Queens Slide Show du Jour: D.U.P.A.L.I.C. & Beyond

59 Street Bridge

Yesterday was a rather trying one for yours truly. First it was my site crashing at midnight. This made me rather unhappy. Awakening to find it was still down made me unhappier. Realizing however this was due to factors way beyond my control I decided to revisit one of my favorite places…

Polish Paradise

Polish Paradise located in scenic D.U.P.A.L.I.C. (Down Under the Pulaski At Long Island City). As always, it did not disappoint.

Pylon

For starters, this is without argument the largest pot hole yours truly has ever laid eyes upon.

VERY SPECIAL

And of course there is the extensive array of empty liquor containers to be found at this location. I was particularly impressed with this 1.75 liter bottle of Hennessy. That stuff ain’t cheap! Arguably the most provocative part of my trek came to pass in a rather desolate part of Long Island City. It was there I was somewhat startled to hear someone shout:

Hey lady, why aren’t you in Greenpoint?

This came courtesy of the inimitable proprietress of Word Books: Christine Onorati. In any case (and without further ado) here are some highlights from my journey. NOTE/SPOILER: There’s some pretty neat street art at the end. Enjoy!

You can view the above slide show in larger format by clicking here.

Miss Heather

 

Great Moments In Abjectecture: Conselyea Street

February 23, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11211, Abjectecture, Bloomblight, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

If all the suits Rodney Dangerfield wore during his career could be amalgamated into a building this specimen, which hails from 14 Conselyea Street, would be the end product. It should also be noted that this rather diminutive structure (by Williamsburg standards, anyway) appears to have racked up an impressive five Stop Work Orders over the last three years. And if you are wondering about the fence: no, it is not supposed to look like that.

Miss Heather

Spotted On McGuinness Boulevard: Imperialism

January 25, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Abjectecture, Asshole, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Given the spate of rather nasty weather lately yours truly has been spending a great deal of time indoors. Today when the temperature reached a downright balmy 38 degrees I decided to take a little stroll down McGuinness Boulevard. I had a very pleasurable excursion until I reached the intersection of Java Street. This is where I found myself standing in slack-jawed amazement at the following.

Why do the people responsible for this crap think mimicking the Death Star somehow denotes “class”?

I mumbled to myself. Then I proceeded to cross the street so as to take a closer look. That’s when I learned that the above edifice may very well have the same expansionist designs, “Manifest Destiny” if you will, as espoused by Darth Vader, et. al.

Why can I not shake the image of a python unhinging its jaws and slurping down a rather large and unhappy mammal— or perhaps a spider injecting some digestive substance into its victim and waiting for it to rot from within— when I behold the above grotesque? Needless to say I will be watching with rapt interest to see how the guys at 285-303 McGuinness Boulevard (which has racked up a rather impressive number of complaints and a Partial Stop Work Order) will work around this little problem. My prognostication is as follows: if they fuck with their diminutive neighbor’s satellite television it will be war. Provided of course it hasn’t escalated to that level already.

In any case (and to close), I suspect no one will be surprised to know this edifice (which I have christened “The Anacondo”) springs forth from the G-E-N-I-U-S, north Brooklyn’s good friend and Greenpoint’s gift that keeps on giving … (drumroll, please)

Bobby Scarano, stand up please!

Miss Heather

P.S.: Anyone care to place bets as to when Fox News/Murdoch’s Tuskin Raiders send a television crew out to document this atrocity? They point and click in single file (to my web site) to hide their numbers!

New York Shitty Street Art Du Jour: Whoa On Devoe

January 23, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11211, Abjectecture, Street Art, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

(Or: A Little Something For The Ladies & My Gay Friends)

The above item elicited many a sophomoric giggle from yours truly this afternoon. I suppose it goes without saying I brought it to the Mister’s attention as soon as I arrived home.

Me: Check this out!
The Mister (sitting on the couch, squinting): What is that?
Me: Come over here and look.

And “look” he did.

T.M.: Oh. It’s a man dropping his pants.
Me: Yup. You can bounce a quarter off of that ass! I for one really like how it is juxtaposed with the balconized and downright totalitarian-looking piece of ass to the left.

The Mister concurred.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Street Art Du Jour: More New Ugly Buildings

January 12, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11211, Abjectecture, Street Art, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

This cutie (which graces a piece of Karl Fischer’s crap on Union Avenue) makes two Dan Witz pieces this week!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: 14 Bayard Street

(Or: Rapunzel Special)

Rounding out today’s postage I leave you with this absurdity from 14 Bayard Street (the final addition— and thank god for that— to Karl Fischer Row). Me (to my friend Triborough):

It’s pretty impressive that this building isn’t even inhabited yet, but the balconies are already rusted.

Pre-rusted so you don’t have to!

He replied. To wit I pointed out the obvious:

I wonder what is up with that top balcony? Is this like in Albania where they used to simply leave the top unfinished with rebar sticking out so they can come back and add another floor later? We must look at the front of this building!

And so we did.

Let me guess: the owner of this building has a friend in the balcony business. It went something like this:

You want balconies? I’ll give you balconies! Meet me under the BQE at 3:00 a.m. I have a truckload of ’em!

To wit Triborough presciently replied:

Maybe it is like the spare tire for a car? If one breaks they have one ready to replace it?

Indeed. This is what happens when you “design” and build your King’s crap by the yard. The Balkan balconies of yesteryear can be yours in Williamsburg today, dear readers— for a price. I can hardly wait until this gem hits the market!

UPDATE, December 21, 2010: It would appear that Fox News wasted no time sending out a television crew to “get the scoop” on this most important news item. Read it and weep.

Miss Heather

P.S.: This building has a “Partial Stop Work Order” on it— but not for this non-balcony!

Point here, click and see for yourself!

Great Moments In Abjectecture: Manhattan Avenue Edition

October 25, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Abjectecture, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

It has been a long, long time since I have literally stopped in my tracks and murmured:

God, that building is really ugly.

I honestly thought I was getting jaded. Then I walked by 602 Manhattan Avenue this afternoon and got my religion back.

God, that building is really ugly.

Congratulations, Francis Albert Construction and Philip Toscano, “Architect” for keeping it real. Ugly, that it is.*

Miss Heather

*I would be lying if I didn’t say I found the “everything from the Neoclassical close-out bin at Home Depot” school of exterior decoration strangely seductive. I do.

The Hunchback Of 63 Skillman Avenue: Meet Belvedere XXXII

March 26, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Abjectecture, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

I have long been meaning to showcase this property.

Here it is. But there is more going on here than meets the eye.

MUCH MORE. This building appears to developed a hump.

Good god. They should charge people a dime a gander to look at this bad boy.  And now come the punchline for this freak show, dear readers: the scenic vista to be had from these copious balconies.

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Abjectecture: Quincy Street

Many of you have noticed I have been pounding the pavement in Bed Stuy a lot lately. There are a number of reasons for this. Among them:

  1. I am trying to assemble a nice selection of photographs for my upcoming show at Creek & Cave.
  2. I simply like Bed Stuy.

If these is one word I would use to describe the topography of the Stuy it would be this: heterogenous. Nowhere else¬† (in north-ish Brooklyn, anyway) will you see a more diverse selection of architecture. On any given block one will find meticulously restored brownstones, derelict construction sites, foreclosed properties, slick new condos and, of course, Fedders Specials. Which brings me to Quincy Street— and the subject of this post.

To the right we have your standard run-of-the-mill three story rowhouse. These are a dime a dozen. On the left we have a Fedders Special. These too are a dime a dozen. But there is a something more going on here than the usual air conditioning boxes, disproportionate balconies, exposed electrical meters and copious use of cement.

Instead of being embedded in the building proper, the mailboxes have been affixed to the front door. This may seem trivial, but I want you to consider this: what is going to happen if you have someone checking his/her mail and another tenant wants to exit the building? Of course this is not only poor engineering, it is also quite ugly.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Abjectecture Du Jour: 174 Grand Street

March 7, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Abjectecture, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

Why?

Miss Heather

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