From The New York Shitty Inbox: A Very Special Opportunity

July 12, 2013 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, New York City, Wow, WTF 

pickupmycatsshit

 

 

In the annals of wanting something for nothing, this (as found on Craigslist) is truly a stand-out. Exactly why one needs to submit a photo so as to clean up cat shit and piss— for no compensation whatsoever— is beyond me. Perhaps this is some hitherto unknown fetish which has escaped yours truly’s attention? If so, it must be a pretty rare one since this individual saw fit to repost this item a month after his/her initial solicitation. I wonder if he/she got any takers?

LAST GASP: Anyone Need 40 Rubber Chickens?

June 19, 2012 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

A lass named Laura writes of the above find:

Hi Heather! Mike found this add in Craigslist for 40+ rubber chickens in Greenpoint. We both thought of you. Is that wrong?

Well, I have been associated with much worse things. If any Greenpointers reading this are in need of 40 rubber chickens (and you know who you are), this is your lucky day! Interested parties (or disbelievers) can view this advertisement firsthand by clicking here. Reading is truly believing.

Spotted On Craiglist: Booty Call

July 11, 2011 ·
Filed under: Bronx, New York City 

This very special employment opportunity was brought to my attention by my hairdresser, Miss Mousey Brown. Personally I find the pants-free requirement and lure of free vodka and cranberry juice refreshments somewhat suspect— but I’m probably just being old-fashioned. MY ADVICE: get the money upfront, ladies!

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part III: Bedford Avenue

March 30, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11211, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

Sherry (who forwarded me this find) writes:

Advertising a free empty box in Astoria.

Any takers?

Miss Heather

LAST GASP: Best Rim Job Ever

I will not lie to you, dear readers: I have had a rotten day. In fact, I have had a pretty rotten week. Getting “buzzed” while frantically trying to remove a surge protector and various extension cables as rain water was cascading upon them is not the way I like to start my morning. But after such an inauspicious start the day (or so I tell myself) can only get better. And it did! Which brings me to this.

Tony, a fellow Greenpointer and friend, writes:

I couldn’t figure out who to send this to…

You sent this to the right person, Tony. I really needed this bit of sophomoric humor/levity today. I can only hope to toss Al a rim shot (or two) of business by posting this! I mean, who wouldn’t want a rim job from a guy named Al in Mineola?

Miss Heather

P.S.: I wonder if he services Queens as well? I can only hope so.

New York Shitty Day Ender: A Missed Missed Connection

March 22, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Culture War, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

When I saw this on Flickr I chuckled. When I learned from the person responsible for raising awareness about this appalling breach of etiquette that Craigslist did not see fit to publish it I was outraged. These youths need to be taught a lesson: either give props to the Dark One with gusto or don’t do it at all. The fact this came to pass on Bedford Avenue (the devil’s playground if ever there was one) makes the offense even more egregious.

F*cking amateurs.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: A Very Special Employment Opportunity

September 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Area 51, Brooklyn, Manhattan, New York City, Park Slope 

The Professor writes:

Hey Heather

I just ran across such a ridiculous Craigslist ad that I thought you might wanna see it. I don’t know that it’s anything you can use for your blog, or whatever, but it’s just such an extensively dumb solicitation that I thought you’d at least get a laugh.

Although, it could be a perfect setup for a big prank…*

Doc writes (in the aforementioned Craigslist advertisement):

Hi. Even for Craig’s List, this is going to be a strange ad. But read on – it’s strange but legit.

I’m a single, straight guy, in my early 40’s, recently moved to NYC, with almost no social circle here (and, even worse, I work on my own). No history of mental illnesss, jail time or listening to country music. Moving to NY has been fantastic, but the one thing is, I have been finding it hard to meet women. So I’m doing the normal, typical, rational thing that any guy in my position would do — I’m looking to hire a female “wingman,” that is, a “wingwoman,” to break the ice for me in social situations.

Strange but true.

This is a real job I’m offering; it’s not a personal ad in disguise, and I’m not a Nigerian scammer or a reality show producer, either. Perhaps more surprisingly, I’m also not a freak, weirdo or serial killer – I am just not good at walking up to a woman I don’t know and getting beyond “Hi” and I want to do something about it. (Basically, I want to avoid this guy’s fate.)

This would be a part-time, occasional gig. Get-togethers would be in Manhattan or Brooklyn; sometimes weekend afternoons, sometimes evenings. (Generally speaking, NOT in bars or nightclubs. I am more of a Brooklyn Flea / The Moth / Big Terrific / Midsummer Night Swing type of guy. This is also my kind of thing.) Probably 2-5 hours per stint. We would only meet in public places and I would pay you ($20/hour) cash.

And you don’t have to be single or even “unattached” to apply – there’s no “hanky panky” involved. (I really don’t care if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend or significant other, as long as that person knows about and is cool with the situation.)

If you want to know more details about the arrangement, check out these articles:

Are You With Him? Why Yes, Want to Date Him?

Wingwomen (8 pages long)…

WOW. I wonder if someone would pay me $20.00 an hour to be a cock blocker or chick repellent. I excel at both. I am a natural. “Doc” has also created a Facebook page which you can peruse by clicking here.

Miss Heather

P.S.: You can read “Doc’s” Craigslist ad in its entirety by clicking here or by clicking on the images below. Either way you’ll notice our man “Doc” is very detail-oriented!

CL1nys

CL2nys

CL3nys

P.S. #2: While I am on the subject of meetings and meat-markets, my good friends at Fucked In Park Slope will be hosting a “Meatup” this Wednesday, September 30th at The Bell House. For more information click here. B.Y.O.W. fellas.

*Or more annoying “viral” advertising.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: “Craigslist Play Night”

August 20, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

CLthumbWhen I got word of this one a few minutes ago I simply HAD to pass it along— even as scant as the details are. Tomorrow, August 21, starting 8:00 p.m. our very own Church of the Messiah will be hosting an evening of entertainment inspired by the most enchanted place in cyberspace: Craigslist. With subject matter as ripe for the picking as the List that is Craig, one would have to try very hard not make this a rollicking evening of entertainment. What’s more, at a paltry buck a play (yes you read me correctly ONE WHOLE DOLLAR), who can complain it if isn’t? Check it out!

Craigslist Play Night
August 21, 2009 starting at 8:00 p.m.
Church of The Messiah
129 Russell Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

FREE IN GREENPOINT: Live Chicken

July 23, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

FREELIVECHICKEN

Do you or anyone you know have a chicken coop and need another chicken? It’s a beauty. (! — Ed. Note) We used it for a film yesterday and need to find a home for it.

Preferably someone who will use it for eggs.

CALL ME ASAP

How can I not shake the feeling this fetching fowl is going to find its way onto somebody’s dinner’s plate? In any case if anyone reading this is in need of a “free live chicken” here’s your golden opportunity.

Ah Craigslist, you never cease to entertain…

Miss Heather

P.S.: Special thanks go out to Tony On Kent Street for forwarding me this gem.

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