New York Shitty Day Starter: TV Set

tvset

From Meserole Street.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Urban Artifacts

July 20, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Street Furniture, Urban Artifact, Williamsburg 

streetsushi

Marcy Avenue, 11211

xanax1

xanax2

North 5 Street, 11211

scooter

North 6 Street, 11211

nobedbugs

Leonard Street, 11222

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photos Du Jour: Big Green Monster

May 16, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Greenpoint Magic, Urban Artifact 

Feeling somewhat better I went to work today. Albeit later than usual and with snot rag in tow. Therefore, I got out for my usual walk later than usual and in my harried dither forgot to load the battery into my camera. Whoops.

subway

Thankfully I had bumped into Bitchcakes and she lent me hers so I could capture this select find.

panties

Man(ties) overboard!

hulkpanties

You won’t like me when I’m angry.

Miss Heather

Urban Artifact Du Jour: Sarah, Get Your Gun!

April 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Clinton Hill, Urban Artifact 

Today your truly has sojourned through no less than Greenpoint, East Williamsburg, Clinton Hill and around the Navy Yard. We have company in town and decided to take our friend on the grand tour, if you will. It was towards the end of our excursion that I found the following gem on Clinton Avenue just underneath the Brooklyn Queens Expressway.

s-palinnys

I’m not too sure what kind of game Ms. Palin was hunting in the wilderness of Clinton Hill but it looks like whatever it was got the better of her.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Although I already have far too much weird crap laying around this apartment already I brought this item home. Unless I hear from our favorite former Vice Presidential candidate I plan to make an art object out of it. Be advised that buttplug will probably be involved.

Found On The Southside

April 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: Street Art, Urban Artifact, Williamsburg 

Whenever I want to see something that makes me scratch my head and wonder:

What the fuck?

I head over to the Southside. It is not my intent to sound like I putting this great neighborhood down: nothing could be further from the truth. Of all the neighborhoods in all of Brooklyn only this bit of 11211 straddling the BQE even comes close to some of the oddities I find here in Greenpoint. And on that note follows is something I encountered at the junction of Borinquen Place, South 1st Street and Grand Street recently. I would presume it to be an art work of some kind. Or some hitherto unknown pagan deity. Who knows? Life is mysterious.

sculpture1

Here is a view of its head. If you ask me it resembles Homer Simpson crossed with Mr. Peanut.* On acid.

sculpture2

Here is a frontal view. As you can see our little fella has rather protuberant buttocks. Astroturf appears to have been employed as well. Speaking as someone who once was both a teaching fellow and teaching assistant I have to admit nothing like this ever found its way into my classroom. It’s a shame, really. Had some fresh-faced student proffered up something like this I probably would have had a lot more interest in teaching. So it goes.

In any case if this item tickles your fancy (or you’re looking for a gift for that hard-to-shop-for person) better get down there fast. I doubt this urban artifact will be without a home for long.

Miss Heather

*And bears more than a passing resemblance to the following, which is located on Metropolitan Avenue.

dreamofhappiness

Urban Artifact du Jour: If You See Something, Say Something

November 3, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Queens, Urban Artifact 

Every year I do the same thing: forget to buy my husband an anniversary present. Thankfully providence intervened when we hopped on the B24 to go to dinner.

The chap to the right dropped something out of his pocket. Being a highly inquisitive person I craned my head over to get a closer look. I chuckled.

It was at that moment the tension in the back of the bus became palpable enough to cut with a kitchen knife; he was looking at it, I was looking at it, his friend (to the left) stared at it. Even Mr. Heather was transfixed. Someone had to do something to stop this stand-off. So, being the cold-hearted bitch I am, I stepped over, snatched it up, laughed at it, showed it to Mister Heather and jammed it into my pocket. Problem solved!

Perhaps this is some money-making ploy by the MTA to avoid raising fares?

The fake boobs on this gal are quite remarkable. I suspect John Goodman could use them for flotation devices. I wonder if she comes with an “EasyPay Fare Option“?*

Miss Heather

*And uses these condoms, for that matter.

Urban Artifact: Manhattan Avenue

September 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic, Urban Artifact 

Mister Heather and I (being the effete and over-educated snobs we are) cannot grasp the rampant anti-intellectualism in this country. On the one hand, you have the first black president of the Harvard Law Review. Who taught constitutional law at the University of Chicago Law School. Despite hardships— and Obama had aplenty. He is an outsider. On the other, you have Rumsfeld in lipstick:

In 1982, Palin enrolled at Hawaii Pacific College but left after her first semester. From there she transferred to North Idaho College, where she spent two semesters as a general studies major. From that community college she then transferred to the much larger University of Idaho for two semesters. During this time Palin won the Miss Wasilla Pageant beauty contest then finished third (second runner-up) in the Miss Alaska pageant, at which she won a college scholarship and the “Miss Congeniality” award. She then left the University of Idaho and attended Matanuska-Susitna College in Alaska for one term. The next year she returned to the University of Idaho where she spent three semesters completing her Bachelor of Science degree in communications-journalism, graduating in 1987.

In 1988, she worked as a sports reporter for KTUU-TV in Anchorage, Alaska, and for the Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman as a sports reporter. She also helped in her husband’s commercial fishing family business. — Wikipedia.

For this lack-luster curricula clita Palin is lauded as being “All-American”. What does this say about us as a country?

I graduated from college in four years. Magna cum laude. I got a scholarship alright: $500 per semester for two semesters. That’s what a being smart (as opposed to beautiful) nets a woman with a 3.7 GPA. In Texas. Had I known being a bimbo would net me better career prospects perhaps I would have spent my “scholarship” money on a nose job (and getting my M.R.S. degree). But I didn’t. So I will continue…

That Communications degree (and pageant experience) is serving Sarah well. Or is the electorate much more idiotic than I imagined? Someone clearly likes her “down-home” talk. I (being the intellectual “community organizer” that I am) took her rhetoric as being backwoods demagoguery* meets June Cleaver (with a nuclear arsenal and “GOD” on her side). But am I simply being arrogant?

I found this discarded piece of homework on Manhattan Avenue. It got me to a thinkin’

How long did it take you to read the book? Why? I didn’t take me long because I saw the movie.

I would haved killed all the bad guys… It wes about 4 kids go into a majical world and fight a for the good side.

The good news: I suspect this kid’s mother helped him with his homework.
The bad news: This kid’s mother helped him with his homework.

With a public education system (and parental apathy) like this who needs Al Qaeda? We’re doing a damned good job of destroying ourselves. By taking pride in our ignorance, entitlement and sloth.

We’re not creating citizens, we’re creating cannon fodder.

But that’s jest me smart talkin’.

Miss Heather

*Demagogy (also demagoguery) (Ancient Greek δημαγωγία, from δῆμος dÄ“mos “people” and ἄγειν agein “to lead”) refers to a political strategy for obtaining and gaining political power by appealing to the popular prejudices, emotions, fears and expectations of the public — typically via impassioned rhetoric and propaganda, and often using nationalist or populist themes. — Wikipedia

Terrorist states are seeking nuclear weapons without delay … he (Barack Obama) wants to meet them without preconditions.

We are so proud of the many Alaskans who are serving in the military to keep us safe and our country free their service has been an incredible personal sacrifice. Our National Guard men and women who return to rural Alaska are seen as role models for our youth.

— Sarah Palin

Two Things That Don’t Go Very Well Together

September 12, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Urban Artifact, Williamsburg 

On September 11, 2008 Mark India commented (in regards to this post):

…And really, this is New York. Are you telling me you’ve ALWAYS obeyed EVERY traffic sign?*

Well as a motorist I have. Here’s why: I have never driven an automobile in this city nor do I ever intend to. As a matter of fact if it has wheels chances are you will not be seeing me operating it anytime soon. Two things I have had to cope with in my life are limitations and anger management. When it comes to operating a vehicle I have learned that the former informs the latter. I am not a terribly patient person— and driving in New York City requires a lion’s share of this gift. One I simply do not possess. Therefore I have found it to be in my (and probably the PUBLIC’S) best interest to leave my mobility to my own two feet, the MTA or (if I’m feeling lucky) a cabbie.

Sure, I still find myself muttering “Who the fuck taught this clown how to drive?”. OFTEN. But I am not manning two tons of steel when I do so. The way I see it I can either:

  1. Reform each and every idiotic operator of a moving vehicle personally or
  2. Remove myself from interfacing with said motorists.

Realizing point #2, dear readers, was A BIG MILESTONE regarding anger management for me. I leave my transportation needs to the professionals. What’s more walking has opened up a whole new world for me. I see things I would never have noticed if I was speeding around in a car. FUN THINGS. Like this.

I found this card on Graham Avenue near Scholes Street. Terrified —yet amused— I picked it up. Here’s what I found on the back.

The next time I find myself asking how some clown learned how to drive I will have the answer: El Payasito! I wonder if he drives a SUV like this?

In all seriousness folks, clowns and auto school advertising do not mix.

Miss Heather

*I’m just busting your chops, Mark. No ill will intended— and I hope none was taken. We’re all hypocrites anyway— I just happen to be one who is tired of dodging bikes and landing on the hood of cars**. Imagine how many more good motorists New York City would have if they simply turned in their keys and rode the bus! 🙂

**I have only done this once (and for the record I had the right of way). Trust me, one time is enough.

Urban Artifacts: The BQE

September 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Urban Artifact, Williamsburg 

As many of you are aware my compatriot over at the Gowanus Lounge has an affection for abandoned couches. I must as well because I see fit to supply them with a great many. Well, here’s a few things to round the discerning Williamsburger’s al fresco living room.

I don’t know about you, but when I get home the first thing I want to do is hang up my coat.

What would a living room be without a coffee table?

I suppose most people would consider this littering. I for one find it rather ingenius.

How about some books for said coffee table? Now all you need is something to prop up those tired feet.

No worries, I’ve got you covered. In leopard print, no less.

Throw in a couple of dicks and viola your new open air lifestyle is ready to roll!

Miss Heather

Urban Artifact: Manhattan Avenue

August 20, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Urban Artifact 

I strongly suspect this will become a regular feature on New York Shitty. “This” being my predilection for picking up weird crap off the street and taking it home. That said, here’s urban artifact #1:

Someone is going to live.

With a little help from 100 disposable vinyl gloves.

Miss Heather

  • NYS Flickr Pool

    WheelieStaten IslandStatue of LibertyToy Apple on Doyers during Seasonal StreetCycleThe Nautilus IIISunset over ManhattanTepkik VI
  • Ads