Spotted On West Street: Puppy Love

This morning yours truly woke up in a churlish mood. This was further exacerbated by a walk down West Street. It was there I noticed the subject of my Poo Corner Project, a ground-breaking experiment in behavior modification, had reverted back to his rather unpleasant habit of saturation bombing the sidewalk with dog shit. I decided action was necessary and to this end procured some supplies including but not limited to my usual war chest of sidewalk chalk and glitter; a piece of poster board and Conversation Hearts. I felt a Valentine’s Day theme was in order.

A stencil was made, glitter poured and the bag of confectionery goodness opened.

Noting the relevance of this one, I decided its placement on one of the showcased shits was crucial.

Pick me.

As I was completing my project a young man and woman stopped to look at my handiwork. They were quite amused and wanted to know what gives. I tendered a brief summary of the Poo Corner Project while pointing out the heart stating “puppy love”. To wit one of my new friends replied:

That’s what I am feeling right now.

and went on the explain he was a student at Baruch College and was soon to begin military service in the Marines. I told him the former was really laudable and the latter really sweet. In return he asked me for my phone number. Not wishing to hurt his feelings I let him down gently:

If was not married I’d gladly give it to you. Chicks who cover dog shit with glitter tend to go pretty fast.

Upon noticing I was ascribing a date to this dung he kindly offered the time from his cell phone: 2:16 p.m. I thanked him but added that I didn’t think it wasn’t necessary. However, we unanimously agreed this work of art needed a title. So I gave it one.

This one’s for you, Jamal!

Merry Christmas From New York Shitty!

Christmas came early to Greenpoint in the manner of this gargantuan mound of merde from (where else?) Poo Corner.

Am I disappointed by this development? No, not really. It proved to be an ice-breaker with a lady who has the dubious honor of living across the street from this delightful item. She inquired as to what I was doing. I explained my project to her. She was pleased and wished me a Merry Christmas. Nothing unites Greenpointers in brotherly (and sisterly) love like shit.

Rather, my anxiety was over the proper arrangement of the flatware. I possess a copy of Amy Vanderbilt’s Everyday Etiquette but I did not have it handy at the time. It’s rather hefty. What’s more the only reason I keep it— and many other less lofty publications, for that matter— is/are for the pictures.* So I had to improvise.

Version 1

Version 2

Before I could type so much as “Wikipedia” the Mister looked over my shoulder and said:

You got it wrong. Forks go on the other side of the knife.

So there have you.

I hope Ms. Vanderbilt can see fit to forgive me for my breach of etiquette. She never had the pleasure of knowing Greenpoint replete in all its (brown) glory. She also did not live to see— much less taste— the miracle that is “Whipped Lightning”. It is the “Strawberry Colada” variety which graces this turd a la mode. Most importantly, I strongly suspect Ms. Vanderbilt did not have a neighbor who saw fit to grace her community with i-Pad sized piles of shit.

Does one uncivilized act (E.G.; not scooping one’s poop) justify another (not arranging flatware properly)?

I’ll leave it to you, gentle readers— and her, to make a final judgement in the meantime, Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

*Before he became famous Andy Warhol earned a living as an illustrator. He was a very good too!


The Poo Corner Project: Mission Accomplished!

Yes gentle readers, you read me correctly. The “Poo Corner Project”— a ground-breaking experiment in behavior modification— is officially over. At least for the time being. The last gargantuan grogan found by yours truly was on December 8th (as seen below).

After this nothing. For those of you keeping count this makes over a week of turd-free sidewalks.

As for what was the deciding factor that motivated our poopetrator to cease his (her?) rather unneighborly habit of strafing these sidewalks with shit, only he knows for certain. Was it the Sugar Plum fairies (as seen above)? I doubt it. Was it the rather churlish missives left by a fellow malcontent? Quite possibly. Or was my appeal to national pride which proved to be the tipping point? I for one can only hope so.

However, it’s been my observation there are some questions best left unanswered. This may very be one such case. We Greenpointers (and our guests via the East River Ferry) should simply be happy we can walk down this stretch of sidewalk with some assurance our feet, eyes and most importantly NOSES will not be assaulted by dog bombs. Is there still room for improvement? ABSOLUTELY. Case in point:

There is still a great deal of rubbish to be found here. Among other things. I can only hope our friends at the Department of Sanitation can help us sort this out.

Regardless, here is some footage of the new and (somewhat) improved “Poo Corner” as shot by yours truly today. Enjoy!

But what would a behavior modification experiment be without employing the “carrot” as well as the “stick”? Not a very good one, I say! So to wrap things up I dusted off my sidewalk chalk and left a few words of encouragement— and a warning.

Greenpoint Street Art du Jour: PULL

From “Poo Corner”.*

*Whose “activity”, while not completely eradicated, has seriously diminished.

This makes only one shit (and a somewhat stealthy one at that) in four days.

The Poo Corner Project: Failure To Communicate?

On December 1, 2011 I wrote:

This might— MIGHT— be a half-assed attempted by our poopetrator at exercising something called common courtesy!

Only time will tell…

Well gentle readers, I have good news and bad news. We’ll start with the bad news first. The next day I encountered a grogan of mammoth proportions.

In a fit of sheer frustration, I decided to ask my ne’er do well neighbor a question.

While considering the situation it hit me:

Maybe this person cannot read?

I mean, with this being “Little Poland” there is a very strong chance our poopetrator is not fluent in English (by virtue of the fact he/she is Polish). Thus, I decided perhaps an appeal to national pride was in order.

And as of today I am delighted to report nary a single new shit was found. This makes two turd-free days!

The Poo Corner Project: Strange Days

As I noted earlier this week a fellow disgruntled neighbor of the India Street “Bomber” has seen fit to add his/her own missives to “Poo Corner” (one of which can be seen at left). While somewhat surprising, I have taken this curious development in stride. All experiments— be they in a laboratory or “in the field”— have variables. I am doing my best to factor this into my endeavor. But not without a mistake or two along the way. The Poo Corner Project is not just about dung-watching: it is also a journey of self-discovery. And today I learned not to let my own prejudices color an interpretation of the facts.

CASE IN POINT: the following smattering of scat.

The above is what awaited my delectation during yesterday’s sortee. After considerable thought I concluded one of two things happened:

  1. Someone had a very unfortunate collision with said “grogan”.
  2. Someone possibly caught our miscreant in the act and Greenpoint “street justice” (the very best kind, I assure you) came to pass.

I decided point #1 was the most likely scenario, so I annotated the (former) turd accordingly.

During today’s sweep of “Poo Corner” nary a new turd was to be found. From India to West I went in search of merde. Not believing my own eyes, I traced my path back. Nothing new— save this:

I’m guessing the autumn leaves (and there are many gracing the piece of Bloomblight which is 32 India Street) concealed this message on my previous visitations. Not today. I noted its close proximity to the previously-depicted “shit smear” and reached a very different conclusion:

This might— MIGHT— be a half-assed attempted by our poopetrator at exercising something called common courtesy!

Only time will tell. Buoyed by the positive results of the above (albeit admittedly surly) attempt at outreach/mutual understanding regarding this miscreant’s rather gross “domestic product” I decided a monument was in order.

Presenting “The G8 Summit”.

More undoubtedly to come…

The Poo Corner Project: And Then There Were Two?

As I prognosticated yesterday, today’s “load” was dispatched on India Street. I refrained from annotating it, as the rainfall would render my sidewalk chalk useless. But does today’s dispatch end here? Not by a long-shot, gentle readers. When I rounded the corner onto West Street I doscovered something rather interesting.

It would appear someone has seen fit to voice his/her dissatisfaction with this dog owner’s anti-social behavior. Exactly how this will influence my study/behavioral experiment remains to be seen.

But the sugar plum fairies are taking it all in stride…

UPDATE, 3:41 p.m.: I am pleased as punch to announce my endeavor has not gone unnoticed/appreciated by our friends on the left coast. Click here and see the magic for yourself!

The Poo Corner Project: An Update

Things have been pretty touch and go lately with the holiday weekend and periodic fits of extreme rainfall we’ve been experiencing. However, this is not to suggest I have not been keeping on top of this situation. I most assuredly have. In fact, I have made a very interesting discovery. Once which I believe requires passing along forthwith. Without further ado here it is:

Our poopetrator seems to be alternating his (her) bombing raids between West and India Street.

Whether or not this is due to him (her?) noticing my annotations is anyone’s guess. Still, the evidence is pretty compelling.

November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving tidings from West Street.

November 27, 2011

He’s back at it on India Street.

November 28, 2011

And back to West Street he goes.

Has this person taken notice of my little project and feels some semblance of shame? Or is he simply revolted by his best friend’s doggie dumplings (like the rest of us)? This is the question I plan to tackle next. However, before leaving Poo Corner today I decided to leave my new friend a bit of holiday cheer.

With a dash of pixie dust— okay, make that glitter— I christen this creation “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies”!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

UPDATE, 4:15 p.m.: It would appear my little gesture has not gone unnoticed. A chap we’ll call “N” writes:

I check out your blog a lot, it rules. Nice work! i was walking down west st today when i came across this. figured it was good material for your site. attached are two files. hope all is well, happy holidaze.

The Poo Corner Project: Waxing Philosophical

This morning yours truly swung by Poo Corner to see how things were developing. Much to my surprise (and despite a stuffed leopard keeping watch), our poopetrator has resumed “bombing” India Street. The two above specimens were particularly— how shall we say— fragrant.

Happy Thanksgiving From New York Shitty!

This trio of well-wishers hails from none other than our very own “Poo Corner” which, it should be noted in a curious new development, seems to have been relocated to West and Java Street.

Bon appetit!

  • NYS Flickr Pool

  • Ads