WOW, That’s Really Ugly!

April 27, 2009 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Williamsburg 

maujerbuttplug

This is one of the most hideous things I have seen built in north Brooklyn.

maujerwest

I assure you this is no small achievement.

maujer-detail

Congratulations 147 Maujer Street…

fugonmaujer

you’re a building so poorly constructed and downright hideous…

maujerugly

it even made you throw up.

Miss Heather

P.S.: It looks like your neighbors don’t care much for you either.

brokenwindow

Or one of your workers doesn’t quite have a command over the whole window concept, e.g.;

brokenwindow2

they’re installed with the express purpose of being opened. There’s really no need to DIY it.

GOOD MORNING GREENPOINT!

April 18, 2009 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Greenpoint Magic 

viridian

Thanks to our local community board the salad days of finger buildings in Greenpoint are over. Or are they?

110-green-street

As I was walking by 110 Green Street (AKA: The Viridian) something caught my eye.

110-green-41709nys

magicsbadfinger

Hey, that’s not very nice! I wonder if the salespeople for this dump are aware of this?

pleasecall

Hmm… looks like they’re out to lunch.

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Aluminum Siding XIX: Troutman Street Fugfest

April 14, 2009 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Articles of Fedderization, Vinyl Siding 

Living in Greenpoint has to some extent immunized me to aluminum siding. I can walk down block (and block) chock a block of the stuff and it no longer fazes me. I have long harbored the fear that I had become a siding Queen. Then I gazed upon 247 Troutman Street. To quote Madonna:

unglyontroutman

I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn’t know how lost I was
Until I found you

Infatuated with the sheer fugliness of this structure I went in for a closer look.

troutmanfug

There’s a whole lot of fug happening here.

morefug

Across the street.

moretroutmanfug

Down the block.

superfug

I made Mister Heather look at this one immediately upon arriving home from work. After sputtering a few incomprehensible syllables about its utter hideousness he headed straight for the liquor cabinet.

yet-more-fug-on-troutman

I don’t blame him. I had to toss down a couple glasses of wine (at home) before digesting this beauty.

starr-street-at-wilson

Too bad this wine bar at Wilson Avenue and Starr Street wasn’t open. Was the baby shit colored siding to blame or just the sour economy? I suspect we’ll never know.

Miss Heather

P.S.: This beauty can also be found on Troutman Street. What it lacks in siding it makes up for in sheer stupid.

hotelfug

A Girl And Her Blog

April 6, 2009 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Recession, Williamsburg 

It would appear that politicians (and the developers to whom they are beholden) have done a smashing job of removing “urban blight” (READ: the working class/poor) from north Brooklyn. Who needs nuclear bombs when re-zoning, complicity and bureaucratic incompetence/apathy will do the job? Nonetheless the end product is more or less the same: a community whose quality of life has been compromised.

Follows is a revue of developer-induced blight in north Brooklyn I captured yesterday, April 5. I have entitled it After The Gold Rush.

The sad reality is re-zoning, tax bennies, and easy credit have done little to benefit my neighborhood. There were once businesses that gave people decent, well paying  jobs. Affordable rental property was once in abundance in Greenpoint as well. No more. Thanks to our city’s leadership much of my wonderful neighborhood has become a wasteland peppered by vacant lots, failed condominiums cum overpriced rental property, illegal hostels and super-sized tourist destinations operated by and for the affluent.

The time is long overdue for north Brooklyn to be developed in a manner sensitive to the needs of the people who constitute this community, not the ones Mayor Bloomberg’s rich cronies envision living here.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Miss Heather

P.S.: This one’s for you, Bob.

Spring Has Sprung In North Brooklyn!

Yes folks, you can literally smell it in the air: springtime has finally come to north Brooklyn.

scarybunny

The winteriana has been packed away and replaced with more springtimey fare— such as this deliciously terrifying rabbit from India Street. And not unlike the mighty Monarch butterfly, a number of construction projects have emerged from their respective chrysalises to display their new found glory for all to enjoy.

916manhattanavenue

This humdrum specimen hails from 916 Manhattan Avenue. As you can see it sports some seriously fierce asphalt siding.  No more.  After a couple of modification permits (and a little Greenpoint magic) it has been…

manhattanavefedderized

FEDDERIZED!

Of course what would any discourse about abjectecture be without a mention of my good friend Karl Fischer?

200franklinst32909

Holy 311 calls! It would appear the scaffolding has begun to come down at 200 Franklin Street…

200franklinst2

and what a magnificent sight it is!

200franklinst3

A number of images come to mind when people use words like “craftsmanship” “luxury” or “quality”. This is not one of them.

And last, but hardly least, what would a revue of north Brooklyn abjectecture be without a Belvedere? Good news kids: thanks to the wizards at Belvedere/Bridge Realty North 9 Street Williamsburg can now claim one of their very own!

belvedere26

Or should I make that XXVI?*

belvedere262

Congratulations northside Williamsburg you’ve just joined the club!

nolittering

Too bad this sign doesn’t apply to architecture.

Miss Heather

*Not to let them have a monopoly on all the fun. Behold: Belvedere X of Eckford Street!

belvederex

Nice balconies.




Fedders Friday Long Island City Style: The People Have Spoken!

11street1

On Tuesday, March 3, 2009 I wrote:

No matter how hard I try my wit, gift for gab, whatever-you-want-to-call-it is not doing this stellar example of Fedderism justice. To this end I need your help. Although I realize this has been done before I am proposing the following: you, dear readers, tender LOL speak captions for this masterpiece. These can be left in the comments below or sent via email at: missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com.

If I like what I see I’ll publish the pick of the litter right here on New York Shitty later this week.

Well, things got a little chaotic for me that week so this had to be tabled. But this is not to suggest I didn’t have 49-16 11 Street on my mind. I most certainly did. Among other things I wondered to myself:

Is this building as craptastic in day light as it is at night.

I did a little field research and found the answer.

aviewtoafug

Abso-FUCKING-lutely YES.

Now, without further ado I offer for your Friday morning entertainment piquant observations about this stellar structure from you, the readers.* Enjoy!

11street7

AMOJA wrote:

…I think I may start calling this building the Triple Nipple. Those studs are…well…they’re there.

friedrichboxes

Jason in Kew Gardens raves:

This is the most effort I’ve ever seen put into a Friedrich box.

shaft

anonymous opines:

Nah…that’s a cesspool on the roof.

The builder is just too cheap to pay for a hook up to NYC’s sewer system!

Okay, so we have heard about the builder. What about the architect? Another anonymous offers up his theory as to who is responsible for this turd:

shaft2

Design by Helen Keller.

And last, but hardly least I want to give special props to lylet (who actually followed my directions for this project). He mused:

I drive over the Pulaski every day – and this building has been testing my gag reflex for months now. While many don’t like the new building across the bridge, at least is qualifies as some sort of ‘architecture’ (and I actually happen to like it). This, however, looks like a Belvedere made babies with a Fedders Special – and out came this cheapo be-nippled eyesore. And did they build the elevator shaft for a few extra floors that never materialized?…

11streetdaylitelol

Indeed.

Miss Heather

*And a whole lotta help from Queens Crap!

Thought Of The Day

January 20, 2009 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Williamsburg 

meekerave

Instead of making crappy remakes of good movies why don’t they make good remakes of crappy movies?

Just a thought.

Miss Heather

P.S.: I would be remiss if I didn’t toss in my two cents about the ginormous abomination being built behind this billboard. Here it is.

To put a spin on what is inscribed at the James Farley Post Office:

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays this developer from the swift completion of his appointed annointed pile of crap.

Retail Space For Rent On Franklin Street!

December 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Greenpoint Magic, Vomit 

WOW. 500 -3,400 square feet sounds pretty phat. As does 1,400 – 5,200 square feet of “professional space”. But there’s one hitch…

it hasn’t been built yet.

Here’s a photograph of floor one of Karl Fischer’s 200 Franklin Street Frankenfinger . It was taken November 27, 2008. Do you honestly think these clowns are going to have this floor (much less a second floor of “professional space” and the heap of crap above it) completed by February 2009? Really?

But I suppose hope GREED springs eternal.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Grand Street

November 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Dung of the Day, Other Shit, Williamsburg 

I knew something was up when the Mister and I were walking down Grand Street (to dine at Santorini).

I spied this work of art gracing a construction fence, so I took a photograph of it. As we progressed further down the block I noticed more. Being hungry— VERY HUNGRY— I paid them no mind. Thankfully I bumped into Bitchcakes afterward and she told me the good news about this.

Speaking as someone who has taught art (and have seen one too many “projects” utilizing doll parts in my day) I found this utterly hilarious.

The fact it graces the construction fence of this derelict property where a fifteen story behemoth designed by North Brooklyn’s gift that keeps on giving— none other than Karl Fischer— was slated to be erected makes it all the more amusing. The downzone (and fetid economy) pretty much kiboshed that from happening. Now we have this instead.

Shit happens.

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Abjectecture: It Came From Clinton Hill

November 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Articles of Fedderization, Clinton Hill, Vomit 

I live in north Brooklyn. If that alone isn’t enough “street cred” to assess ugly buildings here’s something else.

I have watched this abomination of a “modification” blossom on Broadway. This building was once was exactly like its friend to your left. No more. Don’t believe me? Click here and see for yourself.

Which brings me to the purpose of this post. I have often asked myself:

What would happen if a balconized piece of abjectecture was “upzoned” thus further crappified?

Yesterday, dear readers, I got my answer. And it came from Clinton Hill:

THIS.

It hails from Lexington Avenue— and while more diminutive in stature than most of its craptastic brethren— I can honestly say it is one of the most hideous buildings I have ever seen. Given where I live (Greenpoint) that’s really saying something. It’s like they made it up as they went along. And, in all likelihood, they probably did.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Note how the “keystones” are carried over to the addition. Classy.

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