The East Williamsburg Economic Stimulus Plan

February 12, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

Those of you who have the pleasure of whiling away your time reading my blog probably have jobs (or at least good severance packages and Internet access). Regardless of your employment status, dear readers, chances are your 401K (if you even have one) is shot to shit. My shit got shot a long time ago. I operate under the presumption that I’ll be working until the day I die. Or rendered into Soylent Green. Whichever comes first.

moneytreenys

That is until this tree from Seigel Street entered my life.

moneytree2nys

A group of gentleman found my interest in this tree (and the numerous tags attached to it) interesting. I, in turn, found them interesting so I asked:

What’s up with this tree?

They replied in unison:

It’s the money tree.

Not caring to futz around with economic esotericism and abstract rhetoric (that’s the stuff that got us— U.S.—in this bind in the first place ) I asked:

If you get a lot of money from this tree can I have some?

The Seigel Street Cadre:

Sure.

Maybe money really does grow on trees? In any case I’ll be walking around Seigel Street more often.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Maneki Neko

February 12, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

manekinekonys

I have always had a soft spot for calico cats. This one hails from Green Street but another such beauty beckons from Empty Cages Collective. Her name is Sunny— and although she may be blind— she is hardly deaf and dumb. Sunny has a taste for jazz and is damned cute to boot!

Anyone interested in giving this “hep cat” a home should contact Empty Cages Collective at:

emptycagescollective (at) gmail (dot) com

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Brooklyn Bocce

February 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

bklynbocce

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

Greenwick Photos Du Jour: More Pre-Valentine’s Day Goodness

February 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Here’s another installment of north Brooklyn love to get your heart pumpin’ this upcoming Valentine’s Day weekend!

befordavelove

A Bedford Avenue recession special.

vdaybonus

Laid off? No worries, Just For Fun on Manhattan Avenue has your severance package!*

iheartjr

Someone on McKibben Street hearts J.R.

polskilove

A very Greenpoint (Avenue) Valentine.

hymenhunter

And last— but not least— ladies, beware of the Seigel Street hymen hunter!

Miss Heather

*They also have an assortment of anatomically correct (in all the right or wrong places— one’s sense of taboo and/or religious upbringing notwithstanding) inflatable lady dolls behind the counter for all you single guys out there. Hey, at least you won’t need Plan B the morning after!

Tell ’em Miss Heather sent you.

Dog Doo Sign Du Jour: Gratitude

February 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Dog Shit Signage, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic 

150westst

thank-younysrev

This public service announcement has been brought to you courtesy of 150 West Street.

Miss Heather

Boobification Photo Du Jour: Finished At Last!

February 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Boobification, Greenpoint Magic 

In two short months my father, Pa Heather, will be coming to town. Although I am very pleased at this most auspicious (and long overdue) development it also means I will be spending a significant amount of time taming the clutter beast that is Chez Shitty and motivating the Mister to finish a few household projects. Like so many of his male brethren, the Mister has issues with follow-through. I try to be understanding about this (after all the man works his ass off) but after some point I have to cry foul.* Today is that day.

EXHIBIT A

hole

This is our bathroom ceiling. After living with clogged bathtub drain for FIVE YEARS (and bailing out used bath water via their toilet) our upstairs neighbors finally pressured our landlord into fixing it. This came to pass almost two years ago. And for almost two years I have had to look at this eyesore while taking a bath.

EXHIBIT B

bedroom

This is our bedroom. Back in 2003 I decided to give it a paint job. Not possessing the brute strength needed to move our captain’s bed by myself I asked the Mister to give me a hand. I am still waiting.

Nothing irks Miss Heather’s “type a” sensibilities more than when someone leaves something half-finished (or half-assed). So you can imagine my dismay when I encountered the following on Greenpoint Avenue today.

paulrichard1nys

One year is more than enough time to finish this piece.

I thought to myself. I may not be strong enough to move furniture or tall enough to repair my own bathroom ceiling— but I am more than capable of finishing this piece of art work. So I did.

paulrichardboobifiednys

Behold the boobification of Paul Richard! I did this at around 4:00 p.m. today. I was so pleased with the result I autographed my “girls” and left them there.

Is this the end of my boobification project, you ask? Not by a long shot. After walking the streets of Brooklyn, Manhattan, and yes, Queens, my girls were starting to look a little rough. I may not have had the pleasure of being born in this fine city but I have lived here (and walked around the Upper East Side) long enough to know what to do when one’s snack trays have lost their youthful perk: buy a new pair.

Miss Heather

P.S.: All you Sesame Street and art enthusiasts out there will be pleased to know I have embarked upon the completion of The Passion Of Big Bird.

*This is satire. I’m not really that angry.

Williamspoint Photos Du Jour: Bike Lover’s Special

February 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Before I go out to savor today’s lovely weather I will leave with this selection of photographs I put together with bike lovers in mind. Enjoy!

south4thbike

From South 4th Street.

evolution

From the Smith – 9th bound platform of the Crosstown Local at Greenpoint Avenue.

bikeonkingsland

From Kingsland Avenue.

bikesinthekitchen

From North 14th Street.

monitorstbike

From Monitor Street.

Miss Heather


THIS WEEK: Screw The Heart…

February 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

cityreliquaryElla needs a liver! This item comes courtesy of Matt Levy from the City Reliquary. He writes:

Because not only is Ella beautiful, but she has a sense of humor regarding her inadequate bodily organs…

On Friday February 13th, from 7 – 11pm the City Reliquary will be hosting a special benefit to assist a friend and reliquarian, Ella Watson, who is scheduled to receive a liver replacement.  So, on the eve of this Valentine’s Day remember: Screw the Heart; Ella Needs a Liver!

Get good mojo on Friday the 13th by coming out to help raise some cash for Ella Watson, badass and beloved artist, (and her soon-to-be adopted liver). Even if you don’t know Ella, the night promises to be a blast: there will be live music, dark humor, light hearts, hot toddies, hotter chili, treats from the Gramercy Tavern, and cheap Brooklyn Lager on sale (for the good livered amongst us).

There will be art for sale (for $50.00 or less!) and “a thematic DJ set by Jesse Arnold” is also promised. The suggest donation for this event is $10.00.

Fundraiser For Ella
February 13, 2009 7:00 – 11:00 p.m.
The City Reliquary
370 Metropolitan Avenue
Williamsburg, New York 11211

Miss Heather

Much Ado About Film Shoots

February 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

fringegubatronnysMany of you are undoubtedly aware that my buddy over at Neighborhood Threat was less than pleased with last month’s film shoot for Fringe on her block. In fact she has even blogged about it. Twice. I can’t honestly say I blame her. If I had to listen to a car chase being filmed at 3:30 a.m. (as seen in the photograph at left taken by Gubatron) I would be less than pleased.

Well, now thanks to the wonder that is the Internet she has learned another voice has been raised in opposition to film shoots in Greenpoint. I’ll let her take it from there:

…I have sympathy for residents unhappy about filming (especially when Fringe AND Life On Mars are back at Franklin & Greenpoint one day after the other – Life On Mars needs A LOT of space for all its vintage cars, but I don’t have sympathy for one group of people in Greenpoint:

Construction companies…

Not just any construction company either: but the one responsible for the condofication of 1 Hanson Place. Read about Neighborhood Threat’s most curious discovery for yourself by clicking here.

Miss Heather

Subway Wars: Greenpoint Vs. East Williamsburg

February 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Greenpoint Magic 

knowhope

Next to the Morgan Avenue L train entrance on Bogart Street.

hopeless

From the Smith – 9th Street bound entrance of the Crosstown Local at Norman Avenue.

Miss Heather