Quicklink: Define Progress

300nassauNYS

This endeavor (which can be found at 300 Nassau Avenue) was brought to my attention by the artist. Please take a moment to check it out more photos here. Well done, GILF!

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Season’s Greetings From Carroll Gardens

Taken by Scoboco.

The Word On The Street: The People Have Spoken (Once Again)

Keep BK Safe

Today yours truly opted to take a brief constitutional around north ‘Point. As I did I noticed that Charles Hynes, or more specifically his supporters, have seen fit to press the manifold number of construction fences hereabouts into service as billboards. The above missive can be found on Green Street between Manhattan Avenue and Franklin Street. I just about shot coffee out of my nose when I read the tag line at the bottom:

Political Corruption600

Do not let political corruption take over the DA’s Office

Excuse me if I am wrong here but I suspect the reason Mr. Hynes was defeated, by quite a commanding margin I’ll add, by Ken Thompson in the Democratic Primary was due to the fact folks hereabouts are tired of political corruption in the Brooklyn DA’s office. Then again, it has been established that Mr. Hynes does not seem to see it this way. That’s why he is running as a Republican. But I digress.

Gpt Avenue

When I reached Greenpoint Avenue I was faced with this fellow’s visage once more. I was like:

Enough is enough.

And proceeded across the street to tear these damned things down. As I got closer I made an amusing discovery— one which made me reconsider my “plan of action”. It made me smile— and proud to be a Greenpointer!

Hooliganism

Well done, anonymous Greenpoint hooligan. WELL DONE!

UPDATE, 6:06 p.m.: It has been brought to my attention that SANO (whose sign can been seen on the fence on Green Street) has had its license revoked for non-payment of taxes. Don’t take my word for it:

New York Shitty Photos Du Jour: The Manhattan Avenue Wienerfest, Day Two

yesterday

 

As some of you might recall, yesterday I encountered the above installation while running a few errands. What you may not know is who is responsible for this chicanery. His name is Josef, and he is quite awesome. Which brings me to today…

installation1

 

He has added quite a bit of new material. Including:

umbrella

 

These two missives. He elaborated on the one to the right. It reads:

Everywhere. Everyday. We’re with you.

tdbank

 

This was gleaned from an advertisement for TD Bank. He explained to me that that DOMA being overturned made him quite happy because:

I do not care who you love— or who loves who.

Right on— but let’s continue.

painting

Here’s a rather lovely mirror graced by one of Josef’s paintings. He employed dried parsley, poppy seeds and mustard seeds so as to give it some “texture”.

portrait

 

This is portrait of himself “back in the day” with some blue paint thrown in for good measure.

NOKIELBASA

 

And a few slices of bread and a paint brush now accompany the kiwi fruit.

Where’s the kielbasa?

I inquired. His answer was somewhat hard to decipher. But here it goes:

  1. Ne noted it was fascinating how the sun seemed to cook it. I countered that given how hot it is, this is not surprising.
  2. Someone stole it. (To eat? Who knows.)
  3. Someone posted a picture of it on the Internet.

Was it you?

He added. I answered to the affirmative. He went on the explain that he could not afford kielbasa today, so slices of bread will have to do. I mulled this development over. “Fuck it”, I thought to myself. “I may not be a Medici or a Guggenheim but I am going to do my part to patronize a local artist”.

Here’s five dollars. Go get some kielbasa and some lunch.

And went on my way.

When I came back home I stopped to see if Josef kept his word. Well, the following speaks for itself…

kielbasarestored

 

Alas he was not present. (I wanted to request he place a sign next to the meat stick stating “Weiner For Mayor”). However you can see both bread and kielbasa were procured. The latter has been hung (pun completely intended) for everyone’s edification.

pricetagandcards

What’s more, Josef left the price tag of his purchase (so as to ensure my donation was spent on sausage) AND he left business cards for the establishment from which he procured said meaty goodness: W-Nassau Meat Market. This makes for one of the most inspired low budget advertising campaigns in my humble opinion. Is it ideologically consistent for a vegetarian to enable this hooliganism? No, probably not. But it is awesome nonetheless. Viva Greenpoint!

Urban Artifacts: Manhattan Avenue

lampshadeonhydrant

lampshade

unicornonbike

unicorn

Taken June 24, 2013.

Urban Artifact, Part II: Feels Like Summer!

indiastreet

If anyone needs a bikini top so as to celebrate this summer-like interlude— or is simply wanting to know where to retrieve this item— check the tree on India Street outside the Greenpoint Grocery & Fruit Market at 974 Manhattan Avenue. There you will find it. Happy Father’s Day weekend Garden Spotters!

Spotted On Manhattan Avenue: Spider Man

If these images (which a lady named Lisa was kind enough to bring to my attention) are any indication, it was a lively evening in the Garden Spot last night. My tipster kicks the party off as follows:

So…as we’re leaving (a) party… I see fucking Spiderman scaling a building, out of costume, on Manhattan ave. SPIDEY, YOU’RE DRUNK, GO HOME! 

spidey1nys

We first see him climbing up the fire escape ladder and assume, OK, he made it, he’s home. Not so much…

spidey2nys

There were, of course, extensive comments on what would be happening if he was not Caucasian…

spidey3nys

Spidey proceeds to move behind the staircase and onto the ledge, AROUND THE AC UNIT – nice effing moves – and works his way to the next building

spidey4nys

I moved to video, showing poor judgement as it was too dark, so I did not get pics of the rest. Spidey moved to the next building where we thought “no way, that window has child guards on it, he can’t get in there,” but we were wrong…he opened the window and climbed OVER the child guards, OVER THE CHILD GUARDS, through the window, where he was welcomed with cheers from a party. THIS WAS AWESOME! I should post the video just for the Stephanie and Jerry show commentary, but I won’t. But this shit was funny. Damn. Jerry, did anyone believe you when you got back? Here is our proof!

A few thoughts:

  1. Given there have been a number of break-ins hereabouts wherein the thieves accessed the apartment(s) in question via the fire escape, this fellow is lucky no one called the police.
  2. He’s doubly lucky he didn’t fall and seriously hurt himself. I’d say he was tempting fate— and subsequent notoriety courtesy of the New York Post— in a big, big way.
  3. Greenpoint is becoming more and more like the East Village/Lower East Side every day. God help us.

UPDATE: It has been brought to my attention that this morning someone in a BMW drove off Manhattan Avenue, presumably via the Kayak Launch, and into Newtown Creek. Wow. Just wow. You can read Gothamist’s take on this bizarre turn of event by clicking here.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: A Dispatch From Frost Street

gothamistscI am certain a number of folks reading this tome are familiar with the item Gothamist posted recently about an attorney having what can be best described as an alcohol-fueled melt-down in Williamsburg. Those of you who are not in the know can become so by clicking here.

In any case, I found the incident downright uncanny as something very similar happened— also in Williamsburg— twenty four hours later. A doppelganger, if you will. I’m guessing the 94th had a very busy weekend— but I digress. My tipster writes on Sunday, June 2nd:

It isn’t Even hot yet and people are nuts. Whackjob… flipped out cross the street last night. 30’s white dude with braided bracelets was kicking and punch the shit out of somebody elses car. Then lays down on the sidewalk crying. Hell-o 94th! Sad, nobody loves him and he is mad about it. Really nice young Polish cop came. I liked seeing a cop in his own hood.

As it was explained to me by another witness this fellow managed to inflict several thousand dollars worth of damage to this defenseless motor vehicle before passing out on the sidewalk.  And passed out on the sidewalk he conveniently remained until our Finest arrived. Upon being awakened next to his “handiwork”— I want to make this perfectly clear— this chap apparently had enough wits about him to deny any wrong-doing.

Yup. Methinks we’re in for an interesting summer north Brooklyn. On a related note, this evening the monthly meeting of the 94th Precinct Community Council will come to pass at the Church of Ascension’s Parish Hall. NOTE: this will be the last meeting until September.

94th Precinct Community Council Meeting
June 5, 2013 starting at 7:00 p.m.
Church of the Ascension’s Auditorium
122 Java Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Cheers!

 

Spotted On Broadway: The Proper Use Of Duct Tape

dickcheney

Taken April 25, 2013.

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