Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Old Glory

August 14, 2015 ·
Filed under: 11222, Dog Shit, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Hooliganism 

Fellow taking a photo turd with American flag nys

Old Glory as discovered on Freeman Street nys

Before anyone asks, no I am not responsible for this act of hooliganism (which hails from a tree pit on Freeman Street).

(Taken August 14, 2015.)

The Word On The Street, Part III: Rebuttal

Belong! nys

For those of you who are wondering, “IBS” (at least as far as this flier is concerned) stands for “International Beauty Show”, not Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

(Taken February 27, 2015.)

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Scat Attack At McGolrick Park?

I should have curbed my dogA person we’ll call “S” writes:

Miss Heather,

About a month or so ago, my girlfriend & I were walking our puppy on Driggs Avenue after visiting the McGolrick Dog Run. It’s pretty normal to see other people walking their dogs and to allow them to sniff each other and so forth. On this occasion however, a young woman with her small poodle was walking by and even though our dog was a safe distance and on a leash, this woman quickly stood between her and her dog and said very forcibly, “Stay away from my dog!” I laughed a little because I was kind of shocked by her random behavior and she immediately started yelling at us about how wrong it was for us not to rescue a shelter dog. We were just kind of startled and walked away, basically wondering WTF? A few days later, I was walking our dog and this girl and her dog were coming in the other direction and she just started yelling at me to “keep my fucking ugly ass dog away from her dog”. I never allowed my dog to come within touching distance of her dog and so I kind of giggled out of frustration and a bit of amusement that this stranger wants to pick a fight with me every time we pass. I’m pretty sure that she lives on the same block as me. So a week passes and I see her again and she makes these very awkward angry, silent mouth gestures at me and I couldn’t help saying, “Lady, you’re a nut”.

And then this morning, at 7am in McGolrick Park we are once again passing each other with our dogs and even though my dog is at least three feet away from her dog, she’s starts yelling to “Get your fucking dog away from my dog…” and the same rant about not rescuing a shelter dog.  I told her to “Fuck off” and she picked up her dogs diarrhea with aplastic bag and tried to throw it at my dog. He got hit with the bag, but fortunately not with the shit. There were other dog owners nearby that seemed pretty dumbfounded by the whole interaction and demanded that she clean up the shit that was now all over the park’s walk way. She also said that she has filed a complaint with 311 every time that my dog has gotten too close to her dog and these complaints will add up to my dog getting put down. I’m not laughing anymore. This woman is making my blood boil. I continued on our walk and after about 15 minutes, she walks towards me and says, “Have a great day!” I respond with, “If you ever throw shit at me or my dog again, I will not just stand by and let it happen”. She says, “Oh, that’s great, you’re threatening me” and so she calls 911. I already had a headache this morning and I wasn’t about to stand around and let her feel any more satisfied with her wackjob behavior so I quickly took my dog home and went to work. 

Here I am at work wondering what kind of false accusations this woman is making to the police. Should I file a police report for her throwing dog shit at me? Should I ignore it all? This is certainly one of the strangest things to happen to me in NYC over the past 10+ years.  I’m asking you for advice because you know the neighborhood well and I just don’t know how to proceed.

Thoughts/advice, gentle readers? Quite frankly I’m speechless.

Photo credits (once again): murdoc

Spotted On West Street: Puppy Love

This morning yours truly woke up in a churlish mood. This was further exacerbated by a walk down West Street. It was there I noticed the subject of my Poo Corner Project, a ground-breaking experiment in behavior modification, had reverted back to his rather unpleasant habit of saturation bombing the sidewalk with dog shit. I decided action was necessary and to this end procured some supplies including but not limited to my usual war chest of sidewalk chalk and glitter; a piece of poster board and Conversation Hearts. I felt a Valentine’s Day theme was in order.

A stencil was made, glitter poured and the bag of confectionery goodness opened.

Noting the relevance of this one, I decided its placement on one of the showcased shits was crucial.

Pick me.

As I was completing my project a young man and woman stopped to look at my handiwork. They were quite amused and wanted to know what gives. I tendered a brief summary of the Poo Corner Project while pointing out the heart stating “puppy love”. To wit one of my new friends replied:

That’s what I am feeling right now.

and went on the explain he was a student at Baruch College and was soon to begin military service in the Marines. I told him the former was really laudable and the latter really sweet. In return he asked me for my phone number. Not wishing to hurt his feelings I let him down gently:

If was not married I’d gladly give it to you. Chicks who cover dog shit with glitter tend to go pretty fast.

Upon noticing I was ascribing a date to this dung he kindly offered the time from his cell phone: 2:16 p.m. I thanked him but added that I didn’t think it wasn’t necessary. However, we unanimously agreed this work of art needed a title. So I gave it one.

This one’s for you, Jamal!

Merry Christmas From New York Shitty!

Christmas came early to Greenpoint in the manner of this gargantuan mound of merde from (where else?) Poo Corner.

Am I disappointed by this development? No, not really. It proved to be an ice-breaker with a lady who has the dubious honor of living across the street from this delightful item. She inquired as to what I was doing. I explained my project to her. She was pleased and wished me a Merry Christmas. Nothing unites Greenpointers in brotherly (and sisterly) love like shit.

Rather, my anxiety was over the proper arrangement of the flatware. I possess a copy of Amy Vanderbilt’s Everyday Etiquette but I did not have it handy at the time. It’s rather hefty. What’s more the only reason I keep it— and many other less lofty publications, for that matter— is/are for the pictures.* So I had to improvise.

Version 1

Version 2

Before I could type so much as “Wikipedia” the Mister looked over my shoulder and said:

You got it wrong. Forks go on the other side of the knife.

So there have you.

I hope Ms. Vanderbilt can see fit to forgive me for my breach of etiquette. She never had the pleasure of knowing Greenpoint replete in all its (brown) glory. She also did not live to see— much less taste— the miracle that is “Whipped Lightning”. It is the “Strawberry Colada” variety which graces this turd a la mode. Most importantly, I strongly suspect Ms. Vanderbilt did not have a neighbor who saw fit to grace her community with i-Pad sized piles of shit.

Does one uncivilized act (E.G.; not scooping one’s poop) justify another (not arranging flatware properly)?

I’ll leave it to you, gentle readers— and her, to make a final judgement in the meantime, Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

*Before he became famous Andy Warhol earned a living as an illustrator. He was a very good too!

 

The Poo Corner Project: Mission Accomplished!

Yes gentle readers, you read me correctly. The “Poo Corner Project”— a ground-breaking experiment in behavior modification— is officially over. At least for the time being. The last gargantuan grogan found by yours truly was on December 8th (as seen below).

After this nothing. For those of you keeping count this makes over a week of turd-free sidewalks.

As for what was the deciding factor that motivated our poopetrator to cease his (her?) rather unneighborly habit of strafing these sidewalks with shit, only he knows for certain. Was it the Sugar Plum fairies (as seen above)? I doubt it. Was it the rather churlish missives left by a fellow malcontent? Quite possibly. Or was my appeal to national pride which proved to be the tipping point? I for one can only hope so.

However, it’s been my observation there are some questions best left unanswered. This may very be one such case. We Greenpointers (and our guests via the East River Ferry) should simply be happy we can walk down this stretch of sidewalk with some assurance our feet, eyes and most importantly NOSES will not be assaulted by dog bombs. Is there still room for improvement? ABSOLUTELY. Case in point:

There is still a great deal of rubbish to be found here. Among other things. I can only hope our friends at the Department of Sanitation can help us sort this out.

Regardless, here is some footage of the new and (somewhat) improved “Poo Corner” as shot by yours truly today. Enjoy!

But what would a behavior modification experiment be without employing the “carrot” as well as the “stick”? Not a very good one, I say! So to wrap things up I dusted off my sidewalk chalk and left a few words of encouragement— and a warning.

The Poo Corner Project: Failure To Communicate?

On December 1, 2011 I wrote:

This might— MIGHT— be a half-assed attempted by our poopetrator at exercising something called common courtesy!

Only time will tell…

Well gentle readers, I have good news and bad news. We’ll start with the bad news first. The next day I encountered a grogan of mammoth proportions.

In a fit of sheer frustration, I decided to ask my ne’er do well neighbor a question.

While considering the situation it hit me:

Maybe this person cannot read?

I mean, with this being “Little Poland” there is a very strong chance our poopetrator is not fluent in English (by virtue of the fact he/she is Polish). Thus, I decided perhaps an appeal to national pride was in order.

And as of today I am delighted to report nary a single new shit was found. This makes two turd-free days!

A New York Shitty Exclusive: The Poo Corner Project

Earlier this month I shared the good news of a smart phone-sized (and curiously Kings County-shaped) pile of poo gracing the intersection of India and West Street (as seen at left in its replete fly-infested Greenpoint glory). I did so at the prompting of a tipster we’ll call “C”. She wrote:

I’m now naming India St between Franklin/West “poop alley”….someone either is pooping, has a huge dog, or cow on that street…theres like 50 loads.

I implored you, gentle readers, as to whom— or what— was responsible for these behemoth pieces of ordnance:

Does anyone amongst you, gentle readers, know who— or perhaps more appropriately what— is responsible for this? I’m intrigued.

I have received some very interesting leads as a result. One seems especially promising. It was with the person from whom I received this tip that I had a most interesting discussion. It basically went as follows:

1. Why does this person see fit to inflict these salvos of shit on his/her neighbors?
2. (following point #1) Does he/she think his/her neighbors simply do not notice? Given the rather foul perfume which permeates one’s nose upon reaching 32 India Street (the eastern perimeter of what I have since dubbed “Poo Corner”) I find this rather implausible.
3. (following points #1 and #2) Or does he/she not care?

I wanted— no, make that NEEDED— to know the answers to these questions. Thus I summoned my inner urban anthropologist/behaviorist to help me find an answer and in so doing the “Poo Corner Project” was born. Its basic principles/premises are as follows:

1. I am going to assume the party (parties?) responsible are under assumption that no one is troubled by these turds.
2. To correct this erroneous notion, I will circle and assign a number to each and every pile of poop I find in this area.
3. Each and every new mountain of merde henceforth will be circled, assigned a number and dated as to when I discover it.
4. Points #2 and #3 not only serve as some means of tracking the scat, but also to make it clear to their poopitrators that these annotations are not some random series of scribblings. I can assure you, this being Greenpoint, such a clarification is necessary.
5. All the previous points are predicated on the hope/expectation of observing how these errant dog owners will respond. Will they feel a sense of shame or persevere in their rather UN-neighborly behavior?

Thus far the results are rather compelling, if puzzling. Let’s review my preliminary findings as documented on November 12, 2011.

Notes/Observations:

1. Fourteen “loads” were found.
2. The woman pushing the stroller in the background of #7 inquired as to what I was doing. I explained my project to her. She voiced her approval and added she once accidentally mired said stroller in one of these gargantuan dog bombs.
3. Upon recognizing that what I had on my hands (underfoot) was an archipelago of poop, I decided to roll with this concept regarding the rather impressive #10.

I call this piece “Booty” (for obvious reasons). Now let’s jump forward to November 14, 2011.

I observed in addition to unbagged poop someone has seen fit to bag— and yet dump— their dog’s poo in this area. I gave this an “A” for effort but “F” for follow-through.

Why would someone go to the trouble of bagging and not throwing this away in a garbage can?

I asked myself. Over and over.

I missed this somewhat weather-worn specimen. I assigned it a number but refrained from dating it.

Number 18 was discovered. Note its placement next to #11. And most curiously…

forty-eight hours later turd #13 has gone MIA. Once again, I asked myself:

Why?

November 15, 2011

Upon encountering two more “gift bags” of discarded doggie goodness I decided to ask the obvious question of its author:

Why?

In a similar (if reverse-psychologically motivated) move, I inquired as to the whereabouts of #13.

And lastly we have #19, as noted today November 15, 2011.

Observations/thoughts:

1. In terms of unbagged turdage, the growth rate stays at 0%.
2.
However, it should be noted the gross rate has gone up significantly with #19 replacing #13.
3.
Bagged turdage is, however, growing steadily.
4. Chalk needs to be left so as to facilitate a dialogue with these ne’er doo wells moving forward. No worries: it has been purchased.

To be continued…

Dung of The Day: Waterbury Street

When I spied this upstanding little fella (?) this afternoon I could not resist fashioning a little head gear so as to protect him from the elements. It’s nasty out there!

Miss Heather

Live From Community Board 1: D.O.G.G.O.Ne. Speaks

It should be noted that our Parks employee/”Parks advocate”, Stephanie Thayer, had signed up to speak at the end of the proceedings. However, when called to speak it was discerned she had left after the “Tennis Bubble” presentation.  This would lead one to believe that Ms. Thayer is not interested in what’s her public here has to say. I find this curious given when this OSA/Parks Department “partnership” was “pitched” to my community, Greenpoint, is was stated she would be as an “insider” within the Parks Department on the behalf of my community. To date she has been nothing more than a tool: for the Parks Department and monied interests to influence what does— and more importantly does not— get done in north Brooklyn.

I’m guessing when Bloomturd runs for a fourth term (and/or his follower wants to make nice) we will at long last get some wood chips and fencing for a dog run here. This seems to be how things roll in Greenpoint. Otherwise I’d like to advise Ms. Thayer that life— be it four-legged and otherwise— does exist outside of McCarren Park. And while she has been asking herself what our parks can do for her, we’ve been asking ourselves what has sheour ostensible public servant/”parks advocate”— done for us?

Answer: Nothing.

Miss Heather

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