WANTED IN GREENPOINT: Educated Physicist

February 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic 

Chris, the discoverer of this wonderful item, writes:

Hello Miss Heather,

…thought you might find this interesting.  Not sure if you’ve seen this yet, but this flier was posted on the street lamp on Franklin and Greenpoint Ave., right outside of the Pencil Factory this morning.  Obviously, my cell phone picture is less than great quality, but apparently someone who is close to building a time machine in Greenpoint is looking for physicist to work on some of the numbers for said time machine.

Not sure if it’s a hoax or not, but it’s entertaining nonetheless.


I am an inventor who are very close to the fabrication of working TIME MACHINE here in Greenpoint workshop. I’m looking for a consultant who is Math educated to help with difficult equations.

Looking for local Mathematician/Theoretical Physicist: preferably with (unintelligible) engineering experience and a willing-desire to explore the future and past.

Payment deferred. If Consultation and math correct then payment will be immediate upon answering this posting.

If this posting is still up I have not figured the time machine out yet and need your help! Must have knowledge of…

Any “educated physicists” interested in following up this most unique employment opportunity should make his (or her) way to the southwestern corner of Greenpoint Avenue and Franklin Street without delay as this appears to be a limited time offer. Good luck…

and have a safe trip!

Miss Heather

UPDATE, February 27, 2009: You can see this advert in some semblance of entirety by clicking here.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: A Message From Lentol’s Office

February 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

bulletthumbThose of you who have contacted Joseph Lentol’s office regarding the recent shooting at the Production Lounge should find the following of interest. It is an email a I received from his office apprising me of what actions he is taking to ensure this does not happen again. Happy reading.

Dear Miss Heather,

My name is Amy Cleary and I work for Assemblyman Joe Lentol.  I just wanted to give you and your readers an update that is being done with regard to the recent shooting at Production Lounge.  We have spoken with many of our constituents who live near this location and listened to their accounts of that eventing.  Any time you hear about people waking up to bullet holes six feet from where they sleep it is absolutely horrifying.  We have written to the state liquor authority to ensure that there is a full investigation of this matter. We have also met with the police.  The 94th precinct assures us that they are meeting with the owner and taking every step possible to prevent this from happening again, guns have no place near people’s homes.  We intend to follow this matter closely and support the police in any way that we can. Thank you for your attention to this issue.


Amy Cleary

So there have you. I have said it before and I’ll say it again: when it comes to constituent services Joe Lentol is tops!

Miss Heather

P.S.: On a related note some of you might have noticed that Yelp has scrubbed a number of the reviews for the Production Lounge. Hmm. In any case if anyone out there has screencaps of the now-excised entries let me know via comments. I would very much like to have them. Thanks!

Morning Photos Du Jour: Shadows

February 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Queens, Williamsburg 


Leonard Street, Greenpoint.


Meserole Avenue, Greenpoint.



Driggs Avenue, Williamsburg.


Jackson Avenue, Long Island City.

Miss Heather

Call For Entries

February 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Williamsburg 


This item comes courtesy of a lady named Diana. She writes:

Inspiration and Interpretation’ is a juried show looking for ceramic work along with the initial inspiration (sketch, photograph or an object).  A one-of-a-kind opportunity to showcase the process by highlighting the inspiration and exhibiting its interpretation.  The show will feature both the inspiration as well as the work that was produced.

To get the application form and guidelines point and click your way over to Clay Space 1205’s web site (the application can be found at the bottom left hand corner). Top three artists will be invited back to the gallery for a three person show at a later date. NOTE: all entries must be received by March 13th, 2009.

Good luck!

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg Photos Du Jour: The Grand Street Toilet Seat

February 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 



This previous photographs illustrate perfectly what I love about New York City. You can walk down the same street a hundred times and always find something you never noticed before. In this case a permanent impression of a toilet seat rendered in cement.

Miss Heather

North Brooklyn Photos Du Jour: NO PARKING

February 24, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51 


Moultrie Street.


Guernsey Street.


Ten Eyck Street.


Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

Cookie Road Cometh!

February 24, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

cookieroadalgulsientoAs you can see from the cropped image at left (which comes courtesy of algul siento) Cookie Road will be opening for business just as planned: the beginning of March. Given the buzz I have heard about this place already I can hardly wait to check it out!

Cookie Road Grand Opening
March 3, 2009
97 Oak Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

Special thanks goes out to algul siento for catching this!

Subway Video Du Jour: The G Train Strut

February 24, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Queens 

As mentioned in this post, the Mister and I ventured to Long Island City for dinner last weekend. It was delicious (La Vuelta has yet to disappoint). But as with all things in life— be they good or bad— our evening came to an end. We needed to go home. This of course entailed taking the Crosstown Local. The G train. The “Gee, where is it”? The “Go nowhere” train. Call it what thou whilst.

Unlike many I do not take issue with the Crosstown’s lack of punctuality. In fact I am grateful for it’s zen-like service as it has worked wonders for taming my Type A personality. I was once an impatient and impetuous public transportation novice but the Jedi masters behind this line have seen fit to teach me a most valuable gift: patience. I take things a little slower and savor the little things in life nowadays. Like this guy.

(TIP: listen to “Jimmy James” or “No Sleep Til Brooklyn” by the Beastie Boys while watching the following.)

The Mister could not understand my fascination with this chap. He wanted to get home fast and was upset I was lagging behind. It ended up making no difference: shortly after this chap descended the stairwell our train was ready to go. It was as if the G waiting for him (and maybe it was— after all, this dude is cool beyond compare).

It just goes to show that some of us bear no shame whatsoever for being patrons of the Crosstown Local. Sure, we pretty much have to transfer to get anywhere— but it also gives us the opportunity to hold our heads up and roll out a most badass strut.


Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Bird House

February 24, 2009 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 


From North 9th Street.

Miss Heather

A Red Herring In Greenpoint

February 24, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 


One of the more compelling questions raised at last week’s meeting of the 94th Precinct Community Council was why Franklin Street currently has seven drinking establishments with an eighth one forthcoming. In other words, the citizens present wanted to know why are so many drinking establishments have been sanctioned to inhabit such a small area. When queried, D.I. Fulton did not have answer— not should he; he is a police officer, not an expert on liquor licensing. The following email from Phil DePaolo, however, might shed some light on this phenomenon:

I just can’t help felling extreme sadness after watching these videos from the above link about the problem with quality of life issues in Greenpoint and Williamsburg.

During the rezoning I spoke to many residents of Hell’s Kitchen and the Lower East Side who were having many of the problems we face today. I was warned that this would happen to us. But to the City, our local council members and some community groups infrastructure and “quality of life issues” I felt were very important were considered non issues and my concerns fell on deaf ears.

Now we see how bars have transformed our community. Small businesses that served local residents have been forced out of their storefronts unable to meet high commercial rents that landlords know bars can afford. And since new bars often attract their clientele from outside the neighborhood, there is no local market cap on their number or viability. New bars attract non-local patrons, those patrons attract more outsiders and more new bars pop up to meet the  boundless demand as the entire neighborhood becomes a scene, a lively scene, but also noisy, congested and sometimes dangerous to our community.

Neighborhoods thrive on responsible development and bars are a useful part of that development. But the bar scene has gotten out of hand. It is forcing on us an unbalanced, non-local and precarious economic base that compromises the quality of life for residents and depreciates the business value of current bars. Our neighborhood ­ residents and businesses and bar owners alike ­needs a cap on the number of bars per block. I proposed this during the rezoning.

The State Liquor Authority has loosened its interpretation of how many bars are allowed by right within a 500 foot radius.  It used to be that opening a bar within 500 feet of any 3 full liquor licenses required a special hearing at the SLA, consultation with the local community board and evidence of public benefit. The new interpretation will allow many more bars to slip in without that special hearing, consultation or evidence.

The new interpretation of the SLA’s 500 foot rule is that there must be 3 or more licenses of the same class. However, community boards do not have information regarding the classes of existing licenses to be able to make informed decisions.

The State Liquor Authority awards liquor licenses to bars in New York City without regard for local economic diversity or residential quality of life. These local concerns should lie within the purview of local governance, not an unaccountable state authority. To return local concerns to local governance, The New York Community Council will ask every City Council candidate to take a clear stand ­in writing, ­on developing new City Council zoning laws to restrict the proliferation of bars in our community, promote economic diversity and preserve the quality of residential life.

The bar problem may not seem as deep an issue as affordable housing or quality education, but it is an issue that affects residents personally and immediately, the kind of issue that brings residents to the voting booth.

Our neighborhood, long prized for its diversity of peoples, cultures and arts, has many challenges: rampant poverty, homelessness, violence and drugs, rampant gentrification, displacement of long term residents and businesses and now a bar scene that is out of control. Isn’t it time we took in hand the future of our neighborhood? We must ask City Council candidates, where do you stand on zoning limits for new bars?

So there have you. We, as citizens, have been effectively by-passed from having any voice regarding our own community’s future. As a result large venues/tourist attractions like Studio B (which, per Gothamist will be coming back with a vengeance. Soon.) and The Production Lounge (backed by lobbyists and/or unheard of amounts of money) are reshaping our community in a manner which best suits their interests, namely: making it a playground for others. When these “tourists” leave we are the ones who have to live with the consequences of their actions be it garbage, noise, traffic, a smashed window, posting an apology for said broken window, or having bullets fired outside (or inside) your home.

Contrary to what good ol’ Joe alleges (because has no other proverbial leg to stand on) this is not a race issue: it is a quality of life issue. An issue that has arisen time and time again in this, my community when nightclubs have operated with total disregard to the well-being of their neighbors. A neighborhood which I care very much about: Greenpoint.

Those of you who are amenable to having 11222 become another 11211 (or are simply apathetic) should ignore the rest of this post. Those of you who are interested taking our neighborhood back (or at least having your voice heard) can raise holy (but polite and non-threatening, please) hell with your elected officials. Here’s a few to kick things off:

State Assemblyman Joseph Lentol
619 Lorimer Street
Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 383 – 7474
lentolj (at) assembly (dot) state (dot) ny (dot) ny (dot) us

Councilman David Yassky
114 Court Street
Brooklyn, New York 11201
(718) 875 – 5200
yassky (at) council (dot) nyc (dot) ny (dot) us

Community Board 1
435 Graham Avenue
Brooklyn , New York, 11211
(718) 389 – 0009
Fax: (718) 389 – 0098
Email: bk01 (at) cb (dot) nyc (dot) gov

And last— but hardly least— you can complain to the New York State Liquor Authority. The people who have in large part created this problem in the first place.

Miss Heather

Photo Credit: Algul Siento