Miss G Train…

it could be you!

mrsogtrain1CITYRELIQUARY

Or not. The City Reliquary (who is hosting this contest) writes:

Come watch the crowning of our “Miss G Train” LIVE at the City Reliquary backyard, with refreshments and entertainment on Nov. 19th 7-10PM

*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G*G* CONTESTANTS:
Thanks for your interest in entering the “Miss G Train Pageant”.

In this contest, you can make up your own rules! Be creative in presenting yourself as the best candidate for “Miss G Train”! Tell us what you think being “Miss G Train” is all about, and why you fit that description to a “G”.

Please email your description along with a PHOTO to: missgtrain (at) cityreliquary (dot) org by Monday Nov. 16th for consideration.

Include a phone number we can reach you at prior to the competition. There is no minimum or maximum word count for your descriptive entry. Your descriptive entry will be read to the audience and judges during the pageant. Use your written statement to tell everyone why you should be wearing the sash on stage that night! (Portions of your submission may be used for media requests, but all personal information will remain private.)

Costume choice is up to you at the big event, and will be considered as part of your presentation. Ballroom Gown, Hipster Vogue, Commuter Chic, its up to YOU! Also, consider submitting some choice music to accompany your runway walk (you can bring an iPod cued to your music or send a request to our DJ in advance). You are in charge of your overall presentation, and the right soundtrack may just convince our celebrity judges that YOU make the best candidate!

FINALISTS will be informed of their status by 12:00 noon on Thursday Nov 19th.

Email in advance for any additional questions and GOOD LUCK, competition is RUNNING ON or close to ON SCHEDULE!*

Given the City Reliquary’s choice of “cover girl” for their solicitation I have to wonder what demographic they’re appealing to: nubile, newbie hotties/slummers or hardcore Crosstowners? I think Miss G train should sport the qualities of the subway line she will represent:

  • Highly erratic
  • Dysfunctional
  • Capricious
  • Weird
  • Four cars short of  a load
  • And, on occasion, downright GROSS

Get busy fellow G trainers— and you know who you are!

Miss Heather

*Does this mean if I submit my entry a day late it will count?

P.S.: What about about a Mr. Crosstown Local? I can think of a number of candidates offhand— none of whom you would want to see naked. Methinks I’ll have to make this happen!

Reader Contribution du Jour: Presenting The Glorious G Train Series

gtrainseriesRODMUR

Dale (who forwarded me the above photograph, which I have taken the liberty to crop and is located at the Myrtle-Willoughby stop of the Crosstown Local) writes:

Have you seen these?

No, I haven’t. I usually walk everywhere because I don’t want to deal with the G train. But if the wait has been whittled down to a mere ten minutes I might rethink this!

Miss Heather

P.S.: You can read more about the Glorious G Train Series (and rest assured it is quite glorious) by clicking here.

Last Gasp: Remember to Vote Tomorrow!

Did you know Mike Bloomberg is running for mayor? If the numerous fliers and callers/hipster hitters of buzzers didn’t remind you of this fact maybe my answering machine (and inbox) will!

Just 24 more hours, dear readers, and it will be over.

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Taxonomy

November 2, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11206, Brooklyn, Bushwick, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn 

BUSHWICKnys

From Bogart Street.

Miss Heather

GREAT MOMENTS IN MUNICIPAL IDIOCY: Southside Style

clusterfuckTHUMBYesterday morning I was alerted by a neighbor of mine that, in their infinite wisdom, the Department of Transportation has removed the “dismount” signs from the Pulaski Bridge. I have yet to verify this in person (I will) but this struck me as being yet another indicator of our fair city’s cow-towing to a bicyclist agenda at the expense of pedestrians. What’s more, it is just plain stupid to have bicyclists (who are apparently now legally sanctioned to go full speed ahead) and people on foot sharing a “pathway” which is eight to (at best) ten feet in width. This is a nasty accident waiting to happen— white lines or not.

I spent a fair amount of my morning fuming over this. In fact, I racked my brain to think of anything our city has perpetrated/inflicted on its citizens (traffic-wise) that could begin to compare to what they have done to the Pulaski Bridge. I came up empty.

Then I took a walk on the Southside. Methinks I may very well have found something worse.

Many of you, dear readers, are aware that I spend a significant amount of time looking down. This may seem to some to be an odd practice but I assure you it has a purpose: to avoid stepping in dog shit. As time has gone on I have found a number of other interesting things on our city’s sidewalks. I have documented them on this web site often.

sidewalk

In the case of Marcy Avenue I present to you this.

sidewalk2

These.

sidewalk3

And these.

Why does this irritate me so, you ask? Well, for starters:

  1. This “bicycle lane” is on a public sidewalk. Bikes do not belong on sidewalks, people do.
  2. If my memory serves me correctly one can get ticketed for riding a bicycle on a sidewalk.
  3. As you can see above the city has sanctioned the use of a public sidewalk for use by bicyclists. Somewhere I hear Franz Kafka and George Orwell cackling their respective asses off.

Follows is a map of the intersection in question to further elucidate my point.

map

I have highlighted the bike lane in question (which is located on South 3rd Street) in yellow. The sidewalk cum bike lane (on Marcy Avenue) is highlighted in green. The more eagle-eyed among you might have noticed that someone walking towards South 3rd Street on Marcy Avenue would have a limited/obstructed view of oncoming traffic (be it petroleum-fueled or man-powered) from South 3rd Street. Here’s a street level view to drive the point home.

south3street

I am not a Southside resident, but I do walk around there pretty frequently. Who do I see walking along this stretch of Marcy Avenue most frequently, you ask? I’ll tell you:

  1. A large number of elderly people. Many of whom are pushing carts laden groceries, some of whom have limited mobility.
  2. Young women pushing strollers or accompanying small children.
  3. Hipsters who have turned on and tuned into their i-Pods.

In a nutshell, people whose ability to dodge an oncoming bicycle— for reasons of their own choosing or otherwise— is compromised. I do not know who thought up this “solution” to the bicycling problem but it is one of the WORST examples of municipal “planning” I have ever seen.

yieldtopeds

In fact, if this didn’t pose a serious public safety issue I’d find the above image downright hilarious. But it is a safety issue. And it is no laughing matter.

I have often been accused of being “anti-bicycle”. I am not. What I am becoming increasingly fed up with is this “have your cake and eat it too” mode of operation our city is espousing. Bikes neither belong on sidewalks nor any other pedestrian walkway. They belong on the streets. Safely. To make this happen entails making tough choices. Choices clearly the leaders of this city are unwilling to make (presumably because they will piss off motorists).

This is a farce.

Miss Heather

UPDATE, 10/30/09 2:00 p.m.: Sure enough, the dismount signs have been removed from the Pulaski Bridge.

nosigns

pulaski2

pulaski1

RightRides

RRlogoYesterday upon learning the horrible news about the rape which came to pass at Nassau Avenue and Diamond Street earlier this week I posted it here on New York Shitty to make you, dear readers, aware. Later in the day I was reminded (by buddy d of pointgreen) of a service unescorted women (and many more— as I learned) out late at night can and should use. It is called RightRides and I am going to dedicate this post to giving you the 411 about this organization.

To get the ball rolling, here’s an excerpt from their “About” page to give you a general idea of their mission:

The mission of RightRides For Women’s Safety, Inc. is to build safer communities by ending gender-based harassment and sexual assault. We work towards this by community organizing and offering direct service, safety education and advocacy programs.

In our RightRides program, we offer women, LGBTQ and gender nonconforming individuals a free, late-night ride home to ensure their safe commute to or through high-risk areas.

In our Safe Walk program, we offer walking escorts for any one who doesn’t want to walk alone.

We are also a founding member of New Yorkers for Safe Transit, which will pursue coalition building and policy change work to increase safety in mass transit…

HOW DOES IT WORK?

Very simple: if you are out and about Friday and/or Saturday night (11:59 p.m. – 3:00 a.m.) and am in need of a safe ride (or escort) home you call either of these two telephone numbers

  • (718) 964-7781
  • (888) 215-7233 (SAFE)

and they will dispatch a driver to pick you up. CAVEAT/POSSIBLE CATCH: your person and destination must be within their “service area”. Follow are their service maps for Friday and Saturday.

RRmap

SATURDAY

RRsat

As you can see I have not included the key for this map. This is because it is too extensive for me to screencap and publish here. You can view this map (along with the key) by clicking on the above image or clicking here.

HOW CAN I HELP?

RightRides welcomes donations, fund raising events and volunteers. You can learn more about how you can help this wonderful organization by clicking here. On that note, the peeps at RightRides will be hosting a series of fund raisers at the Parkside Lounge starting this evening at 8:00 p.m.

flier

Professor Von Awesome’s Traveling Caravan of Cautionary Warnings
October 23, 24, 30, and 31, 2009 starting at 8:00 p.m.
Cost of admission: $15.00 (a portion of the proceeds go to Rightrides)
Parkside Lounge
317 East Houston Street
New York, New York 10002

In closing (and for those who are interested) you can receive a quarterly e-newsletter from RightRides by clicking here.

Stay safe!

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Good Morning!

October 10, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11237, Brooklyn, Bushwick, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn 

niceday

From Flushing Avenue.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Stray Cat Strut

bogartstkitty

dosgatos

toughhombre

lucus

ECC

The purpose of this post is two fold: shameless self-promotion (albeit for a cause— somewhat) and giving (long overdue) props to wonderful lady who— if I remember correctly— coined the term “stray cat strut” (for posts of a feline nature). I’ll start with the latter first:

Her name is Jennifer. She operates a site called Last Night’s Dinner. She resides in Rhode Island (or as I prefer to see it: she is a Brooklyn ex-pat operative in Rhode Island). Jennifer is a cat lover par excellence. She is also a damned good chef. And last month she received some very well deserved (and long overdue) press:

PROVO

You can read this tome in its entirety by clicking here. Otherwise you can view the many culinary creations of Jennifer (and the occasional glimpse of her pussies, including June Bug who hails from Bushwick, Brooklyn U.S.A.) by clicking here. WAY TO GO, JEN! I think the Mister wants to marry you for your personality pork burgers.

Otherwise, I am proud to announce that I will be having an exhibition of my photography at Greenpoint’s very own TBD this December! The general premise/theme will be “(People) In My Neighborhood”. The details have yet to finessed (because I have to finesse them) but there will be an opening and all the works contained therein will be for sale.

I intend to allocate a portion of the proceeds to causes I am particularly fond of. Empty Cages Collective (whose rusty tabby graces this post) will be one of them. The Greenpoint Reformed Church’s Food Pantry/Soup Kitchen will be another. That’s the short list. Although I am a self-professed cat lady, I have no intention of leaving my canine compatriots out in the cold!

More details to follow.

Miss Heather

Atlantic Antic Photos Du Jour: Just Look, Don’t Touch

October 6, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Brooklyn 

six

robots

Taken October 4, 2009.

Miss Heather

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