New York Shitty Day Starter: Urban Artifact

From Wythe Avenue.

From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part III: Delivery Bikes Only?

December 14, 2012 ·
Filed under: 11211, Culture War, Planet Entitlement, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

A fellow we’ll call “T” (who took the above photograph) writes:

Just saw this shiny new sign on the westernmost edge of McCarren. Is this even legally enforceable? I don’t think that if you install a structure like this on public property (ie: the sidewalk) you get to enforce who uses it. Anyhow, it’s a pretty gross gesture to others in the neighborhood: “Our wealthy tenants have so many meals delivered that we need an entire rack to accommodate the bikes. I’m sure the rest of you serfs don’t understand what that’s like, but we appreciate your compliance. Please go chain up against the nearest street sign.”

Is this legally enforceable? That’s an excellent question. One I have taken up with a few folks in the know.

To be continued…

UPDATE, 6:43 p.m.: Follows are a few responses I have received!

Needs a DOT revocable consent for street furniture.

There was another one of these “private bike racks” in the east village last year.

Gothamist got to the bottom of it.

Quoth the DOT representative: “even if a permit is issued for installation, that does not mean the bike rack is for the exclusive use of the owner if it is installed on a public sidewalk.”

Public sidewalk = public bike rack.

So the next question becomes:

Will this ordinance be enforced?

Given the predilection for selective enforcement hereabouts, I for one am not terribly optimistic.

Highlights From Community Board 1: Let’s Talk Trash

One of the more provocative parts of last week’s convocation— and there were quite a few, I assure you— were two ladies speaking on the subject of illegal garbage can holders.

More specifically: these garbage can holders. Behold the Community Board 1 action regarding them for yourselves, gentle readers (start at 7:28).

New York Shitty analysis:

1. Exactly what constitutes a “beautiful” garbage can holder? If there is in fact such a thing, it in the eye of the beholder.
2. While certainly nice, they are placed on public property (READ: the sidewalk). This is a big no-no.

As these ladies noted, their neighbor is obeying the law:

3. This is not to suggest I am not sympathetic to these ladies’s plight. I am. They brought up a very salient point: the developer of their respective properties did not consider trash collection when designing their respective condominiums. This is clearly a problem. One which should have been prevented at the “planning stage”. Which brings me to…

Yesterday I decided to see how 239 Banker Street’s illegal garbage fixture cum bicycle rack was faring.

Not only is it still there, but among the assorted detritus I found something of interest.

Not one but two boxes which formerly contained stoves. (For those of you who are not in the know, “estufa” means stove in Spanish. Somewhere my high school Spanish teacher is smiling!)  As you can see the powers that be behind this illegal conversion are scarcely concerned about getting caught. What’s more, I learned at last week’s proceedings why.

So there have you: fines are simply part and parcel of “doing business”. Given the “lofts” at 239 Banker Street are going for anywhere between $2,700 – $3,400 for 700 square foot (if that) of “living space” nowadays, well, it has become all too clear how effective these “penalties” have been as a deterrent against this landlord continuing to illegal legally lease out this property as residential space.


In closing I will leave you, gentle readers, with the latest bit of “immaculate construction” I spied at 239 Banker Street.

As the screencap of a video I shot on June 3rd of this year indicates, what is now an “apartment” used to be a doorway.* But don’t take my word for it: view the video for yourself.

*For those of you who are wondering, this is perfectly in keeping with the plans for this “hotel”…

Plans: This is what a "hotel" looks like at 239 Banker Street

in 2009.

Quicklink: No Shirt, No Shoes, Horrible Service

Choice quote:

I’m not sure I would ever recommend anyone go to the McCarren Park Pool unless you just got out of prison.

That might be a bit of an overstatement. However, the anecdote about the lock and link to the unofficial McCarren Park Pool’s web site (which features some pretty amusing stock photography, including a fellow holding a bottle of beer)— among many other things— make this tome worth a moment of one’s time. Enjoy, gentle readers— or not!

Now if you don’t mind, I am off to acquire a slew of locks and white t-shirts to sell to pool goers at 300% mark-up. One woman’s misfortune is another’s business opportunity!

Props go to Miss Mousey Brown for bringing this to my attention!

New York Shitty Photos du Jour: Garden Spot

its not about brunch. this is a pissing contest about rules. we are loosing our cool “illegal” street garden… thanks to all this bs! so so lame!!

— Member of Community Board 1 in regards to the enforcement of sidewalk cafe rules

New York Shitty Photo du Jour: A North 9 Street PSA

August 15, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11211, Planet Entitlement, Street Art, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

You’re the center of your own universe!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Photo du Jour, Part II: I Beg Your Pardon

It’s been awhile since yours truly has posted material pertaining to the film industry’s affection for my community. Thankfully today I got a much-needed reminder. As you can deduce from the above missive (which is located on Bedford Avenue at Manhattan Avenue),  shooting “on location”  is not merely about,  well,  location:  it apparently also includes the citizenry contained therein. Note how the “general vicinity”  seems to include a bus stop. This puts people (some of whom I would presume need to ride the bus in order to go to work or otherwise go about their daily lives) in a very interesting predicament:  do they stay and therefore  “consent”  to being filmed/monetized or do they go elsewhere?

Miss Heather

P.S.:  Is this legal? I really want to know.

Greenpoint Fashion Watch: Meet Santos

Today was a very long one for yours truly. First was the tour of the Shit Tits. That was a pleasure for yours truly. It was when I went to work that things got interesting. When I arrived at the junk shop I heard the strains of death metal. This is not a good sign. To share a trade secret— a Greenpoint Jedi mind trick, if you will— Meshuggah finds its way onto the company stereo for one reason and one reason only: when there is someone present in the store we would very much like to depart. This is a passive aggressive tactic to be certain— but it works!

What I stumbled upon this morning was no exception. When I entered the junk shop no less than four twenty-somethings were sitting in chairs (which are for sale, not lease) conversing like they were in their own living room. Quite frankly I was dumbstruck. Perhaps I am old fashioned, but I cannot for the life of me comprehend how someone— anyone— would consider this to be acceptable behavior. But clearly some people do— and I digress.

After they left (hall raked by the aforementioned death metal— I had polka music waiting in the wings lest it was needed) a parade of people came and went who needed to be experienced to truly be believed. To cite an example: why would someone want a price for a Palm Pilot if he does not know what it is— much less what it does?* I am still trying to figure this one out. Once again: it was a long day. But when I saw Santos I had to smile…

and could not resist asking him about his choice of apparel. He informed me:

There are a lot of weird people here. You have to watch what you wear or they will try to talk to you. Men, we have to watch what we wear… women, they can get away with anything. Have you seen the women over there (pointing towards Nassau Avenue)? They’re CRAZY.

I could not have said it better myself. For those of you who are wondering Santos says J.C. Penney is a great place to buy t-shirts. Do I smell an enticing endorsement deal around the corner— or is it just Greenpoint?

Miss Heather

*My reply:

I don’t know. I don’t work in an office.

Disgruntled Williamsburg Parent Changes Tactics…

but his motivations/inducements are more or less the same.

Looking for an apartment…

This, his latest attempt, is subtle…

NORTH Greenpoint

and yet, more desperate. Maybe you, my fellow Greenpointers, can open your hearts and sublet your closet, tool shed or parking space so “John’s” precious children can receive a better education? One their father clearly did not receive: reading, writing, critical thinking, and ethics:

I need to move my two children from an otherwise great location in Williamsburg. but where They currently attend a dismally performing school and I wish have them to attend the school designated for this neighborhood (annotated: GreenPoint). To this end I am prepared to sacrifice as above or pay $$ to anyone who can help effect this (my latest attempt to bribe my children into a better performing school in a less “great” location).

Miss Heather’s mind is a terrible thing to waste. Especially when forced to read and correct the aforementioned drech while waiting to check out at The Garden while not wasted (intoxication makes illiteracy coupled with entitlement go down better for yours truly).

The quality of “North GreenPoint’s” schools is well known. To Greenpointers and one Gowanus Lounge commenter anyway:

why is he doing this now – didn’t do his homework before moving house?

The information that Greenpoint’s two schools were high performing and Williamsburg’s were not was already freely available before the grading.

Clearly John did NOT do his homework. Given this gent’s persistence, it begs one to wonder how many more concerned Williamsburg parents will try to lie/cheat/bribe their way into Greenpoint’s public schools.

Miss Heather

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