New York Shitty Pay Phone Du Jour: 10 Days Later

splat

Some of you might recall that yours truly documented a rather magnificent (if utterly revolting) public pay phone on the Bowery recently. Today, since I happened to be in Manhattan I decided to swing back by and see how things were shaping up.

New York Shitty Analysis

  • Glass Half Empty: It would appear the poo is still there— or an additional “patron” has paid this impromptu privy a “visit”.
  • Glass Half Full: Some attempt at cleaning has been made. In addition, the bottle of Activia would suggest that, perchance, this poopatrator is working on his (her?) irregularity issues— albeit with New Amsterdam peach-flavored Vodka as a chaser.
  • What I want to know: What would Jamie Lee Curtis do? This is one hell of a product endorsement opportunity if you ask me.

Any merry hooligans out there care to testify on this public pay phone’s behalf? Sadly (and ironically), it cannot speak for itself.

New York Shitty Pay Phone Du Jour: Shock & Awe(some)

February 19, 2013 ·
Filed under: 10012, Bum Shit, Chinatown, Chinatown Manhattan, Dung of the Day, Urban Artifact, Wow, WTF 

Last weekend I went for a walk with my buddy Larry around points north Brooklyn and beyond. We stumbled upon a number of fascinating things during our peregrinations including a bona fide monologue machine. A discussion followed wherein Larry mused:

I wonder if anyone actually uses pay phones?

Today on the Bowery I learned the answer.

shitphone

Yes! Those of you who lament that New York City ain’t what it used to be (it isn’t), I present for your viewing pleasure the above repurposed phone kiosk. For what it is worth, it smelled a lot worse than it looks.

fiveinches

Damn.

The Word On The Street, Part II: A South 6 Street PSA

south6street

Taken January 30, 2013.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Deck The Stalls

Jay, who captured the above bit of nastiness today December 15th, writes:

Wishing you a Shitty Christmas courtesy of NY Parks and the men’s restroom at McGolrick Park.

New York Shitty Photos Du Jour: Caption This

I see a number of fascinating things when I am out and about. This is especially true of the manifold number of demolition/construction sites in my fair burgh. It has been yours truly’s observation that sidewalk sheds seem to be an invitation for some engage in activities he/she would otherwise refrain from had not the additional privacy been provided.

CASE IN POINT: What I happened upon on North 7th Street today.

A black leather briefcase with some valued added in the way of a super-sized bottle of Ketel One vodka and…

a heaping helping of (what appears to be) human feces. I have long hoped some day during my peregrinations I’d stumble upon a briefcase full of cash. Clearly the universe had something decidedly different in mind. Nonetheless, wishing to share the joy, I forwarded this choice find to Pa Heather. I did so in the hope he would give it a snappy title. I wrote (in an email entitled “I saw something interesting on my walk today”:

A briefcase with some “value added” in the way of human feces. Repulsive and yet hilarious. It smelled worse than it looks. Care to take a stab at captioning this? I’m drawing a blank…

Sure enough, I got a response:

You have an eye for shit.

To wit I replied:

I don’t look for the shit, the shit looks for me…

While this opportunity for father/daughter bonding is precious (and it is— Pa Heather knows his shit), it still does not solve my craptastic caption conundrum.

Care to take a stab at it, gentle readers?

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Something Truly Shitty

August 11, 2012 ·
Filed under: 11222, Dog Shit, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

A fellow we’ll call “G” writes:

Dear Miss Heather,

Love your blog. Is there anyway you would could reblog my blog about my apartment, 110 Green Street. I’d like to inform others not to live here and just how crappy the management is here.

viridianbrooklyn.tumblr.com
If not, no hard feelings. Thanks and keep up the good work.

As it would happen, I myself have had the pleasure of receiving a photo of the above-depicted bit of gastronomic distress.

Here it is. The taker of this photograph opines:

Here’s one for your blog. This tasty display of canine explosive diarrhea was discovered in the “lounge” of the Viridian. I’m guessing by the presence of the “Caution!” sign that the dog’s owner has no plans to clean it up. But that’s just the kind of considerate behavior that I’ve come to expect from my neighbors.

Here’s another pair of photos this individual has see fit to send yours truly. Along with commentary.

Check it out… This is the hallway window on my floor. It is hanging out of the wall. (See next picture)

This shows the separation between the window and the wall. The area showing the view across the street is completely open to the outside.

It should be noted this person also informed me that following the fireworks/beer tossing incident on July 4th (which resulted in a police helicopter buzzing the area and generally scaring the bejezzus out of folks), the management of this building issued a memo informing tenants of the rules regarding use of the roof (as seen at the beginning of this post) and that surveillance cameras were installed so as to catch anyone using it without permission. These were promptly rendered non-functional.

Yes sir, it would appear the Viridian has some rather serious problems. Those of you wishing to have a staycation, have the odd $137.00 to burn and wish to see this shit show firsthand might be interested to know a resident of the Viridian is renting her penthouse apartment via airbnb. Otherwise I recommend checking out “G’s” documentation of the train wreck that is 110 Green Street”. It’s something else.*

UPDATE, August 12,2012: There appears to two websites dedicated to 110 Green Street. Behold, Viridian Gripes! I for one found the latest poll rather illuminating.

*Not to suggest I am surprised that the “quality” of construction at this luxury building has become an issue.

I’m not.

From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part II: McGolrick Park, Worse Than Ever?

In an email addressed to Assemblyman Joseph Lentol’s office, the 94th Precinct’s Community Affairs Office, Brooklyn Parks Commissioner (Kevin Jeffrey), Community Board 1’s Parks Supervisor/Open Space Alliance North Brooklyn’s Executive Director (Stephanie Thayer); City Councilman Steve Levin’s office and 50th Assembly District Democratic Leader (Lincoln Restler), among others a lady named Holly writes today, July 2nd, 2012:

I am writing this as a follow-up to the December 9, 2011 meeting concerning conditions at McGolrick Park.  While it was said that a subsequent meeting would be held in April 2012 to readdress the issues presented, that of course never happened.  And now seven months later, McGolrick Park is in worse shape than ever.

I will try to keep this letter as brief as possible, because I am very tired. . . tired of constantly volunteering and fundraising for a park that is continually destroyed, tired of continually pointing out problems that need to be addressed only to have those concerns fall on deaf ears, tired of being forsaken by the Parks Department and local politicians (with the exception of Lincoln Restler) who obviously do not care about the well-being of the park itself and the community that surrounds it.

I am attaching pictures I took today of the degenerating conditions of the park, and they should speak for themselves, but I would like to make the following important points:

1) The middle entrance on Monitor Street between Nassau Ave. and Driggs Ave. has become a residence for local drunkards.  The area reeks of urine and alcohol and there are copious amounts of garbage and liquor bottles strewn about the area.  They have literally lived in that unmaintained, isolated “meadow” for the past two weeks.  It is disgusting and absolutely unacceptable. (Photos attached. I have taken the liberty of assembling them into a slide show which graces the beginning of this post. — Ed. Note.)

2) The benches at the center of the park have been destroyed for probably the tenth time since the December meeting.  Graffiti is rampant. The Belgium stone surrounding the Monitor statue has been vandalized. The bulletin board has been broken – again.  Garbage is openly thrown around the center of the park by the group of destructive and abusive teenagers that continue to haunt the center of the park.  (Photos attached.)

3) There are trip hazards throughout the park.  My group, The McGolrick Park Schools Alliance, donated and laid 1 ton of new top soil in the spring, filling in several of the larger trip hazards, but many remain.  The other day my 2 ½ year old son was running through one of the lawns and suddenly fell directly on his nose.  It was a large hole obscured by grass that made him fall.

4) Many people of this community blame the seasonal workers for the poor maintenance of the park.  It is true that you can often see these workers sitting in the shack or on the benches.  But let me be clear that the park workers are NOT to blame.  If they are not working to their full potential then it is only because they are not receiving sufficient supervision and guidance.  Moreover, after volunteering with some of these workers I was appalled to discover that they don’t have one functioning pincer and no work gloves – they have to buy their own safety supplies, and that is a travesty.  So I gave them a bag of work gloves which is apparently more than their employer is willing to do.  Also, I want you to be aware that these workers are verbally abused by aggressive teens and drunks on an almost daily basis.  These workers, who literally have to clean the shit of the park, are treated as such, and they are given no support or power to improve their working conditions/our park.  There should be a protocol put in place whereby workers are given the ability to call for police support at even the inkling of being threatened, or as soon as they see vagrants or vandals.

5) As has been true for years, the bathrooms of McGolrick Park are absolutely disgusting.  Parents resort to allowing their children to relieve themselves on the perimeters of the playground rather than risk exposing their kids to the horrible bathroom conditions.  This of course presents another set of health and safety issues.  Moreover, urine and feces from resident drunks can still be found/smelled throughout the park.

6) The center pavilion is in absolute disrepair.  Bird nests have destroyed the woodwork and so much graffiti has been haphazardly painted over that it looks atrocious.

7) I feel it should be known that following the December 9 meeting, and announcing that I would be starting a community group for McGolrick Park, I received a call from park officials “encouraging” me to work with The Friends of McGolrick instead of starting my own group (which would target children and families of our local schools).  In addition, I was told that any police reports concerning the park should be left to Morgan Pehme (Mr. Pehme is the head of the Friends of McGolrick Park Group— Ed. Note) to make.  So essentially, I was being asked to give up my fundamental rights as a citizen to accommodate the needs of others.  Thankfully, I stuck to my guns and refused to work with “The Friends” as I clearly knew from the start that the group was impotent.  To my knowledge they have not held one clean-up or community event within the park, and what is more infuriating is that they were handed $2500 from Exxon Mobil that has not been used or accounted for.  This is money that should have been used for the benefit of our park and community and no one knows where it has gone.

This will be the last time I will reach out to those civil servants who are responsible for maintaining the health, safety, and beauty of our local park.  I no longer wish to see my hard work and energy go down the drain because the people in charge just don’t care.  However, if you are a community member reading this letter and are as outraged as I am, please forward this to others, and contact those officials that this email is addressed to.  Tell them that you agree with these words – maybe then, someone will be held accountable and our park and neighborhood can change (back) for the better.

Holly

Here’s the deal, folks: Holly is not the only concerned citizen who is disgusted with the deteriorating state of this park. It was brought to my attention after last week’s Public Safety Committee meeting by a life-long Greenpoint resident and yet another parks patron has seen fit to do some documentation of her own. Her focus was on public defecation. Without further ado, here are her findings.

I honestly do not know what I can say that I have not said many times before— but I will do so (again) anyway. Until we as citizens, our civil servants and elected officials take up the matter of the homeless (and addiction) problem here honestly and realistically, I do not see anything changing. I was both saddened and disgusted when I happened upon a man who was clearly in need of medical help today in plain view of the McCarren Park Field House and the recently (re)opened pool. The latter of which, not surprisingly, has been receiving a great deal of police attention the last two days.

UPDATE, 6:51 p.m.: There appears to have been another incident at the McCarren Park Pool. Click here for Gothamist’s take.

UPDATE, 7:47 p.m.: Holly gets a response— and responds!

MARK YOUR CALENDARS: Citizens Committee Earth Day Press Conference

There are a number of events this upcoming Earth Day weekend. I will endeavor to list a few on this site. However, this one (which comes courtesy of a fabulous fellow named Willie) strikes a special chord with yours truly. Let’s compost some crap, North Brooklynites! God only knows we have enough of the stuff…

Citizens Committee Earth Day Press Conference
Sunday, April 22, 2012 starting at 11:00 a.m.
Hudson River Park Dog Run
New York, New York 10014

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Scat Attack At McGolrick Park?

I should have curbed my dogA person we’ll call “S” writes:

Miss Heather,

About a month or so ago, my girlfriend & I were walking our puppy on Driggs Avenue after visiting the McGolrick Dog Run. It’s pretty normal to see other people walking their dogs and to allow them to sniff each other and so forth. On this occasion however, a young woman with her small poodle was walking by and even though our dog was a safe distance and on a leash, this woman quickly stood between her and her dog and said very forcibly, “Stay away from my dog!” I laughed a little because I was kind of shocked by her random behavior and she immediately started yelling at us about how wrong it was for us not to rescue a shelter dog. We were just kind of startled and walked away, basically wondering WTF? A few days later, I was walking our dog and this girl and her dog were coming in the other direction and she just started yelling at me to “keep my fucking ugly ass dog away from her dog”. I never allowed my dog to come within touching distance of her dog and so I kind of giggled out of frustration and a bit of amusement that this stranger wants to pick a fight with me every time we pass. I’m pretty sure that she lives on the same block as me. So a week passes and I see her again and she makes these very awkward angry, silent mouth gestures at me and I couldn’t help saying, “Lady, you’re a nut”.

And then this morning, at 7am in McGolrick Park we are once again passing each other with our dogs and even though my dog is at least three feet away from her dog, she’s starts yelling to “Get your fucking dog away from my dog…” and the same rant about not rescuing a shelter dog.  I told her to “Fuck off” and she picked up her dogs diarrhea with aplastic bag and tried to throw it at my dog. He got hit with the bag, but fortunately not with the shit. There were other dog owners nearby that seemed pretty dumbfounded by the whole interaction and demanded that she clean up the shit that was now all over the park’s walk way. She also said that she has filed a complaint with 311 every time that my dog has gotten too close to her dog and these complaints will add up to my dog getting put down. I’m not laughing anymore. This woman is making my blood boil. I continued on our walk and after about 15 minutes, she walks towards me and says, “Have a great day!” I respond with, “If you ever throw shit at me or my dog again, I will not just stand by and let it happen”. She says, “Oh, that’s great, you’re threatening me” and so she calls 911. I already had a headache this morning and I wasn’t about to stand around and let her feel any more satisfied with her wackjob behavior so I quickly took my dog home and went to work. 

Here I am at work wondering what kind of false accusations this woman is making to the police. Should I file a police report for her throwing dog shit at me? Should I ignore it all? This is certainly one of the strangest things to happen to me in NYC over the past 10+ years.  I’m asking you for advice because you know the neighborhood well and I just don’t know how to proceed.

Thoughts/advice, gentle readers? Quite frankly I’m speechless.

Photo credits (once again): murdoc

Bushwick Photo du Jour: Simply Irresistible

From Melrose Street.

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