LAST GASP: Not Fade Away

March 3, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11205, Brooklyn, Clinton Hill 

Okay, this event is not in north Brooklyn— but it DOES feature the work of a fellow north Brooklynite: a very talented lady named Geralyn Shukwit. Not Fade Away will feature (and I quote):

…Color photographs of a slowly disappearing Detroit, lost areas of NYC,
and a little nostalgia found within Re*Pop itself.

Those of you who are pondering options as to what to do this upcoming Friday night should give this show consideration. I have seen Ms. Shukwit’s work in person. It’s absolutely stunning. What’s more, wine and refreshments are promised. Check it out!

Not Fade Away
March 5, 2010
Opening Reception: 7:30 -10:00 p.m.
Re*Pop
68 Washington Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11205

You can get a sneak peek of what awaits you by clicking here.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: Fulton Street

burns

This post goes out to the campaign worker who hit my buzzer at 7:00 p.m. this evening and asked me (by my legal name— which indicates she culled it from the voter registration rolls):

Hi, (my legal name) I’m a campaign worker for Michael Bloomberg. Do you plan on voting for him this November?

Me:

No, Thank you.

My buddy at Queens Crap thought I was showing traces of my Texas upbringing: humble hospitality. Hardly. I have made up my mind who I want for mayor…

burnsNYS

and it is Montgomery Burns!

I suspect I speak for many of my fellow Greenpointers when I write that I have given up on decent (not exceptional, above average or even average) representation (for our taxation). Many candidates (and the self-appointed pillars of our community who backed them— you know who you are) cloaked themselves in the sanctimonious cloth of reform in the months leading up to the Democratic primary and run-off. And these same people, the reformers, engaged in some of the sleaziest campaign practices, tricks, duplicity, chicanery and outright intimidation I have ever beheld. Probably because they were seeking sinecures— but that’s my humble opinion.

If I stated, for example— and this is totally hypothetical— that the McCarren Park Soccer League’s email list was used to solicit votes David Yassky or Bill DeBlasio I’d be totally out of line. If I stated (once again, for example— hypothetical) that youths 18 years and older in said soccer league were hired to canvass for Evan Thies before the Democratic primary I have no doubt it would net me a nastygram from a lawyer.

But I am not suggesting either of the previous came to pass. I’m just hypothesizing. I have a very active imagination. The pillars of my community have reminded me of this. Often.

James “Jimmy” John Walker, one of our fair city’s more corrupt (if charming, dapper and loquacious) Mayors summed my cynicism when he said:

A reformer is a guy who rides through the sewer in a glass bottom boat.

What does “reform” mean when we are forced to choose among candidates whose records REEK? Candidates who have clearly dipped their tootsies into the sewer of New York City real politik and will promise anything to anyone in order to get elected?

For this reason I am backing Burns. Burns is honest about his corruption. He promises nothing. He does not claim to be a reformer and as such I can anticipate being screwed six ways to Sunday under his regime. In this regard Bloomberg is much more circumspect. The true hallmark of a masochist is the anticipation of punishment. I am not a masochist. It’s a matter of control.

I prefer to take my medicine upfront— and make Mike my bitch.

Miss “Sorry Staten Island, you’re on your own*” Heather

P.S.: For more information about how Montgomery Burns Bloomberg will lead this city into 21st 19th Century click here. Caveat: be ready to laugh your ass off. Who knew plutocracy and political disenfranchisement could be so fun(ny)?

*This is satire.

Last Gasp: DISGUSTING

June 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, Clinton Hill, Greenpoint Magic 

239 Myrtle

Well, it did fall.

The previous slide show beautifully illustrates the ineptitude of the Department of Buildings (lest I have not made it clear already*) comes courtesy of Lesterhead. With public servants like this, who needs enemies?

You can peruse complaints leading up to this incident including these gems dating from May 1, 2009

crackkillsNYS

ECBviolation293myrtleavenue

by clicking here and here. And do check out Clinton Hill Blog for the full scoop.

Miss Heather

*And of course there is my personal favorite: 156 India Street. You were (and are) really on top of that one, Department of Buildings! Hence why the Red Cross was brought in.

P.S.: For those of you who are curious (or homeless as a consequence of this) 493 Myrtle Avenue LLC can be reached here.

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: F*ck Fare Hikes

April 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: Clinton Hill, Crosstown Local 

fuckfarehikes

You can always leave it to our friends in Clinton Hill to set the record straight as to how we G trainers feel about the Metropolitan Transit Authority.

Miss Heather

The 460 Clinton Avenue Panopticon

April 27, 2009 ·
Filed under: Clinton Hill, Dog Shit Signage 

This week our good friend Richard came to town. I wanted to go to East Williamsburg; the Mister wanted to go to the Navy Yard. We did both— which presented a problem. Outside the confines of 11211, 11222, 11206, and 11237 I get fuzzy. What’s more the Mister and I engender the same belief about maps: they’re for assholes. Which brings me to this.

460-clinton-ave

As Bugs Bunny would say:

I took a wrong turn at Albuqueque.

While the Mister was deciphering our misdirection I spied the following bit of dog shit signage.

theblockwatchers

The Block SEES YOU
MORNING & NIGHT
This is not a poopy park. Please taKe your dogs poop home and & flush! Don’t think the Block Watchers Don’t SEE you. You have lined the front of this house with poop. You continue to fill my garbage can with your dog poop. You have NOW forced ME to install A CAMERA. Please, Please take poop home & flush. Thank you. 460 Clinton Avenue.

The verbose nature of this sign, generous use of duct tape and random capital letters leads me to believe this person is serious. Or seriously pissed off.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Redemption

April 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Clinton Hill, Williamsburg 

Sunday is (ostensibly) a day of rest and spiritual contemplation in most of north Brooklyn. Hence why I’m going to end this day’s posts with the following.

abandon-all-hope

Abandon all hope ye who use this pay phone (on Graham Avenue).

captain-zorikh

But redemption can be found down the street.

captains-prefer-fedders

Sort of.

182-graham-avenue

Per Captain Zorikh this is the place to get it. For the record 182 Graham Avenue is a SRO. Single. Room. Occupancy. Where, long ago, I had one of the most interesting— and curiously enough— least degrading (but odd) interviews for a sublet I have ever had. You can leave it to Dutch dominatrix to separate the wheat from the chaff. Or give me street cred for looking at a lavender wall replete with paddles, whips, chains and not being perturbed. In my (admittedly limited) experience the above-board sexual perverts (and I mean this in the kindest way) are benign. It’s the co-called normal ones, e.g.; bohunks wearing New York Yankees ball caps incorrectly (READ: backwards) who are dangerous.* But I digress.

A few years later I went to a party in same said building and told Mister Heather:

Had I not landed the apartment we have now, this is where I would have lived. You can still see the indentations where the restraints were anchored to the wall.

I failed miserably in the cooler-than-thou world that is the East Williamsburg apartment share scene. Which is curious because I excel at failure— something many East Williamsburg artists court— albeit ironically. I suppose I didn’t look stylish enough in my desperation. Or was *gasp* TOO OLD. So in Greenpoint remained. THANK GOD.

the-love-chapel

The Love Chapel: R.I.P. and available to rent!

jesus-saves-on-graham-ave

But Jesus still saves.

jesus-vs-the-beast

And Satan is around the corner!

redemption-on-navy-streetnys

You want redemption? The best place I found today was on Navy Street in DUMBO. Good luck.

Miss Heather

*Those of you who seek them can find them in the East Village.

Urban Artifact Du Jour: Sarah, Get Your Gun!

April 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Clinton Hill, Urban Artifact 

Today your truly has sojourned through no less than Greenpoint, East Williamsburg, Clinton Hill and around the Navy Yard. We have company in town and decided to take our friend on the grand tour, if you will. It was towards the end of our excursion that I found the following gem on Clinton Avenue just underneath the Brooklyn Queens Expressway.

s-palinnys

I’m not too sure what kind of game Ms. Palin was hunting in the wilderness of Clinton Hill but it looks like whatever it was got the better of her.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Although I already have far too much weird crap laying around this apartment already I brought this item home. Unless I hear from our favorite former Vice Presidential candidate I plan to make an art object out of it. Be advised that buttplug will probably be involved.

New York Shitty Day Ender: Zoo York

April 8, 2009 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, Clinton Hill, Greenpoint Magic, Park Slope, Williamsburg 

blackdog

5th Avenue

washingtonaveboxer

Washington Avenue

deer

St. Mark’s Avenue

bedfordavedog

dogonbedford

Bedford Avenue

snake

pig

Metropolitan Avenue

zebratruck

North 1 Street

iguana

Nassau Avenue

twosome

Manhattan Avenue

Miss Heather

Brooklyn Photo du Jour: No Standing St. Nick!

November 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Clinton Hill, Navy Yard 

From Franklin Avenue.

Miss Heather

Dangerous Buildings, Places And Things, Oh My!

November 24, 2007 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

My buddy over at Bad Advice has been experiencing a very bad problem lately. The fly in Dategirl’s proverbial ointment is the rather fast and loose demolition being conducted next door to her property. The author of the aforementioned affliction is MMG Construction. Ms. Grasso and her funky bunch sure seem to get around.

In the wee hours of Thursday, November, 15, 2007 Dategirl wrote:

I’m really freaked out about what’s going on next door. They’ve knocked out my phone (the lines are laying on the ground across N. 11th!), the cable TV/internet and the building is rocking like, uh, a building is NOT supposed to when they’re working. Thank christ Con Ed and the water supply is underground. I’ve spoken to Marie Grasso (of MMG Construction— Ed. Note) several times. As you might imagine, she’s not been terribly helpful, though she did demand that the backhoe operator repair my cable tv with a roll of electrical tape. (Shockingly, that didn’t work.) I am losing my fucking mind over here

Later the same day The Gowanus Lounge wrote a post about her woes. I, on the other hand, contacted our State Assemblyman, Joseph Lentol via his web page. MMG was tendered a Stop Work Order that same afternoon.

Oh my!

And shortly thereafter someone saw fit to rip it down. Please click on the previous link: if for no other reason so you can behold the following turd of a comment for firsthand:

Anonymous said…

I really enjoy reading your site, as well as the other sites that like to whine and complain about development. Where do you get your information? It is pure fiction!

1. The contractor was never violated (!!!— Ed. Note) for an illegal mechanical demolition. You made that up.

2. The SWO sticker was taken down because the SWO was partially lifted.

You should get your facts straight before bashing people.

Actually “Anonymous” (if that is your real name), the contractors (and the developers who hired them) do most of the violatin’ hereabouts. The area in question, which I recently heard referred to (albeit mockingly, but I am certain you will pick it up as a new piece of sexy real estate jargon) as “McCarren Heights”, is being thoroughly sacked by space pirates. But unlike most corsairs (historically speaking) these privateers for the privileged (because there are simply not enough luxury condos to house them, poor dears) are operating with tacit written approval from a government. Our government, which brings me to this.

Lentol Letter

I received this in the mail today. WAY TO GO JOE!

Those of you who might be interested to know what Mr. Lentol’s district looks like prepare to be enlightened, because here it is.

50th Assembly District

The more astute observers among you might notice that the area highlighted in pink is experiencing a number of*, uh, growing pains*. If you live in the above pinkified area and gentrification is literally knocking at/beating down your front door, I would advise you to contact Mr. Lentol via snail mail at:

District Office
619 Lorimer Street
Brooklyn, NY 11211
718-383-7474

Or send him an email (like I did) at:

lentolj (at) assembly.state.ny.us

In terms of constituent services, Lentol is the best. What’s more he really seems to care. Write him.

Miss Heather

*It’s amazing how much outrage MMG Construction elicits from the media when her idiots bust up something a rich neighborhood. Can someone please explain to me why this woman is still in business? Who is she paying off and for how much? My curiosity is killing me.

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