From The New York Shitty Inbox: Sexual Assault At Diamond Street & Nassau Avenue

October 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Criminal Activity, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

suspectI have received a number of emails about this incident and in the public interest I want to pass it along. STAT. Casey writes:

Hi Miss Heather,

I live over on Diamond and Nassau, where apparently a woman was raped the other day.,0,1753626.story

I’ve never felt unsafe in my neighborhood, but after this and the recent muggings on Driggs in the same area, I just wanted to get the word out for my neighbors to stay safe and alert.

Thanks for all you do with newyorkshitty, and congrats on being named best neighborhood blog!

Thanks for bringing this to my attention, Casey. I want to tender my sincerest wishes to the victim of this assault and her loved ones. I suppose it goes without saying that if anyone reading this knows anything about this crime (which came to pass Tuesday, October 20, at 4:30 a.m. and whose suspect’s composite sketch graces this post) please contact Crimestoppers via telephone, text message or online at: 1-800-577-TIPS (8477), CRIMES (274637) (then enter TIP577) or All tips/calls will remain confidential.

Be careful out there, folks and ladies please be advised that if you are out at these wee hours and need a safe ride home do not hesitate to contact Rightrides. They serve Williamsburg and Greenpoint and it’s absolutely FREE.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Simple Pleasures

Last week I saw a hipster wearing a “Mad Hatter’s” chapeau on Manhattan Avenue. Tucked in the band of his hat was a card reading: “I (marijuana leaf) NY”. I got peeved.

Lest I have not made my stance on “vice” clear before I will now: legalize it, regulate it and tax it. I don’t care what you do in the privacy of your homes— in fact, I don’t want to know— and I expect the same courtesy in return. Don’t shit in my proverbial living room and I won’t shit in yours. Call me a curmudgeon, but the biggest impediment to marijuana being decriminalized in my opinion are the hemptards . You know who I am talking about: the burn-outs who hang around Bedford Avenue canvassing to legalize marijuana. Perfect right wing fodder.

Their energy could be used for a better and more subversive use.

I thought to myself. Yesterday I found such as an example: in my wallet. I reached into my “Stripper roll”* to purchase sundries to find something most amusing:

Me: Oh my! I’m not giving you this.
Shop Owner (concerned): ???
Me (handing said promissory note over for his delectation): Look at it.

(Shop Owner and fellow cashier laugh)


Is it my imagination or does George look like a cross of Fidel Castro, Che Guevara and Haile Selassie?

Miss Heather

*A wad of paper money whose higher denominations are on the outer layers for everyone’s edification.

Southside Smash & Grab: Reward Offered

September 28, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11211, Criminal Activity, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 


I found a great many of these fliers on Havemeyer Street this afternoon. Am I the only person who has noticed that smash and grabs seem to be becoming more and more common? If there is a lesson to be learned from this flier it is this: store your valuables outside of eye shot of would-be thieves. Keep them in your trunk— or better yet— secure them in your apartment.

In any case, it goes without saying (but I’m going to say it anyway) that if you know anything about the whereabouts of this person’s purloined belongings please contact him or her at the above telephone number. Better yet, contact the 90th Precinct. Thanks!

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Helicopters?

Shashi writes:

know anything about those incessant helicopters over greenpoint from 6-7:30 in the morning? traffic copters? how does one complain about them?

Truth be told Shashi, I am not 100% clear on what your recourse is. However if you are writing in reference to the helicopters flying around the waterfront this morning methinks I can give you answer. I have it on very good intelligence that our very own Mayor was in the far north Garden Spot conducting some kind of dog and pony show which we will undoubtedly be subjected to in the near future. I am certain the message will (more or less) be:

Everything’s just great!

Had our fearless leader bothered to actually step out where the common peasants live he would quickly ascertain things most decidedly are not.


Looks like the natives are getting restless.


I hate Greenpoint Nazis.

Some of my colleagues amplifiers in the print media might have noticed I have given no indication whatsoever as to where either of the previous items are to be found. You can rest assured they are in Greenpoint and the lack of naming their specific locations was no oversight on my part. If you are going to earn your livelihood plagiarizing my work I’m going to make good and damned sure to make you work for it.

Now that I have undoubtedly sent a pack of hack reporters scurrying around the Garden Spot looking for Nazi lamp posts*, do you have any advice, dear readers as to how Shashi should handle her noise problem? My educated guess is she needs to call 311 and file a complaint with the Department of Environmental Protection.

Miss Heather

*Oh yeah— if think you’re being clever by referencing the comment Tony left on this post:

This is much better than the swastikas I’ve been noticing on lamp post bases lately… just saw another today on Nassau @ Russell.

You’re not. As of 3:00 this afternoon there were no swastikas whatsoever to be found at this location. My guess is (given the police presence I saw there) they had been made note of and removed. Happy hunting!

11222 Theft Alert!

September 4, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Criminal Activity, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 


Although I prefer to refrain from blogging at the junk shop (the above image of the company computer’s keyboard should explain why) this just came to my attention and I wanted to pass it along ASAP. Apparently a gentleman’s car (which was parked West and Huron Street) was broken into (the lock was picked) this morning. Among the items stolen were (men’s) hockey gear: skates and a pair of mitts. These were contained in a blue plastic bag.

If anyone, dear readers, attempts to sell you anything fitting this description (presumably on the street or at one of our local parks) please bear in mind they may very well stolen property.


Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Two Week Old News On A Blog = New York Post “News”

September 1, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11211, Asshole, Criminal Activity, Plagiarism, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 


On August 19, 2009 I wrote a little post about Cutting Edge Fitness on my “blog”. It was at the behest of a concerned citizen and started like this:

Hi Miss Heather,

I enjoy reading your blog from time-to-time and especially appreciate the news on the developments around the neighborhood.

I’d like to share with you some information about a building on the Southside, in hopes that it can get out to others who deserve to know. So, here goes:

The building has a retail space in the bottom which is currently owned by the developer and being rented to a John Suarez, who is running it as a gym, called Cutting Edge.

Well, there are many problems here:

1) The space isn’t zoned to be a gym
2) He is occupying space in the basement and using it for classes and workout space when it is only supposed to be used as storage
3) There’s no proper emergency exit from the basement
4)He’s illegally (i.e., with no work permit) installing showers/bathrooms in the basement

The biggest problem of all is that John Suarez has been forbidden by the Attorney General to ever operate a gym. A few years back he had advertised the opening of a new gym in the neighborhood, called Core Health and Fitness. He never opened the gym, even after taking people’s money. He was ordered to pay back $172,000 in restitution, but I know for a fact (a neighbor was a victim of the scam) that people did not get their money back.

You can read my post in its entirety by clicking here. After I hit the “publish” button, August 19, I turned to the Mister and said:

I lay odds 80% in favor of this being ripped off by the “print media”. I’d give it 90% except this actually helps people.

On August 20, 2009 my tome was linked to by:

On August 23 I took up the matter with Queens Crap and Forgotten NY. We agreed this item would be cribbed— but by whom? My knee jerk reaction was the New York Post. And as of August 31, 2009 my prognostication came to pass.

The Post one-upped my lowly blogger person by sending out a professional “photographer” to document said premises (which I had done already); he was assaulted by Mr. Suarez. I learned about this via Gothamist:


And here’s a here’s a slice of the Post’s take:


Compare my fact-finding with Ms. Sutherland’s and Mr. Ginsberg’s “scoop”: they dovetail. I was more specific (because my source and I did our research). But am I cited? Of course not. Amber and Alex claimed this discovery as their own.

Yesterday’s (or two week old) news— gleaned from blogs— with ample sensationalism thrown in is the Post’s modus operandi. If the chronic practice of “print journalists” plagiarizing “bloggers” and touting their (my) fact-finding as their own bothers you, dear readers, you can contact Alex Ginsberg at:

alex (dot) ginsberg (at) nypost (dot) com

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Drag Racing Death On Provost?


Anonymous writes:

First I must say thank you for keeping up such an excellent blog. This morning at around 11:30 am, (i know not quite morning) I finished packing up the uhaul and my girlfriend and I left Greenpoint for New Hampshire. You are probably thinking WHY? Well, to make a long story short… being the wonderful woman that she is, she came to NYC for Law School since I was here. Now that she has finished school and just completed the New Hampshire Bar, it was my turn to relocate. Anyway, I love your blog, and I am sure it will keep me updated about my favorite place in the world.

Second, I am not sure if you posted anything about this, but have you seen the smashed up car outside of the 94th precinct? its pretty crazy and smells like death. Today I found out why. My landlords brother came over to collect the keys to our place and he was on his phone when he got there talking about the detectives wanting to see the tapes from this weekend. He works at Europa and apparently some kid was drinking there, left and decided it was a good idea to race on Provost St. He wrapped his Acura around a tree doing 95 mph and died. (hence the death smell if you get close to the car.) Some more crazy driving in the Greenpoint. Be careful out there on your daily walks. Thanks for everything!

First up, thanks for the kind words anonymous. More importantly, has anyone heard anything about this? This is really scary— and sad.

Miss Heather

Photo Credits: Sean Doyle Who apparently witnessed the aftermath of some serious rooftop partying gone wrong— as in the Superintendent mopping up the blood and “brain matter” from the sidewalk and building facade when one party-goer fell 5-6 floors to his death:

Things ’round here have been more than interesting. We pulled up stakes and moved out of Childrensburg, 11211, and into the lovely greenery and Nazi Runes of Little Warsaw, 11222. We’ve been over here since mid-July, and other than one really bizarre and terrible incident – it has been quite nice…

…A quieter hood for sure, but also a lack of disrespectful assholes surrounding us. This building is full of families and older Polish people. Hell, when we first moved in, everyone was eyeballing us, hoping we weren’t crazed Party People.

Then the party people started partying on his roof. That’s when it got interesting.

I decided to go out into the hallway, and let these kids know they just shouldn’t be up on the roof. It was bad enough that they were running around the halls, slamming doors and being loud as fuck. I wasn’t going to sit in here and listen to them stomping around over my head all night. I pay far too much rent for that shit.

As I walked out into the hall, a group of them were heading up the stairs to the roof. This is the exchange that followed, pretty much verbatim:

Me: “Hey. Hey! Y’all should not be up on that roof.”
Some random fuck of a kid: “Is there going to be a problem?”
Me: Cold stare.
Kid: “Are you serious? We shouldn’t be on the roof?”
Me: “Five stories is a long drop, ain’t it? There are families that live under the roof. Kids. Little ones. Please be respectful, or I won’t be.”
Some random drunk girl: “FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE. WE CAN DO WHAT WE WANT!”
Kid: “Look – we don’t want any trouble. We’ll get off the roof. Sorry.”
Me: A grin and a wink.

After that, I heard them all scurrying back down to the third floor, where the party was. I could hear them yelling in the apartment about “some asshole covered in tattoos made us get off the roof,” and I felt somewhat better about myself in that moment. They continued to be loud and ridiculous, and I continued to sit here, trying to get some Magical Work done.

I could hear them up on the roof again, maybe around 1:30AM. I figured I’d already said what I needed to, and kind of hoped that one of the older residents in the building would call the police soon, to break up the stupidity.

Around 1:45 or so I heard what sounded like the loudest slam of a door since my terrible teen years.

Less than ten minutes later, I could hear the police, admonishing kids left and right. I even pulled a total Old Man Move, and looked out the peephole in our front door, and could see cops walking kids down the stairs from the roof.

I felt pretty vindicated and went to sleep.

The next afternoon, after we had brunch with a friend, we came walking back over to the building and noticed a lot of our neighbors standing out front in a group, talking. As we walked up to them, we were informed that a 22 year old kid had fallen off the roof to his death.

At 1:45AM.

I encourage each and every one of you, dear readers, to read this post in its entirety. Although I cannot verify Mr. Doyle’s story it makes for compelling reading.

New York Shitty Day Ender: Holy Shit

Anonymous writes:

Miss Heather,

Well, Greenpoint drivers continue their reign of terror.

I’m writing to report a traffic crash at McGuinness Blvd and Huron Street at around 6:15PM. A driver, evidently speeding at what must have been way over the speed limit (50 mph?), hit a lightpole (knocking it clean off the sidewalk) and a parked car on the southwest corner. The driver appeared unharmed but shaken.  Of course he was not ticketed or arrested. Witnesses report that the driver almost hit several people on the sidewalk and in the crosswalk. One witness said that the driver was swerving to avoid another car, which fled the scene.

FDNY blocked off the intersection, but NYPD did not direct traffic. This encouraged stupid drivers to drive over the sidewalk to get down Huron. One driver got confrontational and threatened to assault pedestrians when they were “in their way” on the sidewalk.

Photos attached.

another view of the sceneNYS

Looks like Lofts 305 got an unexpected visitor.

FDNY clearing the debrisNYS

motorhead threatening pedestriansNYS

Apparently this is the motorist that was threatening pedestrians.

NYPD going to interview the driverNYS

An officer heads over to talk to the driver.

the driver being treated by FDNYnys

the sceneNYSjpg

Welcome to Huron Street!nys


Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Armed Robbery On Jewel Street?

As the lack of postage today probably suggests, today I kicked back and took it easy. I am glad I did, because it helped to be well rested while reading the following email (entitled “Mugging with guns alert in Greenpoint”). Its contents are pretty disturbing:

My friend just sent me this email today, I thought to forward it to you as a public announcement. Amanda, my friend and neighbor, and I live on Jewel Street, between Meserole and Norman.




Miss Heather

  • NYS Flickr Pool

    The One CrewSnowy SeagullsWalking the Dog in the Snow
  • Ads