flushing Avenue.

Miss Heather

Street Furniture Du Jour: Distressed On Troutman

April 15, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Street Furniture 

chaiselounge

This flat-lined chaise lounge hails from a very special street in Bushwick called Troutman. If it could tell us its story I have little doubt it would be a very interesting one!

Miss Heather

Greenwick Photos Du Jour: Never Forget

April 15, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

neverforget

Commercial Street

neverforgetpeaceking

neverforget2

Harrison Place

Miss Heather

P.S.: In related news Construction Safety Week is cometh— and soon!

constructionsafetyweek

Just in time for Pa Heather’s visit to our fair city! Boy is he in for a treat.

Great Moments In Aluminum Siding XIX: Troutman Street Fugfest

April 14, 2009 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Articles of Fedderization, Vinyl Siding 

Living in Greenpoint has to some extent immunized me to aluminum siding. I can walk down block (and block) chock a block of the stuff and it no longer fazes me. I have long harbored the fear that I had become a siding Queen. Then I gazed upon 247 Troutman Street. To quote Madonna:

unglyontroutman

I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn’t know how lost I was
Until I found you

Infatuated with the sheer fugliness of this structure I went in for a closer look.

troutmanfug

There’s a whole lot of fug happening here.

morefug

Across the street.

moretroutmanfug

Down the block.

superfug

I made Mister Heather look at this one immediately upon arriving home from work. After sputtering a few incomprehensible syllables about its utter hideousness he headed straight for the liquor cabinet.

yet-more-fug-on-troutman

I don’t blame him. I had to toss down a couple glasses of wine (at home) before digesting this beauty.

starr-street-at-wilson

Too bad this wine bar at Wilson Avenue and Starr Street wasn’t open. Was the baby shit colored siding to blame or just the sour economy? I suspect we’ll never know.

Miss Heather

P.S.: This beauty can also be found on Troutman Street. What it lacks in siding it makes up for in sheer stupid.

hotelfug

New York Shitty Day Ender: East Williamsburg Naughahyde

April 13, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Street Art, Williamsburg 

stagg-street-couch

This forlorn example of two-tone vinyl employed for a most stylish effect hails from Stagg Street just east of Stewart Avenue.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Pay Phone Du Jour: Troutman Street Recession Special

April 13, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

troutmanatirving

As I mentioned in this post I spent a fair amount of today pounding the pavement. By the time I reached Flushing Avenue I was tired. I thought about turning around and catching the L at Morgan Avenue but my little voice told me to keep going. So I did. When I reached the intersection of Troutman Street and Irving Avenue my phonedar went off. I looked around quite a bit and eventually found this: a brave new public pay phone for these tough economic times. We have all noticed that our dollars and cents simply don’t go as far as they used to.

recessionphone

Behold the Bushwick Monologue Machine! A mere twenty five cents will give you the gift of communication without having to listen to the other party. Say what you will but I consider this to be a bargain at twice the price. Unlike it’s Greenpoint counterpart this model (which I have named Monologue Machine 2.0) does not sport copious amounts of duct tape (or discarded fifths of vodka for that matter) but this is not to suggest it is any less special.

monologuemachinedetail

I was so enamored of the wires I simply had to take this close-up.

Which brings to me to this modest proposal for a very special Greenpoint-Bushwick joint initiative: would one of our Bushwick friends would be up to calling Greenpoint’s very own Monologue Machine 1.0 for a little chat? This would be purely for documentary purposes (in other words: shits and giggles). I can offer nothing in the way of compensation other than peace of mind, a few laughs, link love and perhaps this Polish phrasebook.

polishphrasebook

In which such useful phrases as:

potrzebuję czegoś dla przeżytku

can be found. That’s Polish for “I need something for a hangover”.

Anyone interested in helping with this experiment can contact me at missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com.

Thanks!

Miss Heather

Fun With Rock Photography in New York City

April 13, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

(Or: Don’t F**K With The DOS’s Boulder)

dosrock

It could be argued that the only thing I like more than getting a good mind fuck is administering one. You know what they say: it is much better to give than to receive. Today I arose to a beautiful day and after catching myself staring wistfully out my living room window one too many times I decided to table the blog and go for a walk. A long walk. On days such as this I long to get a little taste of spring time— albeit not in the manner many of my fellow New Yorkers do. When they head to the park or take a nice stroll along the waterfront I pay a visit to the hinterlands of north Brooklyn Industrialville. To bastardize my buddy Brando Robert Duvall* from Apocalypse Now:

I love the smell of PCBs in the morning.

Which brings me to the not-so-small rock gracing the beginning of this post and the subject of mind fucks. I found this item on Gardiner Avenue just north of Varick Street. For those of you who are not in the know this rock is located on a rather sizable plot of land owned by the Department of Sanitation. This facility is patrolled by a security guard who I had the pleasure of meeting. He was your average Joe with a job to do; in this case, preventing people (ostensibly terrorists) from photographing their installation. Our conversation started as follows:

You can’t photograph that.

He said. To wit I replied:

I’m not going to argue with you, but could you tell me why this rock is painted green?

“That rock belongs to the Department of Sanitation” he said “and they do not want anyone taking photographs of their facility”.

Understood.

I said. “Believe you me the last place I want to hang out at on a pretty day like this is a waste transfer facility on Whale Creek. I simply like to photograph oddities. Take that truck down the street, for example…

bettybooptruck

…I’ve found Betty Boop on more things than you can possibly imagine. Just a couple weeks ago a found a refrigerator covered in Betty Boop stickers. I took a photograph of that too. As for that rock, well, I suppose it makes sense that the Department of Sanitation would paint it green. As you said, it is their rock and they can do with it whatever they wish. There are a lot of big rocks in this area. Many of them are painted and I have taken photographs of a number of them. There’s one at the intersection George Street and Evergreen Avenue someone has clad in plaid.

plaidrock

I really like that one.”

sandgravel

There’s also a rather nice boulder at the corner of Vandervoort Avenue and Division Place. It advertises sand and gravel for sale. A pretty witty selling tool if you ask me.

therock

Then of course there’s the rock at Morgan Avenue and Rock Street.

bigassrockgone

That one has since been removed. Why I don’t know. Some people thought it was ugly but I rather liked it.

And then you have Arbitration Rock. Haven’t seen that one yet but I plan to!

It was at this point my new friend smiled. I suspect his years of experience informed him that a daft 30-something broad clad in pink pants, pink shoes, pink shirt, pink jacket and pink hair held at bay with an aqua blue bandanna (I lost my pink one a month ago) babbling about North Brooklyn’s boulders did not constitute a security breach. At least not one worth contacting the authorities about. Long story made short he relented and let me take a photograph of the Department of Sanitation’s rock.

Whoever you are security dude I will be eternally grateful to your generosity for allowing me to add this big boy to my collection. Thanks!

Miss Heather

*See comments.

Coming Up: Craft On Draught

March 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Recession, Williamsburg 

fabricthumbnailI’ve been doing a lot of spring cleaning of late. You know, getting rid of stuff you told yourself— REPEATEDLY— that you would do something with. But never did. Here’s your opportunity to dump, drink and make. Leslie writes:

Bring out your busted sewing projects, tired T-shirts, hideous hand-me-downs—basically all the crappy clothes from your closet that you don’t want anymore, or the stuff you’ve been meaning to make awesome—for the ultimate happy hour of destruction, reconstruction, and social mixing!

You provide the scrap, we’ll provide the beer, inspiration, crafting tools, and help from author-crafters Heather Ross and Kayte Terry—plus special projects for purchase: Scrappliqué undies, totebags, cards, jewelry boxes, picture frames, onesies and T-shirts (with that new T-shirt smell)!

WHAT: Craft in Draught Debut

WHEN: April 2, 2009.

WHERE: Spacecraft Brooklyn
355 Bedford Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11211

(718) 599-2718

WHY: Because it is fun and your $15.00 admission fee (or two for $10) “gets you free beer, and a raffle ticket to win a copy of WEEKEND SEWING by Heather Ross, COMPLETE EMBELISHING by Kayte Terry, grab bags of goodies from Etsy and STC Craft/Melanie Falick Books, cute fabric bundles from Heather Ross’s Mendocino line, a gift certificate to Housing Works Bookstore Café , and other assorted surprises!”

HOW: JMZ at Marcy, Bedford Avenue stop of the L or the B61, baby!

To RSVP for this event you need to shoot an email to:  rsvp (at) spacecraftbrooklyn (dot) com

Otherwise it should be noted that Craft in Draught will alternate between Spacecraft and 3rd Ward the first  Thursday of every month. “East Williamsburg” will get your turn in May!*

3rd Ward
195 Morgan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11237

Miss Heather

*Bonus points if you also haul in your wool sweaters and socks, to be felted in preparation for the Felt Up for Spring!

A Very Special Dung of The Day

March 18, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Dung of the Day, Maspeth, Other Shit, Queens 

(Or: Queens Crap)

weirdcrapnys

My buddy over at Queens Crap (who was kind enough to send me this lovely find) opines:

My initial reaction–sort of round, shiny pellets of roughly medium-blueberry size–is rabbit. It doesn’t look like carnivore–raccoons, et al produce something that looks like cat crap, which is something that you’re all too familiar with. It’s not goose, which looks kind of like soggy, greenish Tater Tots.

And with that sidewalk and fence shadow suggesting an urban area, the color, and my impression of size, it’s not deer.

So, rabbit leads for now.

Indeed. It looks like the Easter bunny came early over in Maspeth!*

Miss Heather

P.S.: Special thanks goes out to my buddy Crappy for sharing this find. We make a great turd tag team!

*And Bushwick too for that matter.

jellybeans

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