From The New York Shitty Inbox: A Very Special Problem

L writes:

Dear Miss Heather,

I’m writing you, the current authority of Greenpoint, for some advice,

How do you politely and safely remove a polish homeless man from your stoop?  As of late, one has been currently making my sunny stoop his favorite napping place.  It makes getting inside my apartment difficult, not to mention embarrassing. 311 has been of no help. Does WR Hardware sell a homeless repellent spray or some sort of scarecrow?

L brings up a very good point: while we are advised to call 311 by our elected officials and police department it seldom does any good. That having been written, here’s a few ideas I have for L off the top of my head:

1. Call the 94th Precinct directly (WARNING: you might get relegated to their automated system. Not fun.)
2. Go to the next Community Council Meeting (you can view calendar here) and talk to D. I. Hurson directly. (Probably your best option.)
3. Take up the matter with your elected officials. Given that homeless outreach seems to be of special interest to him I would suggest reaching out to City Councilman, Steve Levin.

Does anyone have more advice for L? If so, please share via comments.

Miss Heather