Greenpoint
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Culture on the Cheap
Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Walk This Way
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From Jewel Street.
Miss Heather
Soviet Santa?
Life is rife with little ironies. In my case it is the fact that my father’s family (whose delightful mishmash of Lithuanian and Polish in the way of a surname I sport) immigrated to the United States via New York. It is possible— if not probable— my forebears once called Greenpoint home. Regardless one of their progeny lives in “Little Poland” now. A gal whose last name is laden with all the consonants, but alas something got lost along the way:
- I’m a vegetarian. The smell of kielbasa be it hot* or otherwise makes me queasy.
- I know very little in the way of Polish. What little I do know was learned here and would probably get me punched in the face.
Anyhoo, when I see stuff like the following (which hails from Manhattan Avenue) I really wish I was fluent in Polish.
I have no idea who SPOTKANIE z BALLADA is or what they do— but I like them! Enough so to steal commandeer the following poster to decorate my bathroom.
I cannot overstate how much joy the sight of this bit of knitted fanny floss gives me everyday. Which brings me back to their latest show. Upon closer examination I observed the “Santa” in their flier was a wee different than the one I grew up with.
It’s not the glassy-eyed expression on this gent’s face or his dirty undershirt. I’m used to that. It’s the solitary red star on his cap. This here Santa is a RED. Naturally I immediately brought this to the Mister’s attention.
Miss Heather: This Santa has a red star on his cap. He’s a Commie!
Mr. Heather: (laughing)
Miss Heather: What would Soviet Santa stuff in kids’ Christmas stockings?
Mr. Heather: (thinking)
Miss Heather: I know! A copy Das Kapital —and nothing else!
Mr. Heather: Or a free ride on his sleigh to the gulag.
Yet another childhood myth busted.
The jolly fat man (WEARING A RED SUIT NO LESS) who crawls down capitalist chimneys to give children of Bourgeoisie scum gifts every Christmas is in reality a Soviet agent. Don’t believe me? Think about what you asked dear Santa for as children, dear readers, and compare it to what you actually got. Uh-HUH. That Erector set you didn’t get wasn’t an accident, it was a message!
Rudolph’s red nose was in actuality a coded reference to a Sukhoi S-26 experimental ski-equipped jet fighter. Sleigh guided by a red-nosed reindeer my fat capitalist American ASS! And to think I grew up thinking he was a reindeer who had a cold— or possibly a cocaine problem.
I am now a sadder but wiser woman. Come Christmas Eve I imagine I’ll be kicking it in Alaska with my pal Palin. Our eyes (and scopes) will be locked on the Arctic Circle. When we take these infiltrators down I’ll leave the debriefing/interrogations/taxidermy to her.
Miss Heather
P.S.: This one goes out to you Mr. Heather. I never thought the (numerous) evenings I tried to write while listening to you watch Soviet aircraft porn on the television— LOUDLY— would amount to anything more than aggravation and wasted time. I was wrong. Thank you.
*Someone should make a porno called “Hot Kielbasa” and it should feature Ron Jeremy.
Halloween Photos du Jour: A Revue Of Garden Spot Pumpkinry
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From Calyer Street.
From Leonard Street.
From India Street.
From Sutton Street.
From Huron Street.
From Greenpoint Avenue.
Miss Heather
A Very Special Dedication
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Today’s offerings on New York Shitty are dedicated to the delightful and rather loquacious Little Joe of Bed-Stuy Banana.* You see, yesterday evening the Mister and I had the pleasure of showing him the haunted houses of Greenpoint and I gotta tell ya; he’s one tough customer! 85 Calyer was not sufficiently “scary”. 77 Russell had “friendly ghosts” as opposed to “scary ghosts” (although to be fair he rather liked the ghoul hanging in the tree).** The Anti Imbedded Mossad Partymobile barely registered a blip. They sure raise ’em tough in the ‘Stuy.
But even he had to concede the haunted house on Humboldt (now replendent with streaming green vomit action!) was “a little scary”.
This post is for you Little Joe! You know your haunted houses kiddo!
Miss Heather
*Whose great blog turned one year old this month!
**As did a photographer from AM NY who happened to be present at the time.
Photo Credits: Mr. Heather
Halloween Photos du Jour: McGolrick Park
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From District Dog’s Halloween Parade and Party.
Miss Heather
P.S.: For more great Greenpoint canine goodness be sure to check out my photo set on flickr!
P.S. #2: Lest you are wondering who the winner was, Bitchcakes (who has a great set of photographs from this event— there are also some nifty photos contributed by Victoria in the NYS photo pool as well) has the scoop:
The G Train Dog won! And in keeping with tradition, when called upon, the G Train (dog) would not move. He had to be coaxed from his spot by his owner. Hilarious!
G Is For OH MY FUCKING GOD!
Earlier this week we learned that a Williamsburger named Sal has a very special secret admirer who is into Lucha lovin’ a la upstate New York. Today October 25, 2008 I regret to inform you, dear readers that the unfathomable has indeed come to pass: someone has been deflowered on the Crosstown Local. I suppose $2.00 subway fare is still cheaper than a no-tell motel— although the more economical subway sybarite might consider purchasing an unlimited ride Metrocard instead.
You can get all the sordid deets (with visuals) over at Bitchcakes Commutes as she had the pleasure of discovering the artifacts and braggadocio from this dirty deed done dirt cheap.
Enjoy!
Miss Heather
Photo Credit: Bitchcakes
Greenpoint Photo du Jour: We Are The Champions!
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From Banker Street.
Miss Heather
Greenpoint Fashion Watch
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
This week (at least the portion of it I have had with Internet access anyway) I have been dialogging with chap named Tim. He wrote:
…your neighborhood is really the gift that keeps on giving–it’s so endlessly bizarre. love that. makes my east village look downright banal.
It’s true. I have lived in many places and have seen a lot of strange stuff but there has never been a place I have called home like Greenpoint. That’s why I love it so. It’s a refuge for eccentricity in an otherwise (and increasingly) uptight world. I feel genuinely blessed to be able to work in the neighborhood I live in as its purest essence can only be experienced when so-called “respectable” people are slaving away in nearby Manhattan. Which brings me to this.
Larry da Junkman spied this guy hanging outside our front door and admonished us:
I knew this guy back in Ridgewood 30 years ago. He’s nuts!
Well, this chap proved to be just that. But I really liked the personal entertainment system (or “Greenpoint iPod” as I like to call it) he was sporting: one cassette player with radio hung around his neck with twine and secured with duct tape.
I realize Mr. Blackwell (R.I.P.) would probably pan this fashion statement, but I give it two enthusiastic Greenpoint thumbs up! Practical, yet understated. Duct tape is the new black!
Of course not all genius comes so naturally. For others it takes years of careful cultivation —and the Garden Spot of the Universe is the perfect environment for freaks* of all varieties to bloom!
I imagine a number of you who have attended the Mermaid Parade over the years have seen this guy. He’s been a regular at the Mermaid Parade for some time now. What you might not know is this chap happens to be my neighbor. His name is Martin.
Here he can be seen (at right) listening with rapt interest to a tale Larry is telling him. He looks normal enough yes? Not exactly.
A stoned Mickey Mouse brandishing a 40. When I asked Martin about this he had an amusing story to relay. One day as he was walking down the street (wearing the above-depicted jacket) a child yanked on his father’s arm and exclaimed:
Hey look dad, it’s the old Mickey Mouse!
Out of the mouths of babes so they once said. This one goes out to you Greenpoint! When it comes to high fashion, you’re blue chip in my book!
Miss Heather
*And I mean this in the nicest possible way, as I too am one.
Halloween Photo du Jour: Graveyard
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
From Noble Street.
Miss Heather
Meet Castro
This comes courtesy of Rob Maher of District Dog.* Maggie and James write:
He is about 2 years old, rescued off the streets of Havana, Cuba. He is now full grown at 25 lbs with a unique puppy-like look.
He has been a wonderful and loyal pet and it breaks our hearts to let him go, but we have recently given birth to twins and can not give him the attention and stable environment he needs.
Early on he had a lot of anxiety and nervousness that with time we help him work out. He has a lot of energy that needs to be burned off daily or, as we have found, the anxiety returns.
He had been a perfect house dog until we became pregnant when the problems started reoccurring. He has begun to show occasional guarding aggression and unpredictable skittishness around other dogs and some strangers. We are hoping that in a stable home and with some love he can again become the great dog that we know he is.
He is crate trained, but is not dependent on the crate if you dont have room for it, but he is trained to quietly “go home” if you tell him to.
He does not bark excessively, nor does he chew or tear up anything. He is house trained and is not allowed on furniture he is not given permission to use. He also knows his basic commands including a recall to come.
He needs someone who has the time and energy to work with him both with daily exercise and with the aggression/ anxiety issues. We imagine that almost all of the issues could quickly be worked out with the right patience and guidance to get there.
Though he requires a little work, he has amazing potential that we have seen in the past. Because of his nervousness, however, he is probably not for novice or first time dog owners.
Anyone interested in meeting Castro (and ascertaining whether he is Raul or Fidel) should contact Maggie and James at:
jamescasestudio (at) gmail (dot) com
or Rob at: rob (at) doghabitat (dot) com
Miss Heather
*Who will be hosting a Halloween Dog Parade this Sunday at McGolrick Park!
Puppies of all ages on parade —I can’t wait!
NYS Flickr Pool
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