Studio B: The Drama Continues

April 28, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Yes, it would appear that Studio B has been hit with a Stop Work Order.

April 21, 2008 to be precise.

For doing work they had no permission to do. That’s pretty much the par for the course here in Greenpoint. Do as thou whilst. What bothers me more than anything is this establishment was cited by the Department of Buildings for packing 650+ people in a space deemed safe for 461.

This gig (from January of this year) looks pretty packed. This photo comes courtesy of Studio B’s myspace page. I highly recommend checking this out— especially if you want to see a lot of posturing, guy liner and glassy eyes. Studio B has ’em all! 461+!

When Studio B gets that rooftop terrace done (permits be damned and they are well on their way, palm trees and all), there’ll be even more…

  1. People
  2. Noise
  3. Litter
  4. Fighting

And lest we forget: overcrowding.

If Studio B is permitted to allow, say 200 more people, how many patrons will actually occupy said premises? 700? 800? More?

Let’s face facts: their track record is pretty spotty. At best. They’re out to make a buck. More people = more money.

If the new (interim) Czar of the Department of Buildings* wants to make an example of someone in the Garden Spot I cannot think of a better establishment than Studio B.

Especially since their web site intimates they anticipate more capacity soon.

Intransigence, arrogance, chutzpah, hubris and/or graft, take your pick.

Miss Heather

*Or the F.D.N.Y.

Bushwick Photo du Jour: In Bloom

April 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

From Bogart Street.

Miss Heather

Lost Dog: Manhattan Avenue

April 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

As you can see the details are scant regarding this misplaced puppy, but if you have seen him (or her) please contact its owner at the above phone number.

Miss Heather

202 Franklin Street Gets Served

April 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

a court summons, that is.

Anyone who has lived in north Greenpoint for any appreciable period of time is familiar with this building. The tenants were driven out by a fire several years ago and despite a succession of different owners, the repairs needed to enable these people to move back home have never been done.

From what I could deduce from the court papers, they are petitioning the court for a 7A administrator. In nutshell, a 7A administrator is a “superintendent” assigned by the court to do repairs in cases of severe landlord neglect. Given the inexcusable situation at 202 Franklin, I see no reason why a reasonable judge (or an unreasonable one with an iota of compassion) would decline their request.

I wish the people of 202 Franklin the best of luck in court and hope they can call this building home again soon.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: No Sitting

April 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

Vollies Wanted: Bed Bug Workshop

April 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Williamsburg 

Here’s a taste of New York Shitty’s Kafkaesque bureaucracy for you: HPD agrees to raise awareness about bed bugs in Greenpoint March 6, 2008. The Greenpoint Reformed Church is the venue, the date is set: May 6, 2008. The city provides the above dorky (and copy-edited by yours truly because it had typos) flier. In English.

Problem: Not everyone in Greenpoint speaks English.

We have Spanish fliers, we have English fliers. What we don’t have are Polish fliers. Apparently the city needs 60 days to turn around that kind of thing. Do the math. This puts my buddy Ann (at the Greenpoint Reformed Church) in a position. The purpose of this post is two-fold:

  1. We need people to distribute fliers in Williamsburg, Greenpoint and Long Island City.
  2. We need someone to transcribe (READ: do data entry) this flier into Polish. The city (in its intransigence) won’t do it, so we will!

Anyone who is interested in helping out can contact the head honcha for this project— the inimitable Ann Kansfield— at:

ann (at) greenpointchurch (dot) org

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Deep Purple

April 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

From Orient Avenue.

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Real Estate Rhetoric: “The Village”

April 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit Signage, Greenpoint Magic 

Any resident of this area can tell you how laughably bad this advertisement is:

  1. Luxury lofts + village (sans idiot) + north Brooklyn = laughable
  2. These “luxury lofts” are located nowhere near the heart of anything. They are located south of the BQE in that disorienting no man’s land that downzoning forgot.
  3. In other words, this building is located in Greenpoint

But who cares about semantics! Let’s take a closer look at this “village” shall we?

Here’s a view of Richardson Street looking westward. Those quaint 8+ story tall buildings are condominiums.

Here’s a shot of Monitor Street. This street was named after the U.S.S. Monitor which was launched in Greenpoint. Lest any of you are wondering why the above row of edifices is punctuated, a two story house (AKA: “The Monitor Street Sandwich”) is to blame. I wonder how this petite chateau is faring? Let’s go in for a closer look!

Welcome to the village Greenpoint, FUCKS.

Miss Heather


Greenpoint:3, Philosophy Works: 0

April 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

God am I happy this week is almost over. I think I spent more time on the subway this week than I usually do in a month.

Thankfully I was provided ample entertainment in the way of the Crosstown Local ridership’s latest skirmish in the ongoing war for hearts and minds against Philosophy Works.

What’s more, I also learned our friends on the Manhattan-bound L train have joined the fray.

Miss Heather

P.S.: This post is dedicated to Copyranter, a blog I enjoy tremendously and am greatly relieved to learn will resume publication.

Fedders Friday: Gas Guzzler’s Delight

April 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Fedders Friday 

As I put forth in this post, there appears to be a striking corrolation between Fedders Specials and over-sized motor vehicles. Wishing to test my pet theory out, I went to the headquarters of all things Fedders: Bushwick. Here are my findings.


This thoroughfare is a hot bed of Fedders activity.

Exhibit A

As you can see, nary a lick of this property was wasted on plant life— not when valuable parking spaces will be lost! Priorities, folks!

Exhibit B

I suppose it would only be logical that the kind of person who doesn’t mind coming home to a Soviet-era pile of crapitecture every day would probably not be too concerned about greenhouse emissions or paying $4.00 for a gallon of gas. To the developer’s credit, at least this building has some semblance of a yard.

Exhibit C

While technically not a Fedders building (the air conditioning boxes are Friedrichs), this building has all the hallmarks of Fedderist Style:

  • Exposed meters
  • No greenery whatsoever
  • Some rather jaunty vandalism and…
  • Ample parking


While not nearly as impressive as its neighbor to the south, it has not been left unscathed. Case in point:

Nothing say “Howdy neighbor” like a five foot tall fence condoning off the entire frontage of your house.


Ass = Big ass Fedders Special + Big ass cars parked out front

But enough of this penny ante shit! Let’s see us a— how should I say— more statuesque example of Fedderization, shall we?


This one really needs to be seen in person to be appreciated.

But this detail should give you some idea of the delights that await you if you decide to make this monolith your home.

Let’s finish off this week’s installment of Fedder’s Friday with a bang by giving honorable mention to this bad boy on Troutman Street!

Granted, it possesses no Fedders boxes whatsoever but it embodies the spirit of Fedderization.

This is the entrance. The developers left nothing to chance: this gate is a full six feet tall.

Drive safely!

Miss Heather

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