Yesterday I woke up in a rotten mood. I suspect the fact our apartment was well over 80 degrees probably had something to do with this. In any case I didn’t stay surly for long. How can you not crack a smile when you see someone having this much fun collecting bottles?
Am I the only person in this neighborhood that doesn’t have an i-Pod? I s’pose that’s Greenpoint “gentrification” for you!
I planned upon completing New York Shitty’s blogahhreafest yesterday by writing a very nice (and well deserved) puff piece about a new pizzeria in the ‘hood. Then the following challenge darkened my Twitter doorstep.
Intrigued to see what this was all about I pointed and clicked my way over to WGPA’s web site:
Every year, the Brooklyn Chamber of Commerce sponsors a Building Brooklyn Award for the best architecture of the borough. And every year, Bushwick, Greenpoint and Williamsburg come up short. Since the nominations are due on Thursday, we’d thought we’d throw out a few of the projects that we think are award worthy (and a few that are clearly not worthy).
First, their rules. To be eligible, a project must be completed and have received a CO or TCO in calendar 2008. Now our rules. We’re looking at projects in North Brooklyn only. The BB categories are a little bit wacky (do we really need two categories for residential buildings under 5 families – that’s so 20th-century Brooklyn?). So we’ve added a few of our own.
As of the writing of this post, they haven’t. However, Scarano’s “Canvas Condominiums” made it onto their list. Albeit for different reasons than its very own tenants would recommend.
118 Greenpoint Avenue
This one was designed to the highest preservation standards – those of the NYC Landmarks Commission – but the results are underwhelming to say the least. None of it rises to the level of the unregulated Mill Building. This project would have passed unnoticed, though, were it not for the cornice, which looks like someone installed a crown molding on the face of a factory.
Um, you forgot the fact it is located next to a poultry slaughter house whose stench has been rather fowl (pun intended) of late. One would presume the WGPA would understand the primary rule of New York City real estate: location, location, location. Apparently they do not. Nonetheless, if you’re into treading upon offal-soaked sidewalks on the way to the G train in the morning (or really like chickens), this is the place is for you. Be sure to inquire about the eastern-most units: they have windows overlooking this facility!
But back to my nomination. Who else would I recommend than my good friend Karl Fischer and the Newtown Creek-esque creation train wreck he erected at 130 Diamond Street?
The presence of a discarded stove in the foyer is a nice touch.
Savor for a moment— if you will— the painstaking crafts CRAPmanship lavished upon this stairway.
See that door to the left? That’s the entrance for the “mobility impaired” (READ: wheelchair users). Makes a damned nice place to chuck your garbage doesn’t it?
The highly skilled and no doubt well recompensed laborers* who built this magnificent testament to Greenpoint gentrification didn’t see fit to remove the shrink wrap from this panel. And so it has remained there for a year now.
Note how seamlessly Karl’s Krap fits in with its neighbors.
But the erection of this satellite dish (whose cable is draped on the front of the building) is a promising start! One would presume such luxurious digs would be wired for broadband, but then again this is only Greenpoint. We’re living La Vida Fischer, baby:
Thatâ€™s what makes parts of Brooklyn so special. You have all of these rowhouses, townhouses, smaller-scale developments, more neighborhood-friendly developments. You have more open space. The quality of life in this way is going to be preserved in Brooklyn.
– Karl Fischer
P.S.: Next year the WGPA can look forward to me nominating this gem. Provided it actually gets completed. Even if it isn’t I’ll nominate it anyway.
*This is sarcasm.
Follow are a few shots from a film shoot I stumbled upon yesterday while out for walk. Enjoy!
A most unexpected feast on Milton Street.
In all the years I have lived here I do not think I have ever seen this garage door open.
There were a slew of cool old cars on Noble Street. This Corvair was hands-down my favorite!
Much was afoot on Franklin Street.
This is not to suggest it was all work and no play on the Life On Mars set. These chaps were clearly having a good time while catching a few rays on Noble Street!
Filed under: Area 51
A couple months ago we had a BIG problem at Chez Shitty. After arriving home from a night of birthday celebrating and bowling we discovered a bed soaked in piss. Of the feline variety. This was hardly conducive to a good night’s sleep but proved to be a source of considerable and much heated debate at the time.
Theories abound as to how this came to pass. Here is mine: ever since Tortilla left us his brother Artemis has taken up the cause of picking on my cat Frances. To use parlance borrowed from my buddy Brian (over at Heeb Magazine) Artemis takes great delight presiding over the cat box in our bedroom like “a Sudanese warlord”. But unlike Sudanese warlords, Artie (as I call him, because being saddled with a female name is probably one of the sources of his churlishness) is not interested in starving Frances or raping her. Rather, he wants to bar access to her cat box. Her solution to this problem is to hold it as long as she can until she can’t. That’s when our bed gets a golden shower the likes of which render our sheets, bedspread and mattress pad unfit for human habitation.
I consider myself to be a principled person. Among the stringent (if contextually flexible) moral code I live by is this statute: I will sleep in no one else’s piss but my own. This has yet to happen, but you know how the Boy Scouts motto goes: be prepared. Unlike myself Mr. Heather was a Boy Scout and to this end he saw fit to purchase what I call a “pee pad”. Not just any pee pad but one with space age technology. A 21st century commodity to redress age-old incontinence.
This item came from none other than the Bedwetting Store. And I was charged with the task of staying home so as sign for the package. Lucky me. Initially I found this to be a bit distressing. Would you want your neighbors to see a parcel addressed to you with “THE BEDWETTING STORE” on the return address.
Long story made short: it didn’t. This is a shame as I was coming around to the idea that being a client of the Bedwetting Store might give me some much-needed street cred. Inasmuch as my more youthful (READ: cool) female brethren here have taken to dressing like Frankenhooker or spinsters my inner cool spotter told me incontinence, surgical stockings and orthopedic shoes may very become the new “cowboy boots with sundress” soon enough. But alas the brains behind the Bedwetting Store were discreet and listed Uresis Associates LLC (or something to that effect) on the package. Damn.
Nonetheless Mr. Heather* has been on their mailing list ever since. Which brings me (finally) to the subject of this post.
Nothing says “Happy Valentine’s Day” like pee-resistent bedding, underwear with electronic piss detectors, shit stain removers or other uresis related “accessories“. Like most deeds most dirty, the perversion lies not in the contents of one’s pants but in the most sordid recesses of one’s own imagination (and fucked up childhood).
If the above is your idea of a good time (and you know who you are) get thee over to the Bedwetting Store. STAT.
*Who has yet to provide feedback regarding his purchase via their Amazon store— for reasons I suspect many of you can well imagine. I’ll probably end up ghost-writing the review for him.
If so, there’s a tall, dark and handsome gent named Kip (Kubush) who would like to make your acquaintance. Per the above flier (from The Garden):
Kip is a 5 year old cat, currently single, looking for a good home with either a nice boy or girl (or both, he doesn’t discriminate). He’s very sweet and loving (who said good men are hard to find?!?), loves to be the center of attention (ok, he’s a boy after all…) and needs to be the only cat in the house (he doesn’t like competition). His owner is very sick and needs to find him a new home as soon as possible. Kip is fixed and healthy and anxiously awaiting your call!
This is one of the cutest animal adoption fliers I have ever seen. Clearly the people in Kip’s life love him very much and want to find him a great new “forever home”. How about yours?
If anyone out there is missing his (or her) Morpheus, the word on the street is he can be found over on Lorimer Street! This amusing bit of Greenpoint goodness comes courtesy of mugsniffer.
Today’s offerings of artistic goodness this upcoming Friday come courtesy of Jason who is not only a New York Shitty reader, but is also a featured artist in both of the following events. Mazel tov!
First up, 717 Studio will beÂ having an opening this Friday, February 13, for Mixtape: Music Spurred By Music & Light. Here’s the 411 as to what this show is about from their press release:
Through the curatorial efforts of Laina Karavani, Graham Slick, and Raquel Lauren, 717 Studio brings you “Mixtape.” Much like a well selected hour -long mix of music, this showing satisfies the desire for everything from the visual to the tactile with sculpture, painting, light, color, and materials from familiar to questionable. We have found the ultimate blend of creativity by contribution of the artists, each arranging aÂ music set to accompany the expressive works.
As you can see the list of artists is pretty extensive —at least enough so to preclude me listing and linking to each of them here. However, if you click here you can will get a fairly comprehensive list of their web sites featuring their work your perusal.
February 13, 2009 7:00 – 10:00 p.m.
717 Manhattan Avenue, #2A
Brooklyn, New York 11222
The very same night the Alphabeta boys will be throwing a pre-Valentine’s Day blow out featuring some of the biggest names in street art out there (like Poster Boy!), a kissing booth and burlesque from the likes of Nasty Canasta (should there be any other kind?) and Clams Casino; and music courtesy of MC Tigger. The suggested donation for this event is $8.00 and things are scheduled to kick off at 7:00 p.m. For more information about this event you can click on the above flier or check out Brooklyn Street Art’s web site.
Be advised there will be an after party next door at CoCo 68 too!
This public service announcement comes courtesy of the Polish-American Pharmacy on Leonard Street. Be sure to use protection this upcoming Valentine’s Day weekend. Not only is this the responsible thing to do but it will prevent you from learning what “Plan C” is nine months later.
From Lorimer Street.
Some of you might remember the above image. I posted it a week ago today in a post entitled “Food For Thought”. Well, it’s one week later and I am pleased to announce this convenient bit of street furniture is not only still there…
but someone has seen fit to appoint it with a heaping helping of Halite…
and the latest edition of the Verizon White Pages. You know, lest you awaken with the utmost desire to reach out and touch someone.