New York Shitty Day Ender: Free Willy!

October 30, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 



Jay Lombard (who forwarded me the above photographs of a very happy and lucky lad named Willy) writes:

Heather – At last! Dog Habitat Rescue has a dog available for adoption! Meet Willy – he was stray who was taken to the Brooklyn animal care & control shelter and was within hours of being euthanized. He’ll be staying at Unleash: Brooklyn until we find him a permanent home. Look for Willy at the front of the parade at tomorrow’s Halloween party in McGolrick park.

Thanks for sharing the good news with us, Jay! As he indicates in the above email anyone interested in meeting Willy and giving him the loving home which has so eluded him can make his acquaintance at District Dog’s Halloween Parade tomorrow at McGolrick Park. Here’s the 411 for those of who are not in the know:


3rd Annual District Dog Halloween Parade
October 31, 2009 starting at 1:00 p.m.
McGolrick Park
Brooklyn, New York 11222

And on that note, dear readers, I am calling it a day. Have a wonderful pre-Halloween evening!

Miss Heather

MARK YOUR CALENDAR: 3rd Annual District Dog Halloween Parade

October 10, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 


Yes, I realize this isn’t until the end of the month but I wanted all you dog owners to have ample time to get a costume prepared for your pups! Some of you might recall that last year’s winner was canine dressed up as our very own and beloved Crosstown Local.


Victoria writes:

The G Train Dog won! And in keeping with tradition, when called upon, the G Train (dog) would not move. He had to be coaxed from his spot by his owner. Hilarious!

3rd Annual District Dog Halloween Parade
October 31, 2009 starting at 1:00 p.m.
McGolrick Park
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: People In My Neighborhood

June 4, 2009 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Greenpoint Magic 


Today was a red letter day for yours truly here in the Garden Spot of the Universe. My morning kicked off on a less than auspicious note. After being awakened by Con-Ed tearing up the street in front of my apartment dazed, and more than a little confused, I mistook a bottle of depilatory for sunblock. Luckily I discovered my error quickly enough that I didn’t go blind or end up looking like this.

Nonetheless the utter stupidity of my mistake (and the din outside my living room window) put me in a very shitty mood. When queried by my buddy Larry da Junkman as to how I was doing— unlike many people who ask how you’re doing (in the expectation of the perfunctory “good”, “great” or “how are you”)— Larry actually cares. I told him the ugly truth:

I have been forced to listen to my street being jack hammered for six hours straight while waiting for Verizon to repair our Internet line. They never came. I am in a rotten mood and I’m going for walk.

That’s what I love about New York City; if you want to be left the hell alone you don’t seclude yourself in your home like Howard Hughes, you go out. Barring being run over by a car you can rest assured no one will trouble you with small talk or other time-consuming (and soul-sucking) banalities. Hell, even if you are run over by a car the odds are pretty people will probably leave you alone. For a city where privacy is pretty much a hit or miss affair New Yorker’s are very respectful of each others need to be alone with one’s own thoughts. But I digress.

Perhaps it was the brief glimpse of sunshine this afternoon or my choice of apparel: gray pants, gray thermal top and Mao hat— gray— but my quest for solitude did not happen. Quite to the contrary: a number of gentleman were quite eager to make my acquaintance. I suppose it just goes to show how misguided some women here are in regards to their personal appearance. When it comes to attracting the opposite sex in Greenpoint, chuck the glam and look like a very dour, pissed off one woman cultural revolution waiting to happen instead.

Then again my taste in men has always been a bit eccentric. Just ask my husband. On that note here are a couple of wonderful chaps I met while knocking around the Garden Spot of the Universe while trying to be alone.


Name: Joe
Location: Monitor Street

I’ve featured Joe on New York Shitty before. He’s a regular at McGolrick Park, playing Hank Williams and Johnny Cash songs for the enjoyment or apathy of fellow park goers. Today we met, talked country and western music and he played a few songs for me. Here are a couple selections. Enjoy!

Joe seemed to be surprised I knew who Hank Williams was. Once I told him I was born in Waco, Texas he seemed to understand. We discussed Hank Williams II and III. Joe saw the latter on North 6th Street once and came away nonplussed:

Hell, I sing Hank’s songs better than he did! You gotta put heart into them.

If you happen upon Joe at McGolrick Park ask him to play “Folsom Prison Blues”. It is totally worth the lengthy and very informative and enjoyable discussion you will have with him afterward. Joe has an encyclopedic (and thoroughly fascinating) grasp of music and life in general. What’s more, Joe is a sweetheart who happens to live on one of my favorite thoroughfares: McGuinness Boulevard.


Name: Eddie
Leonard Street just south of Greenpoint Avenue

You can imagine my shock and delight when I crossed paths with the man who gave D.I. Fulton an earful at last month’s 94th Precinct Community Council Meeting. Eddie was kicking back on Leonard Street enjoying a ciggie and a brewski with Coco (as in Coco Chanel— he was very adamant that her namesake be known) when he saw me taking a photograph of 157 Greenpoint Avenue* (which is pretty craptastic— and for rent!). He exclaimed:

Take a picture of my dog!

Not wishing to incur Eddie’s now legendary wrath I gladly obliged. What followed was a conversation in the purest academic sense of the word.

You do not argue with the Plato of Greenpoint. You sit down, shut the fuck up and listen. And today at 6:00 p.m. I was his eager pupil— or captive— take your pick. I was his Aristotle albeit without a bottle. Not that I needed one: Eddie had a 24 ounce can of Budweiser which he had been clearly nursing for some time.

Jesus, the King of Kings, can shill wine as much as he wants. This is Greenpoint and the King of Beers is the power behind many a discourse here. My tutorial with Eddie was no exception. He said (while pointing at his chest):

I like the New York Rangers. They suck.

Who can argue with that?

Miss Heather

Post Script: Lest any of you are wondering about the photograph gracing the beginning of this post it hails from the comatose Pencil Factory Condos. The chap in said photograph, a teacher, decided to start getting in shape for the summer by doing a few chin-ups on their sidewalk shed. He opined:

People pay $70.00 month for a gym and never go.

I replied:

The world is your gym. Be it spelled G-Y-M or G-E-M. It’s yours. I like that. What’s more, I for one am glad to see you’re putting this sidewalk shed to good use. It’s not like they’re using it or anything.

*The headquarters for Women For Yassky run by one Susan Anderson of Anderson Capital Management. If this name sounds familiar, fellow Greenpointers, it is because this woman heads the org “Town Square” and surreptitiously let Exxon Mobil participate in and fund Earth Day celebrations at McCarren Park in 2008. She really got her panties in a wad when the (inevitable) protests came to pass.

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: R & R

May 13, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 




From McGolrick Park.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: The Discovery Garden

April 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 


This item comes from a gentleman named Thomas. He writes:

Dearest Miss Heather,

If you have been to McGolrick Park in the last few months, I’m sure you have noticed the Discovery Garden that our enterprising local gardener, David, has painstakingly created. It is goddamn beautiful. Unfortunately, over the next few days, he is being forced to disassemble the wooden fence, dig up the plants, and turn it back into grass.Some people at the Parks Dept. just don’t get it. This is the greatest Greenpoint tragedy since Bee’s was DOH’ed.

The person we need to get though to is:

Julius Spiegel
Brooklyn Borough Commissioner
New York City Dept. of Parks and recreation
(718) 965-8920

I would ask anyone who has appreciated this garden or has enjoyed the McGolrick dog run (David has been a true friend to the dog run) to make a quick call.

Thank you.



I have no idea what this is about— but I have every intention of finding out! In the meantime if anyone out there is “in the know” by all means share your intelligence with the rest of us in the comments!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Video Du Jour: A Musical Interlude

April 21, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 


Today’s selection of music comes from my walk around the Garden Spot March 19th. As you will see we folks in the 11222 carry both kinds of music: country (as played by the above gents— who are damned good!) and western. Enjoy!

You can see more photographs from my Sunday excursion by clicking here.

Miss Heather

P.S.: On a somewhat related note I will be uploading more footage from the Robot Monkey World Chimpionship this evening so stayed tuned!

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Moments Of Zen

April 20, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Street Art 


McGolrick Park



Manhattan Avenue



Nassau Avenue

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Special Earth Day Edition

April 19, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bum Shit, Dog Shit, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit 


On April 16, 2009 Kat wrote:

Dear Heather,

I’m a fellow Greenpointer who has been reading your blog ever since Gawker linked to it back in 2006-ish. I always wished I could send you a tip, but I didn’t have any good ones — until yesterday morning, when I saw that the students of PS 110 had launched their very own environmental awareness campaign in McGolrick Park.

It is… interesting.

I took a couple pictures and wrote about it here, if you are interested in either reading it or sharing it with your devoted audience.

Warmest regards from the GPT…

Naturally I pointed and clicked my way over to Pink India Ink. I would recommend you do the same. For those of you who are disinclined to do so the crux of my colleague’s editorial was as follows:

  1. The placement of this sign is not conducive to getting the word out.
  2. In the battle between dog piss and the trees of McGolrick Park the trees do appear to be winning.
  3. There are other, better ways to get children engaged in the environment.

Today I decided to swing by McGolrick to see this sign and the tree it graces for myself.


In my guesstimation this missive is located approximately six or seven feet from the ground— well out of eye shot of even the most statuesque dog owner. And any breed of dog— no matter how large— that comes to mind. But I suppose it doesn’t really matter as I have yet to encounter a canine however bright, that can read. Or can they?


The sign appears to have received a little “water damage”. Was it at the behest of an April shower or a golden shower from a particularly well-endowed pup? Only the tree knows for certain and it does not appear to be talking. If it could, however, I suspect it would say that it doesn’t care much for having four thumb tacks stuck into its body. But this is only an educated guess.

Regardless, it did get me to thinking about how bad dog urine is for our leafy friends so I did a little Googling. Here’s what The Straight Dope has to say about the subject:

…It’s hard to believe you’ve gotten through life without noticing that dog urine can cause grass, shrubs, and other plant life to turn brown and wither. This charming phenomenon is called “urine burn.” It’s caused by the ammonia and urea contained in doggie water (and, for that matter, in the urine of all mammals). Urea and ammonia are both good sources of nitrogen, an important fertilizer. But they’re simple compounds and they break down so quickly that the lawn, hedge, or whatever basically ODs on the stuff. Similarly, if you use too much inorganic nitrogen fertilizer, you’ll get “fertilizer burn.” The urine also makes the soil too acidic. The only cure is to dig up the ruined patch and reseed.

Well, you say, will just one dose wreck the local flora? It depends. One dose is certainly enough to do strange things to the grass. On a lawn where dogs have had free run you’ll see numerous funny-looking tufts where the grass is much taller and greener than elsewhere, having been fertilized by a passing canine. No big deal, you say–mowing the lawn will level things out. Here and there, however, the tufts may consist of a brown patch with lush growth around the fringes. The lush part got the optimum dose of fertilizer while the brown part got too much of a good thing. Mowing is not going to help this problem; time to get out the spade.

Chances are the tufts are the work of female dogs, which like to do their thing out in the open. Male dogs, by contrast, prefer some vertical landmark, such as a tree or shrub. These are generally hardier than grass, and one jolt won’t kill them. But you seldom get just one jolt. Male dogs use urine to mark their territories, and they like to return to the same spot again and again. In addition, when other dogs smell a freshly irrigated canine boundary marker, they often feel compelled to make a contribution of their own…

Ok. So we have established dog urine is in fact very bad for our leafy friends. But as Cecil Adams also points out trees are a lot hardier than grass. It takes more than the occasional gold shower to kill them. And taking into account that I have yet to see 101 Dalmations employ McGolrick Park as their pissoir of choice I have to confess: while hardly indifferent, I am not terribly concerned.


But it does make me wonder about numerous bipeds I have seen who have pressed this public space into service as an al fresco commode/vomitorium. Hows does human waste affect plant life, you ask? I did a little research. What I found was surprising. Per an article from EZine @rticles entitled “Using Human Urine As Liquid Fertilizer”:

OK, so are you over the shock now??? In the not so distant past, we didn’t have the luxury of having a small room in the house where we could flush away our number ones and twos. But did you ever wonder how we managed before the water closet? Not that I want to get into the history of it, but let’s just say that before the times of our current throw-away society, people thought of multiple uses for just about everything.

Well maybe you didn’t know that human urine is the fastest acting, most excellent source of Nitrogen, Phosphorous, Potassium and some trace elements. Not only that, but we all have a constant, year round supply of it and it’s free! There’s not a lot of effort involved in creating this wonderful organic liquid fertilizer.

Some men I know are more than happy to oblige a tree, bush or lawn (out of view, of course)…

What are the advantages of using urine as an organic liquid fertilizer?

  • If you’re not flushing this valuable liquid down the loo, you are reducing your water consumption – good for the environment and your pocket
  • You’ll be reducing the amount of sewerage runoff
  • There’ll be less nutrients in our waterways
  • Urine as a liquid fertilizer is available in an ideal chemical form for plants to use
  • Gardening costs are less as your liquid fertilizer is free
  • It is readily available all year round and there are no transportation costs

Just so that you know, fresh human urine is sterile (unless there is a urinary tract infection: this urine should not be used) and so free from bacteria.

I recommend that you dilute urine to 10-15 parts water to 1 part urine for application on plants in the growth stage. Dilute to 30-50 parts water to 1 part urine for use on pot plants as they are much more sensitive to fertilizers of any kind.

Trees, shrubs and lawn should cope well without dilution. Withhold the use of urine liquid fertilizer on all food plants at least two weeks before harvesting. Apply under fruiting plants, not directly on foliage.

Don’t use urine older than 24 hours (t…t…t…TWENTY FOUR HOURS?!? — Ed. Note) on your plants as the urea turns into ammonia and will burn your plants. If it’s not fresh (*shudder* — Ed. Note), add it to your compost heap. Adding undiluted human urine to your compost heap will help heat it up quickly as it is an excellent activator and will add to the final nutrient value.

As far as antibiotics, vitamin supplements and other medications go, yes they will end up in your urine, but in such minute quantities that I believe to be negligible especially when it is diluted.

So put this excellent source of free liquid fertilizer to good use in your garden, rather than add to the burden that we as humans cause to our environment.

So there have you. It just goes to show you learn something new every day.


Before reading the aforementioned article I thought the above chap was merely a drunk dude taking a piss in a plant bed on McGuinness Boulevard. Now I know better: this man is, in fact, an eco-warrior. What’s more, knowing all too well the commonly-held affection for public urination here in the 11222, Greenpoint could arguably be the “greenest” neighborhood in all Brooklyn! Who knew? In any case I suspect I speak for many when I say that I can only hope P.S. 110 will incorporate my new discovery into their curriculum.

Happy Earth Day Weekend!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Sheltered

February 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 


From McGolrick Park.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool

February 17, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 


This lovely photograph of the John Ericsson Monument from McGolrick Park comes courtesy of algul siento. Great shot!

Miss Heather

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