Miss Heather’s New Pied-a-terre

January 16, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Yesterday we learned how utterly crass real estate marketing can be after taking a sojourn to Central Avenue and Stockholm Street. Perhaps I am simply clueless, but the appeal of bloated McMansions (as either a selling tool or an actual residence) eludes me. In addition to being bereft of any character whatsoever, these edifices are obscene in size— and while this might strike a chord of “luxury” to some, to me it is only that much more square footage for our herd of cats to vomit upon.

As I type away in my little apartment I occasionally lament the total lack of privacy. When I find myself in the position of having to write while the Simpsons (a favorite of Mr. Heather) is being blared at (seemingly) 100 decibels I remind myself of one very important fact: inasmuch as I dislike such “working conditions” there is one thing I despise more. This thing happens to be work. The way I see it, by reducing square footage I have also reduced the number of venues either my husband or our cats can despoil.

Bearing the previous in mind, dear readers, the reasons why I am smitten with the following pied-a-terre (located on Willoughby Avenue), should be self-evident.

Pied a terre

First off, it has a rather large front yard.

Front

While modest in size, it is lavishly appointed with those little things that make a house a home:

  • Extra storage under the stairs
  • A handless mannequin making what appears to be a Nazi salute
  • Ghouls hanging from the rafters and most important of all…

Lucy with a Brewski

Lucy with a brewski.

Who do I make my check out to?

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: McCarren Park

January 16, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

As I was walking down Lorimer Street I discovered an enormous pile of Christmas trees gracing McCarren Park. Intrigued, I went in for a closer look. That’s when I discovered this.

Bicycle

Looks like one Greenpoint youngster wasn’t too happy with what Santa brought him last Christmas.

Miss Heather

NYC Poop Bandit

January 15, 2008 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Dung of the Day 

Today a most amusing bit of YouTube goodness was waiting for me in my inbox. Orly writes:

Hey Heather-

Not many people would appreciate this, but I know for sure it’s right up your alley (literally).

There’s this new show on DIY Network called Under Construction, where two Brooklyn contractors build, demolish, and renovate projects all over NYC. We’re doing some promotion for the show, and got the following behind-the-scenes footage that captures a virtual warehouse of dog poop in a Park Slope backyard:





As a Cobble Hill resident, this cache of poop is a little too close for comfort for me – but hey, I’m a native New Yorker, I guess I should be used to it!

Cheers

Thanks a lot for passing this along, Orly. It’s hilarious!

Miss Heather

P.S.: Oh yeah, I found this little nugget of joy on YouTube after watching the above outtakes. It is not for the feint of heart (or safe for work). Enjoy!

Great Moments in Bushwick Real Estate Rhetoric: Stockholm Syndrome

January 15, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

When not utterly horrifying (which more often than not is the case), the north Brooklyn real estate feeding frenzy is a considerable source of amusement for yours truly. Blinded by greed (or abject stupidity), the spin-masters charged with shilling developments in less-than-stellar locations get downright creative.

Case in point: the following advertisement at Central Avenue and Stockholm Street.

For Sale

How fancy, how bucolic! This palace reminds me of the Southfork Ranch. In fact, I think I can see J.R. peeking out of one of those windows! Is he looking for the person who shot him?!?

Southfork on Stockholm Street

Nope, he’s trying to figure out where all the goddamn noise is coming from!

Stockholm Syndrome

I bet he’s also wondering why would someone want a three car garage when he (or she) can live in a location so close to public transportation.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Kent Street

January 15, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Black dog, Black Cat

From Greenpoint’s preeminent grocery store: The Garden. This “black cat” has been on the north-facing side of their business for years. Though this wall has been tagged (more than once) since, the powers that be there have never seen fit to get rid of this kitty. I’m glad too; it is one of my favorite sights in Greenpoint!

Miss Heather

THIS WEEK: Protest For Parks

January 14, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Protest for Parks Flier

This Thursday, January 17, at 7:00 p.m. GWAPP will be hosting a “Town Hall Meeting” at the Warsaw. The agenda for this meeting includes:

  • What is GWAPP?
  • TGE power plant fight
  • Sludge tank status
  • India Street End Park Project
  • Transmitter Park (end of Greenpoint Ave)
  • Bushwick Inlet park plans
  • McCarren Park Pool renovation
  • State Park at N7th
  • Tree Planting

Those of you who are concerned about what is going on in Greenpoint (and the city to keep their word regarding park space, among other things) really should attend this meeting. You’ll learn a lot!

The Warsaw
261 Driggs Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 387-0505

For more information about GWAPP click here and you’ll be directed to their web site.

Miss Heather

From Bushwick With Love

As it would happen, a good friend of mine resides in Bushwick. On occasion she sees fit to send me pictures from her wanderings around the neighborhood. Today was one of those days. She writes:

I was going to save this and give it to you as an anniversary present, but it’s just too good to sit on till October. This is what I saw while walking my dog this morning. I made sure to swing back by with my camera on the way to the train to work. I did not arrange this. I merely happened by and saw its intrinsic sublimity.

From Bushwick with Love

This looks like one hell of a party (note the baggie of cocaine to the rat’s right). They sure seem to like Heineken down there. I sense a phat product placement deal will be headed Bushwick’s direction soon. With publicity like this, who needs Madison Avenue?

Miss Heather

P.S.: Thanks a lot for the gift, Chintamani! This is like Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah and Ramadan all put together.

Photo du Jour: Special L.I.C. Edition

January 14, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City 

Let’s Go Cowboys!

I found this S.U.V. parked on 21st Street last week.

XOXO, Giants Fan

Obviously someone in the immediate area is a Giants fan.

Today should prove to be very interesting for the owner of this motor vehicle.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint’s Great Games

January 14, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Unlike my fellow Americans, I have no fear whatsoever of teenagers. In fact I’d go so far as to say I like them; they have a certain honesty about them I find refreshing. In all my years experience has taught me time and time again to reserve my fear for my fellow adults.

More than anything I am amazed by how creative teenagers can get when it comes to entertaining themselves. Like when I recently encountered a clan of skateboarders who constructed a slalom at the northern terminus of Manhattan Avenue.

Slalom, top of hill

The starting point was at the top of the hill. As they rolled downhill, the objective was to go between the two street cones (as seen below).

slalom 2

Shortly after passing these two cones, the skateboarders crashed-landed into a barrier they had painstaking erected.

barrier

When I pointed out to the solitary tweener of the bunch how utterly ingenious this setup was, he cheekily replied:

Those are our safety cones!

Last night as I was poring through the Brooklyn Daily Eagle archives I discovered that Greenpoint’s youth have long has a reputation for coming up with diabolically clever ways of amusing themselves. All that was required to play “pig in the bag” was a group of kids, a large cloth sack and one unwitting adult. What is pig in the bag, you ask? Read the following article from the August 28, 1891 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle and learn for yourself!

Brooklyn Daily Eagle 8/29/1891

It just goes to show that the kinder, gentler days of old were neither kinder nor gentler. Methinks I will have to give this game a whirl, it’s a lot easier than learning how to use a skateboard.

Miss Heather

Dining Al Fresco: Greenpoint Vs. Bushwick

January 14, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic 

What is it?

One late Saturday afternoon at Suydam Street at Central Avenue…

Miss Heather: What IS that?
Mr. Heather: I think it is the hip bone for some large animal… oh wait…
Miss and Mr. Heather (in unison): IT’S A PIG HEAD!!!

Suydam Street Pig Head

Alas poor Porkrick, I knew him well.

Note the super-sized bottle of Heineken in the background. Nothing washes down a mouldering pig head like a tall frosty brewski. Yum. All my husband had to say about this find, however, was as follows:

I am sort of disappointed they didn’t boil the head and make head cheese. This is kind of wasteful.

My husband is a man after his time. His personal habits (including religiously using FOUR SQUARES OF TOILET PAPER— no more, no less— TO WIPE HIS ASS) would have acclimatized him to the Great Depression smashingly. I, on the other hand, have more epicurean tastes. I give this meal five stars for presentation and overall ambiance (it is far superior to Williamsburg’s paltry chicken heads), but the lack of dessert knocks it down to four stars overall.

Miss Heather knows fine dining when she sees it. And see it I do on McGuinness Boulevard. Often.

Pepperoni and Colt 45

Today’s five star dining experience hails from Chez McGuinness, AKA: the tree pit just south of Freeman Street.

First course: Colt 45
Second course: Colt 45
Third course: Pepperoni

And what would such a fine meal be without dessert and a digestif? Thankfully, the chef was thoughtful enough to place them in a tree pit immediately adjacent to courses 1-3.

Cookies!

Cookies and Colt 45:

…works every time!

Miss Heather

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