From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part II: Special Delivery

A person we’ll call “M” writes (in an email entitled “Park Slope Pooper”):

Hi Miss H,

As you noticed from my facebook status, I had a close-up shitty encounter in my building vestibule today. I thought you might appreciate the lowdown.

The initial sighting was upon leaving the apartment a little after noon. The vestibule is between two supposedly locked doors. The first door is between the street and the mailboxes and a couple of non-live work spaces (both of which are currently rented). And the second separates the vestibule from the stairway to the apartments within.

The outer door is malfunctioning. Again. Last time, I had a renewal credit card stolen and some happy thief charged themselves a few trinkets and some flashy new duds. The time before, a mail-order purchase never arrived, or more likely it was stolen. But this time, I got the prize.

Poop. A big, smelly blob of shit and a couple of shit-streaked paper towels strewn nearby, icing on the freakin’ cake.

The best thing about this is, there is no super or landlord onsite. Anything that happens on the weekend, you are, pardon the pun, SOL. If you want the poop cleaned up, you’re doing the cleaning. Unless you want step over a pile of feces all weekend.

I have several neighbors, but unless everyone stayed in their homes this morning, they must have seen, and just stepped over the offensive pile. Someone had sprayed a copious amount of lemon-scented air freshener in the hallway (it was needed) but no one had bothered to even contact the landlord about the incident prior to my doing so. Sadly, this “someone will take care of it” attitude is common in my building and my rapidly-changing neighborhood. Yea, someone else. Notes posted in the hall and repeated emails to each tenant instructing them to shut the “security” door firmly and make sure it is fastened properly, have fallen on deaf ears.

So, while holding my breath and with multiple layers of makeshift plastic bags as “gloves” protecting my hands, I cleaned up the disgusting human waste and poured disinfectant on the toilet-spot. But before I did so, I snapped these shots that I thought you would appreciate. Excuse the blurriness, but I was fighting off a stench that surpasses that of Newtown Creek after the rains.

Now that the Park Slope Pooper has found vestige in my vestibule, what can I anticipate finding tomorrow morning?

Feel free to post my sad tale, and please keep my identity/contact info confidential.

Happy Saturday!

Right back at ya, M!

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: A Love Letter From North 3 Street

Taken August 5, 2011.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Don’t get mad at me. I live in Greenpoint!

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool, Part III: Ice-QT

May 26, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11217, Park Slope, Park Slope Brooklyn, Street Art 

IMG_7611

Taken by Lost In Brooklyn.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Slide Show du Jour: Found At Prospect Park

These guys (and gals)!

Naptime

I will not lie to you: yours truly has been in an exceptionally bad mood today. However, who can resist cracking a smile when she had the honor of doing the “lunchtime” shift for a quartet of kittens found recently in (get this) a wood-chipper at Prospect Park? Thankfully for these little ones they were brought to the attention of a Parks employee/fellow Greenpointer named Jonathan and now call the Garden Spot their home. Eventually they will be seeking a permanent place to hang their hats*— but in the meantime behold the mind-boggling cuteness for yourself!

Miss Heather

*When that time comes I will post the details here!

TOMORROW: A Celebration of All of Brooklyn’s Irish American Community

March 19, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11215, Brooklyn, Park Slope, Park Slope Brooklyn 

Although this event is not in north Brooklyn in light of the recent hate crime in Williamsburg I feel compelled to pass it along. Tomorrow, March 20, 2011, the guys and gals of Lambda Independent Democrats will be having a press release and counter-demonstration (celebration?) calling for a more inclusive Irish American Day Parade in our fair borough:

Press Conference to Call for a More Inclusive
Brooklyn Irish American Day Parade
March 20, 2011 starting at 1:00 p.m.
Old First Reformed Church
729 Carroll Street (at 7th Avenue)
Brooklyn, New York 11215

You can get the full rundown (including the deets for after party) by checking out Lambda Independent Democrats web site or this event’s Facebook page.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Disconnected

March 12, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11215, Park Slope 

data

As many of you are aware, yours truly has a “thing” for documenting the rampant public pay phone abuse manifest in our fair city. This fine specimen hails from Park Slope comes courtesy of toaster-pastry.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: The Man, The Legend, The McGuinness!

January 27, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11215, 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Park Slope 

This item was brought to my attention by my buddy Sherry. As many of you are undoubtedly aware, yours truly has a  soft spot for Mr. McGuinness. He was a crooked as a three dollar bill to be certain— but at least he was honest about it. Sadly, the same cannot be said of our politicians nowadays. What’s more, the man could turn a phrase. Take this gem (regarding his brief stint in the south), for example:

I don’t like that Jim Crow they got or their goddam white crow either.

So as to get everyone in the McGuinness spirit follows is a post I put up all the way back in 2007. Enjoy!

This week’s installment of Greenpoint goodness features two things Miss Heather loves:

  1. Art
  2. Peter “Pete” J. McGuinness

Known to most as little more than the namesake of a rather lackluster bit of road in Greenpoint, “The McGuinness” (as he was called) is my role model. Loud-mouthed, crude, contrarian assholes like us tend to stick together, and besides, what can you not love about a man who once said (regarding Prohibition):

It’s a shame to allow whiskey to lie idle when there’s people at Death’s door that might be saved by it.

On top of a shared affection for intoxicating substances I recently learned that Pete and I have something else in common: we both are art lovers. Who knew? Here is an article from the February 22, 1935 edition of the New York Times entitled “Brooklyn Beckons To Civic Virtue”. Enjoy!

Brooklyn Beckons to Civic Virtue

Do not let Pete’s colorful rhetoric fool you; the man was not stupid. His career surviving the Seabury Commission‘s investigation of Tammany Hall is a testament to his wiliness. And of course, being buddies with Fiorello La Guardia probably didn’t hurt either.

Those of you who are looking a slightly meatier piece of summer reading (and want to learn more about the Seabury Hearings and the fall of Tammany), check out Once Upon a Time in New York by Herbert Mitgang. While a little tedious here and there, it is completely worth taking the time to read.

Adult Education Present: Brooklyn
February 1, 2011 starting at 8:00 p.m.
Price of admission: $5.00
Union Hall
702 Union Street
Brooklyn, New York 11215

Miss “aspiring Greenpoint Boss” Heather

P.S.: Those of you craving more Pete McGuinness goodness should check out this guest post I wrote for the Gowanus Lounge!

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Gowanus Butterfly

Gowanus Canal

Carnade opines:

I think the solitary butterfly is a nice touch.

Yes, it is. Methinks it is a Monarch!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Represents!

June 26, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11215, 11222, BAD ASS, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

As you are reading this post the Second Annual Jello-O Mold Competition is coming to pass— where a very special entry, I understand, will be unveiled! Something so sublime its creator, Victoria, swore me to secrecy until the date and time of this competition. She writes:
Hi Heather,

The photos are attached. The competition is not till Saturday evening so please don’t post these until then. You can’t see them in these photos, but the model includes little LED lights that light up the jello eggs from behind. Its meant to look like the digester eggs lit blue at night.

I have done my best to “keep calm and wobble on” with the secret I have been entrusted to keep. But I have to be honest: it’s been damned hard. I have not even allowed the Mister to see what I am about to show you, dear readers. Here it is: a gelatinous tribute to Greenpoint’s most interesting— and curiously beloved— landmark. Yes, I am talking about none other than “The Shit Tits”.

Once I recovered from my initial fit of ecstasy at this, part of our poop plant rendered in foodstuffs, I voiced concerns that the people attending and judging this competition would not understand what has been placed in front of them. No worries, Victoria has that covered! She writes:

I did write my own little essay on why the Shit Tits are so awesome and printed out a little montage of photos of the real deal so people can see for themselves and fully appreciate my jello genius.

I will openly admit that I am more than a little biased here. But— and this is a big but— if the judges of this competition cannot appreciate the sheer genius of this (and give it the award it so richly deserves) then I don’t need them. As far as I (and I suspect a great many other Greenpointers) am concerned these bad boys are a winner. Tits down.

Miss Heather

UPDATE, June 28, 2010: I have been advised that this masterpiece did not get the grand prize. That went to some concoction involving the virgin Mary. Clearly these people have no taste.

SATURDAY: JELL-O SPRINGS ETERNAL

Another year, another Jell-o competition. What I—- and many other fellow Greenpointers, I suspect— want to know is if our very own Jello Mistress Goddess and keeper of Edie the Hamster, Victoria, will represent the Garden Spot? I suppose we’ll have to wait and find out!

JELL-O Springs Eternal
June 26, 2010 starting at 6:00 p.m.
Gowanus Studio Space
166 7th Street
Brooklyn, New York 11215

Miss Heather

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