New York Shitty Photo Du Jour: Special Election Day Edition

tomorrow

From Manhattan Avenue.

The Word On The Street, Part III: Java Street

Java Street NYS

There’s more creepy people in NY than anywhere I’ve been.

New York Shitty Analysis: Clearly this individual has never been to Albany. There are some weapons grade douchebags creeps to be found there. Some of whom are seeking re-election.

Seriously folks: please, PLEASE get out and vote tomorrow.

But I do not like any of the candidates.

You say? Then bring along a pen and write-in your candidate of choice. This is what I intend to do. For example, let’s take the Governor’s race. I for one have been carpet-bombed with fliers for Andrew Cuomo and/or his “Women’s Equality Party”. I am guessing his “wizards” “crunched” the numbers/statistics and deduced I would likely be moved by material like this:

stopandfriskGuess what? They were wrong.

If there is one thing I have observed as a New York State (and “City”) resident, it is there’s plenty of injustice to go around. One need not be a woman to experience it (although it does not hurt): being LGBTQ, a Latino or African American male youth (Can you say “Stop & Frisk?), simply practicing a religion and/or having a national origin which is not widely understood (Hello, Ebola scare/”stranger danger”!) will suffice. Hell, the previous make being a straight, married, woman of White Anglo Saxon descent look like a cake walk.

I am writing in Bella Abzug as my choice for Governor. The fact she is deceased is, in my humble opinion, a minor technicality. Ms. Abzug was a genuine, honest-to-god, balls-to-the-wall feminist. She was a fighter. And I suspect, wherever she may be, she takes an exceptionally dim view of “Women’s Equality Party”. This is because the “WEP” seeks to exploit— not build upon— the hard work and sacrifices women like her made to make our lives a mite bit better in 2014.

Note: I wrote our. No feminist worth her (or his) salt is merely going to vote by virtue of vagina. It is much more complicated than that. “Women’s” issues are inextricably tied to LGBTQ issues. Same goes for race and class. But there I go talking about class again. It’s time to wrap this tome up.

Those of you who do not know where your polling station is can find out here. Now if you do not mind, it’s cocktail time…

Urban Artifact, Part II: Special Feels Like Fall Edition

November 3, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Urban Artifact, Wow, WTF 

Autumn ColorsNYS

Today I had a craving for Mexican food. Well, not “Mexican” food per se. I craved crap. To this end I patronized the Taco Bell located on the Champs-Élysées of the Garden Spot: McGuinness Boulevard. Upon exiting with my bag of unhealthy goodness I noticed two perfectly placed pairs of coordinating footwear atop the garbage can. How they got there is anyone’s guess. I simply found how they coordinated with the building compelling and strangely beautiful.

shitittsTHUMBAfter snapping this shot I opted to enjoy my burrito al fresco. I took a stroll along Provost Street. There outside the premises of the Newtown Creek Waste Water Treatment Facility— in the shadow of the Shit Tits— I happened upon another urban artifact. It too was compelling but most decidedly not beautiful.

It is rare, gentle readers, that I happen upon something that makes me lose my appetite. After closer examination of the item in question (and shooting burrito bits out of my nose) this is exactly what happened. The burrito was placed back in the bag and out came the camera.

I suppose I should take the glass half-full approach:

1. The parties responsible for the piece of love’s detritus which awaited my delectation engaged in safe sex.
2. Greenpoint— especially its more remote/secluded nooks and crannies— is and has long been for lovers.

WARNING/CAVEAT: once this is seen, it cannot be unseen. Click at your own risk.

Urban Fur: Special Parks & Recreation Edition

November 3, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Urban Fur 

Ever had the feeling you were being watched? I experienced just this today at WNYC Transmitter Park. So I stopped, looked around and, sure enough, I was right!

Ben

I am not a rodentologist— but I have been a resident of our fair city (in three boroughs, no less) close to two decades. In this capacity I:

  1. have had one run across my foot.
  2. have seen the tremendous enthusiasm with which our resident pest control experts (READ: cats) dispatch Rattus norvegicus young ‘uns. To cite an example:

    Me (to the Mister): Is that a rubber band hanging out of Tortilla’s mouth?
    The Mister: No, it isn’t. Don’t go into the kitchen.No, gentle readers, I did not spy with my little eye a rubber band. They were rat innards. Actually make that EX rat innards.

  3. patronize the New York City subway system.

Suffice it to say I am not the least bit squeamish when it comes to our furry friends. Quite to the contrary. When I see them scurrying about subway platforms or along the tracks I offer words of encouragement. E.g;

Run, Forrest, run!*

Surely the previous points count for something? You bet your sweet ass they do! As far as rodents go this is one fine specimen: clear eyes, shiny coat and a mite bit— how shall we say— rotund. In fact, he (?) was not much smaller than a couple of canines I saw running (off-leash, of course) fifteen to twenty feet away. I think I will name my new friend Ben

*Try this. I guarantee it will net you a nice, wide berth of passage on the platform.

Urban Artifact, Part I: Pulaski Bridge

November 3, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Urban Artifact 

Crushed nys

If anyone out there is in need of a not-so-gently-used kiddie pool (and you know who you are) head over to McGuinness Boulevard, east side, between Ash and Box Street…

(Taken November 3, 2014.)

The Word On The Street, Part II: West Street

Mana nys

Taken November 3, 2014.

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Presenting The “Four People” Policy

Four People Policy

One has to admire the evocative word-smithing and brutal honesty employed in this missive. I can only imagine the series of events that came to pass so as to require such a policy. I am not sure I want to know. If I ever find my person in need of “work wear”, I am totally taking my business to this establishment. Well done, Zoe’s!

The Word On The Street, Part I: McGuinness Boulevard

McGuinness Boulevard nys

Taken November 3, 2014.

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Hizzoner

November 1, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11215, 11217, New York City, Park Slope, Park Slope Brooklyn 

As taken by Diane Greene Lent. I wonder who paid for the costumes? Anyone?

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Halloween Redux

November 1, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, New York City 

Halloween is without argument my favorite day of the year. It is the one day I interface with children in any significant, prolonged manner. I am Auntie Mame for a day! I explained it to one parent of a trick or treater this way (after she admonished her brood to exercise their manners and thank me*):

The pleasure is all mine. I look at it this way:  I get to enjoy all the cute costumes and talk to the kids. In return for this I give them candy. When I am done I go back to enjoying the fact I am NOT a parent. You are the one who has to handle them once they get all hopped up on sweets. I get all of the fun with none of the consequences!

She laughed and wholeheartedly concurred with my analysis.

While the kids I met yesterday were great, the costumes by and large were lacking: most were store bought. There is nothing wrong with this, mind you. I understand many parents do not have the time and/or inclination to DIY it. However, one fellow did— and quite frankly it is one of the most amazing Halloween get-ups I have ever seen.

Here Comes The Garbage Man nys

Behold, a stroller retrofitted into a Sanitation truck replete with logo! The young un’, naturally, is dressed up as one of New York’s Strongest. Not only is this one of the most imaginative “costumes” I have ever beheld, but I have a confession to make: I harbor a great deal of admiration and respect for our fair city’s Sanitation workers. You know how the adage goes:

It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it.

Not only is it dirty work, but it also among one of the most dangerous civil service occupations to be had. It is more dangerous than being a police officer or firefighter. Don’t believe me? Click here and read for yourself. In Halloweens past I have beheld a bevy of our Bravest and plenty of petite policemen. Yesterday our Strongest finally got the nod they deserve.

This one’s for you, guys (and ladies)!

*I feel compelled to state for the record that all the kids to whom I gave candy deported themselves nicely. Many “Thank Yous” or— from the more bashful, smiles and nods— were tendered. The only problematic incident came at the behest of a parent. She somehow felt entitled to “select” her toddler’s candy. My educated guess is her selection was for her own delectation. Guess what? Heather don’t play that. 

No, gentle readers, it simply does not work that way. I made this abundantly clear too. More specifically, I replied:

You either take the Baby Ruth bar or you get nothing.

She took it.

UPDATE, 4:24 p.m.: As I have been whiling away this bleak, cold afternoon via housework I mulled over this year’s Halloween experience. In so doing, I had a capital idea. This I pitched to the Mister: he agreed. Next year, there will be a special cache of candy for the parents of:

  1. especially well-behaved/charming children
  2. toddlers who are beginning to get their fatigue-induced. terrible two/threes crankies on.

candyforbigkids

 

Any questions?