New York Shitty Day Starter: Great Moments of Real Estate Hyperbole

March 5, 2012 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Wow, WTF 

(Or: The “Hart” of Greenpoint)

There is real estate insanity and then there is real estate insanity. This apartment, located at the immensely bucolic intersection of Green Street and Manhattan Avenue, has a manifold number of advertisements on Craigslist. But by far this one was the most imaginative (hence why I decided it merited mention). Nothing says “luxury” like a toilet ready, willing and able to do its duty  juxtaposed against a tropical paradise (which Greenpoint, my beloved home, is decidedly not). Citing the G train as an enticement is rather dubious as well. The previous having been written, here are the rest.

All these listings are purportedly  “by owner”. Damn.

P.S.: Lest any of you, dear readers, are wondering why I was looking at apartment advertisements on Craigslist in this draconian price bracket I’ll tell you. I had the pleasure of bumping into yet another group of people waiting to view “apartments” at 239 Banker Street this weekend! Here’s what one had to say afterward:

Hi Heather. Thanks, again, for the heads up on the shady business at Banker St. today. The apartment had very bad craftsmanship and the only elevator in the building was a scary freight elevator that had a sign stating it was unlawful for any person other than the operator to ride in the elevator…the guy renting out the spaces is named Saul (917-549-XXXX) and he’s got them listed multiple times on craigslist. We’re obviously going to pass on that building but we really loved the area. Do you have any tips/leads on finding an apartment around there? I’d appreciate any help you could offer!

I have tendered my advice to this (incredibly nice) person. If any of you, dear readers, have tips/advice as well please share them via comments or via email at missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com. This having been written, it would appear Saul’s advertisements regarding 239 Banker Street have since disappeared into the ether. No worries, I found this…

and this.


From The New York Shitty Inbox: More Huron Street Kittens

April 13, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Crazy Cat Lady, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

If my inbox is any indication it is raining. KITTENS that is.

T (who sent the above photographs) writes:

Heather…I’m sorry this is taking me so long to get to you – this situation is probably gone by now, either good or bad.  I was walking my dog this morning when I heard a heck of a lot of high pitched mewling coming from the corner of green and franklin.  I looked down the street and there were about four kittens, no more than a week old, on the sidewalk next to some garbage cans, crying.  There was no mother in sight, which to me was highly strange so I’m guessing they may have been dumped.  Pics of one attached and the others to follow.  My dog was going crazy so I wanted to get out of there and then I had a four hour call with clients at 8:30 so..I am the worst person in the world cuz I didn’t have time to do anything.  Maybe you can swing by on your walks?

Needless to say I made some phones calls, tossed on a jacket and headed to Franklin Street without delay. The kittens were nowhere to be found. That’s when I decided to swing by Unleash Brooklyn— and got some VERY GOOD NEWS!

Jay Lombard told me that a woman had contacted him regarding a litter of kittens she found (and had taken home) from Huron Street. We quickly deduced that these were the same young ‘uns T had contacted me about. Jay, in turn, gave her the contact information for Empty Cages Collective and I am pleased to report she has reached out to them! As I understand it, P.J. (one of the founders of Empty Cages) is going to swing by, assess their health, give them fluids and find them a foster home. This is community action at its very best, dear readers! Now if only I could have a few “words” with the person(s) who dumped these cuties like so much trash. But I digress.

This incident has a happy ending because someone took action. If you find a litter of abandoned kittens in north Brooklyn there are a number of rescue organizations who are ready, willing and able to help. Among them:

Dog Habitat: (347) 689 – 4000
Empty Cages Collective: (800) 880 – 2684
Brooklyn Animal Resource Coalition: (718) 486 – 7489

Make the call. Their lives depend on you! In closing, if this tail (yes a bad pun, but I am going to make it anyway) made you smile why not make a donation to the dedicated folks at Dog Habitat or Empty Cages Collective who gave these little ones a future? You can do so by clicking here or here.

Miss Heather

UPDATE 6:16 p.m.: As I suspected one didn’t make it— but the others appear to be okay (all things considered). Here they are!

Anyone who would like to help these little ones get a leg up on life can and should make a contribution Lisa’s (the woman taking care of these kittens) Amazon Wish List. She has made it known to me that she is in particular need of KMR (kitty formula).

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Locked Out

March 17, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

T (who sent the above image) writes:

Attached you’ll find a pic of our lovely new park at the end west end of Greenpoint Ave.  I have no idea what this park is called, so I can’t be more specific but I’m pretty sure you know the park pictured.  I’m sure you’ll also note that the gate to this public park is padlocked and that the sun is still shining. What you might not know is that this gate has been padlocked for three days straight with no notice as to why.  I have been by this park with my lovely canine companion Kenneth twice a day for the last three days – morning around 6:30 and evening around 6:30 and never has it been accessible.  Is there something I don’t know about the park schedule that would cause it to be closed?  Also, if it should in fact be open, do you have any idea who I should complain to?  I called 311, but as I mentioned this park is not marked with any name from without and the 311 operator had no record of a park at the location so did not know who to call.  I filed a general complaint.  Is this something I can send on to our assemblyman friend?  Thoughts?  As this is pretty much the only unpaved park in my area, it’s pretty friggin annoying that I can’t get into it.

This public space is called WNYC Transmitter Interim Park— or something to that effect. Of course this information is not of much use if the 311 operator has no idea this park (if you can call it that) exists. But I’ll leave the semantics and philosophical stuff to the city. Here are four people/entities I would recommend T contact about this (or any other neighborhood) problem (in order of relevance):

I hope this has been helpful, T!

Miss Heather

UPDATE, March 18, 2010; T has some exciting news to relay! He/she writes:

I am extremely pleased to report some actual good news on this.  This morning, as a result of my 311 call, the District Manager responsible for this park called me back.  We were both on cell phones so I did not 100% catch his name but I believe it was Harmon or Carmen.  First, how’s that for promptness?!?  Awesome!  Second, he was not only beyond polite but also clearly interested in this and concerned.  We spoke for about ten minutes, the result being that he had already spoken to the employee responsible for that park who reported he had been closing it at 5:15 every day.  Harmon/Carmen explained to me that their employees are still on winter hours and that within a month, as dusk officially becomes 7 or 8 o’clock, they will switch to summer hours.

I feel it’s important to commend our public servants in this or at least note that everything functioned exactly as it should in this case.  There was the kind of promptness, concern, respect and knowledge on display that should characterize every interaction between citizens and the city apparatus.

Thanks Harmon/Carmen!!

Greenpoint Fashion Watch: The Aviator

March 15, 2009 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Greenpoint Magic 

I have lived in Greenpoint for over nine years now. It certainly doesn’t feel like I have lived here the better part of a decade but this in fact the case. I guess time flies when you’re having fun. As time has gone by I have witnessed a number of highly unusual things in my neighborhood of choice. This includes (but by no means is limitied to):

  1. Watching an old Polish woman drop her underwear and go to the bathroom at a temporary stop of the B43 bus.
  2. Having as a neighbor a woman who wore a sleeping bag wrapped around her head like a turban.
  3. Finding a man passed out cold on the stairs leading up to his stoop at 2:00 a.m. in the morning. His car keys were still in his hand but someone had seen fit to steal his shoes.
  4. Jessica.
  5. Learning that a one armed man is one of the junk shops most ingenious shoplifters: he even succeeded in stealing a pair of shoes once. (Think about this one for a moment.)
  6. And of course there was the legally blind guy who wanted me to “model” for some “pin up” photographs.

Suffice it to say the Garden Spot of the Universe had (and still has) some highly unusual people. What would probably merit a 911 call in Brooklyn Heights would not get some much as second glance here. Have I become jaded? This is a distinct possibility. However I know something (or someone) special when I see it. Which brings me to this guy.


I apologize for the poor quality of this photograph. The truth of the matter is I was in awe at the sheer sublimity of what the Greenpoint gods had seen fit to send my direction. I have christened this chap “The Aviator” and he is too fucking amazing for words.


I quietly (but very excitedly) stalked this man until he stopped to pause in front of a liquor store. I got up the nerve to speak with him. I mean, how often do you see a guy walking down the street who  is a dead ringer for one of the frogmen from the movie Delicatessen? Don’t everyone answer at once.

Where did you get those goggles? They are fucking amazing.

I asked. To wit he replied:

I really like this absinthe fountain. Every time I try my prepare it at home I just don’t get it right.

Why don’t you go inside and ask about it? I am certain he will sell it to you.

I replied.

Oh, he is selling them. I like that because I won’t have to order one.

And with that remark he went on his way.


Miss Heather

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