Greenburg Photo du Jour: A McCarren Park Poem

Taken January 31, 2012.

Greenburg Photos du Jour: McCarren Park

Taken January 16, 2012.

Question Of The Day

Which of the following do you find more troubling north Brooklyn park patrons?

1. A man sleeping in an idling car and homeless encampment replete with a cafe umbrella:

2. Or this.

Well, apparently if you are the New York City Parks Department (or perhaps a concerned parks-goer) the answer is #2 (a word).

The Vagina Tree
So I glad I knew you in your fullest state <3

Observation: If vaginas did not serve some positive, pleasing function the person(s) responsible for obliterating it from the previously depicted plaque would not be around in the first place. Regardless, I find it fascinating— especially in light of the manifold number of “issues” with our parks*— that this person thought a mere word merited such attention/censorship. Just a thought.

*Lack of general maintenance/upkeep. Hence why I embarked upon the “No Toilet Left Behind Project” and why there is a Vagina “stump” gracing said park in the first place. The powers-that-be have neither the will nor the wherewithal to replace the previous or remove the latter. This would require concepts such as “planning” and WORK.

New York Shitty Day Ender: Never Forget

Taken August 29, 2011.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Irene Snatches One Of Our Own!*

A lady named Meredith writes:

Assuming that you know that the Vagina Tree did not survive.


R.I.P. Vagina Tree. The joy you have given people in north Brooklyn— and beyond— will not be forgotten. May you rest in peace pieces.

UPDATE, 12:10 p.m.: I have been advised that this tragic turn of events has caused the closure of Bedford Avenue. Plan accordingly, folks!

UPDATE, 8:40 p.m.: Special Correspondent Christine writes:

With a level of efficiency never seen before in McCarren or CB1 parks, the Vagina Tree is no more.  Someone did place a few candles on the stump but the wind had blown them out.

*As some of you might have noticed I have amended the name of this post. Special thanks go out to Miss Mousey Brown for the catchy new title!

Reader Contribution Du Jour: The McCarren Park Tree Twat, Revisited

This find hails from (where else?) Bedford Avenue and North 12 Street and comes courtesy of Alex who writes:

See the attached photo for something I spotted in McCarren park this past Saturday.  Someone saw fit to adorn the park’s vaginal tree with a piercing… classy.

Where’s Larry Flynt when you need him?

Miss Heather

UPDATE, August 30, 2010: It has come to my attention that this piece has been linked to by AOL. This is a New York Shitty first! In this tome (which you can read here) the author— for reasons only known to him— saw fit to get a quote from Gersh Kuntzman of the Brooklyn Paper. Why, I do not know. Mr. Kuntzman is a lot of things, but an expert on north Brooklyn is not one of them. What’s more he has a nasty habit of lifting content from blogs— mine among them. In some circles this is considered plagiarism. Suffice it to say I am not a fan of Mr. Kuntzman.

With the previous disclosure I present to you what he had to say about the above item (and vagina trees in general):

I think I speak for all Brooklynites who love vaginas — and I’m speaking for a lot of people, so I understand the gravitas — when I say that the only place to truly enjoy a vulva of any kind is in McCarren Park.

Given that this gent has seen fit to videotape himself molesting a multimillion dollar apartment and that I was in McCarren Park just yesterday this, well, makes me more than a little nervous. Methinks I’ll be patronizing Gantry State Park in Queens moving forward. I would advise you, dear readers, to follow suit: the sticky stuff on our foliage might not be sap!

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