Franklin is Clinton Country

November 7, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Yesterday we learned 177 1/2 Norman Avenue is Bush-friendly (and tambourine playing). Democrats, don’t despair! I have since learned that Franklin Street is Clinton country!

William Jefferson Clinton on Franklin

Is that a pumpkin stem between his legs or he is just happy to see me? In keeping with most such moments in my life, Bill’s show of affection was a little too little and a little too late. Unlike Ms. Lewinsky, I would have proven to be a very capable power behind the bone.

I know how to use a cigar correctly.

In closing I’d like to give a big New York Shitty shout-out to my buddy across the pond who has seen fit link to my humble post featuring the above depicted gnomes. I suspect he will be blown away by this latest tableau.

In more ways than one.

Miss Heather

A Few Upcoming Events This Week

November 6, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Here’s a round-up of events of interest to cat lovers, Brooklyn enthusiasts and foodies.

The Brooklynites

This evening at 7:30 p.m. Word Books will be hosting a book signing and slide-show presentation of The Brooklynites, a collection of Brooklyn-centric photographs by Seth Kushner and stories by Anthony LaSala. Featuring 206 images, the book charts a course from Bensonhurst to Bedford-Stuyvesant, and captures such borough notables as Jonathan Lethem, Spike Lee and Matisyahu. I have seen this project online— and even though it does not feature yours truly (which I am certain is due to a big misunderstanding), I have to say it is rather impressive. The non-celebrities featured are by far the most interesting. Give this event a whirl and see for yourself.

Word Books
126 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 383-0096

Brooklyn Kitchen’s First Birthday Celebration and Bodega Challenge

November 7th, Brooklyn Kitchen will be celebrating its first birthday at Union Pool with the Bodega Challenge. Per the Brooklyn Kitchen web site, if you bring a cake you will receive a 10% discount for the entire month of November (or what’s left of it, anyway). Either way it’s a pretty sweet deal.

Those of you who are curious about the Bodega Challenge can read a nice article about it by clicking here or peruse the rules and regulations at the Brooklyn Kitchen’s web site.

This event sounds really cool. I considered entering it but what I prepare for Thanksgiving dinner at Chateau de Ghetto is more than a little unconventional: a phat spread of Mexican food including the best damned chile rellenos on the east coast. In my infinite humility (READ: laziness) I have decided to let someone else have a shot at winning this contest.

Union Pool
484 Union Ave (Subway: L to Lorimer, G to Metropolitan)
Brooklyn, New York 11211
(718) 609-0484

Slope Street Cats Fall Feral Fund Raiser

This Saturday, November 10th, Slope Street Cats will be hosting a fund raiser at Ripple Bar in Prospect Heights. Here are the deets per Slope Street Cats web site:

Join your favorite cat ladies (and a few cat guys) for a night of food, drink, and fun—all to benefit Brooklyn’s feral felines! Your ticket includes one drink, buffet-style finger food, and automatic entry for a door prize.

Raffle and silent auction prizes courtesy of:

  • Area Spa
  • Bird
  • Natural Heights
  • Sweet Charity
  • …and much more!

Tickets for this event cost $25.00 and can be purchased online.

Ripple Bar
769 Washington Ave (between Sterling & St. John’s Place)
Brooklyn, New York 11238 (Subway: 2/3 to Eastern Parkway, or 4 to Franklin)
(718) 230-4514

And that’s all she wrote!

Miss Heather


November 6, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

One thing I have noticed as I parse through newspaper archives is that Greenpointers sure like to bite. As we have learned so far, the discriminating Garden Spotter has taste for landlords and would-be ghosts. Given the previous, I suppose it should hardly be surprising to learn that law enforcement officials also tickle our taste buds. From the December 16, 1895 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle I present to you a tale about good old Greenpoint cop biting.

12/16/1895 Brooklyn Daily Eagle

Perhaps we should do as this subway poster suggests and pluck our teeth for freedom? Mr. Smith’s freedom, that is.

Miss Heather

A Word of Advice To Greenpoint Bike Owners

November 6, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

You might want to watch where you park on Greenpoint Avenue or you might discover that your two wheeler has been converted into a NO wheeler. Missy, a long-time New York Shitty reader and first time tipster writes:

Noticed this endangered bike on Greenpoint in front of The Black Rabbit and thought of your blog… The bike’s gonna get it if we don’t act fast!

Draft two

While grammatically flawed, the point attempting to be made in the above missive remains pretty clear: remove your bike or it will be removed. Piece by piece. On that note, any bicycle enthusiasts who might be reading this should probably refrain from chaining your bikes to this tree on Calyer Street as well.

Calyer Street Sign

Hey, at least they said thank you.

Miss Heather

The Karate Krishna

November 6, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

The following are three phrases I use with unusual frequency in Greenpoint:

  1. What the fuck?
  2. Oh my.
  3. Who the hell did this?

Yesterday I asked myself the above two questions, dear readers. What’s more, they were both answered in the course of a mere thirty minutes. It all started with the following objet de arte on Norman Avenue.

Cart Thing

What the fuck?

At 2:30 p.m. I found this tricked-out five wheeler tethered to a steel gate which graces one of Greenpoint’s more interesting edifices: 177 1/2 Norman Avenue.

God Bless Our Troops

Oh my.

Obviously the owner of the aforementioned cart (and presumably the decorator of the above window) likes:

  1. America
  2. George W. Bush
  3. Karate
  4. Running

Karate House

Especially America and Karate.

Who the hell did this?

I have asked myself the above question many times as I have gazed upon the this building. And on November 5, 2007 at 3:00 p.m. I finally received an answer.

Karate Krishna

The kind of guy who totes his painfully adorable children in a customized kiddie coach while beating a star-shaped tambourine at the intersection of Manhattan Avenue and Norman, that’s who.

Oh my.

Miss Heather

Hi Ho! Hi Ho! And Off To The Dog House I Go!

November 5, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 


As I was parsing through the brain-numbing labyrinth that is the Department of Building’s record keeping for 30-03 Newtown Avenue last night, I decided to get a glass of wine. Since a bottle was not open, I went into the closet and grabbed me one. Big mistake.

Miss Heather is in the shitter

In the two years we have been married my husband has never, ever, left me a nasty note. (And take my word for it, the tone of this note is SUPER PISSED in Mr. Heatherese.)

So off to the dog house I go. Since Mr. Heather spends a fair amount of time in the aforementioned domicile, it is only fair that I take my turn.


Miss Heather

Dog Card Credit: Hallmark. This is the card we received from my mother in law for our second anniversary. We were married on Halloween, lest any of you happen to be wondering. Here’s to 30-40 more years of finding new and innovative ways to Mr. Heather insane!

Something Sinister On India Street

November 5, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

This following email is how I started my day today. It is entitled “114 India Street” and reads as follows:

1) Giant, fairly well-constructed fence. It went up Sunday evening. Work is being done behind it.

2) Sinister, typed note/poem tacked to said fence, sometime over the weekend. I read this and it gave me the creeps.

Check it out if you’re feeling curious.

Well, I got curious and checked it out. Sure enough, there was a crew working there and a poem was posted on the fence. Here it is.

We are coming

I thought Maggie Moos shut down for good. I didn’t realize they were relocating to Greenpoint. Or maybe this will be the site for Belvedere 666? Who knows… but I am looking forward to finding out!

Miss Heather

Greenpointers Are Good Americans

November 5, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

It’s been quite awhile since I have seen me some subway poster goodness here in the Garden Spot. This is because I rarely ride the subway anymore. However, last night I did and I didn’t come away disappointed.

Women’s Murder Club

Intrigued by the hole ripped out of this poster on the Smith & 9th Street bound platform, I went in for a closer look.

Smiley Face

What is that thing saying?

Pluck my teeth…

Oh, of course! I should have known! Pluck my theeth (sic) for freedom!

We Greenpointers might be distrustful of a lot of things, but we pull our share of the load when it comes to protecting god and country. We may not offer up our selves (or sons) as cannon fodder for Iraq, but we pitch in all the same. Our contributions are simply of a more, uh, personal caliber.

And if the smiles I see around here are any indication, we have been very generous.

Miss Heather

Miss Heather Goes To Astoria

November 5, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Last night Mr. Heather and I went to Astoria to dine with the brains (and brawn) behind Bucketman. We had a most enjoyable evening. I hope they did as well.

Many of you probably don’t know I once lived in Astoria. Back in 1998 I lived in an illegal basement apartment for a measly $550 a month (all bills paid!). I am certain such sweet deals (like the one I had) have gone the way of the $850 studio in the Garden Spot. But I digress.

My memories of Astoria are by and large fond ones. In the fuzzy clarity that is my Greenpoint hindsight, I remember it as being a nice family-oriented neighborhood with killer produce stands. My reasons for leaving were purely personal (READ: financial).

As you can imagine I was very curious to see how my old stomping grounds look in 2007. To this end I arrived early so I could walk around and see what’s cooking. What I saw was still more or less recognizable despite rampant construction and destruction. There were still lots of children at play whose parents laughed while watching them and gaggles of old coots staring at me like I have eight heads (and for the record, I don’t— I only let them out for special occasions like office parties and bar mitzvahs).

I searched in vain for a pile of poo that could compete with Greenpoint’s gargantuan doggie dumplings, but none were to be found. Just an anemic nugget here or there, little more. In a fit of poop induced pique, I pointed this out to Mr. Heather and he sagely reminded me:

This is a classier neighborhood, Heather.

How very true. Even the demolition sites have a certain genteel, down-home feel to them.

CASE IN POINT: 30-03 Newtown Avenue, a modest two story structure in the process of being demolished.

30-03 Newtown Avenue

Some of you might have noticed that part of the roof is missing. Some sourpuss complained that fine folks at First Class Wrecking didn’t have a permit to remove it. The fact is they do. I am certain it was all a big misunderstanding. Besides, with a door as warm and inviting as this one— a door of superior quality to the ones which grace most of the crappy condos I see here in Greenpoint nowadays, I would like to add— I am certain he (or she) won’t hold a grudge. Unlike many of the first class wrecks I have seen in Greenpoint, this one has a first class door to go with it!

Am I experiencing demolition envy? It is entirely possible. Especially given the painfully polite note affixed to this door. It is a veritable Amy Vanderbilt of construction-related communiques.

Please Keep Door Locked…

Isn’t it nice of them to advise employees (and would be trespassers) to lock up when they leave? Given this house (deceased) received two complaints about being illegally converted into a SRO*, I suppose it makes sense. As Motel 6 likes to say:

We’ll leave the lights on for you.

Miss Heather

*And much, much more.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

November 4, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Noble Street Chickens

The answer would be “to get to Red Hook and depreciate property values” if you were listening to NPR this morning. The show in question was Weekend Sunday Edition and what I heard was a gem of a quote from a Park Slope real estate agent maligning people who raise chickens in their backyard:

…What family in their right mind wants to buy a two million dollar house next to a chicken farm? You know, you think of chickens you think of some god forsaken place, upstate New York or some other country, not Brooklyn.

I’ll be upfront: I detest chickens. The previous having been said, I think the “boutique” rearing of chickens is a wonderful alternative to factory farming. Besides, if it is being conducted on private property in accordance to the laws of the City of New York you can’t do anything about it anyway.

Personal politics aside, I cannot help but wonder how upstate New Yorkers felt about having their stomping grounds referred to as “some god forsaken place”? I doubt they liked it very much. Hopefully one of them will see fit to give this chap (or his supervisor) a ring and make his (or her) feelings known.

On that note I have to run now. I need to go to Noble Street and buy me some chickens.*

Miss Heather

*In all seriousness folks, give this story a listen. Contained therein is a morsel of Park Slope arrogance at its very finest. It is not the purpose of this blog to take regular pot shots at Park Slope, but sometimes they make it so damned easy it is impossible for me to let the opportunity slip by.

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