Word Of The Day: Boob

September 20, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Bloomblight, Culture War, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

When I showed the above images to my buddy at Bad Advice yesterday she was non-plussed. Then I pointed a rather, um, well-worn copy of Irresistibility that was located 6 feet in front of said “installation”.

We chuckled. Naturally when I got home I researched this tome. Here’s my favorite passage per amazon across the pond:

Irresistibility comes from the persuasive pen of Philippa Davies, a psychologist who numbers Tony Blair amongst the high-profile clientele she has coached in self-presentation skills. In today’s competitive market place, “it is no longer enough to be good at what we do, we have to be able to sell our skills to the world”, she opines, before launching into a training course of confidence-building and sales psychology techniques to ensure that we capitalise on our under-exploited potential.

Her philosophy to becoming personally and professionally irresistible operates on both internal and external levels. In tandem with underlining the importance of believing in ourselves, running through tricks to counter low self-esteem and overcome the negative thought patterns that prevent us from reaching our goals, she shows us how to dazzle the outside world with a display of confidence and capability. Self-assurance is the key to selling ourselves as desirable commodities: after all, “if you don’t believe in what you’re selling, how do you expect anyone else to?” And even if at first we are only bluffing, the positive feedback we will receive through projecting irresistibility will help us to sell ourselves even more successfully.

This combination of inner-self stroking and targeted strategy looks set to become an instant classic and makes indispensable reading for all of us who know we could do better. After reading this, there are no excuses!

My observation from the other side: boobs help. Take Sarah Palin, for example.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Not Your Mother’s Scrapbook

January 31, 2010 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Area 51 

If there’s one thing being a junkstress has given me it is some insight into the human condition. Every day is a new day and with it comes boxes upon boxes of stuff— formerly someone else’s stuff— for me and my cronies to sort through. This appeals to my inner anthropologist. Usually this process is boring— but sometimes it isn’t. Which brings me to these scrapbooks:

They look innocent enough, yes? Never judge a book by its cover.

Yup.

Needless to say the Mister found them of interest. Before I settled into bed with a hot cup of tea to parse someone else’s (meticulously documented) fantasy life (with a shot of P.J. O’Rourke on the side— I was feeling dirty) we glanced at a few pages.

Me:

Is that Candice Bergen?

Maybe I should do this?

Inquired the Mister. I glared at him and turned the page. As luck (?) would have it, when I did we were sobered by a rather explicit photograph of a mass grave at Bergen Belsen. That ended the discussion. He went into the living room to quaff Old Fashions and watch Turner Classic Movies. And I got down to business.

Observations/Discussion from the Chez Shitty Forum:

1. It is an admirable, if abject, testament to perseverance.
2.
It’s a “Who’s Who” of boobs from the mid 1940’s to 1980.
3.
It’s like watching Spike T.V. without actually having to watch Spike T.V. (I’m not complaining, it’s better than Lifetime.)
4. When I see this level of documentation (at right), it gets my respect. Albeit as the expense of the mainstream press.
5. The man who assembled this personal archive (and after much debate the Mister and I agreed only a man would do something like you see at left) was a (to use my crude parlance) a “Bucket of KFC” kind of guy: breasts, thighs and legs.
6.
He appears to a have a fondness for blondesbut red heads make an appearance every now and then.
7.
Points #5 and #6 would explain the total absence of Audrey Hepburn, arguably one of the most beautiful women— inside and out— to ever grace this mortal coil. Too lanky. Too brunette.
8. Me to the Mister: I’m surprised this man didn’t graduate to pornography. (Flips page to find a spread— in the most explicit and literal sense of the word— from Swank magazine entitled “I Have A Dream”. ) Scrub that.

One can only wonder what Martin Luther King would think of this.

CAVEATS:

  1. If pin-ups upset you, do not look at this slide show.
  2. If the the female body in general upsets you, do not look at this slide show.
  3. If knowing someone, somewhere thought Angela Lansbury was sexy upsets you, do NOT look at this slide show.

Without further ado, here are some highlights from my 100+ page excursion to Girlieland. Enjoy!

Before anyone maligns me for being “offensive” I would like to point out:

  1. Tits and ass are nothing compared to atrocities human beings are capable of inflicting on each other. Which do you find more offensive: this or this? The latter merits front page coverage nowadays (just look at the New York Post), the former is the stuff of sexual harassment suits (which, it should be noted, is also something Rupert Murdoch, et. al. is contending with).
  2. While feminist, I do have a sense of humor. Send out the reporters! Stab me with a needle! I will bleed! No need to erect a cucking stool to dip my agitating person into Newtown Creek. I will not go to Woodhull. I will go to St. Vincents. I have health insurance!
  3. I would not have been able to write such a tome if there were not brave women who cleared the path for me: Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Germaine Greer, Gloria Steinem and…

Uh, nevermind…

Miss Heather

EXTRA SPECIAL PROPS: Go out to EV Grieve for capturing the latter most turd. I re-posted it here, albeit without your permission, but with proper credit. As for P.J. O’Rourke, if you’re reading this: you’re the only Republican I’d have dinner with— albeit with a very long fork! Oh yeah, I’m a vegetarian and you’re paying.

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: Point/Counterpoint

January 14, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Crosstown Local, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

This bit of political dialogue hails from the Church Avenue bound platform at Greenpoint Avenue. I for one find the likening of both woman (and it should be noted I am neither crazy about Ms. Palin nor Ms. Clinton) to pigs a bit disconcerting. Why not christen this little porker “M.T.A.”?* Oh wait: pigs are intelligent animals.

Miss Heather

*Whose service suspension for the next four consecutive weekends has undoubtedly come to the attention of many who are reading this tome. Mark my words: this is going to be a friggin’ mess. Manhattan Avenue has traffic problems aplenty as is. Why exacerbate the problem?

New York Shitty Day Starter: Pretty Vacant

August 4, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11211, Street Art, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

palin

From North 8 Street.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Yes, I know Sarah Palin is no longer holding elective office. But if hating her is wrong I don’t want to be right.

Urban Artifact Du Jour: Sarah, Get Your Gun!

April 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Clinton Hill, Urban Artifact 

Today your truly has sojourned through no less than Greenpoint, East Williamsburg, Clinton Hill and around the Navy Yard. We have company in town and decided to take our friend on the grand tour, if you will. It was towards the end of our excursion that I found the following gem on Clinton Avenue just underneath the Brooklyn Queens Expressway.

s-palinnys

I’m not too sure what kind of game Ms. Palin was hunting in the wilderness of Clinton Hill but it looks like whatever it was got the better of her.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Although I already have far too much weird crap laying around this apartment already I brought this item home. Unless I hear from our favorite former Vice Presidential candidate I plan to make an art object out of it. Be advised that buttplug will probably be involved.

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