New York Shitty Day Ender: Best. Billboard. EVER.

April 19, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Brooklyn 

saynotosurgery

proctology

This, what is hands-down the best advertisement to grace Kings County and perhaps even the world, hails from Marine Park and comes courtesy of my good friend Rowan. She was kind enough to not only give me permission to feature the above photographs but also took the time to give me the “back story” behind this piece of anatomically correct advertising. She writes:

I (we – two other friends were there, too) saw this while driving on Flatbush Ave. in Marine Park… the conversation went something like this:

Emily: oh look, a giant billboard about hemorrhoids. gross. (everyone laughs and ews). then, we move a few stop lights closer…

Me: What is that in the word proctology? Is that…an ASS?!? (HAHAHAHA!)

Emily: OH MY GOD! It IS an ass! (HAHAHAHA!)

Chris: Holy SHIT, it’s an ass. (HAHAHAHA!)

Me: Or a hemorrhoid? No, that’s going too far.

Chris: It could be a piece of corn, too.

Emily: No, it’s an ass. AN ASS!

At this point we are laughing uncontrollably. And I’m thanking my stars that i got into the habit of taking my camera with me whenever i go anywhere.

You’re not the only one.

Laughing uncontrollably.

And thanking her lucky stars you carry a camera everywhere you go! What’s more, I’d like to shake the hand of the man (or woman) who came up with this punchy piece of ass typography. Wait— I take that back:

I have a pretty good idea where his (or her) fingers have been.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Only In Park Slope

March 27, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Dog Shit 

I have been writing New York Shitty for almost three years now. In that time I have seen a sizable increase in emails “pitching” one product or another. I usually ignore them— but today I am going to make an exception. Read on and you’ll understand why. Tyler writes:

iconLocal Park Slope dog owner here with some shit news.  I wrote an iphone application for dog owners and dog walkers which is available at the iTunes store this week, it’s all about pee and poo.  Trying to get the word out about the application, DogiDuty lets you or your dog walker send reports after each walk to let you know if Fido went pee or poo, was given food or water, and other notes.  I designed this app to help me an my wife better manage our schedule between errands, late nights at the office, and after work activities.  Our dog walkers use it and so do we.

Check it out at the app store or follow this link.  I can send you guys a promo code to download a free copy of the app if you are interested.

I checked out their web site* and this appears be for real. Although I do not have a dog I am very tempted to take this person up on his offer as I can think of some very fun alternative uses for this product. My grandmother (whose fixation with “regularity” was the stuff of legend) would have loved this product; instead of simply asking me if I did a bowel movement I every time I exited the bathroom I could send her a full report replete with color commentary and perhaps a picture or two?!? God I love technology!

*tears*

Miss Heather

*Do check this out. It has mock-ups of the user interface which features and poop and pee “checklist”. Priceless.

Image Credit: Dogiduty

Williamsburg Photos Du Jour: Happenis On Metropolitan Avenue

March 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

happenis

hangthefucker

berniesgrill

Looks like someone decided to give Bernie a grill. NICE.

Miss Heather

Gowanus Lounge Obituary

March 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

bobthumbnailAfter putting our collective heads together we— the close friends and family of Bob Guskind— have finally completed the obituary to be posted on his site, The Gowanus Lounge. Given the number of people involved in its creation the process took a little longer than all of us probably would have liked. Thankfully our patience and persistence were well rewarded; each of us came away from proofing the final draft satisfied we had created the very best obituary we (and possibly anyone) could.

I would like it to be known I did not contribute much in the way of content. My role was more that of an editor and/or adviser. My rationale for acting in this capacity is that I did not (and still do not) feel I can adequately put together the words to best express my feelings and thoughts about Bob Guskind’s death just yet. Thankfully one of Bob’s oldest friends, Marc, was up to the challenge; he did a smash-up job of both composing a great deal of this tome and coordinating feedback from the rest of us.

In all likelihood I will express my thoughts about Bob Guskind’s passing (and the big shoes he has left us to fill) at his upcoming memorial service (which, by the way, we have started to organize). This feels “right” to me. It’s been my life experience that these things take time to understand, much less to articulate. And as strange as it may sound the act of putting this post together was very therapeutic. Not only did it help us— Bob’s friends and loved ones— get to know each other better but it also helped us to heal. As we discussed how Bob impacted our lives we even had a much needed laugh (or two). I know this would make him happy.

But enough about us. Without further ado here is the obit for Bob Guskind as posted on the Gowanus Lounge. It is my sincerest wish that you (and if you’re listening Bob 😉 enjoy reading this heartfelt tribute to his life as much as we enjoyed composing it.

Miss Heather

Introducing Mr. Floatie

March 9, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic, Newtown Creek 


On The Waterfront With Mr. Floatie from Heal The Harbor on Vimeo.

Methinks Greenpoint needs to have its very own spokesturd. Given that Newtown Creek contains both oil and “floaties” I would like to propose that his name be “Slick Willie”. Thoughts, anyone?

Miss Heather

P.S.: Special thanks go out to Laura Hofmann for bringing this gem to my attention.

Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Roll!

March 9, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

roll

From Berry Street.

Miss Heather

Disambiguation & Gratitude

March 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

peace

First off, I would like to thank everyone who has tendered their thoughts via comments here, the Gowanus Lounge and via email. Frankly I was overwhelmed by the response. I suppose I shouldn’t have been: Bob’s dedication and hard work were an inspiration to many, myself included. For those of you who reached out to me I want to tender my heart felt gratitude and sincerest thanks. To those of you I have not replied to (yet) my silence should not be construed personally. The last few days have been very been hard ones. I simply needed time to sort through my feelings. I guess you could call it grieving.

The previous having been said I would like to make a long overdue clarification regarding this post:

With great sadness, a few of Bob’s friends, who were given access to his site, will try to update Gowanus Lounge with:

1) An obituary and other links

2) An announcement of a memorial service…

In keeping with his wife’s wishes (amidst all the hype, gossip and rumor-mongering it seems to have been forgotten that she is the one who has been most impacted by his passing. She has and will continue to have a heavy cross to bear.) Bob’s funeral service will be a small affair limited to close friends and family. When my colleague wrote the previous it was not intended to intimate that the funeral was going to be an open affair but I suspect it was taken as such. I am not trying to lay blame here; we have all been under a lot of stress and such missteps/ambiguities can and should be expected. We are doing the best we can to both cope with our grief and ensure that Bob’s wishes are faithfully observed.

The previous having been said, I do not want to suggest that a “memorial service” (or wake) is not in order. It is. To this end myself and a number of his close friends are going to organize a tasteful forum where people who knew him, people he has inspired, in short; people whose lives were affected by Bob can have their say. This effort is in its infancy but as the arrangements— “a plan” if you will— become more concrete I will relay the details both here and via the Gowanus Lounge. In the meantime I will be reaching out to people I know Bob respected both as professional colleagues and friends. People he would have wanted to be key note speakers at just such an event.

The fate/future of the Gowanus Lounge

After reeling from the initial shock (and, in my case, reading some of the rumors abounding on the Internet) the Mister and I agreed it should be brought back online as soon as the caprice and/or ineptitude of Lunar Pages, the Gowanus Lounge’s host, could and would permit. It is still experiencing problems and will be offline for awhile so my husband can conduct some much-needed trouble-shooting. A number of people close to Bob— including his wife— felt that it should remain online as a living memorial to his work. The Mister is working very hard to make this happen, e.g.; pulling late nights and working many an early morning. We will also do everything in our power to preserve his photographs on Flickr and wonderful YouTube footage. At the moment we are circumscribed from doing so but in due time it will happen.

In closing I want to thank again all of you who have tendered your kind thoughts and have volunteered to help organizing an event to celebrate the life and work of Robert Guskind. Wherever he is he now (as an agnostic the previous is an example of the  type of schmaltz I ordinarily revile and yet feel compelled to write here. Go figure.) he is undoubtedly very touched— and perhaps a wee bit surprised: he had always underestimated the impact he had on others— be it personally, professionally and otherwise. I cannot help but suspect he is smiling down upon us now.

Thank you again.

Miss Heather

A New York Shitty Public Service Announcement

March 6, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

glscreencap2

After several days of Mister Heather toiling with Lunar Pages (which is arguably one of the WORST. WEB. HOSTS. EVER.*) The Gowanus Lounge is back up and running. An obituary written will be forthcoming, comments are enabled and reader/contributor submissions (pertaining to Bob Guskind’s passing or otherwise) are welcome. You can send them to:

missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com

All I ask is to please be patient. It’s been a rough couple of days. I’m tired.

Miss Heather

*An explanation will be forthcoming. Don’t believe the crap you have seen online.

Dedicated To A Good Friend

March 5, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Today’s offerings on New York Shitty will be limited to the following film.

bob

Goodbye.

Miss Heather

WANTED IN GREENPOINT: Educated Physicist

February 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic 

Chris, the discoverer of this wonderful item, writes:

Hello Miss Heather,

…thought you might find this interesting.  Not sure if you’ve seen this yet, but this flier was posted on the street lamp on Franklin and Greenpoint Ave., right outside of the Pencil Factory this morning.  Obviously, my cell phone picture is less than great quality, but apparently someone who is close to building a time machine in Greenpoint is looking for physicist to work on some of the numbers for said time machine.

Not sure if it’s a hoax or not, but it’s entertaining nonetheless.

wanted

I am an inventor who are very close to the fabrication of working TIME MACHINE here in Greenpoint workshop. I’m looking for a consultant who is Math educated to help with difficult equations.

Looking for local Mathematician/Theoretical Physicist: preferably with (unintelligible) engineering experience and a willing-desire to explore the future and past.

Payment deferred. If Consultation and math correct then payment will be immediate upon answering this posting.

If this posting is still up I have not figured the time machine out yet and need your help! Must have knowledge of…

Any “educated physicists” interested in following up this most unique employment opportunity should make his (or her) way to the southwestern corner of Greenpoint Avenue and Franklin Street without delay as this appears to be a limited time offer. Good luck…

and have a safe trip!

Miss Heather

UPDATE, February 27, 2009: You can see this advert in some semblance of entirety by clicking here.

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