Brooklyn Photos du Jour: Boro of Found Toys

March 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Together Forever

Green Street, Greenpoint

Goose with bowling pins

India Street, Greenpoint

Herbert Street Dog

Herbert Street, Greenpoint

Ariel

Bedford Avenue, Williamsburg

Tow Away Zone

Leonard Street, “East Williamsburg”

Sitting on the fence

Bushwick Avenue, Bushwick

Miss Heather

Dung Of The Day: Madison Street

March 7, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day 

Missing Ingredient

I see that Curry is no longer on Isiah’s menu. I wonder how he will supplement his diet (now that calling women “bitches” is no longer acceptable)? Let’s turn the page and find out!

Madison Street Shit

Bon apetit! 

Miss Heather

How To Win Friends And Avoid Parking Tickets: Bushwick Style

March 7, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Unknown to us (until recently) 142,000 free parking permits were issued by this fair city. Unknown to the city, is exactly who received these permits.

Busted Up Car on Decatur

All I know is this chap on Decatur Street has found a way to avoid being ticketed for having a derelict car parked for over two months. Do you want to know his secret? Read on.

Happy Holidays!

First, you put a very friendly sign on said car. Be sure to wish the reader seasonal cheer.

Expired Permit

Second, be sure you have a(n expired) permit for the “Real Time Crime Center” on your dashboard.

Thirdly, is it just me? But a busted up car with a smashed windshield belonging (ostensibly) to an officer of the law strikes me as sending a very negative message to the public. I think I read it about this kind of thing somewhere. It was called the “Broken Windows” theory, I think.

Miss Heather

Introducing Friedrich Thursdays

March 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Bushwick 

During my latest jaunt to Bushwick I had a most embarrassing moment. The following building (which is located on Schaeffer Street) was the catalyst.

Schaeffer Street Shit

As I laid eyes upon this building my first thought was:

Didn’t I feature this building already? I must have gotten the location wrong! Shit!

When I arrived home I frantically logged onto my computer and fact checked. Fortunately (or would that be unfortunately?) I was not incorrect: Bushwick simply sports an inordinate number of Fedders Specials.

Moving forward I will endeavor to have a better eye for detail —which brings me to the purpose of this post. A building need not sport Fedders boxes to be Fedder-esque in nature. The fine folks at Friedrich have their fair share of eyesores for the choosing and to ignore this fact would be a travesty. Thus, Friedrich Thursdays was born. Today’s turdage hails from Halsey Street.

Halsey Street Friedrich

As you can see this building is the epitome of what I like to call the “High Fedders Style”. It is appointed with such niceties as mismatched entrances, fake keystones, burglar bars, zero plant life, plenty of parking and…

Duct tape

duct tape. In the event of a chemical or biological weapons attack this unit will be 100% prepared. And this, dear readers, gives yours truly ample peace of mind.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photos du Jour: Intimations of Gentrification

March 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Yesterday we explored the differences between Greenpoint and Buckwick’s animal statuary. For those of you who have not read this post, the following photograph (from Bushwick) will bring you (somewhat) up to speed.

Go Away

I really like the heavy chains. Were they placed around this dog’s neck to prevent theft or to keep him from mauling some innocent passerby? I suppose only his owner knows for certain. Speaking of dog owners, as I was walking down Decatur Street recently I made an important realization:

Welcome to Decatur Street

Bushwick dog owners are even scarier than their canine counterparts. Yes sir, when I see signs like this the first word that comes to my mind is gentrification. After all, once you begin to find mass produced signs invoking threats of physical violence in a neighborhood, you can rest assured luxury condominiums (and Fresh Direct) are soon to follow.

Thank goodness an upstanding citizen on Bushwick Avenue is keeping it real. “Who needs a hoity toity sign?” this person asked, “As long as I have my trusty Sharpie marker any flat surface will convey what I have to say.”

My Fucking Window

This is what I call kicking knocking it old style!

Miss Heather

The Mayor of Bushwick Avenue

March 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

BUshwick Avenue at Menahan Street

I am certain a number of my friends to the south are familiar with this strip of row houses. They are located on Bushwick Avenue between Menahan And Bleecker Street. In fact, I imagine a number of subway patrons pass these nondescript buildings every day as they commute via the J train. What they probably do not know is a mayor of New York City once lived in one of them.

959 Bushwick Avenue

His name was John F. Hylan. He was the 96th Mayor of New York City and this modest domicile (at 959 Bushwick Avenue) was his home. Here’s an incredibly concise biography of “Red Mike” (as he was known) from Wikipedia:

Hylan was born in Hunter, New York a town in upstate Greene County where his family owned a farm. Hylan married young, became dissatisfied with farm life and moved to Brooklyn with his bride. He found work on the Brooklyn Union Elevated Railroad and rose through the ranks to become a locomotive engineer. Ambitious, he studied law even as he worked on the railroad. He was fired after allegedly taking a curve too fast, endangering a supervisor who had been preparing to cross a track. Hylan always contended that he was wrongfully discharged (Some versions of the story have him reading his law book at the same time as driving).

Despite his industriousness, he was described, even by his friends, as a mediocre intellect. Nevertheless, he became a judge in the Kings County (Brooklyn) county court and was in that position when he was tapped by Tammany Hall as a dark-horse candidate for Mayor, running as a Democrat, through the promotion of newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst, who shared with him a desire for municipal ownership of utilities.

Hylan defeated the reformer John Purroy Mitchel in the 1917 mayoral election, restoring the power of Tammany at City Hall. He easily won re-election in 1921 but was defeated for re-nomination in 1925 by State Senator James J. “Jimmy” Walker. Walker later appointed Hylan to the municipal judiciary.

As mayor, Hylan railed against “the interests” and put in motion the building of a publicly owned and operated subway system, which became the IND division of the New York City Subway. Hylan Boulevard on Staten Island was named for him.

Interested to learn more about Mr. Hylan the Mayor I dug around the New York Times online archives. Most of what I found was exceptionally dull. I suppose this shouldn’t have been too surprising: even his own friends conceded the 96th mayor of New York City was a bit of a dolt. Or was he? Read the following article from the April 23, 1916 edition of the New York Times (dating from Mr. Hylan’s tenure as a Kings County judge) and draw your own conclusions.

4/23/1916 NYTimes

…Are we now to be deprived of our personal liberty, the privacy of family and home, by a spy system imposed on us by public officials? If this is to be tolerated, what will the end be?

Excellent question Mr. Hylan. It is (almost) 100 years later and I find myself asking this very question.

Miss Heather

Same Borough, Different Worlds

March 3, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic 

You can really tell a lot about a neighborhood by how its residents choose to decorate their properties. I recently came across two different houses: one is located in Greenpoint, the other in Bushwick. Both employ canine statuary, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end. The messages these home owners intended to convey could not be more different.

First up, here’s a stoop from Housman Street.

Welcome

The tinsel, silk flowers and icicle lights (all preferred articles of decoration in Greenpoint) exude Easter time cheer. To further enhance this effect the home owner placed a cherubic little lab puppy on his stoop. As you can see, it bears a sign which reads “WELCOME”.

Now let’s take a look at this house on Eldert Street in Bushwick.

Go Away

The wreath is rather nice— in fact I’d go so far as to say it is of Martha Stewart-esque quality. But that down home cozy feeling is somewhat diminished by the presence of a security camera (which can be seen above the horse shoe). If the chains used to secure this canine ambassador to the fence are any indication, he must be one nasty character.

In closing, I do not think I would want to be this house’s mailman.

Miss Heather

Hooking Up “East Williamsburg” Style

March 3, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

It is an all too common conundrum. You princely pup (for the purposes of this post let’s say he is a Highland Western Terrier) is lonely. Being the caring pet owner you are, you immediately put a cunning plan into action that turn your doggy’s frown upside down in no time!

Step 1: You make a flier.

WESTROCK

Step 2: Post your fliers. Where should I place them for maximum effectiveness you ask? Should I post them at the local kennel association? The ASPCA? Craigslist? Nerve.com?!? Of course not, only a practicing amateur would do that. You know how to pimp your pup right. So you gather up your fliers, grab your scotch tape and proceed to those brand spanking new bus shelters on Graham Avenue.

Kaletra

Step 3: Be sure said shelter features an advertisement for Kaletra —and for chrissakes place place your canine solicitation out of the view of small children!

This is a family-oriented neighborhood.

Miss Heather

Introducing Fedders Fridays

February 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Bushwick 

This week has been a truly hectic one for yours truly. Every day I found myself running here, running there or running damned near everywhere. And as I was doing the aforementioned running around I made a startling discovery: no matter where I happened to find myself Fedders was already there. After giving this disconcerting fact some thought I decided why not honor the legacy (and ubiquity) that is Fedders by featuring a different manifestation of their product every Friday?

This inaugural installment hails Stockholm Street and Evergreen Avenue in Bushwick —a neighborhood bursting at the seams with Fedders goodness.

Stockholm Street and Evergreen Avenue

Just look at those electrical meters and cement. Tres chic!

Fedders Special Evergreen Avenue View

The artiste who designed this building was even thoughtful enough to put burglar bars over the boxes on the first floor. It’s a good thing too. Not only do they add a certain gulag-esque je nais sais quoi to this domicile, but I for one would get super-pissed if some simpering wannabe stole my Fedders boxes. I’ve heard these bad boys can fetch three figures on the black market…

in Uzbekistan.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo du Jour: Halsey Street

February 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Spy F*cking Spy

Well alrighty then!

Miss Heather

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