LAST GASP: Going Downtown

I imagine many of you went to the Brooklyn Bridge or further afield to watch the fireworks this evening. Yours truly did not. My goal for this weekend was (and still is) to get a little rest and relaxation. So instead of braving the crowds the Mister and I donned our nattiest apparel (as you can see at left) and headed to the Lower East Side. As it would happen a good friend of ours, Rachael, was slated to bar tend there this evening. Catching up with a good friend is nice. Doing so over free drinks, well, that’s a deal only an idiot would refuse. But I digress.

Although we had not planned on seeing any fireworks this evening we did: albeit not of the variety one usually associates with this, our nation’s birthday. The event of which I speak came to pass at the intersection of Allen and Houston Street. The players in this morality tale are a New York City bus driver and a woman driving a SUV. Sports Utility Vehicle. Before I proceed to today’s short film I want to make it known:

1. Over the years I have come to detest automobiles. This is in some part due to the fact I was hit by one three days before I got married.
2. I harbor an especially dark hatred of SUVS. My reasons for this are many but to name a few:

a. They are colossal gas guzzlers and as such as not only wasting a very limited (and therefore valuable) resource but in so doing they are giving money to countries whose take on “human rights” is abysmal— especially in regards to woman— and harbor individuals who would like to see our country wiped off the face of the earth. This is being anything but patriotic.
b. British Petroleum. Enough said.
c. On a more practical and less ideological level; the people who drive such vehicles in New York City are among the worst drivers I have ever seen. Period. In fact, I have developed a theory about them. It goes as follows:

The larger the vehicle, the more stupid and/or assholic the driver.

Suffice it to say today my little theory got some pretty compelling supporting evidence. Without further ado here it is: a MTA bus driver versus a woman in a SUV. I think it goes without saying who won this heavyweight bout. Added bonus: when the woman (who the bus driver refers to as a “fucking genius”) finally gets the point the dude wearing an i-Pod— who seems to obvious the street theater going on in his midst— almost walks in front of her. Nice.

Miss Heather to the MTA: give this man a raise!

Miss Heather

Long Island City Photos Du Jour: Off Roadin’

March 2, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11101, Asshole, Long Island City, Long Island City Queens 

Over the years I have developed a pet theory about motorists. It goes as follows: the bigger the vehicle, the more inept and/or assholic the driver. Today on the streets of Long Island City (sort of— as you will see) this theory received some pretty compelling supporting evidence.

I know what you’re thinking:

What is this SUV doing on the sidewalk?

I asked myself this very same question once I collected myself after hustling to get out its way. I can kick myself for not filming this incident— but then again, I was caught off guard. You see, I stubbornly espouse the peculiar notion that sidewalks are for pedestrians. Obviously this is not the case; they’re also for SUVs to indulge in a little urban off roadin’. Silly me.

I have since given this whole affair some thought and cannot stop from asking myself:

How the hell did this guy manage to get on the sidewalk?

As you can see the berth of passage at 46 Road is too narrow to provide passage.

This leaves me to draw no other conclusion than he (or she) must have driven on that sidewalk as well. Delightful. The coup de grace to the previous bit mindfuckery came a mere five minutes later on Purves Street.

I have no idea what this is about.

Miss Heather

P.S.: If my new four by four friend is reading this I would like you to know I have photo of your license plate. ASSHOLE.

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