Joe Lentol Is On IDT Energy

December 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: 11222, Asshole, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Here’s a fact sheet courtesy of Concerned Citizens of Greenwood Heights.

Learn it, live it, love it— or get screwed. The choice is yours.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Too Little, Too Late

December 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Meserole Avenue.

Miss Heather

A Few Thoughts About Cats & Dogs

December 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

There are two types of people in this world: dog people and cat people. While I consider myself an animal person in general (hence why I am a vegetarian) I have the presence of mind to know which one I am: a crazy cat lady. Not that it would take a rocket scientist to figure this out, mind you: I am reminded of the fact every day at around 5:00 a.m. This is when Chez Shitty’s pride starts agitating for breakfast. Believe you me if Greenpoint had lobbyists in the public interest as persistent as my furkids our neighborhood would be a much different place. But I digress.

This is not to suggest that I dislike dogs (such as the lovely Miss Olive depicted at left). I do. Canines simply don’t appeal to my peculiar sensibilities. “Man’s best friend” (as they are rightfully called) are pack animals. They very much desire to have a leader, an “alpha dog” that tells them what to do, when to do it, and so forth. In a nutshell they are eager to please. A little too eager, if you ask me.

While some might like to start their day with slobbery licks and wagging tails, this is not for yours truly. The way I see it, such auspicious beginnings only lead to disappointment later. No sir, when it comes to preparing ones self for the rigors of the day yours truly wants to wake up to a face like this.

Meet Joy. She is one of the many adorable and adoptable cuties calling Empty Cages Collective her home. Rest assured this 1,000 mile stare is only skin fur deep. She is in actuality a very sweet young lady who would very much like to exchange her life behind bars for a nice, warm, cozy home this holiday season. Maybe yours? Joy has had all her shots, is FIV and Feline Leukemia free and has been spayed. What’s more she has also been litter trained!

Which brings me to the primary reason I prefer cats over dogs.

When an ice storm hits you don’t have to dress them up, schlep outside and pick up their poop: a litter box will suffice.

You can learn more about Joy and her friends by checking out Empty Cages Collective’s Pet Finder page. And remember kids crack kills!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: WHAT IS THIS?

December 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic 

Okay. This conglomeration of stuff (from Guernsey Street) is nothing new. It has been around as long as I can remember (eight years). Initially I thought it was a trellis for roses. In the absence of such greenery, however, I am beginning to have my doubts.

Whatever it is it has gotten larger over the years. Much larger.

I would also be remiss if I didn’t point out that (as a sculptor) I find the assortment of media pressed into service to create this structure diabolically resourceful. Among the items I can clearly identify as components are part(s) of a bunk bed, an ironing board, a shoe rack, several mops, a baker’s rack, a chandelier and a couple of curtain rods. But back to the purpose of this post: what is this? Anyone out there know the scoop? If so, please share.

Miss Heather

UPDATE, 4:30 p.m.: We have an answer! (See comments)

‘Tis The Season: Let There Be Lights!

December 22, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Huron Street.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Welcomes Alaskan Sun Tanning!

December 22, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

When someone says the “the land of the midnight sun”* a number of things come to mind. And quite frankly none of them are very appealing:

  1. Sarah Palin
  2. Sherry Johnston
  3. Levi Johnston (I have no doubt in due time the apple won’t fall too far from the tree (See Point #2). And of course, there’s this.)
  4. Teenage/unplanned pregnancy**

In regards to point #2, at least she got out on bail in time to meet her grandchild. Some of you may not agree with my politics and that is your prerogative. However, in light of the recent presidential election (and all the hilarity that came with it) would you name your establishment this?

If you’re opening a business at 842 Manhattan Avenue in Greenpoint, Brooklyn you would!

A tanning parlor. That’s about as useful (and needed) here as a(nother) bank, Thai restaurant, bar or 99 cent store.

Alaskan Sun Tanning
Hours: 10:00 a.m. – 10:00 p.m., 7 days a week
842 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 349-5914

I wonder if they’ll be slinging bags of meth with those UV rays? After all the Garden Spot is the birth place of Hot Sausage!

Miss Heather

*This was the subject of lively debate here at Chez Shitty. The Mister said Alaska was called “The Final Frontier” I said I thought it was “The Land of the Midnight Sun”. After some googling we learned that we both were in fact correct. For a chuckle check out the Alaska Governor’s Office’s “Facts and Misconceptions” page. Did you know a deluxe hamburger will only set you back $5.00-$9.95 in Alaska? I didn’t! Oh yeah, and I almost shot claret out of my nose when I saw this. Someone for the love of god PLEASE name a Van Halen cover band after this child!

**Yes, I know this happens. But if you had a teenage daughter who was pregnant would you have subjected her to national scrutiny by accepting a vice presidential nomination? Really? Of everyone in the Palin clan Bristol is the only one I have any sympathy for. I wish her the best of luck (because she’ll need it).

DISCLAIMER: This is satire. I wish our newest business the best of luck (although I find baking one’s body in a toaster oven utterly repulsive). I am not insinuating that Alaskan Sun Tanning is now nor will be a front operation for the sale of methamphetamines. Those of you who have children with Down’s Syndrome please do not get your panties in a wad. Unless of course you named your kid “Van Palin”. In which case you should have known better.

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Psychic Fur

December 22, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

‘Tis The Season: McCarren Park

December 22, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Upon noticing that there were a few items under this bit of Yuletide cheer I went in for a closer look.

That’s Williamsburg Greenpoint for you! Yes, technically McCarren Park is in Greenpoint.

This fella lost his antlers.

So I put them back!

Miss Heather

Halloween In Greenpoint

November 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Yesterday I had the pleasure dispensing fistfuls of teeth-rotting goodness to children of all ages at the junk shop. The zeal with which I took to executing this task seemed to surprise Larry da Junkman:

That’s really cute.

Me: What?
Larry: You handing out candy. You really like doing this, don’t you?
Me: Of course I do. It’s HALLOWEEN!

Who couldn’t enjoy giving the gift of refined sugar to a Jedi master as sweet as this one?

I like to call this guy “Chicken Little”.

This little Lion King’s make-up got a little discombobulated in transit.

No worries, mom repainted his whiskers and he was good as new! A curious dialog came to pass when I asked this little guy’s parents if I could take his picture.

Father: Are you going to put this online?
Me: Maybe. Probably on flickr.
Father: Do you have a web site?
Me: Yes.
Mother: Is it New York Shitty?
Me: Well actually it is.
Mother: You’re the lady who takes all the pictures!
Me: Whew! I was expecting you to say something a lot worse!

The above two photographs do not do this little fella justice. He was heart-wrenchingly adorable! But Halloween is not just about cherubic faced young ‘uns.

As you can see the guys at Papacitos* got into the Halloween spirit! The above gentleman gyrated for a good 20-30 seconds while exclaiming:

Can you see my junk?

I told him “yes” and gave him a lollipop. Very few things have the power to truly shock me anymore; this is because I was once a civil servant. That said, bipeds were not the only creatures wearing costumes today.

This poodle sported her finest fettle for the occasion.

And I even made the acquaintance of a pirate pup!

As I was handing out candy a woman I know, a bona fide Greenpoint old-timer, pulled me aside and said:

You realize a lot of these people (I was giving candy to) do not live here.

I had honestly not given the matter any thought. This is probably because I do not care.

Halloween is about dressing up, flauting the drudgery and conventions of everyday life and having fun. It is very much a collective experience¬† —not unlike Christmas or New Year’s Eve. It is— in its strange way— about sharing. I am not going to ask for proof of residency before doling out lollipops or Hershey’s Kisses to children. There was more than enough confectioneries and fun to go around. For everyone.**

I suppose this makes me a candy-giving Commie —or a lollipop pimping populist.

Make that a newly zombified lollipop pandering populist —or carnivorous Commie!

BRAINS!!!

Miss “Living Undead” Heather

P.S.: You can see more pix of Halloween on Manhattan Avenue by clicking here.

*Who have made themselves near and dear to my heart by serving up vegan breakfast tacos. Thanks guys!

**Save a CONSTRUCTION WORKER from (where else?) the Viridian who snatched a lollipop from my tray without asking and then proceeded to laugh about it with his cronies (one of whom said “Hey lady, can I suck on a lollipop?”). This chap, dear readers, was a certifiable grade “A” ASSHOLE. The least this man could have done is ASKED FIRST —but I suppose he felt “entitled” to it. Clearly he was not taught good manners like the following child (I gave a heaping helping of candy to today):

Child #1 (after I gave him a fistful of candy): I want a Hershey’s Kiss.
Child #2: You shouldn’t tell people what you want. It’s not very nice.
Miss Heather (to child #2): You my friend have very good manners. For this reason you are getting a Hershey’s kiss.

Kindness and civility go a long way folks. Or at the very least you can show me your “junk” when pandering for junk food. Grabbing shit off my candy tray is just plain RUDE.

Halloween Photos du Jour: Finally!

October 22, 2008 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

After getting off to late start I am pleased to announce that 97 Russell Street is getting down to some serious Halloween business! What’s more I got to meet the woman behind some of this madness (she was waiting for her husband to arrive with a lift so they could hoist a ghost onto their tree) and get the 411 as to what is going on.

Apparently the reason they got off to a late start this year (the left-hand side of the yard was still incomplete as of today) was because she went on a trip to Egypt (!) and her hubby didn’t where she had stashed all the Halloween goodness!

Once the aerosol foam insulation dries on this bad boy he’ll be brandishing a meat cleaver! YAY!

This cute little witch holds court with her retinue of ghosts above the front door…

right next to this rather nasty looking fella.

Scaryass clown? Check.

Wraith and an organ? Check.

These skulls on a pike come from Long Island!

I can hardly wait to see what this looks like once they fire up the smoke machine. (YES, they’re going to have one!)

Last week I learned from their neighbors over on Humboldt that there is some long-standing friendly competition between brains behind the Humboldt Hurler and the folks at 97 Russell. As a matter of fact, their properties abut each other —enabling them to keep careful track of each others progress. It’s all in good fun though. The incredibly kind woman at 97 Russell told me today with a hint of pride that their house and 648 Humboldt were featured in the New York Daily News last year. This came to pass because her daughter happens to be a reporter for this publication.

Now that’s what I call an inside scoop!

Miss Heather

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