Attention MTA

June 19, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Williamsburg 

I suspect I speak for many when I say we really like the new bus shelters you have been erecting in north Brooklyn.

However, you might want your proofreaders to pay a little more attention to annoying little gaffes such as this. Jackson Avenue is in Long Island City, Jackson Street is in Brooklyn. When a transit authority botches street names it doesn’t exactly foster much faith with the bus-going public.

Just a suggestion.

Miss Heather

Photo Credit: Will Nunziata of Collars Up. The same people who created this hilarious film about the Ikea opening in Red Hook. Check it out!

From Bay Ridge To The Bronx

June 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Astoria, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Williamsburg 

As promised here is a slide show of my cruise up the East River from Bay Ridge, Brooklyn to Hunt’s Point, Bronx. There’s a little something for everybody but I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that all you Red Hookers, Greenpointers, Roosevelt Islanders and Riker’s Island curiosity seekers out there will not be disappointed.


Miss Heather

P.S.: You can see my complete Flickr set of South/Central Brooklyn by clicking here. Everything else (from the Brooklyn Navy Yard north to the Bronx) can be seen by clicking here. Scenic vistas of Manhattan and New Jersey (though incomplete as of the writing of this post) can be found here.

Great Moments In Real Estate Rhetoric: Long Island City

June 9, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City 

As of 12:30 I am halfway through sorting through the 600-odd photographs the Mr. and I took during yesterday’s waterfront tour. On that note, I would like to tender a few observations about attending a five hour railmarine cruise:

  1. Train enthusiasts are really, really into trains. Big time.
  2. Some of the aforementioned enthusiasts lack social skills, e.g.; they congregate in the front of the boat thus blocking the view for everyone else (READ: me).
  3. When one is on a five hour cruise in choppy water during 90+ degree weather, getting throughly doused by water from the Hudson River is sweet relief, dignity be damned. I mean, it’s not like it’s Newtown Creek or anything.
  4. If one is unacclimatized to being on a boat for long periods of time (or to use sea-faring parlance, a “landlubber”) you will awaken the next day feeling like Amy Winehouse’s liver after an all-night binge.
  5. Train enthusiasts have difficulty understanding why the following made me explode into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

Well, it was not so much the poster per se as the edifice it was attached to.

You can always leave it to Karl Fischer to give Miss Heather cause for amusement. Or transform an otherwise distinctive-looking building into something that should be gracing an office park in Omaha, Nebraska. Take your pick.

I wonder if people can see this from the observation deck of the Empire State Building? I can only hope so. This makes the Garden Spot’s blue balls digester tanks look good. I bet when this masterpiece had its grand opening members of the French Embassy weren’t present either*. Take that, Karl!

Miss Heather

*There were French Embassy personnel present at the Digester Tank Lighting Ceremony. I learned this yesterday. I am not kidding.

Break On Through To The Other Side!

June 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Williamsburg 

I have been doing a lot of research regarding Het Dorp and Peter Cooper’s glue factory of late (for a future post— stay tuned). Just when I thought I found what I was looking for my Internets upchucked and I (not having bookmarked anything) had to start all over again. It is by happy accident I found this gem via the Brooklyn Daily Eagle online archives. It dates from August 18, 1893 and involves man going where no man in his right mind would go: Newtown Creek. Unless of course, said person was totally blitzed. And naked. Thankfully the local constabulary was on the job.

If ever I was able to do a “scratch and sniff” blog post, this would be the one. Mr. Cassidy, after frolicking au naturel through the bucolic splendor that was (and is) Newtown Creek and kicking it at the local glue factory, undoubtedly picked an olfactory signature that was very difficult to ignore. I would hazard to guess Mr. Cassidy’s cell mates (god rest their souls) would agree.

Miss Heather

The Digester Tank Lighting Ceremony Experience

June 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City 

Yesterday evening I received an email from my friend across the creek. Yes, I am talking about Queens Crap. The email was entitled “Eight Large Eggs, in a Hue of Blue”. Crappy writes:

You MUST get photos of this!

What is “this”, you ask? Very simple: as of 9:00 p.m. June 3, 2008 Greenpoint’s very own sewage treatment plant will take on an azure hue every evening. As you can imagine, I was already on the case. I replied:

You bet your ass I am going to this.

So at 8:00 p.m. sharp last night Mr. Heather and I headed to the Nature Walk where the “lighting ceremony” was to be conducted. Ma Heather (who was visiting at the time) elected to stay home. It’s a shame really. She missed an evening of Greenpoint hospitality at its very finest!

I could bore you with some dry recitation of what all I saw, heard and smelled— but that would be boring. You can go to the newspapers for that kind of thing. Rather, I have made this short film for your viewing pleasure*. Enjoy!

Rockefeller Center can keep its Christmas tree. Times Square can take that glorified bucky ball they roll out New Year’s Eve and shove it. People from the Empire State Building observation deck will be able to gaze upon our festively colored sewage treatment plant every night.**


We have, my fellow Greenpointers, finally arrived!

Miss Heather

*Or if you do not have 10 minutes to spare you can check out my Flickr set by clicking here.

**Emily Lloyd (the Commissioner of the Department of Environmental Protection) really did point this out. Watch my YouTube video and see for yourself.

THIS WEEK: Borden Avenue Bridge Tour

May 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City 

Saturday, May 31 at 1:00 p.m. Richard Melnick of the Greater Astoria Historical Society and Bernand Ente of the Newtown Creek Alliance will be co-conducting a free 90 minute tour of the Borden Avenue bridge and surrounding Long Island City. All interested attendees are instructed to meet at:

Hunters Point Avenue near 21st Street, adjacent to the entrances for the Hunters Point Avenue #7 Subway Train Station, on the street, east end of station.

Anyone wishing for more information should contact the Newtown Creek Alliance via email at info (at) newtowncreekalliance (dot) org. Be sure to mention “May 31 Tour” in the subject line.

Miss Heather

Happy Birthday Borden Avenue Bridge!

April 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City 

Next Wednesday, May 7th, this really nifty bridge (one of the two retractile bridges which grace our fair city) will be celebrating its 100th birthday (which has since come to pass) at NYDesigns. Here’s a general rundown from the NYC Bridge Centennial Organization’s web site:

Queens Borough President Helen M. Marshall and LaGuardia Community College President Gail O. Mellow and the NYC Centennial Bridge Commission cordially invite you to the opening of the Borden Avenue Bridge Centennial Exhibition at NYDesigns, 45-50 30th Street, 7th Floor, Long Island City, New York.

Festivities begin at 6:00 p.m. and you can R.S.V.P. by calling (718) 482-5154.

Miss Heather

Vollies Wanted: Bed Bug Workshop

April 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Williamsburg 

Here’s a taste of New York Shitty’s Kafkaesque bureaucracy for you: HPD agrees to raise awareness about bed bugs in Greenpoint March 6, 2008. The Greenpoint Reformed Church is the venue, the date is set: May 6, 2008. The city provides the above dorky (and copy-edited by yours truly because it had typos) flier. In English.

Problem: Not everyone in Greenpoint speaks English.

We have Spanish fliers, we have English fliers. What we don’t have are Polish fliers. Apparently the city needs 60 days to turn around that kind of thing. Do the math. This puts my buddy Ann (at the Greenpoint Reformed Church) in a position. The purpose of this post is two-fold:

  1. We need people to distribute fliers in Williamsburg, Greenpoint and Long Island City.
  2. We need someone to transcribe (READ: do data entry) this flier into Polish. The city (in its intransigence) won’t do it, so we will!

Anyone who is interested in helping out can contact the head honcha for this project— the inimitable Ann Kansfield— at:

ann (at) greenpointchurch (dot) org

Miss Heather

State Funds Allocated For Brownfield Study

March 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Williamsburg 


Last week I received a press release from the Newtown Creek Alliance announcing that they, the Greenpoint Manufacturing and Design Center and Riverkeeper have been awarded a New York State Brownfields Opportunity (! — Ed. Note) Area grant in the amount of $625,545. What is a “BOA Grant” you ask? Here is a brief synopsis from the aforementioned press release:

The BOA program, created in 2003 along with the State’s Brownfield Cleanup Program, is an innovative planning program that provides communities with financial assistance to facilitate the collection of basic information about an area blighted with brownfields. The program provides assistance to identify, prepare, create, develop, and assemble information to be included in an application to “nominate” an area as a BOA. The program also provides financial assistance for site assessments performed in designated BOAs.

Designation of an area as a BOA can provide other benefits. For example, projects located within the BOA can receive priority and preference when considered for financial assistance under some State, federal or local programs, and may receive preference in infrastructure improvements. A BOA designation is likely to help attract redevelopment interest because of the community support that underlies a BOA plan.

The funds for studying Newtown Creek will be used in manifold number of ways. Among them are:

…to assess redevelopment opportunities for contaminated sites along the Creek pursuant to intensive community input, emphasizing high-performance, environmentally sustainable industrial uses, parks and wetlands creation, and improved environmental infrastructure. The study will examine the watershed as a whole in an effort to improve the environmental condition of both the land and water. The Newtown Creek study area includes portions of Long Island City, Maspeth, Greenpoint, East Williamsburg, and Bushwick.

Those of you who are interested in getting the full scoop (or simply want to savor sound bites from numerous public officials) click here and you will be directed to the press release on Riverkeeper’s web site. Be advised this item is in PDF format.

Miss Heather

Presenting Gentrification Bingo!

March 21, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Williamsburg 

First off I want to thank everyone out there for their generous submissions. I received some real doozies from a number of you. As promised earlier this week here is the first draft of Gentrification Bingo for your Friday afternoon entertainment. Enjoy!

Bingo Draft NYS

I will be dedicating next week to generating three more cards so as create a set of four. In the meantime keep those submissions coming folks:

missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com

Happy playing!

Miss Heather

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