From The New York Shitty Inbox: Tour The ‘Creek For $10.00!

Strike A Pose

Shit Tits and Scrap Metal

Ribbed For Her Pleasure

That’s right folks: thanks to the NYCEF Newtown Creek Fund of the Hudson River Foundation ten bucks buys you a trip up our very own Shit Newtown Creek! Those of you who are interested in this very special opportunity better act fast. I imagine tickets are gonna sell out quick!

Newtown Creek Boat Tour(s)
October 23, 2011 10:00 – Noon; 1:00 – 3:00 p.m.
Cost: $10.00 (You can purchase tickets by clicking here!)
Leaves from Pier 17 at South Street Seaport
New York, New York 10038

Special thanks go out to Mitch Waxman of the Newtown Pentacle for not only bringing this to my attention— but it should also be noted he will be the Master of Ceremonies! You can read about what he has cooked up for Open House New York (which is October 15th) by clicking here. Check it out!

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Gone Fishing

August 18, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Newtown Creek 

The boathouse may have gone the way of many a vision for this, north Brooklyn’s Seine…

but as you can see that doesn’t mean the kayak launch isn’t being put to good use.

Jay (who took the photographs gracing this post) writes:

Hey Heather – I brought my lunch to the park at the end of Manhattan Ave (what’s the name? Newtown Creek Park? and came upon a couple of gentlemen who were planning their next meal — right outta the water. These two fellows were using a raw chicken drumstick as bait for crabs on the bed of the Newtown Creek…. and, boy, were they successful. In just a few minutes they pulled up about a dozen crabs as I watched them toss the chicken leg attached to a rope and haul up crabs two by two (clinging to the chicken leg with their claws). I inquired if they intended to actually eat their catch. And, yes, indeed they were. The one guy I talked to said (in limited English and with hand gestures) that he cleans each crab by putting them in buckets and changing the water ‘four or five times’ over the period of a few hours, then he made a motion like the was scrubbing something with a brush and, finally, the crabs get boiled. have you heard of anyone ever eating crabs from the creek?? …The closest I get to eating shellfish in this town is the Lobster Joint!

Believe it or not, I had someone tell me about this chap recently. Hence why I feel compelled to point out one thing Jay overlooked: he uses— no—- make that repurposes—- condoms fished from the creek and uses them for “floaters”. E.g.; when it bobs up and down that means he has just scored a haul of eightten-legged toxic goodness. Yum!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Live From Newtown Creek

Shit Tits and Scrap Metal

While prognosticated, the rapture did not happen today. Or if it did I was left behind and am ready, willing and able to process copious amounts of photographs and video footage from my Newtown Creek experience. Before we proceed here are some interesting facts/observations:

  • Courtesy of a nearby radio station the Kosciuszko Bridge is “live”. In other words when men perform maintenance on it they must be “grounded”.
  • The sour mash from breweries which formerly dotted the creek were fed to cows and their milk (which was reputed to taste ratherĀ  awful) was then sold to orphanages at deep discounts. For this reason the product was called “orphan’s milk”.
  • The “product” from our local waste treatment plant is dried into cakes (their words, not mine) and sold on the open market as fertilizer.
  • After a week of heavy rainfall Newtown Creek is awash in Coney Island whitefish.

A Bit About Hunters Point (South) Development

Two Words: SHIT TITS!

Our tour guide, Mitch Waxman, explains the provenance of “DUGABO”

The First, But Hardly Last, Condom Spotting of the Day

The Penny Bridge Is Discussed


A Representative from Riverkeeper Speaks, Part I: Waste Management

TEASER/CAVEAT: If you watch carefully you will see the putrefied bloated corpse of a cat drifting in the water.

A Representative from Riverkeeper Speaks, Part II: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About The Shit Tits

In closing I will leave you with this very informative brochure from my sojourn. You can view it by clicking here.

Miss Heather

Spotted On Manhattan Avenue: Mixology

It is a little known fact that yours truly has tried— and to date, failed— to create a cocktail honoring the Seine of north Brooklyn. Yes, I am talking about none other than Newtown Creek. What has kept holding me back is how to make such a concoction chartreuse in hue. Sure, absinthe would do in a pinch but that struck me as being too “up-market”.

I am pleased to announce that thanks to the magical place that is Manhattan Avenue I have had a break-through! Wanna make a “Newtown Creek”, cocktailians? I will show you the way:

  • Take one four quart container of Peak brand anti-freeze.
  • Add one pint of Pride & Clark brand vodka.
  • Shake (don’t stir stir)
  • Garnish with one Coney Island whitefish*

And *presto*, you’re ready to go…

to Woodhull, that is.

Miss Heather

*A used tampon or tampon applicator is also acceptable.

MARK YOUR CALENDARS: Newtown Creek Boat Tour

I almost forgot about this one but thankfully got a reminder from my buddy (and Chairman of the endeavor): Mitch Waxman. Despite the untimely passing of Bernard Ente, the tour guide extraordinaire of this event, the show must go on. And go on it will this upcoming May 21st. Tickets cost $60.00 per person and can be purchased by clicking here or contacting Mitch via email at: waxmanstudio (at) gmail (dot) com. I am very aware that $60.00 is a pretty hefty sum for many folks however, I speak from personal experience that you will get an eyeful (and noseful) for your money. Follows is a slide show of highlights from a tour yours truly took a few years ago. Enjoy!

Working Harbor Tour of Newtown Creek
May 21, 2011 starting at 10:00 a.m.
Pier 17, South Street Seaport
New York, New York 10038

Miss Heather

Newtown Creek Photos du Jour: Car

April 22, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11378, Maspeth, Maspeth Queens, Newtown Creek 

Taken April 22, 2011.

Miss Heather

P.S.: The first thing which came to my mind upon seeing this was this segment from the movie Risky Business.

Reader Contributions du Jour: Garden Spot Rainbows

April 5, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Newtown Creek 

Taken by Todd.

Taken by Christo.

Tonight’s Town Hall meeting was contentious to say the very least.* So much so yours truly saw fit to make a stop on the way home for some medicinal spirits. Needless to say I was delighted to find these nice, soothing images in my inbox when I arrived home. Great job, guys!

Miss Heather

*Naturally I shot footage and will be sharing this Greenpoint goodness— so check back!

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool, Part III: Newtown Creek

Crossing Polaski Bridge

Taken by Will Star.

Miss Heather

Queens Slide Show du Jour: D.U.P.A.L.I.C. & Beyond

59 Street Bridge

Yesterday was a rather trying one for yours truly. First it was my site crashing at midnight. This made me rather unhappy. Awakening to find it was still down made me unhappier. Realizing however this was due to factors way beyond my control I decided to revisit one of my favorite places…

Polish Paradise

Polish Paradise located in scenic D.U.P.A.L.I.C. (Down Under the Pulaski At Long Island City). As always, it did not disappoint.


For starters, this is without argument the largest pot hole yours truly has ever laid eyes upon.


And of course there is the extensive array of empty liquor containers to be found at this location. I was particularly impressed with this 1.75 liter bottle of Hennessy. That stuff ain’t cheap! Arguably the most provocative part of my trek came to pass in a rather desolate part of Long Island City. It was there I was somewhat startled to hear someone shout:

Hey lady, why aren’t you in Greenpoint?

This came courtesy of the inimitable proprietress of Word Books: Christine Onorati. In any case (and without further ado) here are some highlights from my journey. NOTE/SPOILER: There’s some pretty neat street art at the end. Enjoy!

You can view the above slide show in larger format by clicking here.

Miss Heather


From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Full Moon Over Newtown Creek

March 20, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Newtown Creek 

Manhattan Moonshine

Taken by Tim Schreier.

Miss Heather

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