Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Never Say Never

November 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11206, 11211, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

never

This missive (which hails from Broadway just shy of Gerry Street) reminds me of a former roommate of mine. One day, after tiring of looking at his besmirched manties (which had been gracing the bathroom floor for no less than two days) I took action. I put on a pair of latex gloves, deftly placed the offending item in a Ziploc bag (with the “business” showing) and taped this parcel at eye level onto the refrigerator. The next day they were gone. Nothing was ever said, but he never did it again. Billy— wherever you are— this one’s for you.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Jackass

November 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

jackass

From West Street.

Miss Heather

Meet The Jello Mold Mistress of (North) Brooklyn

November 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Thanksgiving Day will soon enough be upon us and with it comes food. Lots of it. To this end I spent yesterday hunting and gathering foodstuffs so as to make Chez Shitty’s traditional Thanksgiving fare: chile rellenos, rice, beans and salsa. Dessert, this year as in years past, is an afterthought. It gets lost in the shuffle. (No doubt I’ll be fighting over pies at Jubilatka today. So it goes.)

Which brings me to the purpose of this post: dessert and things getting lost in the shuffle. Yesterday I featured some UBER-cute commuter furkid porn from a woman named Victoria.

lobsterVICTORIA

But masterminding photo shoots of a very comely hamster named Edie is but only one her talents. Victoria is also the  Jello Mistress of (north) Brooklyn. The title (be it self-appointed or otherwise) is well deserved.

swedishfishVICTORIA

Behold, Swedish Fish jello!

4thjulyjello

Freedom jello.

mojitojelloBelanger

For the more exotically (and intoxicantly inclined ) I present Mojito jello, made with (what else): lime jello, mint and rum!

greenpoint jelloVICTORIA

And last but hardly least, Greenpoint jello. The above is described by its creator as follows:

Pineapple Jello died green to celebrate Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

First it was the donut ice cream sandwich. Now it is designer gelatin products. What will my fellow Greenpointers think of next? While you mull this question over, dear readers, I present for your edification a slide show of our very own Jello Mold Mistress’s creations. Enjoy!

You can read more about Brooklyn’s very own Jello Goddess by clicking here.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Methinks the Mistress’s next opus should be shit tit jello.

photo happyNYS

Gelatin boobs in an azure hue.

shit-tits-by-mr-heather

If anyone can do it, it is you Victoria. This isn’t simply about foodstuffs; it is a matter of Greenpoint pride. Make it happen. If you build it they will come… TO EAT!

Photo Credits: the Jello Mold Mistress of Brooklyn, Tony Liub and Mister Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Hoop On Hooper

hooperhoop

Taken November 24, 2009.

Miss Heather

P.S.: I am constantly fascinated the by manifold ways milk crates are employed for alternative purposes in our fair city, be it a basketball hoop (as seen above) or otherwise. Here’s yet another example Williamsburg wiliness. It hails from Broadway.

gocart

A go cart made from a shopping cart, a milk crate and a helluva lot of ingenuity. This is nothing short of awesome!

New York Shitty Day Ender: A Very Greenpoint Bedtime Story

November 24, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

tandn

It recently came to my attention that the owner of T & N Wine, a fabulously cranky man named Chris, has rolled out a real doozy of a Thanksgiving display. Among the items employed are eighteen artfully placed bottles of Wild Turkey 101 (any less proof would be an insult to the Garden Spot of the Universe) and one very real— and anatomically correct— turkey.

balls

I have written about this already. Yet none of my readers seems to have noticed this curiously (and, it should be noted, prodigiously) endowed fowl. No worries, the local population has. This display has literally stopped passersby in mid-stride. I learned this earlier today— noon, to be exact— when I was out running errands.

A 40-something gentleman exits T & N after making his lunch-time acquisition of spirits (vodka as best as I could tell— every hour is happy hour on Manhattan Avenue). He stops, looks at the window and laughs. LOUDLY.

Me: Nice, eh?
Man: Yes, very nice.
Me: As you can see that turkey is a male.
Man: It is?
Me: Yeah, look at it.
Man (looks, a puzzled expression clouds his face): How do you know it is male?
Me: Look closer at the turkey.
Man: ???
Me (getting exasperated): LOOK AT IT’S CROTCH— or what’s left of it, anyway.
Man (looks closer): AHAHAHAHAHA! Very funny.
Me: I told you that turkey is, uh was, a male.
Man: You are a very nice lady. Would you like to go for a drink… or a cup of coffee?
Me: It’s nice of you to offer but I have to be somewhere. Soon.
Man: You are a very nice lady. STAY THAT WAY! (wanders off laughing to himself)

The End.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Bodega Watch: OPEN!

November 24, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

mini mart

True to the proprietor’s word the Mini Mart Deli Grocery at 1068 Manhattan Avenue is open for business!

buck99

Intrigued by the palette containing ten pound bags of onions for a $1.99 (a bargain at twice the price) I went inside to see what’s up. It is still very much a work in progress— but all the essentials are there, e.g.; coffee, tea, toiletries and the like. There were also a couple surprises:

  • The (admittedly limited) produce section sports some of the freshest veggies I have ever seen north of Green Street.
  • A vast assortment of Indian sweets graces the space next to the cash register. When I went to purchase my $1.00 extra large cup of tea (per the owner this was a “special grand opening offer”) a woman was busy selecting her confection of choice. It was a time-consuming decision (hey, I understand) but she was pleased with her choice. And the proprietor, who is a very nice guy, promised her a free cup of coffee in return for her patronage.

This same gentleman assured me he will be stocking a vast array of “heat and eat” Indian foodstuffs (starting at buck a pop) for north Greenpointer’s (24 hour) delectation. I can hardly wait!

Mini Mart Deli Grocery
Opening Date: NOW!
1068 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

And that’s all she wrote.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: Poetry In Motion

broadway

From the Queens-bound platform at Broadway.

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg Photos Du Jour: Adopt Me!

boerum

adoptme

Looks like Mayor Mike has delivered on affordable housing after all!

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg Street Art Du Jour: Tear

tear

From Montrose Avenue.

Miss Heather

P.S.: While I am on the subject of streets and art I found something interesting next to the entrance at La Marqueta this afternoon.

boobs

boobs2

If this is your sort of thing (and you know who you are), go to Moore Street just west of Humboldt. Your dream girl awaits!

Great Moments In Viral Advertising: Humboldt Street

herpes

(speechless)

Miss Heather