The 460 Clinton Avenue Panopticon
This week our good friend Richard came to town. I wanted to go to East Williamsburg; the Mister wanted to go to the Navy Yard. We did both— which presented a problem. Outside the confines of 11211, 11222, 11206, and 11237 I get fuzzy. What’s more the Mister and I engender the same belief about maps: they’re for assholes. Which brings me to this.
As Bugs Bunny would say:
I took a wrong turn at Albuqueque.
While the Mister was deciphering our misdirection I spied the following bit of dog shit signage.
The Block SEES YOU
MORNING & NIGHT
This is not a poopy park. Please taKe your dogs poop home and & flush! Don’t think the Block Watchers Don’t SEE you. You have lined the front of this house with poop. You continue to fill my garbage can with your dog poop. You have NOW forced ME to install A CAMERA. Please, Please take poop home & flush. Thank you. 460 Clinton Avenue.
The verbose nature of this sign, generous use of duct tape and random capital letters leads me to believe this person is serious. Or seriously pissed off.
Miss Heather
New York Shitty Day Ender: Redemption
Sunday is (ostensibly) a day of rest and spiritual contemplation in most of north Brooklyn. Hence why I’m going to end this day’s posts with the following.
Abandon all hope ye who use this pay phone (on Graham Avenue).
But redemption can be found down the street.
Sort of.
Per Captain Zorikh this is the place to get it. For the record 182 Graham Avenue is a SRO. Single. Room. Occupancy. Where, long ago, I had one of the most interesting— and curiously enough— least degrading (but odd) interviews for a sublet I have ever had. You can leave it to Dutch dominatrix to separate the wheat from the chaff. Or give me street cred for looking at a lavender wall replete with paddles, whips, chains and not being perturbed. In my (admittedly limited) experience the above-board sexual perverts (and I mean this in the kindest way) are benign. It’s the co-called normal ones, e.g.; bohunks wearing New York Yankees ball caps incorrectly (READ: backwards) who are dangerous.* But I digress.
A few years later I went to a party in same said building and told Mister Heather:
Had I not landed the apartment we have now, this is where I would have lived. You can still see the indentations where the restraints were anchored to the wall.
I failed miserably in the cooler-than-thou world that is the East Williamsburg apartment share scene. Which is curious because I excel at failure— something many East Williamsburg artists court— albeit ironically. I suppose I didn’t look stylish enough in my desperation. Or was *gasp* TOO OLD. So in Greenpoint remained. THANK GOD.
The Love Chapel: R.I.P. and available to rent!
But Jesus still saves.
And Satan is around the corner!
You want redemption? The best place I found today was on Navy Street in DUMBO. Good luck.
Miss Heather
*Those of you who seek them can find them in the East Village.
Williamspoint Video Du Jour: The Hungry March Band
As promised here is a a little footage of the Hungry March Band strutting their stuff at yesterday’s Kite Fest. Playing on the baseball diamond proved to be too hot to handle (because it was— SWELTERING— I can attest to this personally) so they decided to take their show on the road. Enjoy!
Those of you who want to learn more about the Hungry March Band (or simply want to listen to more music!) can do so by clicking here and here.
Miss Heather
Has Anyone Seen Brooklyn?
The cat, that is. When I found these fliers posted up and down Manhattan Avenue today my heart broke. If anyone has seen this Queen of felines named after the finest borough in New York City please contact her owner at the above telephone number or via email at:
kateapple (at) gmail (dot) com
Thanks!
Miss Heather
Urban Artifact Du Jour: Sarah, Get Your Gun!
Today your truly has sojourned through no less than Greenpoint, East Williamsburg, Clinton Hill and around the Navy Yard. We have company in town and decided to take our friend on the grand tour, if you will. It was towards the end of our excursion that I found the following gem on Clinton Avenue just underneath the Brooklyn Queens Expressway.
I’m not too sure what kind of game Ms. Palin was hunting in the wilderness of Clinton Hill but it looks like whatever it was got the better of her.
Miss Heather
P.S.: Although I already have far too much weird crap laying around this apartment already I brought this item home. Unless I hear from our favorite former Vice Presidential candidate I plan to make an art object out of it. Be advised that buttplug will probably be involved.
Greenpoint Restaurant Watch: 946 Manhattan Avenue
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Remember that most curious conversion I told you about last month? You know, the space that was formerly a bookstore but whose Certificate of Occupancy stated it was a funeral parlor? Well today the sign finally went up. And I have some very good news on the “culinary diversity” front!
Your eyes are not deceiving you. This eating and drinking establishment will be serving fare previously unavailable in my corner of Greenpoint.
Per the really friendly guys who erected the sign “La Taverna” will be serving “Mediterranean food”. When I queried them as to whether it would be Greek, Turkish, etc. they confessed that they did not know. Nonetheless I told them this was most welcome news because our community has too many Thai restaurants already. As you can see in the above photograph, they found this piquant observation quite amusing.
La Taverna
946 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
I got no word as to when this establishment will be opening its doors. However, I took a quick peek inside and the interior appears to be very close to completion. The tables, chairs, light fixtures— you name it— were all in place and the only thing I could see lacking were the customers. In other words I am going to prognosticate that La Taverna will be gracing the Garden Spot sooner rather than later!
Miss Heather
Williamspoint Slide Show Du Jour: Kite Day 2009
Hosting a kite flying event on a day with virtually no wind presents a certain number of challenges. However, a few of the more savvy kite lovers did manage to achieve flight— and there was more than enough entertainment to be found on terra firma. As you will see in the following selection of photographs I have assembled for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!
I’ll be uploading footage of the Hungry Marching Band later today so stay tuned. Now if you don’t mind I’m off to enjoy this most decidedly NON spring-like weather!
Miss Heather






























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