The Word On The Street, Part I: If You See Something, Say Something

If anyone on East 6 Street is wondering who purloined his/her ATM machine, look no further: a concerned citizen with the assistance of a sharpie marker has identified the per’s motor vehicle all the way down to the license plate number. While perhaps not as conventional (or effective) as calling 911, this method is infinitely more entertaining!

From The New York Shitty Inbox: On The Subject Of Car Alarms

One fact of Greenpoint life to which I have become acclimatized is the constant cacophony of car alarms. Such was the case last Friday night when I had the dubious pleasure of listening to one perform its duty for an entire hour. While certainly annoying, I and my neighbors have learned to ignore them. Given the original purpose of these devices (alerting the owner of said motor vehicle to theft as opposed simply annoying the piss out of people), I find this phenomenon rather amusing: in the time elapsed a properly motivated individual could have easily unburdened the automobile in question of its contents or take it outright. Such is the price one has to pay for urban living.

But what happens if, say, the alarm in question persisted with its dulcet crooning for twelve hours straight? Well, just this came to pass recently and the unfortunate neighbors of said automobile— despite calling 911 repeatedly— received no relief whatsoever. So they took matters into their own hands. You know how the adage goes:

The pen is mightier than the sword.

First, I present the polite approach. The choice of stationery is a nice, if subtle, touch.

Here a visual aide has been employed.

And moving forward a deterrent never hurts.

Special thanks goes out to Al who forwarded these missives to me. He writes:

Hey Miss Heather! Here are those car alarm photos we were talking about yesterday.. feel free to blog them. Pretty funny notes. This took place on Java between Manhattan and Franklin.

Spotted At 239 Banker Street: Direct Action

April 27, 2012 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Street Justice 

This item comes via an anonymous tipster who notes:

Someone irked at 239 Banker took action last night…



Spotted At 331 Greene Avenue: (Words Fail Me, Pictures Aren’t Much Better)

April 9, 2012 ·
Filed under: 11205, Bed-Stuy, Bed-Stuy Brooklyn, Bloomblight, Street Justice 

While I and my walking companion du jour, a really amazing man named Dennis*, took in these missives a number of passerby and even motorists paused to take note. As you can see this fellow (?) has a lot on his mind.


*Who was recently the subject of a pretty good article in the New York Times’s City Room. Do give it a read!

Spotted On Montrose Avenue: A Very Special Dare

I stumbled upon this item outside the Montrose Avenue stop of the L train this afternoon. I am honestly at a loss for words save perhaps noting:

1. strap-hangers (presumably inconvenienced by the recent spate of weekend service suspensions) must be getting desperate if Volkswagen station wagons are at risk.

2. some might wish to install The Club on their child-safety seats/strollers.

This is gonna get ugly folks…

New York Shitty Day Ender: A Manhattan Avenue Admonition

February 18, 2012 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Street Justice 

From Russ Pizza.

Merry Christmas From New York Shitty!

Christmas came early to Greenpoint in the manner of this gargantuan mound of merde from (where else?) Poo Corner.

Am I disappointed by this development? No, not really. It proved to be an ice-breaker with a lady who has the dubious honor of living across the street from this delightful item. She inquired as to what I was doing. I explained my project to her. She was pleased and wished me a Merry Christmas. Nothing unites Greenpointers in brotherly (and sisterly) love like shit.

Rather, my anxiety was over the proper arrangement of the flatware. I possess a copy of Amy Vanderbilt’s Everyday Etiquette but I did not have it handy at the time. It’s rather hefty. What’s more the only reason I keep it— and many other less lofty publications, for that matter— is/are for the pictures.* So I had to improvise.

Version 1

Version 2

Before I could type so much as “Wikipedia” the Mister looked over my shoulder and said:

You got it wrong. Forks go on the other side of the knife.

So there have you.

I hope Ms. Vanderbilt can see fit to forgive me for my breach of etiquette. She never had the pleasure of knowing Greenpoint replete in all its (brown) glory. She also did not live to see— much less taste— the miracle that is “Whipped Lightning”. It is the “Strawberry Colada” variety which graces this turd a la mode. Most importantly, I strongly suspect Ms. Vanderbilt did not have a neighbor who saw fit to grace her community with i-Pad sized piles of shit.

Does one uncivilized act (E.G.; not scooping one’s poop) justify another (not arranging flatware properly)?

I’ll leave it to you, gentle readers— and her, to make a final judgement in the meantime, Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

*Before he became famous Andy Warhol earned a living as an illustrator. He was a very good too!


The Poo Corner Project: Mission Accomplished!

Yes gentle readers, you read me correctly. The “Poo Corner Project”— a ground-breaking experiment in behavior modification— is officially over. At least for the time being. The last gargantuan grogan found by yours truly was on December 8th (as seen below).

After this nothing. For those of you keeping count this makes over a week of turd-free sidewalks.

As for what was the deciding factor that motivated our poopetrator to cease his (her?) rather unneighborly habit of strafing these sidewalks with shit, only he knows for certain. Was it the Sugar Plum fairies (as seen above)? I doubt it. Was it the rather churlish missives left by a fellow malcontent? Quite possibly. Or was my appeal to national pride which proved to be the tipping point? I for one can only hope so.

However, it’s been my observation there are some questions best left unanswered. This may very be one such case. We Greenpointers (and our guests via the East River Ferry) should simply be happy we can walk down this stretch of sidewalk with some assurance our feet, eyes and most importantly NOSES will not be assaulted by dog bombs. Is there still room for improvement? ABSOLUTELY. Case in point:

There is still a great deal of rubbish to be found here. Among other things. I can only hope our friends at the Department of Sanitation can help us sort this out.

Regardless, here is some footage of the new and (somewhat) improved “Poo Corner” as shot by yours truly today. Enjoy!

But what would a behavior modification experiment be without employing the “carrot” as well as the “stick”? Not a very good one, I say! So to wrap things up I dusted off my sidewalk chalk and left a few words of encouragement— and a warning.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Another Hit & Run

At what point will our city— more specifically, the Department of Transportation and our police departments— admit they (we) have a problem? While I am happy a concerned citizen saw fit to intervene and managed to get the person responsible arrested (god bless him), the fact remains this “accident” probably should not have happened in the first place. Plain and simple.

The Poo Corner Project: Strange Days

As I noted earlier this week a fellow disgruntled neighbor of the India Street “Bomber” has seen fit to add his/her own missives to “Poo Corner” (one of which can be seen at left). While somewhat surprising, I have taken this curious development in stride. All experiments— be they in a laboratory or “in the field”— have variables. I am doing my best to factor this into my endeavor. But not without a mistake or two along the way. The Poo Corner Project is not just about dung-watching: it is also a journey of self-discovery. And today I learned not to let my own prejudices color an interpretation of the facts.

CASE IN POINT: the following smattering of scat.

The above is what awaited my delectation during yesterday’s sortee. After considerable thought I concluded one of two things happened:

  1. Someone had a very unfortunate collision with said “grogan”.
  2. Someone possibly caught our miscreant in the act and Greenpoint “street justice” (the very best kind, I assure you) came to pass.

I decided point #1 was the most likely scenario, so I annotated the (former) turd accordingly.

During today’s sweep of “Poo Corner” nary a new turd was to be found. From India to West I went in search of merde. Not believing my own eyes, I traced my path back. Nothing new— save this:

I’m guessing the autumn leaves (and there are many gracing the piece of Bloomblight which is 32 India Street) concealed this message on my previous visitations. Not today. I noted its close proximity to the previously-depicted “shit smear” and reached a very different conclusion:

This might— MIGHT— be a half-assed attempted by our poopetrator at exercising something called common courtesy!

Only time will tell. Buoyed by the positive results of the above (albeit admittedly surly) attempt at outreach/mutual understanding regarding this miscreant’s rather gross “domestic product” I decided a monument was in order.

Presenting “The G8 Summit”.

More undoubtedly to come…

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