From The New York Shitty Inbox: Presenting ECO-BELVEDERE!

March 4, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Abjectecture, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Tony (who shot the above photographs) writes:

this made me laugh out loud.

Me too. Who knew having Juliette-style balconies overlooking Manhattan Avenue and the copious traffic passing therein (including B62 buses) was “green”?

So it goes in the smash-jaw world of Garden Spot real estate.

Miss Heather

P.S.: To get a peek of 605-607 Manhattan Avenue before it turned “green” click here.

Comment Of The Week: What Goes Around Comes Around

I have been receiving a lot of emails the last 24 hours. Most of them, not surprisingly, have to do with Brooklyn’s good friend: Robert Scarano. It all started last night when my buddy Crappy forwarded me a piece of email spam he had received via an outdated email address earlier this week.

The real corker is what follows the above bit of propaganda. It is an invite for a “networking event” in Williamsburg:


This Thursday (That’s today, kids! — Ed. Note.), please join Robert Scarano at beautiful 90 North 5th Street in Williamsburg for  RED Nite, a networking and cocktail event from 5:30 to 7:30 pm

As you can imagine I had certain feelings about this. Foremost among them was:

Why don’t I get anything from Bobby Scarano?

Truth be told this sort of hurt my feelings. I mean, I have to look at the hulking testament to the ethically-challenged that is 158 Freeman Street EVERY DAY. Then I spied the email address from which the previous missive originated. It looked strangely familiar.

So Mr. Scarano has seen fit to reach out and touch yours truly! *Whew* I feel a lot better!

Now jump forward to to this morning. Hard Hat Hannah showed up at my bedside in a highly agitated state. She had something she wanted to show me. I roused myself out of bed and followed her into the living room.

This post is for you, Robert Scarano.

Miss Heather & Hard Hat Hannah

UPDATE: Apparently Mr. Scarano spends a considerable amount of time posting comments on the Interwebs (including expounding upon the provenance of Legos and calling a fellow blogger a “dumbass”— I am not making this shit up). Check out these corkers which were brought to my attention courtesy of Queens Crap and see for yourself. Reading is believing!

Coming To Bedford Avenue: Duane Reade

February 28, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Abjectecture, Culture War, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

The scaffolding is down at Bedford Avenue and North 3rd Street and oh, what a sight it is!

Of particular interest to yours truly was the promise of a Duane Reade…

which, it should be noted, will be located right across the street from a veritable Williamsburg institution: Kings Pharmacy. I was not the only person who questioned the wisdom of this business placement. A number of passersby took notice as well. Then again, it’s not like Bedford Avenue hasn’t borne witness to this kind of thing before.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: FAIL

February 24, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Abjectecture, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

From 606 Metropolitan Avenue.

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg Abjectecture Du Jour: Presenting The Rapunzel Building

February 24, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11206, Abjectecture, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn 

This fulsome fortification hails from 36 Scholes Street. I have nicknamed it the Rapunzel building due to its rather medieval looking parapet and Juliette style balconies. While unfinished, one can envision a quartet of Rapunzels lowering their golden tresses to their respective princes even now. But what kind of princes would come calling to this edifice, you ask?

The kind who wield sharpie markers, that’s who!

Awww, now that’s just sweet! I can’t quit you either, 36 Scholes Street!

In closing, I did a little poking around the Department of Building’s Building Information System. I made a number of interesting (but hardly surprising) discoveries. Among them peeps behind this property owe several thousand dollars in fines for various and sundry offenses. Follows is the most intriguing:

Who knew the Department of Buildings had the authority to issue citations for illegal parking? I thought that was the stuff of the N.Y.P.D. You learn something new everyday in East Willie…

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg Abjectecture Du Jour: 94 Scholes Street

Every so often I like to include the Mister in my activities. Sometimes my reasons for doing so are laudable, sometimes they aren’t. Last night falls into the former category. You see, as I was walking down Scholes Street yesterday afternoon I saw something that profoundly disturbed me. Wishing to know if I was merely having a fit of pique, I decided to get the Mister’s  take.

Me: What do you think of this?


The Mister: Ew.
Me: What gets me is this they actually tried to make it look nice. Or at least they thought they were making it look nice.
The Mister: It looks like they bought that building by the yard.

This is one of the most hideous things I have ever seen. There, I said it. I feel much better now.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Ask & Ye Shall Receive!

It has come to my attention that Brownstoner saw fit to feature an apartment for sale hailing from none other that Belvedere XX. Ostensibly because someone took umbrage with me calling this edifice a piece of crap*— which I assure you it is. Belvedere XX is also known as 185 India Street and the neighbor of LoftsGreenpoint Rental Shitshow Part 1305.

Crap likes company. Especially on McGuinness Boulevard.

But this post isn’t about Belvedere XX, Brownstoner or McGuinness Boulevard. It’s about Belvedere XXXVI and “Park Slope”. On January 25, 2010 I wrote in this post:

…The Belvederization of Park Slope?!? Needless to say I had to get to the bottom of this (inasmuch as one can without G train service). We headed to the closest Belvedere without delay.

Sure enough, it is true! Replete with all the accoutrements we have grown to expect from Belvedere: commodious roof decks and balconies. Needless to say I must see this. However, I am more or less precluded from going to 175 12 Street personally. I am not only too busy with matters north Brooklyn but quite frankly doling out $2.25 in subway fare strikes me as being far too much money to outlay on such an endeavor.

This is where you come in: could some kind soul get a photograph of this property and send it to me via email at missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com? I’m dying to see Belvedere XXXVI. Especially in light of the fact this edifice is conveniently located near Lowes, the Brooklyn Queens Expressway and the aromatic Gowanus Canal. Who wouldn’t want an eyeful (or noseful) of that!

Well, I asked for it and I got it. Rowan 5 writes:

Here ya go. The Belvedere is closer to 3rd ave. It’s surrounded by frame houses mostly, with a giant high rise luxury building at the corner of 4th and 12th.

It’s not a bad-looking block but Park Slope proper it is not.

Most definitely not.

I love the prominent poster on the front door advertising Greenpoint and Williamsburg condos…


So there have you: Park Slope Gowanus is the new Greenpoint!

Miss Heather

*I have been told by an anonymous source that someone who bought a unit at Belvedere III, which is admittedly the Pete Best of the Belvederes, ended up re-selling at a loss. Apparently he bought one of the quasi-legal “studio” apartments they are known for (READ: a minuscule first floor apartment with a fully appointed basement including— I shit you not— a sauna). It had problems with flooding.

The Great Williamsburg Fugfest

Ever since Curbed did their Greenpoint Ugly-Off I’ve been thinking.

Why does my neighborhood have to hog the spotlight?

I have asked myself this question a great deal of late. There’s plenty of fugly to go around in north Brooklyn. I should know because I go to Williamsburg on a regular basis.

Yes sir, name any atrocity Karl Fischer et. al. has inflicted on my community and I can show you something from South or East Willie that’s infinitely worse. To prove my point last weekend I decided to (re)visit some of my favorite 11211 and 11206 masterpieces so as to compile a “Who’s Who” of WTF. Without further ado here they are.

Enjoy— or not.

147 Maujer Street

It’s been a while since I have walked down Maujer Street. This is because when I do I am invariably forced to look at this monstrosity. As you can see no attention whatsoever has been paid on matching the brick work. Such trivialities are the stuff of practicing amateurs. This is stone Cold War chic at its very finest! One need only to take a closer look at the drainage and HVAC “craftsmanship” to appreciate this.

Note how the burglar bars are already sporting a nice Soviet Bloc patina (READ: rust).

Cons: It is located across the street from the Williamsburg Houses.
Pros: The Williamsburg Houses are downright glamorous by comparison.

I give this bad boy two fugs up!

152 Broadway


I wrote about this aberration (which I have nicknamed “The Mohawk Building”) a couple of weeks ago so I will keep my commentary limited to the following:

  1. This building used to look like its neighbor to the left.
  2. Thanks to a modification permit it no longer looks like the building to the left.

Cons: 152 Broadway is by far one of the worst abuses of a modification permit I have ever seen.
Pros: At least the brickwork matches and the balconies sport a commanding view of the Brooklyn Queens Expressway, The Williamsburg Bridge and the J/Z train— if you’re into that sort of thing.

And last, but hardly least, one of my personal faves…

795 Grand Street

Last autumn my brother in law came to visit. The Mister took great pains to take him to some of the finer dining establishments in north Brooklyn. This included DeStefano’s Steakhouse. The Mister spent a lot of time dressing up for the occasion. His brother followed suit (no pun intended). The former was dismayed when I came out wearing jeans.

You always under dress.

The Mister said in disgust. To wit I replied.

I do not “under dress”. I do not give a shit. There’s a difference.

I mention this anecdote because it reminds me of this building.

Cons: It is located off the Grand Street stop of the L.
Pros: You have an incomparable view of the ad hoc Golden Gloves matches conducted by the students of the Enterprise High School (which is located across the street).

I hope you, dear readers, have enjoyed this selection of Williamsburg’s worst. Now if you don’t mind, I’m off to take a hot shower so as to scrub the stain off of my soul.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: 271 Nassau Avenue Gets That Touch of Urban Authenticity

February 2, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Abjectecture, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

The construction fence isn’t even down and yet this edifice (which could pass as “workers housing” in any country with “People’s Republic” in its moniker) has already received a make-over.

Impressive.

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Real Estate Advertising: Manhattan Style Living

January 26, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Abjectecture, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

I almost shot hot chocolate out of my nose when I saw this corker on Broadway this blustery afternoon. Granted, I have not been to Manhattan lately but this does not strike me being something one would ordinarily see there. At least not without a neighborhood association or two raising holy hell first. No sir, masterpieces of this caliber are almost exclusively an outer-borough affair.

I would also be remiss if I didn’t point out that this advertisement’s claim that this excrescence is “new construction” is somewhat disingenuous. Believe it or not this building was once a carbon copy of its neighbor to the left. Now it is “Manhattan Style Living”. Lucky us.

Miss Heather

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