TONIGHT: Gotham Reformers Cruise

September 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Queens, Williamsburg 

This found its way into my inbox yesterday and I feel compelled to pass it along. I have it on good intelligence that this cruise will indeed feature Greenpoint’s very own shit creek. Those of you who wish to learn more about the Citizens Union (and you should —it looks very interesting) will be directed to their home page by clicking here.

Miss Heather

Photos du Jour: Can I Has Cheezburger?

September 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City 

Quay Street, Greenpoint.

5th Street, Long Island City.

Miss Heather

Anyone Out There Want To Learn Irish?

September 3, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City 

If so, you are in luck. The New York Irish Center (above) at 10-40 Jackson Avenue will be conducting classes this month!

Anybody interested in attending should email Ms. Mulligan at the above-listed email address. Classes start next week!

New York Irish Center
10-40 Jackson Avenue
Long Island City, New York 11101

Miss Heather

Long Island City Photos du Jour: Mobility

September 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City 

Court Square, Long Island City.

Waterfront, Long Island City.

Is this life imitating art or vice versa? Either way it gives me the creeps.

Miss Heather

Labor Day At The Nature Walk

September 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bum Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Other Shit 

Most New Yorkers like to go out of town over Labor Day weekend. I don’t; I stay home and savor the silence. I sojourned to City Island on Saturday and did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on Sunday.* When I got up yesterday morning, Labor Day, I asked myself:

What do I want to do today?

My “little voice” said:

Go to the park!

I have learned to trust my “little voice”. So I threw on some shorts and sunblock and proceeded to the closest park: the Newtown Creek Nature Walk. I was hoping to find a discarded rubber or get some nice photographs of the skyline. I was disappointed in regards to the previous but I got the latter…

(I am contributing a big phat juicy print of this to the Greenpoint 100!) and more.

Someone clearly experienced some serious gastronomical distress and saw fit to use the Nature Walk as a toilet. He (or she) is neither the first nor the last person to use Greenpoint in such a manner: Newtown Creek is the pissoir for the masses. When some jocular he-man ties off a used rubber in Murray Hill and flushes it down the toilet… guess who gets it? We do! Go Team Greenpoint!

Thank you, cum again!

But I digress…

I am guessing the above stick was employed as a primitive form of toilet paper. After taking the above photograph (using my cell phone to establish a sense of scale) I discovered a number of other revolting things at the Nature Walk. I carefully documented them and called the “authorities”. Hilarity ensued.

I initially planned to do a series of “a minute in (insert neighborhood/place here)”. But after experiencing this level of ASS** I decided a comparison of Gantry Park (in luxury waterfront condoville, Long Island City) and the Nature Walk (in decidedly NOT luxury waterfront condoville, Greenpoint) would be a more appropriate use of this footage. The lesson here (as best as I can comprehend it) is: if a neighborhood acquiesces to having an ENORMOUS luxury enclave on her waterfront (READ: Long Island City) said residents get a nice park. Otherwise, you can eat look at shit.

Miss Heather

*Save a rather rancorous post about Sarah “June Cleaver/Coupon Clipper” Palin getting the Vice Presidential nomination. I felt sort of bad about calling her a “bimbo” so I Googled “alaska” “bimbo” “v.p.” Here’s what I found:

Clearly I was not alone when I made the assessment that Ms. Palin is, in fact, a bimbo. Nonetheless my inner feminist was upset. She asked me:

Would you have called Sarah Palin a bimbo if she was not a woman?

My answer:

Yes. We, as a nation, got our first bhimbo for Veep in 1988. His name was Dan Quayle.

And with that reply my “inner feminist” vanished in a puff of logic.

I was delighted to learn that Ms. Palin is against sex education. What could school possibly teach her daughter Bristol? It is pretty clear that Bristie pulled herself up by her own boot straps and figured out the fundamental mechanics on her own (with a little help from a friend). Now she is going to be a teenage mother! Bristol “Jamie Lynn Spears” Palin should be teaching the rest of us!

**The man on the phone asked what county this was in. After some hesitation I said “Kings” (Newtown Creek does, after all, straddle two: Kings and Queens). Then he asked me what FUCKING CITY I lived in! I said Greenpoint. Then I pointed out that Greenpoint is part of Brooklyn. And Brooklyn is part of New York City. At one point my polite (if utterly useless) phone pal apologized and confessed he was in the Adirondacks had no knowledge of New York City geography. With civil servants like this who needs enemies?

Long Island City Photos du Jour: Angry At The MTA

August 28, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens 

Lest this or this post has not made it clear: certain parts of Long Island City are rather— how shall we say— colorful. This goes double for 28 Street. For those of you who are not in the know, this is where the Q101 bus begins its journey to Riker’s Island. It has been my experience that there are always interesting people to be found on this street. And being the very interesting people they are, they often have rather interesting things to say.

And sometimes they even see fit to air their views on garbage cans.

I have no idea what this missive is about other than its author appears to have a beef with the MTA (and “white men”). Join the club, kiddo.

Miss Heather

Long Island City Photos du Jour: Welcome To Queensbridge

August 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens 

I found an incredibly wild mural just across the street from the 59th Street Bridge recently and simply HAD to share it here. Ready to see some seriously fierce stuff? Here we go!

Meet the Wall Nuts.

I’m not going to lie: I have always found this part of Queens incredibly seedy. It is not a place I would like to find myself at 2:00 or 3:00 o’clock in the morning.

But my concern was always with the ladies of the evening and ex-cons trolling the area. I never knew Satan himself called this neighborhood home.

This blond beauty really took me by surprise. If you cannot shake the feeling you have seen this lovely face before, chances are you have. Click here for the reveal!

Miss Heather

Crapped And Tapped

August 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Bum Shit, Dung of the Day, Long Island City, Other Shit, Queens 

I have a predilection for documenting shit: be it human, canine or sub-standard construction. I also have a fascination for public pay phones rendered useless by human abuse. But alas of late I have become jaded.

This paltry specimen from Bed Stuy didn’t impress me. The receiver is gone, someone lost his shirt, yada, yada, yada

I wanted MORE.

I got it...

courtesy of Queensboro Plaza. I can’t honestly say I will miss this eyesore. But the construction fences demarcating what is arguably one of the UGLIEST BUILDINGS in New York City leaves much to the imagination…

and the incontinent. It reeks.

Note the happy people gracing this pay phone kiosk. They’re all “thumbs up”— not unlike our fearless leader. Neither they nor King George the Second (fighting the war on terror overseas) would want to pick up— much less use— the phone contained therein.

Which is worse: a crapped phone* or a tapped phone? Go to Queens Plaza and figure it out for yourself.

Miss Heather

*That is shit. Trust me. How the hell they got it ON the phone is beyond me.

Long Island City Photo du Jour: Welcome!

August 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens 

From Jackson Avenue.

Miss Heather

My Trip Up Shit Creek: Part Deux

I learned a funny thing yesterday. A “friend” will invite you on a boat ride of Newtown Creek. He will later even laud the photographs and the footage you shot. That is, until some person at Channel 13 (who hired said boat and seems to think all the intellectual/creative property gathered from it is his) raises a stink:

Hey Heather,

I’m glad you enjoyed the trip on Newtown Creek the other day. I’m not sure if we officially met but I know you talked to my associate Daniel. I’m writing because I was checking out your blog and I noticed you’d posted several videos of the trip. I don’t mean to be any sort of stickler but it makes me a little uncomfortable to have other people reporting on the same thing which I hired a boat to capture. I don’t have any problem with you posting photos or stories about the trip but the video just happens to be exactly why we were there and sort of crosses lines of exclusivity. So, let me profusely apologize for having to ask but I would really appreciate it if you would take the videos down.

So, my other question would be how you knew about the trip. I didn’t have any problem with people coming out with us as long as they were out of the way but no one told me we should be expecting guests so I don’t really know how that came about.

Anyway, sorry again. If you’d like to chat about it, feel free to give me a call or email back.

Thanks much,

I’m not a chatty kind of gal. Just ask my parents. I rarely answer the phone, much less pick it up and call some condescending chap who wants to “chat” about why my seven minutes of film footage does not undermine his “vision”.

Dear old dad taught me a few things about anger management, albeit accidentally. One of them was I can channel anger in a constructive manner whose effect, in turn, is actually quite the opposite: destructive. Call what I am about to do passive/aggressive or one of life’s little ethical loopholes and/or gray areas. Call it whatever you want. Sure, I yanked the “video” showcasing said “exclusive material” —and I replaced it with another one. This. Now I am bringing back the original.

Pa Heather, this one goes out to you. You know better than anyone that no one can make me shut up.

Miss Heather

P.S.: I’m not taking this one down. If the peeps at Channel 13 have some special interest in publicly humiliating my husband (or training him to recycle correctly) I want a piece of the action. Simple as that.

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