Quicklink: Black Gold Flows In Queens

December 13, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11101, Blissville, Blissville Queens, Maspeth, Maspeth Queens, Newtown Creek 

It would appear Newtown Creek just can’t get a break! Click here and read about the latest “gusher” to grace the Seine of north Brooklyn!*

*And southern western Queens, of course.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: A Dispatch From Maspeth

November 29, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11378, Criminal Activity, Maspeth, Maspeth Queens 

As I noted recently, McGuinness Boulevard is no longer the record holder for stolen access covers. This dubious distinction is now held by Maspeth’s Grand Avenue. I spied a whopping thirteen missing covers in a mere half mile stretch. That’s the bad news. Now onto the good news: if the following email forwarded to yours truly via an anonymous tipster is any indication, our friends across the creek are taking this matter quite seriously.

If you see someone plundering your man hole access cover, fellow north Brooklynites, say something! Call 911.

From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part II: Replaced!

Jay writes:

New access cover on Monitor street. Third replacement this year. There’s still a month left in 2011 for this one to get swiped, too.

Closing on a related note, yours truly recently went on a sojourn in Maspeth. Follows is a revue of my findings from Grand Avenue between 57th Street and 47th Street. Enjoy!

For those of you who are keeping count this tops the number of plundered man holes gracing our very own McGuinness Boulevard (the previous record holder at 12).

Mazel Tov, Maspeth!

P.S.: If it is any consolation to us north Brooklynites, the plaque gracing the King’s Country end of the Grand Avenue/Street Bridge has been “liberated”.

Special thanks goes out to Brooklyn Imbecile, my traveling companion for the day, for allowing me to post the above two photos. Thanks!

The Word On The Street: Good Advice

From Laurel Hill Boulevard.

New York Shitty Day Starter: Kosciuszko Bridge

November 26, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11378, Laurel Hill, Laurel Hill Queens, Maspeth, Maspeth Queens 

Taken November 25, 2011.

New York Shitty Day Ender: Maspeth

November 25, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11378, Laurel Hill, Laurel Hill Queens, Maspeth, Maspeth Queens, Newtown Creek 

Taken November 25, 2011.

New York Shitty Day Ender: Newtown Creek

Taken October 23, 2011.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Tour The ‘Creek For $10.00!

Strike A Pose

Shit Tits and Scrap Metal

Ribbed For Her Pleasure

That’s right folks: thanks to the NYCEF Newtown Creek Fund of the Hudson River Foundation ten bucks buys you a trip up our very own Shit Newtown Creek! Those of you who are interested in this very special opportunity better act fast. I imagine tickets are gonna sell out quick!

Newtown Creek Boat Tour(s)
October 23, 2011 10:00 – Noon; 1:00 – 3:00 p.m.
Cost: $10.00 (You can purchase tickets by clicking here!)
Leaves from Pier 17 at South Street Seaport
New York, New York 10038

Special thanks go out to Mitch Waxman of the Newtown Pentacle for not only bringing this to my attention— but it should also be noted he will be the Master of Ceremonies! You can read about what he has cooked up for Open House New York (which is October 15th) by clicking here. Check it out!

Found On Meeker Avenue: Missing

Taken June 28, 2011.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Live From Newtown Creek

Shit Tits and Scrap Metal

While prognosticated, the rapture did not happen today. Or if it did I was left behind and am ready, willing and able to process copious amounts of photographs and video footage from my Newtown Creek experience. Before we proceed here are some interesting facts/observations:

  • Courtesy of a nearby radio station the Kosciuszko Bridge is “live”. In other words when men perform maintenance on it they must be “grounded”.
  • The sour mash from breweries which formerly dotted the creek were fed to cows and their milk (which was reputed to taste ratherĀ  awful) was then sold to orphanages at deep discounts. For this reason the product was called “orphan’s milk”.
  • The “product” from our local waste treatment plant is dried into cakes (their words, not mine) and sold on the open market as fertilizer.
  • After a week of heavy rainfall Newtown Creek is awash in Coney Island whitefish.

A Bit About Hunters Point (South) Development

Two Words: SHIT TITS!

Our tour guide, Mitch Waxman, explains the provenance of “DUGABO”

The First, But Hardly Last, Condom Spotting of the Day

The Penny Bridge Is Discussed

KAYAKERS!

A Representative from Riverkeeper Speaks, Part I: Waste Management

TEASER/CAVEAT: If you watch carefully you will see the putrefied bloated corpse of a cat drifting in the water.

A Representative from Riverkeeper Speaks, Part II: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About The Shit Tits

In closing I will leave you with this very informative brochure from my sojourn. You can view it by clicking here.

Miss Heather

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