Williamsburg Photos Du Jour: This Is Your Neighborhood

September 21, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11211, Bloomblight, Recession, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

197

Kent Avenue

capitalism

flierNYS

Driggs Avenue

Miss Heather

P.S.: To see a larger image of the latter most flier simply click on the image.

East Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Mixed Signals

September 9, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11206, 11237, Bushwick, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn, Recession 

EVERYTHING

From Flushing Avenue.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: McCarren Park

August 12, 2009

carts

mccarren1

encampment

mccarren2

July 2, 2009:

…I’ll call you late tonight – I am running to a meeting re. the homeless problem in Parks/on our waterfront street ends.

Stephanie Thayer
Administrator for North Brooklyn Parks – NYC Dept. of Parks & Recreation
Executive Director – Open Space Alliance for North Brooklyn (OSA)

It would appear that meeting wasn’t very effective.

Mccarren3

McCarren Park is pathetic.

mccarren4

These pits have become the norm for park goers. You get used to negotiating around them. It becomes natural after having ones shoes soaked in god-only-knows-what onceor twice.

mccarren5

Gross.

mccarren6

Grosser.

mccarren7

DISGUSTING.

Your tax dollars at work.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Calling All North Brooklyn Unemployeds!

Briana of Unemployed Brooklyn writes (in an email entitled “Greenpoint Unemployed”):

…I am trying to get a group together for unemployed peeps in Greenpoint and Williamsburg and thought you might be able to help me get the word out. I know you have a lot of loyal readers in the ‘hood (me included!)… I don’t have a definite time/place set yet, but am trying to gauge interest  – and see what I can get together.
What my fellow Greenpointer, Briana, is proposing is a forum where unemployeds can provide mutual emotional support, tender advice regarding their respective resumes/job searches, and make friends. Over beer!

unemployedbrooklyn

Any and all who are interested in participating in this job fair for the jobless should contact the proprietress of this site at the above email address. Great idea, Briana!

Miss Heather

Missing In Greenpoint: Row Boat

stolenboat

Exactly how someone can make off with a row boat is beyond me. Such an item would strike me as being rather difficult to purloin discreetly like, say, a pair of socks— but someone did! If anyone reading this saw someone in or around 132 Noble Street brandishing a boat fitting the above description last Friday night please contact the police at the above telephone number.

Thanks!

Miss Heather

P.S. Special thanks goes out to my buddy Bed-Stuy Banana (who happened to be in the 11222 zip) for tipping me off to this.

Fun With Bloomblight

Earlier today my good friend Crappy forwarded me this story from NY1 about how over-development has left many buildings in Brooklyn vacant and/or half-finished. As if this was not depressing enough this tome goes on to say that despite this glut of over-priced King’s crap, the building continues. It is projected 5,200 more luxury apartments will find their way onto the market in 2010. Clearly the cardinal rule of how to get out of a hole (stop digging) has been lost on these people.

But developer-induced blight need not be such a downer. Just take what someone anonymous person(s) has done at the vacant lot at 689 Leonard Street, for example.

rockgarden

Yes sir, with a little imagination (construction detritus and some wildflower seeds) you can put the “bloom” back in “bloomblight”!

rockgarden3

And why not throw in a little ornamental brick stacking while you’re at it? It’s not like they’re going anywhere anytime soon.

ROCKGARDEN2

I do not know what this yellow flower (located at far left) is, but I really like it.

rocks

Behold, Greenpoint’s newest high rise! I wonder if it’s a Karl Fischer?

Miss Heather


Great Moments In Real Estate Advertising: Special Long Island City Edition

June 29, 2009 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens, Recession 

As time has gone by I have taken a much kinder view of our friends across the creek. I do not want to suggest I like the rather substantial apartment buildings in Long Island City: I don’t. But their advertising strategies are a constant source of fascination and amusement to yours truly. Just like the Garden Spot of the Universe no location, however wretched, is unsuitable as a place of luxurious and commodious accommodations in 11101. With the previous in mind (and tongue firmly in cheek) I will share with you some of my latest finds. Enjoy!

vere

EXHIBIT A: The Vere Condominiums
Location: Jackson Avenue and Purves Street
New York Shitty Analysis: This is a testament to the sore lack of inventiveness to be found in the advertising industry nowadays— or the impact President Obama has made in our collective consciousness. Probably both. Nonetheless $350,000 is still too much for this location. Go to the end of Purves Street— preferably late at night— and you’ll see what I am talking about. Then again if your idea of “stimulus” is being reminded of your own mortality (preferably at the hands of someone lurking in the dark shadows of a ginormous vacant lot) this might be the place for you.

doubledecker

EXHIBIT B: THIS
Location: Borden Avenue and 5th Street
New York Shitty Analysis:

Me (to Mister Heather): What the fuck? It looks they stacked one building on top of  another!
Mister Heather: Yup.

murano1

Me: HOLY SHIT!

murano2

I guess they’re trying to suggest this place is about to be launched. It looks like it is exploding. The last time I saw something like this George W. Bush bombed Afghanistan. A lot of good that has done us.

I said.

To wit the Mister said:

Or the tenants just learned there is affordable housing on the top four floors and have set it on fire.

Me: NAH, the developer defaulted on a construction loan and is torching the place for the insurance money.

startower

EXHIBITS C-E: Star Tower
Location: 28-02 42nd Road
New York Shitty Analysis: The use of “star” is rapidly becoming a pet peeve of mine. If Michael Jackson’s death has been instructive to yours truly in any way it is that I do not want to be a star. If for no other reason because racking up six figure pharmaceutical bills is beyond my means. Come to think of it, they were beyond Mr. Jackson’s as well. I guess being a star isn’t what’s cracked up to be. But I digress.

Another pet peeve of mine is also manifest at this site: the virtual absence of real people in their renderings.

starpeeps

Behold the new face of Long Island City— and it does not appear to be a very happy one at that. This woman looks like she just sucked a lemon. Or knocked back a few meds with that glass of chardonnay. Not that I’m being judgmental; if I lived a stone’s throw from Queensboro Plaza I’d be practicing the art of self-medication too.

realpeople

NOW THIS IS MORE LIKE IT! Granted, this family unit probably does not reside in the Star Tower (I’m guessing they’re headed to the rather sizable piece of Detroit steel parked to the right). This is a shame as these are the kind of people I WANT as neighbors.

If any of the advertising wizards behind the Star Tower are reading this: after a woman reaches a certain point in her life (that being the business-end of her 30’s) images of svelte women on balconies cease to be selling tools. Quite to the contrary; it serves as a reminder that she (in this case me) is no longer a size “00”— and nothing short of an eating disorder or plastic surgery is going to change this reality.

Conversely, if you were to take the above family and Photoshop them into one of your balconies— ideally with “Joe Sixpack” knocking back a few brewskis with his buddies, watching “the game” via satellite dish (which is affixed to said balcony) while wearing a ball cap which reads “This is not a bald spot, it is a solar panel for a sex machine” I’d be all over your product like white trash on Rice-a-roni. Screw sex: Schadenfreude sells!

Which brings me to our last property.

teddyisathief

The site of a former “gentleman’s club” on 27th Street I like to call “Chez Teddy”.

CLOSED

scumbag

thiefandcoward

Alas poor Teddy, I never knew the him well but suspect he got a bum rap.

HOES

A bum scantily clad with a g-string, that is.

getnaked

Clearly someone thought he was a righteous dude.

forsale

In any case this property is not only available for sale but it is also conveniently located to transportation!

viewofunderpass

One need only look up to find it. Surely there is an entrepreneur out there with the vision and finances to give this prime location the make-over it deserves? I for one envision a tower built atop the original structure. Its name will the “The Infinity” and the stripper poles currently contained therein will be incorporated into a cutting edge fitness center. Women are paying top dollar to learn this kind of thing nowadays— what’s more, in this brave new economy it never hurts to pick up a few new job skills.

Now that’s a stimulus package I for one can get behind! Preferably with a phat wad of one dollar bills.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Signs Of The Times

June 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, Bushwick, Recession, Williamsburg 

goodnewsatmontroseave

From the 8th Avenue bound platform of the L train at Montrose Avenue.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Broke, But Not Broken

June 23, 2009 ·
Filed under: Recession, Williamsburg 

BROKEnys

From Bedford Avenue.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Recession Watch: The Viridian

June 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Recession 

viridian

This weekend, much to our amazement, the Mister and I saw signs of actual activity at the Viridian. Well, perhaps “activity” is a bit of an overstatement: we saw a 5’4″ gentleman wearing an undershirt and a pair of jeans hanging out in the lobby.

Maybe that’s the concierge?

The Mister quipped. I have to confess on occasion even he can roll out a good one liner. But I digress.

As I was walking by this afternoon I spied a man on the premises doing something. Exactly what I do not know: he did not appear to have any tools. Yes sir, things must be getting pretty lean down at 110 Green Street nowadays. Hell, they cannot even afford “No Parking” signs. So they improvise!

NOPARK

CALLNYPD

NOPARK2

(Priceless)

Miss Heather

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