Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Southside Soap Opera
Filed under: Williamsburg
The “southside” of Williamsburg is not a place I like to frequent. The ungodly amount of traffic, noise and invasive construction makes my person avoid it almost every time. Almost. On a lark I walked through this neighborhood today and learned what I have been missing.
South 6th Street
This is what I call a multi-purpose sign. The author of this tome has a number of issues he (or she) wishes to address. Among them are:
- Bikes chained to fences
- Improper disposal of dog shit
- Drunken chicanery.
Who knew Billyburg south of the bridge was so exciting? Well, it is. And then some.
Broadway
I found this degraded flier of degradation and excess attached to a Fed-Ex drop box a block away. While a number of crucial elements were missing the message was more or less intact, e.g.;
- Do not date this man because…
- he “plays on women’s sympathies” and
- is a “liar, mooch, cheat”
This describes a number of men I have met in New York Shitty. Thankfully the woman who created this public service announcement highlighted a couple distinguishing characteristics of this loathsome Lothario so as to help her sisters cull the dating pool.
Bulging eyeballs and an affection for having dildoes shoved up his ass.
That should narrow down things a bit.
The Southside is much more interesting than I ever imagined. I’ll have to go back there more often.
With a strap-on.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Bedford Avenue
Filed under: Williamsburg
This Keith chap appears to be quite the player —and a very disorganized one at that. I have no doubt the story behind this missive has more twists and turns than a David Lynch movie.
Or my stomach after eating at Taco Bell.
Miss Heather
Free Enterprise in Bedford Stuyvesant
Filed under: Bed-Stuy
Bedford Stuyvesant has a number of endearing qualities. Their prowess for destroying public pay phones and taste for challenging art are only two facets of this much misunderstood gem of a neighborhood. The fine folks of the Stuy also happen to be some of the most innovative free market capitalists I have ever encountered.
This gentleman graces the street in front of a CPR school on Marcus Garvey Boulevard. It really says something about the good nature of the people in Bed-Stuy that he has be left untouched. Had someone placed this dummy in Greenpoint I can assure you something would be inserted in his mouth. But I digress.
C.P.R. training is but only one of the many services offered at this mobile home megaplex. They also sport an ambulance service.
But I’m not too sure I want to give or receive C.P.R. from people who also fish monger. Unless of course they have an adjacent Listerine concession stand. And these clever folks just might! Bed-Stuy’s barons of business are wily enough to out-Trump the Trump. I see C.P.R./Ambulance/Fish and Chips franchises gracing this great nation from coast to coast… and soon!
Miss Heather
A Study In Contrast
Last weekend on Jackson Street I had the pleasure of discovering one of the most verbose admonishments to remove one’s bicycle from another person’s premises I have ever seen.
The author of this note brings up a very salient point: there are certain legal ramifications to be had if someone injures him/herself on someone’s property. His (or her) argument for this bike’s removal is well thought-out and attempts to employ reason in the hopes the owner of this vehicle will do the right thing. Unfortunately this oft-used form of manipulation usually backfires because a great number of people on this planet are anything but reasonable. Perhaps they should give my new friends at Rude Towing a ring?
It has been my observation that the best inducements are the ones which make it known it is in the offender’s best interest to cease and desist with his/her anti-social behavior. Keep it concise and straight to the point. Like this classic piece of anti-bicycle signage from Calyer Street in Greenpoint.
I have walked by this house on a number of occasions. I have yet to see a bicycle affixed to it or any part of its property in any way, shape or form. It just goes to show Teddy Roosevelt was onto something when he said:
Speak softly and carry a
big sticka chain saw.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg’s First McMansion?
Filed under: Williamsburg
Just when I thought our friends off the L train could not possibly top the already strange (and in most cases hideous) melange of architecture that has recently become the standard there, a few buddies and I decided to take a walk down Jackson Street. I was, once again, proven very, very wrong.
Miss Heather: Holy shit.
Miss Rachael: That looks like something from southern California.
Miss Heather: I disagree. This house has Miami written all over it.
I can almost hear Tony Montana greeting one of his associates at the front gate exclaiming:
You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friends!
This has got to be the only house in north Brooklyn with cherubs gracing the front door. Or are they putti? I guess it doesn’t really matter. I haven’t seen a house here with those either.
Mr. Heather and I spent a half hour trying to determine what architectural style this is. He asserted it was Georgian. Sort of. We finally agreed that it was High Drug Cartel with Balconies. All this baby needs is a little Greco-Roman statuary and an ornate fountain in front of the entrance and your family business is ready to move in!
Miss Heather
P.S.: All in all I suppose this house isn’t too bad. At least not when compared to its neighbor across the street.
Dung Of The Day: Nassau Avenue
Last weekend I had the pleasure of having two friends accompany me on my weekly walk of Greenpoint. It was a most enjoyable experience for yours truly. We not did we chatter away but I got to play tour guide to boot. Of course there came a point on Nassau Avenue when I had to drop the amateur act and get down to business. What kind of business, you ask? The business that graces much of our neighborhood’s sidewalks. Yes, I am talking about dog shit.
I think. As soon as I saw this pasty pile of poo in front of the local funeral parlor I knew exactly what to do. To this end I opened my backpack, retrieved my bust of George Herbert Walker Bush and put it to good use.
This act of social commentary did not go unnoticed by my fellow passersby. The above two gentlemen stopped walking and engaged in a heated discussion in front of my object de arte. You have to hand it to us Greenpointers, we love to talk about politics.
Miss Heather
Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Morgan Avenue
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
This of course begs the question as to whether there is a polite approach to towing.
Miss Heather
So It Goes…
as Kurt Vonnegut would say.
Greenpoint lost a much-needed houseware store.
And by all appearances, it would appear a bank is slated to take its place. This will make three banks on one block: CitiBank, Dime Bank and WaMu. Needless to say this achievement will be duly noted on Gentrification Bingo.
Miss Heather
P.S.: Could someone please explain to me why banks have not seen fit to open shop north of Greenpoint Avenue?
Happy Easter From 110 Green Street!
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
HE HAS RISEN!
No, it was not Jesus seeking egress from Hell. It was this guy seeking entrance to 110 Green.
The above photograph was taken today, March 23, at 12:53 p.m. The two gentleman in front of the trailer had just completed lifting the third chap (who can be seen peeking over the scaffolding) on top of the trailer so he could access the work site.
That’s what I call team work!
Miss Heather
P.S.: When Mr. Heather and I walked by there later (1:30 p.m.) they were busy at work.
We also took note that Magic Johnson’s crew saw fit to dump/pump their concrete detritus on Green Street for all to enjoy. Imagine what wonders this will do for our sewer system!
State Funds Allocated For Brownfield Study
Last week I received a press release from the Newtown Creek Alliance announcing that they, the Greenpoint Manufacturing and Design Center and Riverkeeper have been awarded a New York State Brownfields Opportunity (! — Ed. Note) Area grant in the amount of $625,545. What is a “BOA Grant” you ask? Here is a brief synopsis from the aforementioned press release:
The BOA program, created in 2003 along with the State’s Brownfield Cleanup Program, is an innovative planning program that provides communities with financial assistance to facilitate the collection of basic information about an area blighted with brownfields. The program provides assistance to identify, prepare, create, develop, and assemble information to be included in an application to “nominate†an area as a BOA. The program also provides financial assistance for site assessments performed in designated BOAs.
Designation of an area as a BOA can provide other benefits. For example, projects located within the BOA can receive priority and preference when considered for financial assistance under some State, federal or local programs, and may receive preference in infrastructure improvements. A BOA designation is likely to help attract redevelopment interest because of the community support that underlies a BOA plan.
The funds for studying Newtown Creek will be used in manifold number of ways. Among them are:
…to assess redevelopment opportunities for contaminated sites along the Creek pursuant to intensive community input, emphasizing high-performance, environmentally sustainable industrial uses, parks and wetlands creation, and improved environmental infrastructure. The study will examine the watershed as a whole in an effort to improve the environmental condition of both the land and water. The Newtown Creek study area includes portions of Long Island City, Maspeth, Greenpoint, East Williamsburg, and Bushwick.
Those of you who are interested in getting the full scoop (or simply want to savor sound bites from numerous public officials) click here and you will be directed to the press release on Riverkeeper’s web site. Be advised this item is in PDF format.
Miss Heather
NYS Flickr Pool
