A stencil was made, glitter poured and the bag of confectionery goodness opened.
Noting the relevance of this one, I decided its placement on one of the showcased shits was crucial.
Pick me.
As I was completing my project a young man and woman stopped to look at my handiwork. They were quite amused and wanted to know what gives. I tendered a brief summary of the Poo Corner Project while pointing out the heart stating “puppy love”. To wit one of my new friends replied:
That’s what I am feeling right now.
and went on the explain he was a student at Baruch College and was soon to begin military service in the Marines. I told him the former was really laudable and the latter really sweet. In return he asked me for my phone number. Not wishing to hurt his feelings I let him down gently:
If was not married I’d gladly give it to you. Chicks who cover dog shit with glitter tend to go pretty fast.
Upon noticing I was ascribing a date to this dung he kindly offered the time from his cell phone: 2:16 p.m. I thanked him but added that I didn’t think it wasn’t necessary. However, we unanimously agreed this work of art needed a title. So I gave it one.
Christmas came early to Greenpoint in the manner of this gargantuan mound of merde from (where else?) Poo Corner.
Am I disappointed by this development? No, not really. It proved to be an ice-breaker with a lady who has the dubious honor of living across the street from this delightful item. She inquired as to what I was doing. I explained my project to her. She was pleased and wished me a Merry Christmas. Nothing unites Greenpointers in brotherly (and sisterly) love like shit.
Rather, my anxiety was over the proper arrangement of the flatware. I possess a copy of Amy Vanderbilt’s Everyday Etiquette but I did not have it handy at the time. It’s rather hefty. What’s more the only reason I keep it— and many other less lofty publications, for that matter— is/are for the pictures.* So I had to improvise.
Version 1
Version 2
Before I could type so much as “Wikipedia” the Mister looked over my shoulder and said:
You got it wrong. Forks go on the other side of the knife.
So there have you.
I hope Ms. Vanderbilt can see fit to forgive me for my breach of etiquette. She never had the pleasure of knowing Greenpoint replete in all its (brown) glory. She also did not live to see— much less taste— the miracle that is “Whipped Lightning”. It is the “Strawberry Colada” variety which graces this turd a la mode. Most importantly, I strongly suspect Ms. Vanderbilt did not have a neighbor who saw fit to grace her community with i-Pad sized piles of shit.
Does one uncivilized act (E.G.; not scooping one’s poop) justify another (not arranging flatware properly)?
I’ll leave it to you, gentle readers— and her, to make a final judgement in the meantime, Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!
*Before he became famous Andy Warhol earned a living as an illustrator. He was a very good too!
Yes gentle readers, you read me correctly. The “Poo Corner Project”— a ground-breaking experiment in behavior modification— is officially over. At least for the time being. The last gargantuan grogan found by yours truly was on December 8th (as seen below).
After this nothing. For those of you keeping count this makes over a week of turd-free sidewalks.
As for what was the deciding factor that motivated our poopetrator to cease his (her?) rather unneighborly habit of strafing these sidewalks with shit, only he knows for certain. Was it the Sugar Plum fairies (as seen above)? I doubt it. Was it the rather churlish missives left by a fellow malcontent? Quite possibly. Or was my appeal to nationalpride which proved to be the tipping point? I for one can only hope so.
However, it’s been my observation there are some questions best left unanswered. This may very be one such case. We Greenpointers (and our guests via the East River Ferry) should simply be happy we can walk down this stretch of sidewalk with some assurance our feet, eyes and most importantly NOSES will not be assaulted by dog bombs. Is there still room for improvement? ABSOLUTELY. Case in point:
There is still a great deal of rubbish to be found here. Among other things. I can only hope our friends at the Department of Sanitation can help us sort this out.
Regardless, here is some footage of the new and (somewhat) improved “Poo Corner” as shot by yours truly today. Enjoy!
But what would a behavior modification experiment be without employing the “carrot” as well as the “stick”? Not a very good one, I say! So to wrap things up I dusted off my sidewalk chalk and left a few words of encouragement— and a warning.
This might— MIGHT— be a half-assed attempted by our poopetrator at exercising something called common courtesy!
Only time will tell…
Well gentle readers, I have good news and bad news. We’ll start with the bad news first. The next day I encountered a grogan of mammoth proportions.
In a fit of sheer frustration, I decided to ask my ne’er do well neighbor a question.
While considering the situation it hit me:
Maybe this person cannot read?
I mean, with this being “Little Poland” there is a very strong chance our poopetrator is not fluent in English (by virtue of the fact he/she is Polish). Thus, I decided perhaps an appeal to national pride was in order.
And as of today I am delighted to report nary a single new shit was found. This makes two turd-free days!
I’m now naming India St between Franklin/West “poop alley”….someone either is pooping, has a huge dog, or cow on that street…theres like 50 loads.
I implored you, gentle readers, as to whom— or what— was responsible for these behemoth pieces of ordnance:
Does anyone amongst you, gentle readers, know who— or perhaps more appropriately what— is responsible for this? I’m intrigued.
I have received some very interesting leads as a result. One seems especially promising. It was with the person from whom I received this tip that I had a most interesting discussion. It basically went as follows:
1. Why does this person see fit to inflict these salvos of shit on his/her neighbors? 2. (following point #1) Does he/she think his/her neighbors simply do not notice? Given the rather foul perfume which permeates one’s nose upon reaching 32 India Street (the eastern perimeter of what I have since dubbed “Poo Corner”) I find this rather implausible. 3. (following points #1 and #2) Or does he/she not care?
I wanted— no, make that NEEDED— to know the answers to these questions. Thus I summoned my inner urban anthropologist/behaviorist to help me find an answer and in so doing the “Poo Corner Project” was born. Its basic principles/premises are as follows:
1. I am going to assume the party (parties?) responsible are under assumption that no one is troubled by these turds. 2. To correct this erroneous notion, I will circle and assign a number to each and every pile of poop I find in this area. 3. Each and every new mountain of merde henceforth will be circled, assigned a number and dated as to when I discover it. 4. Points #2 and #3 not only serve as some means of tracking the scat, but also to make it clear to their poopitrators that these annotations are not some random series of scribblings. I can assure you, this being Greenpoint, such a clarification is necessary. 5. All the previous points are predicated on the hope/expectation of observing how these errant dog owners will respond. Will they feel a sense of shame or persevere in their rather UN-neighborly behavior?
Thus far the results are rather compelling, if puzzling. Let’s review my preliminary findings as documented on November 12, 2011.
Notes/Observations:
1. Fourteen “loads” were found. 2. The woman pushing the stroller in the background of #7 inquired as to what I was doing. I explained my project to her. She voiced her approval and added she once accidentally mired said stroller in one of these gargantuan dog bombs. 3. Upon recognizing that what I had on my hands (underfoot) was an archipelago of poop, I decided to roll with this concept regarding the rather impressive #10.
I call this piece “Booty” (for obvious reasons). Now let’s jump forward to November 14, 2011.
I observed in addition to unbagged poop someone has seen fit to bag— and yet dump— their dog’s poo in this area. I gave this an “A” for effort but “F” for follow-through.
Why would someone go to the trouble of bagging and not throwing this away in a garbage can?
I asked myself. Over and over.
I missed this somewhat weather-worn specimen. I assigned it a number but refrained from dating it.
Number 18 was discovered. Note its placement next to #11. And most curiously…
forty-eight hours later turd #13 has gone MIA. Once again, I asked myself:
Why?
November 15, 2011
Upon encountering two more “gift bags” of discarded doggie goodness I decided to ask the obvious question of its author:
Why?
In a similar (if reverse-psychologically motivated) move, I inquired as to the whereabouts of #13.
And lastly we have #19, as noted today November 15, 2011.
Observations/thoughts:
1. In terms of unbagged turdage, the growth rate stays at 0%.
2. However, it should be noted the gross rate has gone up significantly with #19 replacing #13.
3. Bagged turdage is, however, growing steadily. 4. Chalk needs to be left so as to facilitate a dialogue with these ne’er doo wells moving forward. No worries: it has been purchased.
When I spied this upstanding little fella (?) this afternoon I could not resist fashioning a little head gear so as to protect him from the elements. It’s nasty out there!
It should be noted that our Parks employee/”Parks advocate”, Stephanie Thayer, had signed up to speak at the end of the proceedings. However, when called to speak it was discerned she had left after the “Tennis Bubble” presentation. This would lead one to believe that Ms. Thayer is not interested in what’s her public here has to say. I find this curious given when this OSA/Parks Department “partnership” was “pitched” to my community, Greenpoint, is was stated she would be as an “insider” within the Parks Department on the behalf of my community. To date she has been nothing more than a tool: for the Parks Department and monied interests to influence what does— and more importantly does not— get done in north Brooklyn.
I’m guessing when Bloomturd runs for a fourth term (and/or his follower wants to make nice) we will at long last get some wood chips and fencing for a dog run here. This seems to be how things roll in Greenpoint. Otherwise I’d like to advise Ms. Thayer that life— be it four-legged and otherwise— does exist outside of McCarren Park. And while she has been asking herself what our parks can do for her, we’ve been asking ourselves what has she— our ostensible public servant/”parks advocate”— done for us?
Once in a blue moon I receive a query that confounds even me. Yesterday I found myself in just such a position. Without further ado here it is. JJ writes:
Miss Heather,
am soon to be resident of the Greenpoint area and I wonder if there are any nice parks for my dog to shit in? You see, she is a north country gal and is not accustomed to pooping on concrete. I’d also like to avoid her peeing in the middle of the sidewalk too. If I could take her to a nice park to take a dump she will be happier and I don’t have to be seen scraping doggy bombs off the sidewalk (I am a responsible pet owner who firmly believes that some shit is best left unseen).
Gracias!
Soon to be Brooklynite
Straight-up: I am not a dog owner. I love dogs— and all animals for that matter— but I have to admit this is something I profess to have no knowledge of whatsoever, e.g.; where a cement shy pup would like to poop. I have been and probably always will be a “cat person”. In addition I’m not terribly certain what JJ means by a “nice” park. Personally (and mind you I am writing this as a homo sapiens) I think quality park space is something Greenpoint sorely lacks. But I suppose there’s something to be said about McGolrick or Cooper. If any Garden Spot dog owners out there has advice for JJ please tender it in the comments. Thanks!
Miss Heather
P.S.: For those of you who are wondering, the photograph gracing the beginning of the post does not hail from Greenpoint. It comes from Wooster Street in Soho. Not only was it a pretty remarkable melange of feces and detritus, but I can attest it smelled twice as bad as it looked. It too was much better left unseen— and sniffed!
As you can probably imagine I receive a number of very interesting requests in my inbox. Methinks this one (which arrived this morning) may very well take the cake. It comes a graduate student no less. He/she writes:
My name is (excised) and I’m a grad student at the Pratt Institute (Environmental Management Systems) enrolled in a “Solid Waste Management” class. Our coursework involves creating a “zero waste” plan for McCarren Park. As an initial step we’re attempting to inventory and classify sources of waste in the park, and one of those sources is of course doggy poo. I’m working with my colleague (excised), who is copied on this email.
We’d like to come up with an estimate how much volume of dog poo we’re dealing with. Do you have any sense of how many “hits” this dog park gets on an average day? Do know someone who might have any helpful stats on this?
Thanks in advance for any info you might be willing to share.
Yes this site was initially premised on the dog shit problem on my community.But— in this is a big but— over the (almost) four years I have operated New York Shitty, its subject matter has expanded tremendously. I rarely feature dog doo on this site anymore (with the occasional exception of charmers like the one gracing the beginning of this post which I recently found on Berry Street. The hearts are a nice touch.). I am simply too busy.What’s more, I have better things to do than count turds. Especially in sub-freezing weather.
Nonetheless, I want to be helpful.I too was a graduate student once. Granted, I never had to aggregate turds— but I sculpted quite a few. A number of them were quite convincing. To this end I have forwarded this person’s request to a few folks I suspect will be in the know.I would also like input from you, my readers. How much dog shit do you think is in McCarren Park on any given day?You can tender your estimate via comments or email at: missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com. I will forward your responses.
I thank you in advance for your immediate attention to this matter.
