Will The Real Belvedere III Please Stand Up?

September 27, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Vomit, Williamsburg 

The beauty of exposing Bridge/Belvedere Realty’s ineptitude is they make it so easy. The downside is I can barely keep up with their quasi-luxury progeny. The good news is they can’t either.

Belvedere ???

If Belvedere III is located on Powers Street, why did I find this?

135 N. 9 Street, DOB

135 North 9th Street is a long way from Powers. The fine folks at Bridge Realty should hire me to do ad copy for their “Hot Locations” in Williamsburg. It is obvious I keep better track of their crap than they do.

Miss Heather

Lamest Sidewalk Sale Ever

September 27, 2007 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Pre-Fall Sale

Anyone who lives in my corner of Brooklyn will tell you Bedford Avenue is sidewalk sale central. Go there on any given Saturday or Sunday and you will find a bounty of used sundries for sale. Some are even worth buying.

Or, in the case of what I found recently, some aren’t. In fact, these wares were not even worth stealing, as you will see.

Sidewalk Sale

My buddy Rachael and I found the above vestiges of a sidewalk sale yesterday on North 11th Street. Being the hungry little scavengers we are, we got our surgical gloves, anti-bacterial baby wipes and dug in.

Please wake me up

We found the above sign very amusing. “What kind of dumbfuck would sleep with a trunk of stuff just lying there?” I said.

Everyone knows the people around here will steal anything, even stuff they don’t need. ESPECIALLY stuff they don’t need.

Rachael said, completing my thought. She does this often.

Once we learned what the trunk contained, however, it all began to make sense.

Trunk with Lysol

Follows is a sampling of what this treasure trove had to offer:

  • One pair of sneakers
  • One pair of women’s dress pumps
  • One pair of women’s pin stripe dress slacks
  • One pair of beige boots
  • One pair of business loafers
  • One can of Lysol

Save the sneakers (and maybe the Lysol), all the contents were components of a corporate casual monkey suit. No wonder the conductor of this sidewalk sale decided to take a nap: no Bedford Avenue goer is going to touch this stuff. It is like offering a vampire a bag of garlic, having a blow-out sale of bacon double cheeseburgers at the local synagogue— or offering a follower of Allah a bag of pork rinds. It is an abomination beyond the pale.

Too bad no one took the Lysol, though. It would save some Northsider a lot of time and money that would otherwise be spent doing laundry*.

Miss Heather

*My first boyfriend used to spray the armpits of his tee shirts with Lysol instead of washing them. Nice guy. Smelled sort of like a high school nurse’s office, though.

Bogart Street Stinky Shit Sign

September 23, 2007 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Dog Shit Signage, Williamsburg 

Last week I found the following little fella on Bogart just north of Moore Street.

Clean up your shit

I would have missed this splendid sign had I not been busy watching the sidewalk for dog bombs (and there were plenty, believe you me). The visual representation of the stench wafting up from the pile of poo is a nice touch. Then again, what else would we expect from the artists’ haven that is East Williamsburg, Bushwick, East Williamsburg— I give up: here?

Miss Heather

Stoop Sale Round-up

September 21, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

This week I noticed a number of flyers advertising stoop sales for this Saturday, September 22nd. Given the end of stoop sale weather will soon be upon us, I thought it would be nice to list them here for any interested bargain hunters.

Flea Market

Mary D’s

I have been to this flea market before and frankly I was unimpressed. But that was two years ago, who knows what this one will be like?

Mary D’s Housing for Seniors
80 Dupont Street; flea market will be conducted in the parking lot/community room located off Eagle Street. (between Manhattan Avenue and Franklin Street)
10:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m.

Furniture Sale

103 Oak Street

Next up, a rather big furniture sale is in the works at 103 Oak Street. It starts at noon and appears to be a great opportunity to buy much-needed home furnishings and/or housewares on the cheap.

103 Oak Street (between Franklin and Guernsey)
Noon – 4:00 p.m.

Stoop Sale

112 Java Street

Not too much information here, but I personally get excited when I come across stoop sales that feature books. I always end up schlepping a bunch home— which I am always less than excited about.
112 Java Street (between Manhattan Avenue and Franklin Street)
11:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m.

Clothing Sale

North 10 and Berry Street

North 10th Street and Berry is hardly a schlep to most of us Greenpointers… especially if it means we get designer clothing on the cheap. That gives us more money to buy beer!

Intersection of North 10th and Berry Street
11:00 a.m. – ???

Happy Bargain Hunting!

Miss Heather

American Sugar and Refining Company

September 21, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Before I left the house this morning I read this article on Brownstoner about the Havemeyer family. Here’s an excerpt:

Cousin Frederick C. Havemeyer Jr. (1807-1891) stayed in the sugar trade and in 1857 established the longstanding South 3rd Street factory on the Williamsburg waterfront. His son, Henry Havemeyer (1847-1907), named the company Domino’s Sugar in the early 1900s and worked to corner the market. His Sugar Refineries Company, or “Sugar Trust,” functioned like Standard Oil–monopolistically (and like Standard Oil did battle with the government over makret (sic) control).

What many people do not know is the Havemeyer family had a refinery in Greenpoint. And if this article (from the May 9, 1886 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle) is any indication, the employees there were not very happy ones.

Now jump forward to 11:30 this morning. I was sorting and pricing fabric remnants at work and found this.

Sugar Bag

Although this item has virtually no monetary value whatsoever, it has a lot of value to me. A lot of hard, thankless work went into filling this bag. I wonder what a worker of Havemeyer’s American Sugar Refining Company would think of the current controversy regarding his former place of employment? I doubt he would be very happy— or surprised.

If there is a lesson here it is this: never confuse a building with its creator. The Havemeyer family was as nasty an employer as could be had in the 19th century. Union busting was one of their favorite practices. We can’t change this building’s past, but we can shape its future.

Domino should offer ample affordable housing, not crumbs.

Miss Heather

Shitty Subway Service Breeds Bolsheviks!

September 20, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

When I got to work today I found a poster tucked away behind the counter that amused me.

Where to buy this poster

It goes on to read:

Employees lose respect for a company that fails to provide decent facilities for their comfort.

Speaking as a person whose place of employment is often bereft of asswipes, I am inclined to agree. Nothing makes me want to overthrow my capitalist oppressors like using the water closet only to discover there is no toilet paper. When the revolution comes, the people responsible for this (men all) will be the first ones against the wall, I assure you.

As I waited for the G train this afternoon I thought about other things that propagate Bolshevism. Then I saw the following piece of social(ist) commentary scrawled out on a subway poster at the Metropolitan stop and it hit me: the crosstown local propagates Communism!

Bad Commutes Breed Bolshevism

Think about it:

  1. When you have subway line whose service is notorious for being pokey, it gives people time to think.
  2. When people start thinking, they tend to get angry. I do, anyway.
  3. Now factor in the people waiting at the above-mentioned station are, in all likelihood, highly-educated, underpaid and already very, very angry.

I turn pink at the mere thought!

If the MTA won’t improve subway service in north Brooklyn for the numerous (and very good) reasons they have already been provided, perhaps they will do so as a bulwark against Communism? Nassau Avenue has gone red. Metropolitan Avenue is looking rather pink nowadays. Who’s next? Broadway?

Best to nip this in the bud before it works it way further south.

Miss Heather

The Cowardly Loin

September 13, 2007 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

My buddy Rachael and I recently discussed the pros and cons of having pink hair. I told her that though I found it enjoyable, blue seems to better suit me. She concurred, stating “When I have pink hair it makes people want to touch me”. I assured her that having such tresses had very little to do with such behavior. The fact of the matter is you can name anything— ANYTHING— and it will be used an excuse for some ingrate to touch you. Or himself. Usually the latter.

I thought about the previous discussion as I went for a walk yesterday. The working-class joes that staff most of the construction and demolition sites hereabouts find my hair color fascinating. Most are very nice when they tell me so. The following guy wasn’t.

255 Skillman Avenue

This is 255 Skillman Avenue. Noticing a truck touting ownership by a demolition company (which can be seen at the bottom right-hand corner), I went in for a closer look. My desire to verify that this building did indeed have a permit to be demolished created quite a sensation. One worker ran into the site and alerted his compatriots. That’s when it happened.


A fucking wolf call. As I turned around to see who my admirer was I pulled out my camera. Upon noticing this he ducked into the building.

The Cowardly Loin

If you are going to go to the trouble of harassing me on the street, at least have the fucking balls to look me in the eye afterwards. Fucking coward.

Miss Heather

Everyone Mark Your Calendar!

September 12, 2007 ·
Filed under: Crazy People, Williamsburg 

Top Secret

You didn’t ask for this, but here it is anyway.

This Friday, September 14, starting at 7:00 p.m. Jack the Pelican gallery will be hosting a Fur Suit Portrait Paint-off. Any of you who have wanted to see furries doing whatever furries do while having their likenesses rendered on canvas, this is the night to see it. I have been told a D.J. will be spinning records and a Furrie Ball will be conducted afterwards.

Jack the Pelican Gallery
487 Driggs Ave, between N. 9th and N. 10th Street
Brooklyn, NY 11211

Whatever will I wear? Dressing up like Steve Irwin —or a Prospect Park raccoon immediately comes to mind…

Miss Heather

Giving The Finger to the Finger Building

September 10, 2007 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

The Finger Building

Those of you who have ever wondered exactly how big of a farce our regulatory agencies (READ: the Department of Buildings) are, today’s your lucky day. Here’s an email I received from Phil DePaolo this afternoon. Enjoy!

In 2004, Mendel Brach and a partner, paid $7 million to two property owners, Scott Spector and Richard Brand, for a building on North Eighth Street, as well as air rights so a 220′ building could go up at 144 N 8th St. Residents have given it the name, The Finger Building for obvious reasons. The block that this building is going up on has been rezoned to M1/R6B Meaning anyone who wants to build on this block can only build up to 50ft, unless they add affordable units.

Prior to the Williamsburg rezoning in May 2005, these developers worked through stop work orders as documented by the D.O.B., worked weekends without permits, and worked all hours of the night on weekdays, so that the development could be grandfathered under the old zoning regulations, allowing them to build a much larger building than would be allowed under the new zoning. Despite numerous complaints and plentiful documentation by neighbors, and news media, the D.O.B. rewarded this illegal activity and vested the project. The question is, if by doing something improper, did the owners negate their vesting? And if they did, should the site have to comply with the new R6B zoning?

Developer Robert Scarano and Mr. Brach used land and air rights that they did not own in order to construct this building, so I believe the incomplete building must be made to conform to the new R6B zoning. So I request that the board reject this BSA application for 144 N 8th.

Here are the deets regarding the above-mentioned community board meeting for those of you who are interested in giving the “Finger Building” the finger.

WHEN: September 10, 2007
TIME: 6:30 p.m.
WHERE: 211 Ainslie Street (Corner of Manhattan Avenue)

Be advised that if you wish to speak you have to sign and submit their speaker’s form on or before 6:15 p.m.

Miss Heather

How To Pass Time Waiting for the L Train

September 10, 2007 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

My husband, being the astute observer of the world around him that he is, finally noticed those electronic signs charged with informing subway patrons when the next L train is to arrive. “The next train is to arrive in five minutes.” he stated confidently. “Uh, oh wait, now it’s three minutes.” My husband loves time tables. In a world riddled with uncertainty they provide the sense of order he craves. I, on the other hand, know better; that train will arrive when it damned well pleases.

What to do while you wait? Well, some folks at Metropolitan Avenue have found a way to battle subway waiting ennui.


Up for a rousing game of hangman?


I’m surprised to see that someone took so long to figure this one out. Then again, in my sick and twisted little world “dick” is the answer to many of life’s more vexatious problems.

Miss Heather

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